Memories of My Dad

Assalamu'alaykum wa rahmatullah!

I'm not sure for how long I had left this side, lol.... I was quite busy with life here. I have a paralyzed stroke father and I'm not going to work because I wanted my mother to have the chance to be happy with her activities which also includes her religious and spiritual needs. We would understand the significance of sacrifice if we look deep into the philosophy of the pilgrimage. 

On my experience... Let me tell everyone how embarrassed I am to tell the truth to people who ask me where am I working while I am still jobless. I resigned from a United Nations agency on the spot after my mother quarreled with my younger sister on the matter of looking after my father and everyone has to deal with their life i.e their job. It was 11 months ago. Technically, I have to forget my dream and my carrier planning just to let everyone in my household happy and I am a male, xoxo. 

Getting a job is not easy but losing one is as easy as a blink of eyes. Being silent sure does giving us the sense of serenity and peaceful (Ali r.a). I am not staying silent for nothing but my senses are working. I live with women my whole life but I am not easily influenced because I love to stay alone. I did not even mix with my schoolmates or classmates. They even called me names for being a weird silent guy but I speak only when I think that it is necessary. What makes me feel sad is that my sisters do not understand me more than I try hard to understand them. It is not easy to be the only son among sisters. You would have no friend to discuss your feeling but you will listen to their feelings whether negative or positive. In the end, it makes you a forever alone introvert. I do not make any friend with people anymore especially I cannot trust others unless if I had screened them for a very long period.

Well, that is not important at all. I found three boxes of my dad's writings including his written documents. He loves to write and expressing his thought through writing. I read all of his published books enthusiastically but I never tell anyone about that. I love to pray for everyone who helped me since I was a little child. It includes my parents who had raised me and I have a shelter because of their hard work. I am not sure on what should I do with them. Some of them are not published and there is also an unfinished book. It looks like a novel written in Malay. I had just made a new blog site for him. The previous one was made by my second sister but she had lost the password. I thought that I just wanted to dispose his stuffs while tidying up the backyard since I don't want to be a hoarder but I always have to stop when I look at his face... I would keep his poems or literature works in this site whenever I am free and recycle the paper.

By the way, the painting up there is my own stuff. I used "Paint" application to make that picture. I just try to use those application which I have yet trying to use. It is difficult but fun, haha...

Thank you for viewers support and prayers. Have a blessed Ramadan everyone, wishing it would help us to strengthen our inner self and enrich it with experience before seeing Him in the hereafter, insha-Allah.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Sustainablity Workshop

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Some more picture of me... I had to cover my face because it is so ...... ....... , haha.. With me were Momoyo Seki, that cute sister on my left side and Kobayashi Yusuke. Both of them of course from the name we could obviously see that they are from Japan, ahaha. They presented about the river maintenance in Japan and sharing some knowledge with us about their strategies for a clean pure environment. I had also met a Myanmar army who studied in Yokohama University but could not get the opportunity to snap with him our photo together, haha. I love to listen his stories about Myanmar.     

The workshop was conducted in collaboration with the Yokohama University from 29-30 September 2010. Behind there were Ong Wenpei and Celia Perez Abellan, both of them were my colleagues in European studies batch 2010-2012. Thankful to Dr. Zainalabiddin, our Global Political Economy lecturer though he was an intelligent guy but he was generous to share with us his knowledge on economic and political theories.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

An Arab Peranakan Schooling Memories

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

  

Alhamdulillah all praises due only to Allah. I just had my supper with some drinks. Just had a walk outside for fresh night air and drink some tea that I bought from Indian department store. I just had some splash of memories when sitting alone under the tree at the soccer field behind the department store. So, I am just writing it again as it also has connection to previous posts about our education system.

When I was a little child, I was put in the mosque supervised by the federal territory religious authority maybe when I was around five to six years old. Before that, I was also educated back at home and in our villages at times when we spend holiday by the elders during religious occasion which is also treated as family meeting. Basically we are familiar with the way of salat performance according to Shafi'ie school of jurisprudence and we were also taught with few orthodox practices in salat which could actually be omitted or practiced if we know the evidence according to sunnah chains or hadiths. We were taught with the life of prophet Muhammad s.a.w through occasions known as qaseedah. I don't know if qaseedah is haram according to people of other movements but they are not mentioned by elders as mandatory but being presented to people around as a way to teach everyone about the life of the noble prophet s.a.w. There are many ways to teach religion to people without being so puritan and stiff but still in accordance to the Quran and Sunnah such as nasheed, lectures, poetry, kitab recitations with everyone, explanations of tafseer and others.  

Pre-School Education

I had problem then with Islamic nursery teachers because of difference in cultural traits. I am a peranakan Jawi and we're not purely thinking or behaving like Malays especially we're of northern Malaysian states and around early 1990s the situation is quite different as nowadays when media in our country widely exposing people around with northern Malayan cultural traits in movies and dramas. By the way Jawi here in northern Malayan Peninsula refers to people of Arabia especially Yemen and Northern Indian with Arab origin of the past from Gujarat which also includes those from Persian empire but speaking in fluent classical Malay language with lots of Arabic and Persian words. Now this term is also extended to include Indian Muslim from Southern India because they began to marry our women after independence from British. So, I refuse to identify myself as Jawi Peranakan anymore but using Peranakan Arab as a precise ethnicity identification. Jawi also refers to Arabic script used to write religious books in Malay language in South East Asia. It is almost the same thing as Hui is used to refer to Chinese speaking Muslims in China because they paternally were of Persian, Turkish or Arab origin of the past. I skipped the pre-school education for a year and I enjoyed watching TV at home, haha. 

Primary School

I was enrolled in national primary school when I was seven I guess around 1993. I didn't know how to read and write roman script but I can write and read Arabic script since my mother and grandma taught me at home using the script. My grandma till her deathbed could never read roman script. I began to be influenced by Chinese culture when I was around this age and it continues because the area I lived at that time was the area populated with Chinese community. The school that I went was known as Sekolah Kebangsaan Batu 3 1/2, Cheras in Kuala Lumpur. I can't even remember when I began to speak in Chinese language though I was not educated in Chinese national type primary school like three of my elder sisters, haha. I mingled with non-Muslim Chinese at the neighborhood and my mother also has Chinese relatives in Perlis. In the evening, we were sent to state religious authority supervised primary religious school. 

So basically we learned Islamic education twice a day. In secular school we learned Islamic Education and simple Fardh 'Ain lessons while in religious evening school we learned subjects such as: 

1. Tawheed which refers to Islamic monotheism

2. Akhlaq or noble morality and ihsan 

3. Fiqh which deals with Islamic jurisprudence for daily life disciplines from the school of Imam Shafi'ie

4. Tajweed and Qira'at for Quranic recitation in Arabic

5. Arabic language 

I had problem with lessons as the way they taught in the evening religious school is so different to what we're taught at home. We recognized the dots at the as nuqta and the baris atas, baris mati, depan bawah were confusing for me. I was taught by elders at the village and home with fatha, kasra and damma. The way they pronounce Arabic words seem so complicated while we don't have to pronounce them with difficulties because we integrate Arabic words in spoken Malay and we only alter the pronunciations when talking with Malays to make them feel comfortable. To tell brothers and sisters, I hate both religious school and secular schools equally. I had no problem in literacy as I am quite fast in term of recognizing letters and symbols. I studied in Kuala Lumpur for two and half years before shifting to Kedah Darul Aman. My parents always thinking to return to Kedah state as that is the only home for them and our grandparents live there our ancestors tomb and graves are there. We as children also viewed the state as our only home. My father was offered a position in Wisma Darul Aman to serve the state under the chief minister, Mr. Usman 'Arof.

In Kedah, I was registered in the school known as Sekolah Rendah Kebangsaan Ahmad Tajuddin in Jitra, the Kubang Pasu district town around the end of 1995. My first ancestors' mausoleum is in this town. I didn't have time to spend with friends or making good friends with school mates and in Kedah state I didn't have evening religious school like in Kuala Lumpur. We lived like refugees. I only made one good friend known as Saiful when I was in standard four. My father also tried to open up a business which is a photo shop in Jitra town just in front of Taman Indera. But we end up having problem to roll the capital. Our relatives who worked there had stolen the money for their own usage without being recorded in the account, the tax imposed on us by state tax office came in no time and we had no modern machine to print out pictures. We were the only "Muslim" photo shop at that time in the midst of non-Muslim photo shop dominated by Chinese community. In school I was viewed by my classmates as outsider though I spoke in fluent Kedah Malay. It was not easy back then to fit our selves. 

In the mid of 1996, my father packed up his things when the chief minister position was held by Mr. Sanusi Junaid and not Mr. Usman anymore. I am not sure there was election or not at that time or just the end of term and why my father was so honest for not offering his self to the new chief minister. So, my father has to return to his old company in Jalan Riong as he was jobless being a reporter. We lived in Hulu Langat and I was schooled in Sekolah Kebangsaan Batu. 9. I was also forced by especially my mother to be registered in evening religious school and at that time I was in standard five. Again I had to face problem to fit in and schools were so tormenting for a half and one year. Early at that time, I hardly could mingle with other pupils around. Even in the evening religious school, I was insinuated by few Javanese kids (they're children of newly arrived immigrants from Indonesia in Selangor state) and I was like confused with the syllabus related to Arabic and Quranic recitation. Some of my classmates during standard six that I could still remember were Naim, Aladin, Felix, Shanmukam and Mastura. Perhaps they're married with children now, lol. In the evening religious school I could still remember Azli because this boy was quite nice to talk with and he sits beside me. There were also three boys in my class who were like a cocky trio and I hate them. Perhaps they thought that they were popular or girls were attracted to them as they were achievers in school, rich and looked nice. I was not good in school because I was interrupted with the shifting periods and I didn't know how to fit myself as a traveler beside no one guide me. I learned basically through experience and environment.   

Lower Secondary School

My mother was worried because once I finished the national primary school, my name was sent together with other students in the school to secondary school known as Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Perimbon near Kajang. I didn't even get the chance to be a student there as my mother quickly urged my father to ask his elders where they could put me as she afraid I would also be a punk. She heard that the students in the school were notorious with bad students and there were teachers who told her about this. 

So, my father was advised by his elders to put me in the al-Alawiya madrasah in Arau, Perlis state. The school located close to Perlis Royal Palace, the Perlis Royal Family Tomb Complex, the Arau Masjid, the Arau Police station and behind was the rail way. Then off I was sent to further north of Malaysia. I began to hate my own family because we understood that those who were sent to madrasah were usually bad kids. I didn't understand what exactly was my fault? 

In Perlis also I began to be exposed to Buddhism of Theravada teachings when I did not return to my grandparents house but I went to the Thai Buddhist monasteries. I met a monk one day in a bus to Sungai Petani and he invited me to visit the monastery in Yan after I told him I didn't know where to go. I tried to go down to Sungai Petani because I didn't like to hear other maternal relatives who came by and cynically talking shits to me while they weren't even close to me or know how I feel to live like a refugee. From that incident I began to be exposed to Buddhism and its monastic teachings. When I told some Tabligh kids about this experience they asked me whether I was hypnotized by black magic? I just laugh to them. I was aware about environment around and I did not being a Buddhist in a blink of eyes. It happened stage by stage and I made notes for Buddhism studies. I had disposed those mantras and kathas before I went to pilgrimage in holy Mecca in 2005. 

In the madrasah, I made friend with a Chinese-Thai guy too in the madrasah known as Sufian. His mother was a Thai citizen but lived in Ipoh. Then he began to be cocky so I left him and changing dorm. I was there only for about a year and totally a loner in the school. I didn't join group of students. The madrasah was part of Insaniah corporation and was operated with students monthly fees. At that time, the madrasah was all-boys school. The religious subject teachers were educated from Umm al-Qura in Mecca, al-Azhar in Egypt and Jordan. The level when I was there is known as the I'dadi level. Religious science subjects were taught in Arabic and the level there was actually higher than the level of the second year in other states' religious schools. Before me, senior students studied even secular academic subjects in Arabic. At my time they just imposed Arabic as an obligatory language during certain selected days and only during school time. They frequently organizing night prayers known as Qiyaam al-Layl and I always skip them by hiding under the roof in the toilet, haha. 

Then my mother began to feel something wrong happened to me and came by to the madrasah after she heard that I was not at school waiting for my older cousin brother who worked in the canteen in the Arau UITM. She immediately shifted me to Selangor state religious secondary school known as Sekolah Menengah Agama Hulu Langat in Batu 10 and it was a painful application because I was from a private madrasah. I painfully trying to coup up with academic and religious science studies until 2000 and being divided with other students into streams. I had no close friends in school and I also had many kind of classmates in the school such as transvestite she-male students, demon worshiper students who were just a group of attention-seekers or wannabes acting like die-hard fans of black metal music band, pornographic videos seller students, politicians like students and others.

In 2001, I was divided into Shari'a stream. At that time I knew that I was not good in secular academics but more inclined to religious sciences. It has no place in society and my class was the last class placed on the top of the roof and located beside stinky not well-managed toilet. Around 1960's or 1970's perhaps religious studies are not a big deal. They existed separately but in parallel with secular studies in Malayan Peninsula. The schools for religious studies were separate from secular schools where those who went to religious school were dropped from "national monitoring authority". They were operated under sufi order frameworks and initiated by religious teachers skilled in Islamic sciences. But in 1990s up to 2000, where the Vision 2020 being a hit topic popularized by our leader who was talking about the quest in order to build up a developed country and look East policy which emphasized on the Japanese technology and their culture. It means that we had to deny our inclinations and capacity to suit the pattern of society. Secular studies and science being greatly highlighted until it overshadow us in our own place.

Now those in Europe please give attention to this and you can see what happened to us. We are talking about our history track just like those in the European Middle Ages going through Renaissance age. Around this time I began to be greatly influenced by Buddhism teachings and I even contacted Chinese Buddhist monks of Mahayana traditions while being a Muslim teenage. I tied Buddhist strings at my wrist again around 2000. Those in Europe perhaps had little contact with civilizations but here we are in contact with various oriental civilizations, philosophies and religions.

Higher Secondary School

I was humiliated by other school mates along with our unfortunate classmates and I fought discipline teacher when I was in form four around the early of 2001 because he said harsh things to us. Shari'a stream class ranked the last ranking in all streams hierarchy. There were four classes for form four students at the school in that time. The first ranking is the science stream, the second is economy, the third was geography and the last was the shari'a stream. When we walked passed the first ranking class, the teacher inside the class would insinuate us and looking to us like bunch of dogs in the "religious" school. I studied Shari'a, Usuluddin, National Language, English, Higher Classical Arabic, Arabic for communicative purpose, History, Maths and Account in our class. There was the lack of teachers because nobody care about us while we had to face Fourth Thanawi exam and the next year O-Level (SPM). So, I made up my mind and applying to technical school in Kajang because my mother said that she did not want to see me in normal secular school. I actually suffered more in the technical school but I can't return to the old school. I just went on until 2003 and I got the result equal to third grade in the previous generation's O-Level (SPM). 

The exam means a lot for young students at that time because we think that the only way to survive in the future. To survive was only by confining our selves to the leader's notion of vision 2020 and studying something which has to be related to the vision. And I was also a stupid kid who still play honest in the midst of bad students because they also cheated in the O-Level exam while there were also monitors around. I thought of many ways to die after taking the result at school and I just kept my silence without talking to anyone at home or around. I almost killed myself by starving it for days in deep Buddhist-Hindu meditation just to clear up my mind. I thought and believed that if I died in meditation I would be incarnated in brahmalogam (higher soul world) and would never endure sufferings anymore. I made a note and wrote to my family for my empty body to be cremated if I died. If they are ashamed then they could just send it away to any monastery without witnessing anything. But while meditating my mother had broken the room door with an axe. She forced me to eat and put beside me a Muslim prayer book. After that I just lay idle without any emotion or feeling anymore. 

In the middle of 2004, there was a call for national service program. So I was sent to Terengganu and being viewed by people around as a problematic teenager because people understood kids being sent to places through the program were bad kids. In this time period I began to read again religious sciences book. I just read and practiced again from the very beginning, step by step. I also went to High School. Perhaps I had talked about my experience there.               

Close the Treatise

So, this was the story of a Muslim Arab Peranakan youngster in Malayan Peninsula. Facing identity crisis and problem in order to fit well in society around. I did not have any close friends around to tell my problem or feelings when I was young not even to my parents or sisters because men and women function differently though still the same human-being. Until now it is still the same and I am used to it by time. Nobody is sympathetic to us but Allah is the only One who gives His full attention to us. Just the environment and the world hinder us to "see" how caring He is to us. 

About how I feel when being sent to madrasah or pondok melele, I am sure many who experienced this in 1990s would feel the same and understood what I am talking here, hehe. One thing that made me feel weird was when I saw kids of bombastic courses in university for example petro-chemical, geophysics, and etc who joined Tabligh Jama'at or Wahhabi-Salafi movements regardless what is their political inclinations whether to the coalition or to the opposition sides in our country. Even if they were from "religious school" but their streams were totally different to the unpopular "Shari'a stream" where I was kicked into with other "academically" incapable students in "religious secondary schooling time". Shari'a students were seen as retards by teachers, political leaders because they could just play around with religious authority for their influence on public and those of the "higher caste" streams students also looked down on us because we only learned about "the hereafter" thus making us imbalanced in everything in this world. So, when they face sad or bad incidents in their life or growing older, they would return to religion or Islam? Then talking like they're with the authority to issue "rulings" while the Shari'a was not their line since their early time and being looked down upon. People actually spit on the face of Shari'a students even in countries where Muslims are predominantly living and the notion about balanced life of dunia and akhirat is not truly displayed by people because we were only functioning for influential people to get reference to implant their influence or maybe useful in certain occasions related to wedding or death. We feel that we had no self-esteem and shy when talking to people. So, we keep our silence when there are people boasting about but that does not mean that we don't know anything. This is how we feel and I am telling it to the world. Our elders feel the same too when they saw the same thing happening in 1960s and 1970s which developed to today's situation. 

When reflecting about what happened in the past, in the society, in the global world, I just think that this world is nothing but just a test. Those notions of a "developed" country or being recognized by other "modern" countries are just stupid things being repeated throughout the history of man-kind. The world is closer to resurrection day by day for people who believe in Allah's promises.

What is the use to chase all of those things? To chase gold and money? For pride? To boast around to other human? To be rich? To be comfortable? How long are we going to live in this Earth? When the Earth dissolves as the the Day of Religion come, they are all of no use. Truly what ancient sages had taught man-kind about simple life and being moderate in everything. Allahu A'alam and Allah knows everything better than us who are just His servants.  

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!   

CNY: Baling Town 2012

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Intro

Baling is a province in Kedah state. It is a neighboring province with Betong of Thailand. So, we could also listen some Southern Thai dialect being spoken here alongside with Northern Malay dialect. I love this place although it's not as nice as London, Melbourne or NY... Last time we talked about this town among fellow Kedahan friends when we chat about our provinces and territories. This is the place where I get my driving license and it is a peaceful town, hehe.

Baling Bus Station 

Quite rare buses, sehari sebijik bas berulang pi mai sini... hahahahahaa...........

Baling Town Fire Department

As to say, we are very proud of our sultanate and state. We love it and we show it through flags and our lifestyle : )

Baling Hill

Natt Baling

We call bazaar as natt in our regional language. This one is a weekly bazaar in the town where it could be divided into few sections such as food and cake stalls, vegetables and greens, clothes and daily stuffs, meat and fishes, religious books, medicine and ointments and etc.... 

Natt Food Stall

Usually they sell drinks and light foods like noodles, chendoi and stuffs. The second pic is actually the pic of Thai speaking family. They speak Southern Thai dialect which is actually identical to our grammar but only the words are substituted into Thai, hahaha.

Foods at Natt

Many interesting foods but we just tried these noodles. The first one is Laksa and the second one is Mee Hoon Sup. These noodles are Chinese influenced but being different in term of ingredients used like Laksa's gravy is made of fish. I don't eat it anyway but I would tolerate the smell for other family member because not all are the same in a house : )

Dried Seafood Section

This section is for dried seafood like dried squid, dried fish, dried anchovies of different grades, spices, onions, garlic, and etc.

Pure Honey

Pure honey or mesan lebah. I am still afraid of those bees though they are not flying around after sunken in the liquid.

Vegetables

Kitabs

Some kitabs or books in Jawi script. People will buy these kitabs and learn many things such as morality, law of the life, and etc from these through teachers explanation in the madrasas around. It is called as menadah kitab which means begging with the books. I planned to also do this when I finish everything during my free time. The books such as cure for the heart was bought in this kind of bazaar. It does not cost a lot but just few ringgits. We just have to analyze the sentences in the books because it used Arabic influenced Malay language and it could be quite difficult to understand them.

Restoran Roti Canai Buhari

Lil Sis and Me

Minat sunggoh hang dok begambarq laguni noh, chemuih sangat aihhhh!!!!

Diary

My camera is not working after we returned from Petrijaya at Jalan Kulim. It's reader card having a problem and I don't know what is the reason. I tried to fix it but still does not work. I've got to ask the shop where I get it on how to fix it. It's the camera that I bought to do coverage for local newspaper as a stringer here but I didn't get the salary because I quit few days later after having transportation problem and I don't think I am suitable to be a reporter as dad's wish : ( 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Favorite Nephews

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

Suddenly stumbled at nephews social network side, hahaha. I have few close nephews last time especially of mother side. But after the death of grandparents we become not close anymore. I wonder what happened to them so I just used sister's social network account to trace them. One of my favorite nephew last time was Shafiq. They still live in Kodiang noh. I don't really like his dad which is my cousin. It's not because I am a bad ass or I hate to socialize with my own relatives but I found that his dad is a cocky manner less guy. 

He offended me by low-estimating my dad's job and my dad was the breadwinner of the family. I don't care what political ideology he is or how Islamic he is but we don't show our faith to people. It is between us and the God. I don't care if people are calling me an infidel because I don't go to the front line to show off being a prayer imam during taraweekh in the village or looking like an ungodly guy who knows nothing about religious knowledge. That is their mouth, they have no right over the God's judgement. I don't talk much, once I sense something I would just leave people behind.

Last time when I was in standard three I remember that he was so naughty but also lovely in characteristic. We use to play together just main cara budak-budak kecil wrestling, chasing each other, spending times chatting, watch TV and etc. I don't have any problem with Shafiq but I am afraid time and what had happened deteriorating our relationship. Until few years before grandparents passed away he also followed us back home to stay over during holiday just to fill his time but each time his dad would came by maybe to avoid him from mingling with children of his lowly auntie.

He looks a little like his dad, hahaha... Anyway I am proud of you for the tradition of the family could be exercised by grandsons and granddaughters. I thought of getting your picture from your social side but I think it is ok because I would need to ask your permission and I would be noticed by other relatives. I am proud to know you are a student who bears Quranic verses. I wish you could further your studies in Medinah as you or your dad wish and may Allah makes your document easily being processed. Hope your dad try to ponder on himself and think a lot about himself too. When we think a lot about ourselves we would know how evil we are. It does not matter if we are orang kampung or orang bandar. We are all the same human-being the lowly creature of Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. That is what I feel everyday.

Other than that, his cousin was also my favorite nephew, Fawwaz. He was my colleague in al-'Alawiyyah in Arau for a while before I was shifted to Selangor. We are the same age although he is my nephew because my mum is the youngest daughter of grandparents and their grandma is the eldest. Nobody knows what I had experienced while being a student there not even schoolmates. I had problem with his dad too because his dad is the elder brother of the cousin who is Shafiq's dad. He scolded me and my second sister and humiliating us in front others during the tahlil ceremony while we went out to buy stuffs for guests and other relatives. He just came by and scolding people out of no where. He thinks that it is fun to have our close relatives died especially in front of our eyes? I cried like hell when my beloved grandma passed away in the third Shawwal of 2004 and I can't eat for few days. I was close with her too and I only talked about my problems when I was schooled in Perlis to her not to other relatives. Few days before she passed away, she crawled to my lap as if she's trying to tell me something. 

I don't think I have the courage to see relatives anymore. Furthermore like most of cousins always calling me, I am just a useless guy. Yes I am... I am nothing as compared to the Majestic Lord and they should also realize that they are nothing in His view! Last time Fawwaz came few times at our house but I just act coldly because I am afraid of past problem with his parents (my cousins) though he is innocent. If I get the job after graduating perhaps I would just shut myself from relatives but I would try to keep connections with brothers and sisters in faith around me. I hate social network sides....   

Now, it's hard right to make friend even with relatives and it also applies to people who embrace a certain religion because brothers and sisters in faith are relatives to each other :')

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

但願人長久

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Video courtesy of musicboxforever

A bit secular post, hahaha. Never learn Chinese formally at school but I understood this poem, haha. I think modern Chinese sometimes is blurry in my head because we developed our version of Chinese here despite of other Chinese communities surrounding us who also have their own kind of Chinese. Sometimes I just use Chinese in writing but speaking in other language like Japanese do, haha. Even in certain extent, I didn't speak Chinese to avoid dialectical problem while other counter-speaker is still speaking in Chinese. My ex-colleague, Amir doesn't like Chinese too. He thinks that Chinese speakers only mingles around them and not so smart (look pathetic). However, this pathetic guy was also his classmate and his homie (I am also his fellow Kedah compatriot who speaks in Kedah Malay). Sometimes I just speak Chinese to make sure fellow Chinese friends feel comfortable with themselves and respecting them.

 明月幾時有 把酒問青天
不知天上宮闕 今夕是何年

我欲乘風歸去 唯恐瓊樓玉宇
高處不勝寒 起舞弄清影 何似在人間

轉朱閣低綺戶照無眠
不應有恨何事長向別時圓
人有悲歡離合 月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全 但願人長久
千里共嬋娟

我欲乘風歸去 唯恐瓊樓玉宇
高處不勝寒 起舞弄清影
何似在人間

轉朱閣低綺戶照無眠
不應有恨何事長向別時圓
人有悲歡離合 月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全 但願人長久
千里共嬋娟

-  蘇軾

Hurmm, listening to the poem actually made me think that when we meet people around, we will also have to say farewell. I actually hate the fact that we just know everyone for a while and later go on separate ways after we introduce ourselves to each other, that's why I feel difficult to make friend with others if the time is so short because I am not an easy friend nor easily making friend with people around. Perhaps this poet also feels the same :'( However life is short. It's a test for everyone. Ya Allah, wa malas nak pi kelas isokk (I am lazy to go for class tomorrow, dear Lord)!

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Aidul Adha 2011: Little Walk in the Campus

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Just the same places where I use to walk in my daily life while studying here. Since first degree until now. What can I say, feel bored walking in the same place but we appreciate what we have. Might be it is good for us or might be something torturing but at least we have something for our selves. Many students have affection to this place. I have no attachment to this place and I don't really develop friendship here so I don't feel any attachment : ) 

Mai kita jalan-jalan tempat biasa... hehehe

Crossing Bukit Gambir Road into the campus

Jalan Bukit Gambir, view from flyover

Welcome to the campus at Bukit Gambir gate

USM Stadium at Bukit Gambir gate

Students' Main Hall (DUP) from the pavement, just after rain pouring down

 Close up at DUP, this is the place we used to sit for examination during first degree time

View of Indah Kembara male hostel from a bus stand 

Prayer Hall of Masjid al-Malik Khalid, this is the only place that I missed in USM I cried here before Him pleading help to face this life : )

I have many memories with grandparents too. Sometimes we were left in our village in Perlis or our grandparents would look after us when they come over to visit us. I hate to stay in the village too when I was a child because we only could listen to radio and can't watch TV. Radio channel that I listened when I was in Perlis was broadcasting from Southern Thailand. Even the TV channel that I could only watch is Malaysian Radio and Television Channel 1 while other popular channel like TV3 can't be reached with short aerial. Most people in grandparents house are settlers from Southern Thailand and they speak in Thai at home although they are Malays. Small numbers of minority were settlers from southern states such as from Negeri Sembilan. Grandparents were settlers from Sanglang of Kedah state and we regard Perlis as a territory of Kedah Sultanate, haha.   

Besides, we can't make friend with village kids because they would mock us as kids from the city whom are viewed in generalization as bunch of arrogant kids. Some villagers (traditional) ones always looking down to us as ungodly people and deserve no respect so they talked to us in impolite manner. I hate to stay in the village too. My sisters always teasing me, they said you are unfriendly unlike us. They are female and when they bring their friend home, they do not have to worry as I am the only male among them beside my dad who is another.

I always think about others before I do anything for myself. Even when I wanted to give foods to a cat or a dog, I would first make sure that it is safe for the animal. If I bring my friends home, I am afraid that everyone would feel uncomfortable since our house is actually a small house, we are poor people. I had been to friends' houses and staying at their house which actually denotes that I make friends and contacts with people around. As an example, I had been to Alep house in Yan just after his dad passed away during our first year as a degree student. He was not even my course mates nor room mates and we are just hostel mates. I understood how it feels when losing someone we love because I love my grandparents though I had not acted as a filial grandson to the late grandpa due to some misunderstanding. I am still maintaining contact with Alep.

Sadly other friends including my ex-roommate Zaidi had lost from the reach because I don't think I have any significance in others' life. Once I think that I have no function in people life, I would get rid myself from them. Other than that, female and male are different in term of functions although we are both human-being. So, we can't take everyone as fitting others but as unique on their own. I regret that sisters at home, even mum has the thinking that everyone must be the same in function. When I say to them why don't you do man job if human function the same? They would rant saying: "It's like no men at home!" If, human are the same in function and ability, why not women be truck drivers, electricians, technicians, mechanics and etc? I will give my full support to women who involve themselves in these field rather than just talk but never walk their talk, LOL... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Memory: brother Kurnia and brother Idris 2010

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Always forgotten about these pictures although had been thinking to keep it here last time. This computer can't extract these pictures from the archives as the license is expired. Luckily that they are still there in my mail sent box. I think these pics were taken around late October of 2010 when I was in first semester doing this master. These brothers whom are brothers Kurnia and Idris are among earliest people whom I know when I returned back to USM. We live in the same hostel which is hostel in Bukit Gambir area. They are friendly guys but I just feel shy out of them due to my Chinese accent sounds weird. I dun feel shy to brother Idris since he's from Western China himself but just feel shy to non-Chinese inhabitants who also are the member of hostel's musalla congregation in which most of them are Malays.

I speak in Chinese with one of my classmate too, which is sister Ong. She's a non-Muslim though but she shares same faith with previous me last time. I don't consider myself as different from Chinese or Indian whom most Malays consider as 'immigrants' while we are the same Malaysian, haha. We have other Malay classmate which is Has but I don't feel comfortable with her.    

Bukit Bendera

 Penang view from Bukit Bendera

Black fur monkeys.

Brother Kurnia and brother Idris. Hope to see you again brother Kurnia. Thank you treating me fried noodle at Bukit Bendera. I will always remember that. Just feel sorry because I am a citizen of the host country who should honor both of you but it turns out that you honoring me, haha. I didn't get the chance to treat you. I am sad. Usually I would do that when people don't see me but both of you were right in front of me.

Penang Botanical Garden

 Monkey motherly love to its child.

Naughty monkeys. I am afraid of these primates, hahaha.

Lotus pond.

Short jungle trekking.

It was actually the idea of brother Kurnia. He suggested us to go for some sightseeing visiting places like waterfall or seaside something... to fill our free time during holiday. But it turns out that brother Idris had earlier explored Penang Botanical Park and most of places in Penang. I feel quite embarrassed because I had been here for about three years during my bachelor and I never went out from USM compound after our freshman, hehe. I just went out to Georgetown with our bachelor classmates during bachelor first semester, and few times to Sungai Petani either alone or with my classmate and only friend, Amir. Another one who sometimes accompanied us is Apai who lived in the same hostel with us but I wasn't really close to Apai. He's close to Amir.  

I think brother Kurnia has a great skill in photography because most of his pictures look good. Those monkeys were taken by him. Pictures taken by me always have that blurry image because of the wiggle, lol. These are the only pics that I have for these respective brothers since I tried to avoid people when people start to realize my existence although I wanted to hang around more with them. Feel not comfortable when people coming close to listen what language that I used when talking to brother Idris especially those Tabligh kids. Maybe they never have any experience mingling with non-Malay compatriot while in schooling time that made them feel strange? What is wrong when we speak other languages? I guess in Malaysia there is nothing to be surprised of because we adopt multiculturalism. If those from Indonesia or France feel weird, I still can accept it because they do not adopt multiculturalism to the extend like what is happening in Malaysia. I always see Malay or Indian speaking in Hokkien Chinese in Penang and I don't think that it is a peculiarity.

Please help to pray for brothers and sisters in Xinjiang and other Muslim majority provinces in China. I think brother Yunus whom I came to know in Bengal mosque is a Hui from Xinjiang. I wish their well-being and hopefully they could observe Ramadan fast without any problem. Avoid conflict with authority if possible, pray for the authority to also receive mercy and guidance from the God, insyaAllah. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Sahur in Hostel Ramadan 12th

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Hahaha, it's quite fun having sahur (predawn-meal) alone. No one to see on how I eat whether I eat like a sungkur tak pernah makan setahun or in polite sopan santun cover manner. Without we realize time working so fast and it is now 12th of Ramadan. Just wake up every morning at 4:30 and having some vegetarian meals such as wholemeal bread, pickled mixed vegetables, ghee and some hua nan tsai (green mustards) in the can. These kind of food reminds me when I was a follower of lord Buddha teaching. Perhaps, his teaching was also influenced by Ahimsa philosophy. I refused meat too last time though it is not a must for a Buddhist. Raya Haji takut lah banyak sembelih daging (Eiduladha was a nightmare), lol.

Green mustard. Simply long time not taking any vegetables asyik makan ayam ja.

These food are classified as pure unadulterated kind of food which they called as sattawah. However I believe I have some ginger, onion, lime and lehsun (garlic) in my pickled vegetable because it tastes pungent and sharp. So, it's not really pure lacto-vegetarian meal as there are stimulator. Some ginger, onion, or garlic are good to drive out blockage in our nose however it is less good than sattawah. This is not sunnah prescribed food but some of it might be in coincidence the same. This classification is made by Brahmins and Yogis of ancient India. They are good in traditional medicinal food and herbs. Their medical tradition had spread as far as Persia in the West and South East Asia in the East.

 

 Garlic, it is good for consumption if we have cholesterol or hypertension problem.

For drink I had some tea mixed with some fresh milk and honey. I can't keep food long here as I have no fridge so it is quite difficult for me to store fresh stuffs. It would be wasting if I have to throw foods away after they become rotten once they're due while only having some of it. So, we have to think for solution to get some balanced nutrients and in the same time minimizing wasting through some budget that we have. I listed down all of the yogic prescribed food in the paper wherever I could recall and checking the price at the market before buying stuffs. Make sure we plan everything. Maybe our plan would not be according to what we planned but at least make some plans to get along with the budget. It is better than nothing. 

Fresh ginger is good to clear up mucus that blocking our nose but it is a stimulant. We can see some strict Chinese Buddhist adhering to vegetarianism and some Orthodox Hindus avoid ginger too.

Perhaps I need to consider getting some powder milk too. Fresh milk is expensive. A small box of fresh milk might cost around RM1.70. Medium size fresh milk say of Dutch Lady brand would cost me around Rm3.30. How could we maintain our nutrients balanced in the same time with minimum budget yah?

Left to right: pickled cucumber, pickled mixed vegetables, honey, windmill gheeblend, and dutch lady fresh milk for both pre-dawn meal and breaking the fast.

 Roti Gardenia, wholemeal to counter the effect of ghee. Who knows we might be caught with heart disease because ghee has some cholesterol in a tablespoon, rich in vitamins like vitamin A and D, helps in vitamin and minerals absorption. Too much of vitamin A is not good for liver. Tu ada tanda halal Jakim, tak kuasa lah nak periksa tanda halal tu kat benda-benda remeh begini. Tiap-tiap tahun pun nak kena perbaharui licence or certification here. Cara yang baik nak mencekik duit dari orang perseorangan n organizations. 

So, this is how some of us 'local' Malaysian students spending in food and beverage especially when we have no support from loaning institution such as PTPTN or getting scholarship from MARA or JPA. If not all but at least some people could know what we're going through in the midst of chosen students studying abroad could get benefits like traveling allowances to release tense and others although their difficulties would be in another form. Nak makan pun kena berkira dengan diri sendiri. When I was a 9 years old little kid, I had almost died starving too when we moved back to Kedah. We had no food, no money, clumsy situation after suddenly moving in to new place and this country is not an under-developed country but the lack of nutrient problem is everywhere.

It's not easy to attain all of those fussy financial help, even zakat. I don't take zakat and would never take it. I am talking on the behalf of other students who really need them. I don't take food at the mosque too in order to give way for others who need them more than myself. I still can survive with minimum consumption of food. What pusat zakat could do is to come down and talking with students or individuals, checking on whether these people really need help or assistance, and not to comfortably rear their ass in their airconditioned office. It is the responsibility and trust from brothers and sisters when orang pusat zakat and religious departments take the job, bukan makan gaji buta and relying on the subsidy sahaja. If everyone could be considerate, compassionate, considering that every soul has their rights before Allah and helping each other, at least the issue such as riddah (apostacy) or feast at the Methodist church could be avoided. There is of no use to blame those Protestants nor commenting on how weak is some people's faith. It is very easy to judge people and living in denial, orang Kedah kata mulut ringan jah wok kluaq kata-kata macam taik lembu selepok. Non-Muslim NGOs are quite active in social work. I noticed that Tzu Chi Buddhist Association is also active.
 

As for expenditure, not all of local students are using money without checking on the capacity because most of us are poor. Some who take post-graduate have to leave their job because of full time classes not only by research and it is not easy to deal with the schedule wherever we are not certain with something. It creates unstable situation where most people could not understand and putting these people into the same situation like them. Not all people are fortunate. We could ask people to learn about happy life all we want to forget the problem or for them not to bother our comfortable life but we can't run from the fact that we are sharing the air and earth with everyone. What would we do if we are in other people's situation? That is the question that we need to ask to ourselves when we talk about others.

Undeniably there are many irresponsible students out there who spend money as it is easy for them to get. I always mumbling at my sisters especially those who love to waste their money for unnecessary things and buying expensive things while there are also cheaper alternatives for that. Allah forgive us our false speech, forgive us our sins in thought and acts. Scripture time, self reflection time...

Sealed with prayer for peace, mercy and love, amin!