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Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Simply colors.... : )

 

- The Answer to the Perplexed over the Exquisite Pearl -

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Today I am Fasting

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I love to fast during Mondays and Thursdays. Well, our friends could actually see that we develop optional worship from the basic form of obligatory ones. Lately, I have been exploring the life of prophets, prophet Muhammad s.a.w, the companions, the generation of followers, the generation after the followers, the pious predecessors and the pious generations to come. I will just return to their "life" narrations when I feel vulnerable. 

I am trying to donate my clothes and materials that I do not need too. Not all of them were from my earning but I just received them as donation from my relatives and close acquaintance such as Azren. I think I am going to wash them again with my hand as to make them clean and sew the torn parts at my clothes so they would look better before I give them out. I had stopped using the washing machine since I unexpectedly quit my job after some "discussions" with my younger sisters. I just want to leave behind with me some pairs of shirts, trousers and two white garments which I used for my ihram during the pilgrimage. I think I would like to be buried with those white garments too when I leave behind everything. I am glad I had finished my master graduate but I regret that I still cannot pay the government loan and also repay my mother jewelries. She sold them all to help me with registration without telling me that she sold them in 2010. I just cried like a crazy little boy when I get to know this fact because I think I had tyrannized my mother... If I know earlier I would just quit everything and return home to work as to finish all the loan. Anyway, whatever happened is fated. We would be looking forward for our destiny. I just regret my sisters do not understand their only "stupid" brother who loves to work the hard way here, haha... Anyway I wish them all the best too. I hope they could all get married and living a nice comfortable life with their families. The old me has long died since I went to the pilgrimage in 2005-2006... 

Basically what I do before I fast is just the same like my previous posts. Now, this is my life at home, hehe. I would take some chunks of bread for breakfast before the dawn prayer service time. Maybe some milk. Because we do not have fresh milk here so I just take whatever that I could see in the kitchen. Of course with limited quantity because I cannot take anything if my family members say nothing to me. I am afraid of taking whatever is not given because it will held me accountable to the punishment in hereafter. I just have a very very simple meals without any elaborate stuffs like gravy or anything. Simply bread, cookies, some fruits, plain rice with fresh vegetables or simply drinking plain water if I cannot find anything. It depends on what ever left over by people at home. I do not take any food prepared before they eat them first and leaving behind things because I wanted to know how much is my sustenance at that day in this period waiting for my father.   

I would go for shower around 4:00 in the morning because nowadays the prayer services become earlier than ever. Then I would apply some olive oil if I still have them with me in the container at the Quran shelf and if I do not rush. I walk to the mosque like 10 minutes and I avoid myself from going to the closer musalla. Why am I doing so? People might be talking behind me and I know that. I do not like people to see my practices. I do not practice the same thing like mainstream people because I have a paralyzed father at home, I have many female siblings where I have to keep my manner in a very polite way, I cannot go to work or live like normal people because of my family is not stable since my father had fallen due to the strokes and I am trying to memorize the Quran "fully" before I reach 30 years old. I am now a 27 years old guy. I feel that my time is very close everyday despite that people in my age are enjoying their late 20's life. Human is mortal and we cannot live like thousands of years. The same thing also happen to the universe as it flows and cease to be in existence by His will. 

Then I do not try to open the gate of the mosque because people would mistaken me for a thief. Many people would steal from the mosque. I would just climb up the little mountain in front of the mosque and beginning to control my breath, recite Ma'turat, some verses from Quran, memorize the verses or trying to contemplate the meaning and the Glorious Attributes of the God the Highest to start my morning. I do not recite them after the prayer services because I would have to find hidden places to recite them as to avoid from disturbing others. I tried to teach my father all of these but he was too old when I revealed everything to him. He is now a 65 years old paralyzed man. When I tried to talk to him during I practiced the non-Islamic lifestyle I actually wanted to have a dialogue with him and people around. But people did not get the signs. Now, I speak very little with my voice. Perhaps like two or three words a day. I do not think that people around like my sisters or even mother would understand me. So, I just keep my silence even more. 

The whole day while waiting in the 11 x 11 x 11 x 11 feet room, I would just stay in contemplation without talking. Memorizing stuffs as much as I can and trying to recite them again alone. Basically I read Quranic exegesis, checking points about contemplation, reading about Sharia, reciting the basic matters about Islam again and again and recite the hadiths that I know just to perform them again as a practice in whatever space that available. If I cannot perform the da'awa to human, I could still perform the da'awa to the "hidden" brothers, haha... Life is not only about whatever that we can see with our plain eyes. The Quran speaks about metaphysical life too.

Then, to break the fast too I would just drink plain water at the dusk hour. Or simply eating the same thing like I had during the pre-dawn breakfast. If I have some money from my previous savings then I would withdraw them and buy a piece of plain chapati or plain prata roti from the Indian Muslim restaurant and buying some milk like the RM1.50 Dutchlady from the shop's fridge. I plan to xerox my resume in the next two weeks time if it is for this year. Or maybe waiting for the next year to start all over just like what I wrote in my diary. My distance acquaintance Mr. Azrul from Kelantan was quite helpful in providing me information about operational jobs in a hotel. I check every detail about the jobs in a hotel such as waiter, steward, cleaner, bell boy, and others. 

Some people might frown at why a master graduate work like this. Let me tell you people. Not all people are fortunate like you! Besides being happy with your life, enjoying it, you perhaps need to have some empathy to the others. It does not mean that you have to donate anything to others or to say anything to them. But simply having an empathy is a donation itself toward a better universe. These are just a sharing. I am not doing all of these on purpose or simply to feel the life of the poor people. I am just living according to my situation and capability other than being a victim among other victims of the situation since 1990's.  

Other days, I do not really take much food too. I just drink some water with rice mixed with ghee or some salt. Sometimes it will end up as a fast too for that day because I do not touch anything. I am not in the stage of being a beggar yet and perhaps I would never commit that. It is a disgrace to prophet Muhammad s.a.w, a disgrace to father Ali r.a. and mother Fatima al-Zahra r.a! If there is nothing then just recite the dhikr. We die only once but not many times unless if there is reincarnation like in the hell where the sinners will be alive and dead and alive and dead up to the period where the God the Highest closes the hell and the disbelievers will be wrapped together and die forever there (I cannot remember the source but there are sources about this. Do not take this as a definite argument in people's speeches!). 

This humble servant fast an optional fast as a sacrifice to keep himself and bringing his life closer to the God the Highest. May the God the Highest be my Defender, be my Protector and be my Lover always in the quest to seek His Glorious Appearance in the hereafter and to seek His pleasure.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!          

Every Cruelty

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I remember every cruelty of yours... 

I have not forgotten it...

O you who forsake the promise

I am not like you at least...

You are standing on the shore... 

What is your problem?

Go in some time, when I am gone...

I am drowning, but have not drowned as yet...

Silently, slowly though I have been reformed by the hands of the time.

Though I am compelled, I am not lost to the time...

That is, I still am fighting the time as much as I can...

Despite being forced with some changes.

Muztar, why does the world keep on watching me??!

I may be mad but I am not a drama for them to see!

O you who forsake the promise

I am not like you!

I remember every cruelty of yours!

I have not forgotten it!

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!

Memory...

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Well, this is me... So, basically I am in existence and not some kind of goblin living in other realm of the world... hahaha... I wish this place is safe to keep my memories as compared to other social networks... Last time I had few of my pictures being stolen by few people and I am afraid they are doing something which is against the Sharia so I closed everything and stop contacting people! I already had my head bald few times since the end of 2012... Each time I renew the vows and I shaved everything bald including avoiding meat in dietary...

 

This was taken after I went for a job interview like half a year before I post this here. It was at the food court under the Putrajaya Mosque with my little sister before we stop mingling with each other simply because we are grown up people. As to say, we have few pralayas (doomsdays) in our life. I and my family also going through many pralayas because nothing is permanent in this existence : )  

Sealed with prayer for mercy, peace and love, amin!

I Have Just Returned

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I have just come after making eyes meet with my love.

If the women at home call me unwed, just let them be. 

Do not care of what the neighborhood girls say.

My eyes just met that of my love.

A beautiful face, and an enchanting body.

His beautiful face, charming like an idol...

Yes an enchanting body, charming like an idol...

An enchanting body... Charming like an idol...

I have hidden it in the depths of my heart.

I have just made a place in the bottom of his heart.

I have just returned from...

I have just returned after seeing my love.

I have just returned after seeing my love.

Khusraw gives his whole life to you, Nijaam. 

Khusraw gives his life to Nizamuddin in sacrifice.

Where am I the precious lover of his yet?

I have just had him call me his most favorite disciple.

I have just returned after seeing my love.

If the women at home call me unwed, just let them be!

Do not care what the neighborhood girls say!

I have just returned from seeing my love.

Amir Khusraw, Dehli (1253-1325)

This is a poem written by Amir Khusraw about his teacher, Khwaja Syed Muhammad Nizamuddin from the Chisti mission order. The language of course is Indian Ordu. I also listened to poetry in Arabic, Ordu or Punjabi and I know the languages. I just refused to speak in it even when being approached by Nepal's Indians (Nepalese who speak Hindi) while working at the airport and they said that they know I am a North Indian descent but why I insist on speaking in English... Since I know that they are going to play tricks with me, lol. That explains why Indians or those related to Indian sub-continent such as those affiliated to movements from India perhaps love to be close to me though I can also speak in several other oriental languages because I absorbed "environment" around... I can sing this poem in Hindawi Ordu, hehe...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Knowledge

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Praises due to the God the Highest. We managed to finish our Friday service in the mosque. The newly arrived imam at the mosque is quite helpful especially he would explain the message of the verses that he just recited in the prayer service. I did not bring my notebook to the mosque so I would have to focus more on his speeches.  This is actually the method that I would love every imam to practice and not just reciting the long-winding surah of the Glorious Quran and after that reciting the supplication in long-winding Arabic language. That is fine for the training but we could also do that while performing the Qiyam al-Lail or the Night Vigil Prayers.

Sermon

Well, today's sermon is about the importance of the knowledge. It is a broad and general topic discussed by everyone and almost everywhere. Knowledge is a useful tool for every da'ie and the preacher of Islam so that we would not be shooting like nothing. The reason why we wanted Islam to spread across the universe is not because of dominion. As what has been mentioned in the Hadith al-Qudsi, the intention is the primary source of the act. If we intend to have dominion on the world, then we would only bringing tensions and tainting the name of our noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w while we always say that we love him. Is not this contradictory to what we say at our lips? I am sure everyone knows what is meant by the hypocrites and it is also a title of a surah in the Glorious Quran itself where the God explains to us about the hypocrites. Despite of looking to others with rising perceptions... How about if we have some insights in ourselves by keeping our silence. 

Monologue

I did a lot of meditation myself besides learning again about Islam and I felt the pain when I am trying to remove evil "me" from my inner self and mind. Perception is actually a phenomenon which comes and goes. It is a temporary phenomena. This is nothing from the sources of Imam al-Ghazali or Ibn Hajar while I am also learning from both of them through teachers such as the late Mr. Sa'id Ramadan al-Bouti materials. I am being honest. Some of my insight materials are from the source of the Path of Self Purification. They are not from prophet Muhammad s.a.w. Like I told everyone through various posts before. I had trained myself through the teachings of the enlightened teachers from ancient India though I was also educated in basic Islamic system. There were five recognized aggregates forming the mental phenomena that come and go while one of them is the perception. The other four are the physical form, cognition, volitional formation or sensuality, and mental structure or mental object. Translation perhaps is not enough to explain all of these matters. One need to understand the original language of the teachers who taught all of these which is the ancient Indian language. Just like fellow brothers and sisters believe that the Glorious Quran and teachings of our noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w should also be understood in Arabic and through the exegesis. So do other teachings. When we depend too much on these matters, we would be sunken into the stream of sufferings. Suffering here refer to the state of mind and it affects the physical matters around. I am not trying to talk about these because these are not so much important.

But as to say, this is just a knowledge from various kind of sciences which could be founded in the Earth. This is a practical psychology. Not so much about metaphysical stuffs. That is why I was so furious when some kids saying that what I am talking is about the "unveiling" concept. One has to be very careful about what they are thinking and also saying as the word is the manifestation of the mind and heart. There are countless lights that veils Him and it is a blasphemy to think that we had already reached the knowledge about Him while only about 0.00000001 percent is unveiled. So, please those who is approaching the circle be very very careful I beg everyone including myself. Make sure that we are walking within the circle of Islamic Path and then practice the morality of the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w may we be blessed with boundless happiness.

Manner of Seeking Knowledge

Before we study anything, we should start it with the intention. Our intention must be sincerely to reach the pleasure of the God the Highest. We should study anything because of we wanted to secure a job. Let me tell brothers and sisters something. I realize that why the God the Highest had turned me this far from the Sharia stream through everything that happened around me. I could see that if we study the religion only to secure a job and to live happily then it is not path of the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w : ) 

The other is we should not study anything because of fame and that is why I hate people coming close to me in crowd. I always asked anyone who wanted to approach me or trying to practice the practices to always come to me alone. I do not mind to be a mentor and also his student. I believe in mentor-mentee system for training. That is the system where the previous teachers of the pious predecessors used to practice when they studied the traditions.  I did not intend to make anyone looking stupid. That is far from my heart because I do not like to do anything to others which I do not like to happen to me. If I intend to do so... I would have long reprimand people in front of the crowd like people of various movements doing that to me. The reason why I am secluding myself from movements today is because I do not like to see things being committed upside down by the wrong people. When it comes to Islamic teachings, we must doing it right in term of manner, time, position, knowledge and practices. 

We should seek the knowledge from the right teachers. While seeking information from the internet, one has to be careful with the sources of the information because the most doable research is always from the first source. This is based from research methodology and I am just summing it up for the sermon as an example. This is why the pious predecessors such as the Imam al-Shafi'ie and also teachers such as Imam al-Ghazali and others used to travel far while having to live in a very modest way just to seek knowledge which is now being studied by others without any trouble. If we wanted to know about particular matters then we should find the right teachers about the matter and not looking at some other people who oppose the matter because that is not according to the stream that we wanted to know. And this is why I wish that nobody using anything in this humble site as their arguments because this site is only a personal site based from one individual "perception" about life and the world. World view could vary from a location to another and from a person to another. So, be very wise in filtering information. Just treat this site as an entertainment so that brothers and sisters know that not only you in this world suffer but there are zillions of life suffering while living in this temporal world. This is just a humble sharing.

Be respectful to other opinions and agree to disagree. This is a very simple method and also a method which is practiced by Imam Ahmad where he loves to leave the argument or debates because it is a waste of time. Time management is very important for a seeker of knowledge especially Muslim students. Imam al-Shafi'ie said that I could debate in a very eloquent way with scholars but not with an ignorant. So, we could judge a person who is knowledgeable or not based from his tendency to debate or to prove this or that is right. Knowledge is not about whoever is wrong or correct. It is about the virtue and the benefit that everyone could enjoy from them. There are research method whether when someone is studying the Islamic sciences or any other sciences.

Be very patient when we learn something. Even in our life experience which we eventually learned from we should also be patient. I listened something in the Quran the New Dawn series and it explains something which is very beautiful about patience and its virtue. As an ordinary mortal human-being I am also not exceptional from distress or being affected by misfortunes but the concept of patience taught us to be like the cactus who sustain itself through the water supplies that it sought with its long root thrusting under the sand and stones. It signifies the mind which is used to generate the life of the physical. There is always wisdom behind whatever happened to us as what has been explained even by non-Muslim teachers. For example the philosophy about the fate, actions and destiny which signifies the past, the present and the future. There is a story too about patience and the wisdom behind everything through Quranic narration where prophet Moses a.s was ordered to follow the prophet Khidr a.s after he unintentionally slipped by thinking that no one is knowledgeable than him since he possess the wisdom from the God the Highest. But the God the Highest mentions that there is always people with knowledge almost everywhere so He ordered Him to get some wisdom from the other prophet (Surah al-Kahfi). This also means that we should be among the knowledgeable so we could get at least some of their knowledge and wisdom. In this case, I am perhaps not so much fortunate. I only know few of my cousins and nephew also memorize the Quran but I am not so much close to them. But, I could assure brothers and sisters I put value on the Quran memorizers. I love them all.

To study anything related to Him, we must make sure to protect our senses and through my contemplation of whatever wisdom of the East. The tools of senses are the portal of the mind. They are particularly six senses at our physical body which are the eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue, the touching senses and the end is the cognition which is a group of mental processes. In these sense dear brothers and sisters, language and linguistic learning is very important. Azren which was my undergrad colleague is now a Malay teacher in Islamic College of Kuala Kangsar. He told me that the students there although studying in Islamic stream for their diploma but were not so much fond of Malay language as compared to Arabic. Maybe because Malay is not so much important as the previous times but it is still important for them because who are their target audience if they are going to perform the da'awa? Whatever language that you speak dear brothers and sisters, please take a good care of it and improve it. I am writing here in English because this is the only way I could reach other brothers and sisters outside there. I was not so much skillful in English and still improving it too. The way I studied English was that I memorized the English-Malay-English dictionary besides checking the etymology of words through R.O Winstedt English-Malay Dictionary (1913) something. That is why some people would claim that my Malay language is somehow classical as compared to modern Malay. I love Malay language so much and I could get better score for Malay language as compared to other subjects when I was in school. I only became not creative when I grow up perhaps because I learned to accept facts of life that life is not always about imagination. Imagination perhaps important but it is only an escapism. How are we going to go through the fact of life is important and the knowledge on what is the fact of life could also lead us to other branches of knowledge.

In the end, a knowledge without practice could never help us from torments of the hereafter. We have to practice and sharing them with others. Because I cannot find a suitable mentor nor mentee to study together or for sharing as I am already growing old... Three years to 30 years old so I guess this is among the ways to share some of the experience. There is of no use to collect thousand of books but we just keep them in shelves without sharing them while the contents of the books could help to bring the civilization to virtue and to Him. The things that we memorize for example the Quran is to be practice. Not for the job as a community imam or to be a religious officer. The sin for those who memorize the Quran but acting not in accordance to proper standard is gravest than the sin of the ignorant who knows nothing about the revelation. But there is always an urge for us to improve ourselves through seeking the knowledge and not to remain ignorant! 

Closing

Last week I was quite occupied because I helped Azren with his mid-term Malay paper. Thankful to him so I could earn some sustenance without having to beg like a beggar which I would better die if I commit that. He offered me to fill in another contract position as a Malay language teacher there by asking his dean but I guess I would not going to apply for that. I have had it enough.  I would just work part time here and study the Quran and other Islamic sciences here. It is ok I cannot enjoy my life like other young people with friends around. 

In fact I do not even care, hahaha. I would do it the other way which is to seek the God the Highest pleasure. The fact of life that I was talking about is the impermanence of existence, the absence of abiding self and the suffering. What matters is to improve ourselves and by time we wish that we could see Him in the hereafter. Wishing anyone who stumbled here maybe by accident enjoy them. I am not trying to post anything here for open publication. Simply my inner selves being poured down here. Outside, I am totally without voice but simply performing.

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad. Dear the God the Highest may You be pleased with all the teachers and bless prophet Muhammad s.a.w together with his family members may we also receive some essence of love from You.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!    

Arabian Chronicles

Our History

Introduction
Genealogy of Arabian Tribes 
Researches
Relationship between Arabs and Others
Foreign Invasions in Arabia
Views of Muslims and Orientalists

Arab Nation

Ancient Arabian Tribe: 'Aad
Ancient Arabian Tribe: Thamud
Arabized Arabs
Arab Nations before the Rise of Muhammad s.a.w Part I
Arab Nations before the Rise of Muhammad s.a.w Part II 
Abrahah and Elephant Army

Ancient Arabian Kingdoms

The Kingdom of Lakham
The Kingdom of Kindah
Tubba' Dynasty and Himyarite
The Kingdom of Ghassan

Southern Arabia

The Mo'inide Kingdom
The Sabā' Kingdom
The Himyarite Kingdom

Northern Arabia

North Arabia: The Emirates of Hirāt
The Emirates of Ghassān
Hejaz and Nejd
Quraish Arabs

Civilization

Ancient Arab Civilization

Southern Arabia

Kingdom and Nation
Prosperity of the States
Business and Trade
Religion
Himyarite Language

Northern Arabia

Quraish Arabic
Literature
Religion: Ḥanif
Religion: Waṯani
Waṯani Religion: Idolatry and Superstitious Beliefs
Waṯani Religion: Chief Goddesses
Waṯani Religion: Major Pagan God
Waṯani Religion: Lesser Deities 
Waṯani Religion: Fertile Crescent

By the way this is not confined to the time of Muhammad s.a.w since Arabs are way ancient than the period of revelation descending upon noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w. I am an Arab myself though previously I was confused and I cannot accept this fact. To study these means studying our own heritage and ancient cultural background :)

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Basics

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I am constructing again the parts after realizing that I have many notes to dump here. As to make sure that they would not be messed up so I am separating them simply for my reference in the future... If the Highest giving me the chance to continue this life.

Basic Things: Public Muslim

Portal to the Divine Path

Pillars of Faith
Pillars of Islam
Qualities of a Believer
Daily Prayer Services
Istinja'
Najis
Ablution
Tayammum
Ghusl
Adhan and Iqamat
Salat Services
Funeral Prayer Service
Fasting 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Determined

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I was actually thinking of starting again. But I would only apply for a temporary job as a steward or perhaps as cleaner in a hotel in Putrajaya. So I do not have to go out from this area for a moment and could also check on my father. Ok, I am telling my exact location. I live in Putrajaya Federal state and my parents bought a house here because of few reasons. First, my mother was tired of moving in and out. Second, my sisters do not want to return to our state in Kedah. They work here. I agreed to follow my father returning home last time but we have to be in accordance with the majority. So, here we are. 

In the same time where my maternal grandfather passed away at our house around 2007, my father was attacked with hypertension and there is a blood clot in his head. We did not notice it until May 2012 where he was hospitalized after a low-risk falling at our cousin's house in Selayang. He worked with the former Minister of Natural Resources, Dato' Azmi Khalid as his press secretary. My father had served two federal ministers and Kedah state chief minister as their press secretary. The period he served those politicians was around 1998 up to 2007. The other two ministers and politicians were Dato' Osman Aroff and Dato' Abdul Hamid Zainal 'Abiddin. The previous was the Chief Minister of Kedah state and the latter was Religious Affair Minister in the Prime Minister's Department office. To tell brothers and sisters the truth. We did not live luxurious life nor taking advantage from the position that we have like other people. Our life were miserable ones and we have to survive just like other migrants but only with the status son of the soil as our ancestors were interwoven into Malayan state system since before British arrival. I never tell anyone about my father job except that I told them my father was a reporter. That was his previous job. Some editors in the Berita Harian of the News Straits Times Press (NSTP) are his colleagues and he was their senior. I did not really like my father job as a press secretary for politicians. The job is stressful and I could see that from his face. I understood that he only went there for career advancement but no one told him about how to let go if we are going to sink down the stream.     

The secretary of ministers are of contract basis. They are not permanent government staffs. They can apply for government quarters but they have no government pension nor other benefits like covered hospital admission and stuffs. My father bought the house in the state after the agreement with my mother and they sold a property in Hulu Langat in Selangor state. My secondary schooling time partly was in Selangor state. I was always alone never close to my sisters. I did not make any long term friendship with people around because I am afraid that I would have to shift place again. The only long term friend which still survive in my contact are Amir and Azren which were my colleagues in the Universiti Sains Malaysia. The other is Aliff from the school of humanity majoring in Geography studies. I visited him after his father passed away and handing my personal donations just to ease his family sadness. I wanted to visit him frequently but right now I have to survive too. Once I could grip my survival, then I would perhaps pay him and his mother a visit. But they are just my contacts. Never my close friends. That is why I keep repeating my closest friend is the God the Highest and noble prophets of the God. They are my friends and I talk with them through prayers and salawat and salaam.

Urmm, these three weeks I am in abstinence and penitence period. I fast for Monday and Thursday again. I ignored doctor's advice on me about nutritional balance. I eat only twice a day just to survive. One is during the predawn breakfast and one is during the iftaar breaking of the fast during the dusk hour. I am performing these simply for the God the Highest. It is counted as a sacrifice on my behalf and I wish the meritorious deeds being imparted to my ancestors too. It also includes my parents. 

I refuse to speak with people around but only using signals just like prophet Zachariah a.s and the blessed lady Maryam the mother of Jesus the Christ (Surah Maryam v. 10 & 29). I just keep my silence when some brothers in musalla or masjid talked to me but giving the signals by closing my eyes that I wanted to stay in litanies after answering their greeting which is the salaam. I do not care if they wanted to say to me things like, "budak ini tak reti berdunia kah?", "banyak sombong ini orang!" or saying, "hablumminannaas hablumminallah...". I do not care... I am still in communion with communal services but I am just secluding myself from the crowd. I feel exhausted and I do not know what can I say in the conversation anymore. As I said earlier. This period seems like resembling the period of  prophet Jesus a.s where the generation with venomous tongue is rampant. People seems like religious talking religion here and there or justifying their vices or ego through religious sounding statements but in the same time they are also hypocrites having no fear to the God when uttering slanders or hurting the "heart" of other souls created by the God the Highest. I even doubt myself and I am afraid of myself too.

I am thinking of saving some money to get myself a motorbike driving license. I have car driving license but I have had no time to finish the motorcycle's. Once I have got the license perhaps I would get a motorbike to find other secured jobs. This happens because my mother was so afraid that I would join those rempit racers and afraid that I would end up die on the road. Anyway, the God the Highest can take our soul anywhere and at anytime. I think they were too paranoid. It is now making my life difficult too. I would never borrow anyone possession and it also includes motorbikes or car. Who is going to be responsible if I scratch their car or involved in road accidents with their possession??  

In the meantime, I would have to plan everything such as my worship time and Quran memorization. It is more to make them into a habit but I also have to catch up with the syllabus while not studying like normal students in Mecca or Medina. They would use their certificate to be religious officers such as tithe collectors, paid preachers, imams, teachers, and others. But I simply study these because of my responsibility to know Him. I am not sure whether I am eligible for the tithe or zakaat because al-Umm in the Kitab al-Zakah mentions that the Hashemites can get help through khums which is the 2.5 tax taken from the other Hashemites. But the problem is most of my father closest relatives are also poor. So, I end up studying them on my own without any institutional help. Only based from my previous existing knowledge from teachers and memorizing them including checking everything in detail by asking here and there. And then implementing them as a habit.

I also fast yesterday in the 9th day of Dhulhijja 1434. For brothers and sisters who fast yesterday. Congratulations...! May you receive His pleasure and boundless love. Those in the holy land are not encouraged to fast because they should have more energy to perform other acts of worship. I avoid from beef and now it is also extended to chicken. I do not know... They smell weird or maybe it is just my own poseur sense, hahaha. I just eat plain rice with salt or soy sauce in a minimized amount. It is safer and I am also avoiding from taking others rights at home. I am not working right now. It would be disrespectful to eat stuffs from women's salary. It would make me a coward and against our dignity. Dignity is above money and cannot be sold with gold. I would rather die and being killed than losing my dignity. It is about faith and valor.

Through His will I would be a cleaner or a steward washing dishes in the hotel. As long as it is legal and as long as I am not stealing whatever is not given to me. It is a quest for His pleasure. While having no possession to sacrifice, I can only offer my body as the sacrifice to the Highest. And wishing that sincerity for His pleasure and love ingrained in the heart, reaches Him.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!        

Indian Sub-Continent in Our Memory

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Well, I speak in Chinese while I was in the USM. Many people thought that I am a Chinese myself especially when I speak in Northern Chinese accent the first time I met those Chinese national brothers. I did not speak in Chinese for nearly whenever it was while I became an interpreter for Chinese passengers in the airport only in working hours. I began to speak in the language again when I met brother Idris who happened to walk alone to the USM mosque during Ramadhan 2010. Just for brothers information especially those who had met me. My father family is of mixed ancestry from both Yemen and Indian sub-continent. We have special interest in Punjabi and Ordu poetry. Actually the Punjabi poetry is not like the Punjabi in the sense of the Punjabi-Punjabi. But it is a language known Saraiki something like that. I have got this information from elders with hardship until they threw out all the facts that they keep in themselves.

My late great grandmother on my father side was known as Zaynab. Her family were of Gujrat origin while the men of the clan who married among each other were of Yemenite Arab ancestry. This is how we were known as the Jawee Pekan and calling our fathers as pak in Classical Malay. Differently to nowadays identification of Jawee Peranakan with Southern Indians like those in Penang Island though it perhaps also refer to the Keralites. It is a common thing in Northern Malayan Peninsula or nowadays Malaysian Peninsula part that people in the city were of foreign ancestry but by time people began to adopt Malay language as their mother tongue. When people ask me with some racist questions about whether I am a Chinese or a Malay, I would have to deny both association because I prefer to be identified as an Arab as we still can trace our paternal clan which is an Arab clan. Zaynab is the name of one among the mother of believers which refers to lady Zaynab bt. Jahsh and also the name of the daughter of Ali r.a and Fatima r.a. Our people would mostly name their children with the name such as Ali, Hassan, Hussain, Zayn al'abiddin, Zaydi, Ja'afar, Hanbal, 'Adnan, Haydar and others because it reflects our religious and cultural identity. Only for myself, I have the name which is different to others but still with the initial Muhammad like other Muslim boys. And I use the identification Servant of the God when people trying to get to know me as I wanted to be known as anonymous.

The area Gujrat is not the Gujarat in India. But it was the Gujrat which was a city in Punjab province in nowadays Pakistan. Still, people there were in contact with those from Gujerat in the nowadays India because of the similarity in jurisprudence school, the school of Shafi'ie and they spread out from the area through the sea port in Gujarat. Back then, there were no Pakistan. So, we only identify the place with India. The first language that we were taught were Arabic and Indian Urdu, of course with some Dari (Hill Persian) words infiltering the vocabulary. And I could understand Urdu or Hindustani without even have to go and stay in Pakistan or India but I pretend like I did not understand it when the kids who introduced me to Tabligh Jama'at in the Bengal mosque simply because I am offering an honor for them to introduce me to their movement. I did not even follow the elder brother of my mother to his Tabligh Jama'at markaz because my father did not allow me to be there but I follow the kids because I see something in some of the kids. I mean I do not see something like paranormal but it is more to the premonitions. It is more to logic and scientific though I am not good in academics nor studying in science stream. I hate it when some other kids talking to me like I am some kind of an exorcist! That's hurt!   

Many people especially from the JT movement would be thinking that the respective Hanafi school of jurisprudence is associated with people in Pakistan today or India. Perhaps that is mostly true. Well, let me tell people something. Sindh which was opened again by the Umayyad caliphate troop is also an area populated by the adherents of Shafi'ie jurisprudence. When the Fatimid Da'ie al-Mutlaq took over the area in 9th century as the Fatimid were the Ismaili Shi'a government, they still adhere to the Shafi'ie jurisprudence while some were the adherents of Maliki and Hanbali jurisprudence. The school of jurisprudence is not something which people can be proud of. It is a branch of science itself where the scholars doing researches in order to help the public in performing their religious duties while living a life as a worshiper of the God the Highest. When we study something, we have to respect the science by finishing a "lesson" first before turning to other lessons.  

Indian sub-continent also left a print mark in our identity and history. One of the Hussain r.a grandson, Zayd bin Ali Zayn al-'Abiddin was born of an Indian mother. His mother was from Sindh. And he was killed by an Umayyad governor in a battle with Umayyad caliphate after a revolt. His skeleton was burn to ashes under the order of caliph Walid bin Yazid bin Abd al-Malik bin Marwan around 126 H (745 CE). Many of our people (Arabs) fled to India since 10th century while some were soldiers stationed in 17th century Mughal empire before being employed again by southern kingdoms which also includes the Muslim kingdoms in Malayan Peninsula. And that is how our ancestors arrived in Northern Malaysia today few hundred years mingling among the clans or marrying other North Indians with Arabian ancestry (Umayyad, Abbasid or Fatimid Arabs) before the British came. Only today, especially our women become very very modernized and they neglect the customs which opposes them to marry people out of our religious and cultural background. Some married the Malays, some married Indians (Southern Indians), some married Chinese men just like the men married women of other racial background in the previous years.

Back then there was no Pakistan nor India. There was no Bangladesh. We only got the news about British India before the partition of the sub-continent happened. I grow up in Chinese surrounding Kuala Lumpur, while at home I was exposed to 60s Hindustani movies as my father loves it so much... hehe..

I sometimes would listen to these oldies songs. They remind me to my bedridden father. He loves these Hindustani songs especially of the late Muhammad Rafi, Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle. Sometimes when I feel bored and only smile at my father face because he cannot speak anymore. Other than that I just pray to the God the Highest may He helps and protects everyone....

Sealed with prayers for mercy peace and love, amin!

Qurban 1434

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

 

Tomorrow is the 9th of Dhulhijja 34 H. The 10th would be the day of sacrifice where people would perform their symbolic sacrifice. I wish everyone a blessed 'Eid al-Adha. I consider everyday in my life as a sacrifice for the God the Highest. I love everything about the pilgrimage traditions. I love the ihram itself and all the regulations regarding the pilgrim manner of conduct. All of them are beautiful with transcendental philosophies. It is the most beautiful event in my life. I am thankful to the Lord for the invitation to be His guest like six years ago. I still can remember it. I try to cherish it by trying to bring the practices in the Haram al-Shareef to the other land. I miss the holy land... I miss the infant Ishmael a.s. I miss mother Hagar may the God bless her soul. I miss the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w in the city of light... I miss them all.   

Darkness after the Light

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Daily Life Experience

In this period of distress, because my father is bedridden since May 2012 and brothers and sisters could imagine how long he is in that condition. I stopped for few moments joining communal worship. The paralysis happened to my father is framed in the phrase, "one's body is the tomb of his soul". The other world is of course another story. How patient he is in that condition. I prayed that may the God the Highest forgives him whatever his errors and I forgive him too on whatever that he erred to me. 

When I ponder, he actually has done countless good things over me and to others. He encouraged me to study to the highest level that I can and he supported me. I just regret that I did not get to be his company when he was alone. I was also in trouble at the time trying to finish up the thesis. On the other hand, I had to become a counsel for sisters when they were in trouble, listening to mother crying over sisters and being the only boy in a home with all sister siblings could be stressful. I did not have any friend at home nor can I talk about boy's matter with them. Woman and man are different. 

Sometimes, I tried to meditate and closing my eyes but there are also times that I could not control my emotion. I simply burst out and it taints the environment around. I feel guilty and avoiding from looking at people's face after that. But most of all, I am thankful to the God the Highest. He kept me away from evil companies that will mislead me to destruction. He leads me to Him and I only know to find Him in the holy sanctuary, the mosque. I do not care if people call me crazy when I am in deep thought thinking about Him. Let them think whatever they wanted too. Sometimes, I would just chant holy verses and checking my pronunciation out loud at a comfortable place where no one performs prayer service.   

Last night I was keeping my father a company, and I simply sit at the sofa to signify to my mother that she should have some rest in her private room. She is a woman. It is ok I will take care of my father. I do not really sleep at night and reading some books and treatises. Early in the morning at 4:00 I perform the shower and praying for blessings and forgiveness under the pouring water. I cannot think myself as a good person though I go for prayer services. I still feel myself as an evil sinner. I feel guilty for not joining the daily communal worship simply because I do not want to see people's face. That is hypocrisy can I say. It is an ugly attitude. So, I just went to pray in communal worship. I am just writing this here to remind myself. 

After the 'Asr prayer service, I just sat in meditation at the pillar of the musalla. At that time, few people gathered there to listen to the Fadhilat al-'Amal recited by the guy who is a member of the Tabligh movement. I would actually try to avoid them. First of all, I do not like to talk with people broadly nor being interviewed. Most of all, the sunnah which I perform is not to be seen but only for the God. The obligatory one is of course free to be seen because it is not optional and offered in communal services. The other is, I will leave people when they start to speak in the "show off" tone or leaving behind the God the Highest and neglecting other souls (ego). Does not matter if it is coated with religious notions or in other means. I do not care if people call me an insolent. They are free to do so as that is their mouth. 

Never be Deceived

But, this evening I feel tired of running here and there simply to find a comfortable place to chant the litanies. So, I just remain there chanting litanies, closing my eyes while listening to them. I read those books such as Fadhilat al-'Amal when I am alone in the musalla and I made notes for them. I do not have any problem with their materials at all. I simply read anything that I think useful for "self" development. I listened about the "good words" and about not to be envious to the thing which is perceived as good received by the disbelievers. It says, "You have no knowledge about what will happen to the soul once it is pulled out from the body". 

This reminds me to a quote from Surat Ta-Ha v. 16 which means, "Thus, never let one avert you from "it" who does not believe in it and follows his desire, for you then would perish". It in the verse is a pragmatic for the God which is our creed and refers to the prayer services and performing the connection with Him in order to remember Him. This is my own understanding based from the very surah itself as the references to "it" come from the previous verses.  

Light Perishes

In this post, I would like to remind myself that a person who knows his own religion could also be deviated because of the darkness and poisons around. A Jew who would understood the principles of Torah, a Christian who would understood the wisdom of Jesus Christ and a Muslim who could differentiate the position of hadiths and knows the Quran could still be deviated from the Truth. It happens because he does not know how to control his desire and lust. The scripture knowledge that he has at a time would be useless at all for him. 

The God says in al-A'araf v. 175 which means, "And read for them the news about those who were brought to them our evidences, but they detached themselves from them; Thus Satan pursued him and he became among the deviators". 

Because of the lust and desires, the verses that he knows does not bringing any light to his soul, but making it darker. In the end, he becomes the follower of Satan until the verses he memorized were wrongly used. He becomes lost and lost. Just like in an example of a man who lives in the Holy Mecca for such a long time and people around look at him as a learned scholar, but because he is deviated by the Satan he becomes a drunk and leaves behind his prayer services. Thus, a person asked him, "Why are you drunk?" He answers, "There is no such evidence in the Quran or the Hadith which says that a drunk would be cast off into the hell". And regarding prayer, he says, "The Surah al-Ma'un mentions that the Wayl is for those who pray." Because he is deceived by his lust and desires so he is still twisting the fact by using the verses he memorized to defend the wrong way. He memorized the Quran and the Hadiths, but those holy verses and traditions were long detached from his soul. He is naked. 

And we pray with Surah ali-'Imran v. 8, "Our Lord, let not our hearts deviate, now after You have guided us but grant us mercy from Your own presence; for You are the Grantor of bounties without measure"...       

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Quran Audio: Surah al-Haqqah

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

 

Many things that we can learn from simple surahs... Just do not neglect them though you have memorized longer surahs. Through His Will....

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Being Vegetarian

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I was actually a full vegetarian and most of the time I took fresh leaves. Does not matter in the form of leaves or other part of edible plants. While at home I have to eat whatever that we have in our fridge which also includes the meat. Many people suspecting with few assumptions such as I am trying to imitate the Hindus or still is influenced by the tradition of the Enlightened people from ancient India. I just keep my silence and I refuse to say anything. Maybe yes. Maybe not. We live in the same Earth and it is not like Muslims or Arabs live in Jupiter before reaching the Earth. Or we are from different planet. Arabian culture is also divided into the legal and illegal ones when we look at them according to Islamic religious view.   

Let me tell people something. I am a Muslim. A follower of the religion of prophet Muhammad s.a.w and a follower of the path of noble prophet Abraham a.s. I follow a particular school of Islamic jurisprudence and I learned about other's as well. I am grateful to the Lord of the universe for reminding my soul to walk within the path and the lineages of His chosen prophets and messengers. Islam is a mercy of the Highest Lord to the universe and it is not something which is known as a pride as most fellow brothers and sisters might be thinking. Yes, it is part of our self identity but it is not a pride. We should be grateful to Him for Islam to flow within our body parts.

I always live in stressful condition and as long as I hold my breath, I will be tested with various of tests by the Lord as to see whether my faith and love to Him is increasing or decreasing. My family is not like other family with the children being nurtured with love. We were economic migrants from other state to another state even in the same country. Other than that, we are from mixed ancestry of Southern Arabian and Northern Indian from our paternal grandmothers' ancestor. The life story for both of my parents were not so remarkable full with sadness. I saw whatever happened to them and partly I experienced it myself. The gender balance in our family is not equal too with males as minority while the majority are females. The reason why I constantly avoiding meat is that to control my nerves and to stay healthy. My father was a meat-lover. He loves mutton, beef and fish. He also took shrimps, cockles and other seashells which is a great no for me! He was a fierce man before and now he is bed-ridden. He practiced a dark lifestyle after the active ones and he had no one to guide him. Of course I regret for not helping him but what can I do as a hapless son myself? 

Imam al-Shafi'ie rahimahullah mentions in his message to people that one could avoid the meat if he cannot leaves behind his desire or temper. I leave meat to make sure that I am in a tranquil position while I am in distress. Other than that, it is an orthodox and ancient Indian science based from empirical view or philosophy about quality of matters in nature such as pure, active and dark. It is applicable to Muslim way of life. For example, beef is considered as dark quality matter. It is dark because it will turn out to be carcass in one's intestine before being processed. The smell and the taste of carcass is evil than the smell of plants. Other than that, I know that some cattle or buffalo from India are beaten before being slaughtered. An obedient Muslim will check everything thoroughly though it appears that he is not religious in front of the public. It is illegal to eat the animal legalized in the Quran which is tortured before being slaughtered! Even the milk of those animals are illegal to be taken once they are tortured or the right of the calf to get the mother's milk is denied. The same thing applies to chicken and other poultry. This is what I understood as the Path of Islam. The science which I use to identify matters of course is not Islamic. It is philosophical. But I am not a total blind and I studied Sharia myself at the school.  

Being vegetarian is about choice. One could choose to be a vegetarian or not. Or it depends on the situation and we would see the goal of the way of life. This is what I understood from the deen. Perhaps one would say that why do you avoid meat when plants also have the soul? Well, I would say it is my choice and it is for health concern. I am not doing that only for the soul of cattle, duck, chicken or buffalo. I can also take lentils or collecting leaves which falls down from trees without being plucked if people say that cutting the plant is also cruel. It is not about being cruel or not. It is about being pure from the doubtful meat. It is about keeping physical and spiritual health.  

Other than that, I found people who take meat regularly such as those Arabs from Middle East or Indians as easily getting angry or provoked. No offense though. I also see this at home.  

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Audio: Adhan

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I am not really good in adhan but I would love to hail it once in the mosque or musalla. I wish I could do it even if it is once. The Muadhin is among the people who are protected by the God with His mercy. I wish to be one among those people....

The Lord is testing me and I am aware. I must be aware all the time that He never leaves His friends. I have no human friends and alone traveling in this Earth. So, I only have the God the Highest as my friend. Think of how father Abraham a.s who was alone when he was chased out from his hometown in the City of Ur, South of Iraq. Maybe the God willed for me to finish my Quran memorization so this is the arrangement. I should take this golden opportunity despite of being tainted with bad words from people around. Just recite praises be upon the God the Lord of the universe. May I achieve the taqwa and the pleasure of the God which no one could ever imagine that a loser in this worldly plane could achieve. Indeed patience is beautiful :)

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!