First Chapter Need Changes

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Hurrrm, this morning I had just met my supervisor, Dr. Noraida. She said that nothing much changed in the first part. I should repair the first part and put everything that they said in the introduction part. Actually, the more I look at the thesis the more I feel confused because everyday I just wandering in front of the computer looking at the thesis and checking what should I do. I had done the proposal for the thesis many times since last semesters and each time it should be amended according to different lecturers who advised us on research methodologies. I don't like to sit at the computer.  

How do I feel jah? Urmmm just feel like I wanted to cry. I would sincerely admit... I feel like I wanted to cry in the bus while returning to my room. If I am a woman I guess I would just cry in  front of people, hahahahahaha. So, being both man and woman actually is not easy. We have our own differences and problems in life. I feel my neck being tied with unnecessary ropes. I actually had made vow to study religious sciences and returning to my responsibility but this world is pushing me aside the way. I send text messages also to wrong people, so humiliating. It's because I feel so annoyed and my head think about many things. Sometimes I also feel like wanted to retreat, chap ye (tidy up things), return home, finding a job with my first degree certificate again and when I free just meditate in masjids or traveling around to perform da'awa on myself. If I saved enough money, I wanted to to go to some countries in Middle East or South Asia and stay there waiting for my "time" to come. Sometimes I'm quite pessimistic with future, lol. And sometimes I could only see darkness where I see myself in shroud cloth down the ground... 

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Guidelines and Comments Today

What did she advise me to do?

Background Part

On the background or introduction part it should be a brief one. It must be from general to specific introduction of the issue. I didn't change much in this part and it seems like the same with the previous one that I did. It's actually my fault, I didn't put the record in orderly manner. I have piles of paper here and it's all over the places. I told so at the supervisor but she thought that I tried to blame her, hahaha. For example, if I wanted to choose immigration policy, what is the relationship of UK in position of immigration and Muslim issue in UK? The program is about European Union so it must be related to the Union and not about a specific member state of the Union. If we talk about this Union everything must be about policy, politics, administration, legal system and guidelines from the treaties agreed by European Union member states.

Problem Statement Part

I should emphasize on issue chosen to be studied. Whether it is within the context of the policy, how to connect the problem of the immigration issue with the study of muslims in Europe with the UK as the case study? In problem statement, I should question myself, what is the reason to study? If it is about Muslim migrants, what are the reason behind this? What is the problem regarding Muslim migrants in the UK? The problem here is that whether the third and second generation of Muslim migrants are considered as migrants?

On the other hand, I had also put in the study about the notion of multiculturalism. I need to differentiate the study. Whether it is about the current population of Muslim in UK or about Muslim migrants? If I choose this type of social study, I need to make up my mind and choose because it makes my study obscure. When I change this, I must also change the objective as well as research questions.

Research Methodology

The term manipulation of data is not a suitable term to describe a method used in a research. It is more to a process. It is not an explanation of the method used. If I am going to do historical research for example, what are the methods? Try to read something about this in order to get some ideas.   

Sources

Where should I get my data sources? It means that what types of data that I am going to use for the research? In term of type of data sources, whether it is narrative types or people's opinion or academic theories? 

Are the data came from the reports, debates, or narratives of famous figures? Those things on where to access the data such as from internet searching could be described in brief.

Justify also why I need to use secondary data? How will it provides result to my objective and inquiry? 

Process in Analyzing Data

How about this process? How to sort them out? Qualitative process of analyzing the data? How to classify them into categories? How they are related and why they are related?

Significance of the Study

It must be totally changed according to what I choose in the background or introduction part. 

Another Comment

I took it too long and still came out with the same mistake. My sincere comment on this, I just feel lost when I look at this study. The more we dwell in it, the more it confuse us. That's why I love Quranic studies compared to these kind of things. Because I am familiar with it compared to these thesis mesis political science studies nih. Then the dateline for me to resend it to supervisor is at 23rd of December 2011. I need to check the calender as well to make sure that I am alert. She had earlier mentioned that I should see her by 9th December so I would take this as earlier alert for me.   

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I don't blame the supervisor at all on this matter and I think it is wrong to blame anyone! I guess it is better to comply within the guidelines and comments given. She had been generous enough in enlightening me with the guidelines and repeating them again. 

I had also talked with my colleague, Wenpei. She also has the same problem. We had also avoided our colleagues like Siva because we do not want them to know what happened to us. Further, what can they do to help us other than just discuss it and later we still have to deal it with ourselves? Yesterday, Wenpei also sent me messages saying that she's so disturbed with the study and classes. Frankly we think that we're not suitable to study European studies and I don't really like this studies on policies and administration either because it is so complicated and I think I should earlier change to research mode of Social Development, Asian Studies or doing MBA because MBA needs no research but it's too late to be sorry. We are reading on something which does not represent us but representing others and we have to follow their (Europeans) head and not our own head. I read many traditional administration system sources as well like Hindu-Buddhism system of administration (half-feudal system of traditional court) but it's not difficult like modern European ones because they work with values which we could understand here though I am a Muslim.  

I just said to miss Wenpei yesterday next week she better go for Guanyin temple and pray or chanting Heart Sutra if she feels so annoyed. I also tried to meditate and trying chanting dzikr remembering Allah but when we are nervous it is very difficult to regain tranquility. Ya Allah, guide me how should I encounter these? I feel like throwing out blood when I look at those stuffs for this research. We also have to encounter this repeating class : (

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Aidul Adha 2011: Little Walk, Tekun Desa

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

These ones are pics taken yesterday. It was quite pleasant when the climate turns a bit colder after rain. And there were not so many people so I can capture pictures without being seen. Feel uncomfortable when people looking at us snapping here and there, hahaha.  

Campus Site

Moss (Bryophyte) along the pavement just at Fajar Harapan without roof' bus stand

Padang Kawat or marching field where police and army students marching during their activities. I used to drink canned tea and coffee or having some snacks here alone at night when I was in second and third year degree. Then watching at the moon or stars. I wasn't really hanging around with my colleague, Amir though we used to chat about many things. He lives in Jitra in Kedah so everyweek he could return home while I have to stay alone and thinking what should I do while I was alone... : )

Main bus stand for those who live at the hostels across the road to take commuter bus to classes

Climb these stairs at the bus stand to the flyover to RST hostel complexes, picture senget sikit rasa macam nak terbalik pulak, hahaha

 Flyover if we do not want to wait for traffic light in front of Bukit Gambir road

RST Complex Site 

RST complex with the hill as its background. I just imagined myself spending my time in Bhutan while looking at the hill, hehehhe

Desa Universiti with shop lots view from flyover, there you're Khaleel and Roti Bakar restaurants with Maju Jaya and 7E convenient store.

 

Reaching down the flyover, yeahhhh take some deep breath!!!! 

 

Cross the road, I don't know what to call this road, maybe it's called as Jalan desa Tekun

It's trying to warm itself, such a cute creature

 

Neighboring houses, nice architecture

Tekun Hostel Complex

 

Am not sure what is this construction for, but it seems like bus stand with roof

 

Welcome to desasiswa Tekun and Housing Unit, it's just upstairs

 

Climb stairs and... Hey, cats I hate to show my affection to them when people are there but I would hug them when I am alone, these creatures are cute animals... hahahaha

 

Thank you elevator, it brings me up this skyscraper

This is my hive, the first room that I could see is Raof and Badi'ozaman's room. Raof is from Sri Lanka and Badio is from Serawak, our Northern Borneo compatriot

Astaghfirullah, is this a room or a tongkang pechah????! ahahaha

Bo..bo dulu... deh!!! hahahahaaha.....

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!!!

Aidul Adha 2011: Little Walk in the Campus

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Just the same places where I use to walk in my daily life while studying here. Since first degree until now. What can I say, feel bored walking in the same place but we appreciate what we have. Might be it is good for us or might be something torturing but at least we have something for our selves. Many students have affection to this place. I have no attachment to this place and I don't really develop friendship here so I don't feel any attachment : ) 

Mai kita jalan-jalan tempat biasa... hehehe

Crossing Bukit Gambir Road into the campus

Jalan Bukit Gambir, view from flyover

Welcome to the campus at Bukit Gambir gate

USM Stadium at Bukit Gambir gate

Students' Main Hall (DUP) from the pavement, just after rain pouring down

 Close up at DUP, this is the place we used to sit for examination during first degree time

View of Indah Kembara male hostel from a bus stand 

Prayer Hall of Masjid al-Malik Khalid, this is the only place that I missed in USM I cried here before Him pleading help to face this life : )

I have many memories with grandparents too. Sometimes we were left in our village in Perlis or our grandparents would look after us when they come over to visit us. I hate to stay in the village too when I was a child because we only could listen to radio and can't watch TV. Radio channel that I listened when I was in Perlis was broadcasting from Southern Thailand. Even the TV channel that I could only watch is Malaysian Radio and Television Channel 1 while other popular channel like TV3 can't be reached with short aerial. Most people in grandparents house are settlers from Southern Thailand and they speak in Thai at home although they are Malays. Small numbers of minority were settlers from southern states such as from Negeri Sembilan. Grandparents were settlers from Sanglang of Kedah state and we regard Perlis as a territory of Kedah Sultanate, haha.   

Besides, we can't make friend with village kids because they would mock us as kids from the city whom are viewed in generalization as bunch of arrogant kids. Some villagers (traditional) ones always looking down to us as ungodly people and deserve no respect so they talked to us in impolite manner. I hate to stay in the village too. My sisters always teasing me, they said you are unfriendly unlike us. They are female and when they bring their friend home, they do not have to worry as I am the only male among them beside my dad who is another.

I always think about others before I do anything for myself. Even when I wanted to give foods to a cat or a dog, I would first make sure that it is safe for the animal. If I bring my friends home, I am afraid that everyone would feel uncomfortable since our house is actually a small house, we are poor people. I had been to friends' houses and staying at their house which actually denotes that I make friends and contacts with people around. As an example, I had been to Alep house in Yan just after his dad passed away during our first year as a degree student. He was not even my course mates nor room mates and we are just hostel mates. I understood how it feels when losing someone we love because I love my grandparents though I had not acted as a filial grandson to the late grandpa due to some misunderstanding. I am still maintaining contact with Alep.

Sadly other friends including my ex-roommate Zaidi had lost from the reach because I don't think I have any significance in others' life. Once I think that I have no function in people life, I would get rid myself from them. Other than that, female and male are different in term of functions although we are both human-being. So, we can't take everyone as fitting others but as unique on their own. I regret that sisters at home, even mum has the thinking that everyone must be the same in function. When I say to them why don't you do man job if human function the same? They would rant saying: "It's like no men at home!" If, human are the same in function and ability, why not women be truck drivers, electricians, technicians, mechanics and etc? I will give my full support to women who involve themselves in these field rather than just talk but never walk their talk, LOL... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

How a Single Guy Deals with Toothache

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

From left: cotton wool. toothache drop, mouth washer, and acti-fast panadol  

Just before we go for bed for the experience of a master degree student, hahaha. I took some dinner around 23:00 after paying for my copies of journals, notes and readings at xerox shop. It costs me around RM27:50 and what can I do... The Chinese family who handle the xerox job are quite hilarious, they had quarreled over the quality of paper. The husband just didn't want to waste the piles because they had done them all the night while the wife just wanted to dump the paper and do it over and over until they've got the good quality xeroxs. Last time I had agreed with the lady to do some binding but never-mind... I just don't care because I need to hurry. I am not a fussy person while time is gold, at least says most books... hahaha. 

Then only, I went for dinner and having some mushroom fried rice and a glass of orange juice all for about RM5 at those Thai restaurants. I thought of ordering some vegetables but I am afraid that they would put seafood like squid or anything related to it. So, it would be safe to order something which is vegetarian. While chewing the food I felt so painful in my mouth and I just realized that I had some injury in my mouth. I don't think that my toothache but it is related more to gums and area around the wall at the cheek felt like torn down at the end of the molars. Perhaps I had committed sins with my mouth that I have this pain. Lately I had been late to musalla and even masjid because of studies so I might turned to be an evil creature. I must recite more intensely the Quran to get rid of evil so that it won't harm me in the future. We take this as a test from the God to test our faith. A servant without tests and tribulations are like empty bags.

After dinner, I went to 7E convenient store and buying those stuffs in the picture. All of them costs me around RM18, quite expensive because it is a convenient store. Not a plain one as those plain ones were closed. I just felt like I wanted to cry out loud when I chew my food. I didn't eat properly since few weeks. Just having some plain bread and biscuits. Even when I met my classmate Siva, she said that I became more skinny than ever. Well, I hate people to sympathize me. But I can't hide my face when I see those whom I know. Usually I would avoid the way when I see people whom I know but when it happens so sudden I can't really avoid but just talking with them. I don't know whether this is called as social anxiety but I am just afraid of sin. It's not because I feel uncomfortable with myself. I could be myself all I want according to situation.

So, this is another experience of a lone ranger dealing with pain. How's respective brothers and sisters deal with toothache? Any suggestions? Or should I just go to clinics? I hate clinics and hospitals, hahaha...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!