Diary
Suddenly stumbled at nephews social network side, hahaha. I have few close nephews last time especially of mother side. But after the death of grandparents we become not close anymore. I wonder what happened to them so I just used sister's social network account to trace them. One of my favorite nephew last time was Shafiq. They still live in Kodiang noh. I don't really like his dad which is my cousin. It's not because I am a bad ass or I hate to socialize with my own relatives but I found that his dad is a cocky manner less guy.
He offended me by low-estimating my dad's job and my dad was the breadwinner of the family. I don't care what political ideology he is or how Islamic he is but we don't show our faith to people. It is between us and the God. I don't care if people are calling me an infidel because I don't go to the front line to show off being a prayer imam during taraweekh in the village or looking like an ungodly guy who knows nothing about religious knowledge. That is their mouth, they have no right over the God's judgement. I don't talk much, once I sense something I would just leave people behind.
Last time when I was in standard three I remember that he was so naughty but also lovely in characteristic. We use to play together just main cara budak-budak kecil wrestling, chasing each other, spending times chatting, watch TV and etc. I don't have any problem with Shafiq but I am afraid time and what had happened deteriorating our relationship. Until few years before grandparents passed away he also followed us back home to stay over during holiday just to fill his time but each time his dad would came by maybe to avoid him from mingling with children of his lowly auntie.
He looks a little like his dad, hahaha... Anyway I am proud of you for the tradition of the family could be exercised by grandsons and granddaughters. I thought of getting your picture from your social side but I think it is ok because I would need to ask your permission and I would be noticed by other relatives. I am proud to know you are a student who bears Quranic verses. I wish you could further your studies in Medinah as you or your dad wish and may Allah makes your document easily being processed. Hope your dad try to ponder on himself and think a lot about himself too. When we think a lot about ourselves we would know how evil we are. It does not matter if we are orang kampung or orang bandar. We are all the same human-being the lowly creature of Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. That is what I feel everyday.
Other than that, his cousin was also my favorite nephew, Fawwaz. He was my colleague in al-'Alawiyyah in Arau for a while before I was shifted to Selangor. We are the same age although he is my nephew because my mum is the youngest daughter of grandparents and their grandma is the eldest. Nobody knows what I had experienced while being a student there not even schoolmates. I had problem with his dad too because his dad is the elder brother of the cousin who is Shafiq's dad. He scolded me and my second sister and humiliating us in front others during the tahlil ceremony while we went out to buy stuffs for guests and other relatives. He just came by and scolding people out of no where. He thinks that it is fun to have our close relatives died especially in front of our eyes? I cried like hell when my beloved grandma passed away in the third Shawwal of 2004 and I can't eat for few days. I was close with her too and I only talked about my problems when I was schooled in Perlis to her not to other relatives. Few days before she passed away, she crawled to my lap as if she's trying to tell me something.
I don't think I have the courage to see relatives anymore. Furthermore like most of cousins always calling me, I am just a useless guy. Yes I am... I am nothing as compared to the Majestic Lord and they should also realize that they are nothing in His view! Last time Fawwaz came few times at our house but I just act coldly because I am afraid of past problem with his parents (my cousins) though he is innocent. If I get the job after graduating perhaps I would just shut myself from relatives but I would try to keep connections with brothers and sisters in faith around me. I hate social network sides....
Now, it's hard right to make friend even with relatives and it also applies to people who embrace a certain religion because brothers and sisters in faith are relatives to each other :')
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!
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