No Adhan?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

Hurmmm.... Few weeks going thru and sometimes I can't listen adhan in our hostel. Maybe I need to exercise my responsibility to call for prayer for the benefit of brothers who are fasting even if they don't join congregational services. In fact, I also have no strength to walk to masjid because it's very far and I have to prepare earlier than when I was inside the campus since I am on feet. I actually tried several times to walk my self to masjid. I think I hurt my foot and joints while walking. My back is also aching for sitting too long looking at computer. The thesis must be continued without stop because this April is very close. I need to get the approval of lecturers and supervisor to print out the thesis, stamping it and they are very busy people.

Surah Kahfi and Iman

I read the surat al-Kahfi again and I feel so impressed to those meditating young sleeping men in the cave where they tried to avoid the conversion to idolatry for the strength of the faith in their heart. The stories about these seven young men can be found in Syriac texts of Actus Sanctorum: Saints Life and Martyrdom. I just read the stories from Quran to entertain my lonely self and sad heart but I do aware about the other path stories though they don't circulate this anymore. My family is going through some tests from Allah. It is not new for ajnabis (alien) like us because we face this since we were born, chaotic families, challenging treatment from around, identity crisis, and etc. Sometimes it could make us very weak but we must not lose hope and trust in Allah. He tests us because He wanted to clean us our selves and purify our souls. That is His hidden Mercy in between tests.

Leaving behind Duniya

I think I must avoid nice food again. I read something regarding metabolism and physical growth but I had forgotten that my age now is not the age to grow anymore no matter how much I take, hahaha. It is harmful for me and does not belong to a slave like me. Let others enjoy the food. If I bought them next time I will just dump them in the lake for friends and brothers in the lake since I don't know to whom should I give. I am shy to brothers in musalla and feel not worthy to be their friends nor brother.

Closing

I must keep in my mind that I am waiting for the Resurrection like the brothers of the past in the cave. No need to worry about how I look like or whether I look like a skeleton. If my sisters say I am ugly and looking miserable then be it. I don't care anymore. I beg Allah my Lord to forgive everyone who does not know. I beg Allah forgiveness for being deceived for a moment while I should not forget that I am just a lowly slave. I would like to express my gratitude to brothers and sisters who are passing by for your prayers. May Allah bless all of you and express His Love on each of you.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin! 

Finish Repeating Exam

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Quite relieved for a moment, I have just finished the final exam for this repeating paper. Though I just shoot those answers like a nut but at least I answered them all and I did all of the homework given by the lecturer. Our lecturer and course coordinator had warned us about the delaying of thesis submitting might cause us being stamped as fail. I borrowed my sister's money and also parents so I must not let their money go in vain or else I won't forgive myself for wasting them. I must send the complete thesis to coordinator by 23rd April 2012 if I wanted to grad this December so I would try to finish it according to time. I need to put my reliance to Allah and trust Him as the Guide and I must try to keep my life in compliance with Quranic and Sunnah teachings.

Sadly, two of our seniors which are auntie Roslin and Tirawud had already been eliminated because their due date for thesis had came to the end but they produced nothing. Auntie Roslin just answered the repeat paper with us for her third times. I feel sorry for her at her age now probably around early 60's just the same age as my mum and she has no one to tell about her problem. I sometimes facing this kind of problem and few friends also being my victims. I will always apologize to friends. I don't try to burden you people I love you people just like I love prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his family, his companions, and the disciples. 

I just want to talk about my problem and not asking them to help me only listen and take lessons if what I did was wrong because I don't want people to experience same bad thing. I don't feel comfortable to talk to Pusat Islam brothers or Tabligh brothers though I love them. I also go to masjid and crying to the God lamenting my weak time and feeling useless. This new year, I am already 26 by Gregorian calender. By Lunar calender, I am older than that but still I look like a young kid perhaps because of my physical, haha.

I meet new kids again this semester because this is the first semester for new intake. As always if we go to musalla we are also friends to those in there. I don't want to talk with people after an incident with Tabligh kids there that made me try to keep a distance from them. Actually those kids had disturbed my meditation and concentration because I made vows to recite holy verses even mentally and when people keep coming close it makes my concentration distracted. I love to see devotion in young kids but I don't disturb people meditating, praying, or making supplications and that makes me not talking much in the mosque or musalla as a sign of respect to the Owner of the House. Perhaps they think I am arrogant but as to say we can't stop people from thinking. That is their right. I only talk with people one by one and not in a group. In Malay there is a slang word sounds like menchapub which is a short form of mencari publisiti (publicity seeker). I am not that kind of person, I am not a good politician. I only work behind the scene I don't need people to notice me and that's why I only have few friends. I had already experienced my freshman years and also my schooling time. Most of them are painful experience as far as I could remember. I know little kids way of thinking though they might be bigger than me in physical term. Another thing I don't like when talking with kids is that they would associate things like dzikrs or religious disciplines with magic like flying with the wind and kashaf stuffs. We are practical people, there is no such thing only Allah is All-Powerful. Those kashaf whatever things are not important. We strive to be sincere to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla and trying to be a servant and a slave to please Him. 

Some more comments to all Muslim brothers and sisters. We avoid slandering people so we don't talk about things we do not know. In this sense, I don't try to defend ahli kitab or people of scriptures. We have heard rumors about people drink holy water in church and their tongue became hardened and could not recite testimony of faith. Or tongue becoming black in color after drinking holy water after being forced. I had already entered churches and also temples. I went to pray in Buddhist temples when I was an ignorant kid and listened to Buddhism lectures. Now I am a Muslim and I try hard to be a loyal Muslim and sincere to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. I still visit temples and also churches but I feel nothing anymore. I pray for people and other fellow creatures there to receive the mercy to the world. Nobody there force me to knelt down or drinking holy water or taking sacraments in churches. If we are honest Muslims, we must strive hard and do not even bother about what people wanted to say about our devotion to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla and obeying the teachings transmitted through His messenger and slave, Muhammad s.a.w. We only talk about what we know because prophet Muhammad s.a.w only talk about anything being revealed and not from his own desire. When people of the scripture asked him regarding issue, he only answer once the revelation descends to him. I am sure many beloved Muslim brothers and sisters know about this incident.

Then I also had my dinner at Chinese rice shop at our canteen. I know the son of the shop owner and he cooked also at another stall near our language center here. I asked him and he tell me that his rice is halal with a Muslim cooker. A brother from China had also asked and he told me the same thing but he never eat there. I also don't want him to have his meals there afraid that Malay students might misunderstood him. It is not good for him. I only take vegetarian stuffs there. Even if I am at Malay restaurants, I would also ask for vegetarian meal and sometimes they put stuffs like squid, prawn, and other elements which could be considered as not favorable according to my manhaj. But because they are Muslim/Malay, I still tolerate them and not complaining. Few days before I finally give up and had my meals at Chinese stall, I had also talked with new a new freshman kid which happens to be a Malay. He asked about the Halal status of the Chinese shop. For me, if you feel doubtful, don't ever touch them. I am certain about the status so I have it there plus I don't really feel accustomed to Penang Malay style of cooking or Mamak style of cooking. My mum sometimes used to cook peranakan Chinese cuisine at home and we seldom have curry like most normal Northern people. We eat raw vegetables and Chinese style pickles like poor people. Only dad love to eat meat, few sisters of mine also have fish. I don't take fish at all to avoid from ritual impurity.  

This few months I had not been talking in Malay but only in English or Chinese. Feel quite slow to speak in formal Malay but I still can speak in bahasa Kedah fluently, hahaha. I found that we are fond with this language and we preserve old words just like olden days as compared to fellow Malays. I try to access hadith translation in Chinese but I can't found any. Anyone could suggest to me if you happen to step by in this side? If there is no translation then I might have to initiate important parts in Chinese as compared to English. Malay speaking people are blessed with kitabs and translation made by local students in the Middle East. But Chinese is an isolated language. It is not easy to translate and transliterate Arabic words into Chinese characters. I encourage Muslim Chinese students in our university to learn more Malay though its not in syllabus while they are here because of religious purpose. Certain things are preserved in Malay language other than Arabic, Persian, Urdu, and Turkish. Apart of Yemeni-Hadrami community also contributed into the translation of kitabs in term of sufism and tasawwuf for practices of heart purification in South East Asia. I just read about Wang Daiyu last few months and he inspired me too. I have the same belief like him. We need local stuffs in Chinese instead of those in Arabic for people to understand better and bring them into practice. However my Chinese language is not high Chinese but only communicative Chinese at primary school level, hahaha. Ya Allah, help me to find way how should I improve my Chinese. I had almost forgotten Chinese when I befriend Malay kids from Kedah during degree times. Thanks to Muslim Chinese brothers here I revived it again in myself. People at home most of all had abandoned Chinese (in form of dialect: Fujian and Canton). Last time, even my paternal uncle (of Arab-Gujarat descent) could speak in local Fujianese dialect due to business ties. I took the pain to learn Chinese Orthodox writing and later learning Simplified one but I don't know how to write it just reading.  

Hope to finish studies as quick as possible. I don't want to chase any paper qualification. I want to receive Allah's blessings and pleasure. That's all I want. The period is almost to end just we don't know when. Nothing to chase except His Kingdom, Hail be to You dear Lord of the Universe!

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

First Chapter Need Changes

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Hurrrm, this morning I had just met my supervisor, Dr. Noraida. She said that nothing much changed in the first part. I should repair the first part and put everything that they said in the introduction part. Actually, the more I look at the thesis the more I feel confused because everyday I just wandering in front of the computer looking at the thesis and checking what should I do. I had done the proposal for the thesis many times since last semesters and each time it should be amended according to different lecturers who advised us on research methodologies. I don't like to sit at the computer.  

How do I feel jah? Urmmm just feel like I wanted to cry. I would sincerely admit... I feel like I wanted to cry in the bus while returning to my room. If I am a woman I guess I would just cry in  front of people, hahahahahaha. So, being both man and woman actually is not easy. We have our own differences and problems in life. I feel my neck being tied with unnecessary ropes. I actually had made vow to study religious sciences and returning to my responsibility but this world is pushing me aside the way. I send text messages also to wrong people, so humiliating. It's because I feel so annoyed and my head think about many things. Sometimes I also feel like wanted to retreat, chap ye (tidy up things), return home, finding a job with my first degree certificate again and when I free just meditate in masjids or traveling around to perform da'awa on myself. If I saved enough money, I wanted to to go to some countries in Middle East or South Asia and stay there waiting for my "time" to come. Sometimes I'm quite pessimistic with future, lol. And sometimes I could only see darkness where I see myself in shroud cloth down the ground... 

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Guidelines and Comments Today

What did she advise me to do?

Background Part

On the background or introduction part it should be a brief one. It must be from general to specific introduction of the issue. I didn't change much in this part and it seems like the same with the previous one that I did. It's actually my fault, I didn't put the record in orderly manner. I have piles of paper here and it's all over the places. I told so at the supervisor but she thought that I tried to blame her, hahaha. For example, if I wanted to choose immigration policy, what is the relationship of UK in position of immigration and Muslim issue in UK? The program is about European Union so it must be related to the Union and not about a specific member state of the Union. If we talk about this Union everything must be about policy, politics, administration, legal system and guidelines from the treaties agreed by European Union member states.

Problem Statement Part

I should emphasize on issue chosen to be studied. Whether it is within the context of the policy, how to connect the problem of the immigration issue with the study of muslims in Europe with the UK as the case study? In problem statement, I should question myself, what is the reason to study? If it is about Muslim migrants, what are the reason behind this? What is the problem regarding Muslim migrants in the UK? The problem here is that whether the third and second generation of Muslim migrants are considered as migrants?

On the other hand, I had also put in the study about the notion of multiculturalism. I need to differentiate the study. Whether it is about the current population of Muslim in UK or about Muslim migrants? If I choose this type of social study, I need to make up my mind and choose because it makes my study obscure. When I change this, I must also change the objective as well as research questions.

Research Methodology

The term manipulation of data is not a suitable term to describe a method used in a research. It is more to a process. It is not an explanation of the method used. If I am going to do historical research for example, what are the methods? Try to read something about this in order to get some ideas.   

Sources

Where should I get my data sources? It means that what types of data that I am going to use for the research? In term of type of data sources, whether it is narrative types or people's opinion or academic theories? 

Are the data came from the reports, debates, or narratives of famous figures? Those things on where to access the data such as from internet searching could be described in brief.

Justify also why I need to use secondary data? How will it provides result to my objective and inquiry? 

Process in Analyzing Data

How about this process? How to sort them out? Qualitative process of analyzing the data? How to classify them into categories? How they are related and why they are related?

Significance of the Study

It must be totally changed according to what I choose in the background or introduction part. 

Another Comment

I took it too long and still came out with the same mistake. My sincere comment on this, I just feel lost when I look at this study. The more we dwell in it, the more it confuse us. That's why I love Quranic studies compared to these kind of things. Because I am familiar with it compared to these thesis mesis political science studies nih. Then the dateline for me to resend it to supervisor is at 23rd of December 2011. I need to check the calender as well to make sure that I am alert. She had earlier mentioned that I should see her by 9th December so I would take this as earlier alert for me.   

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I don't blame the supervisor at all on this matter and I think it is wrong to blame anyone! I guess it is better to comply within the guidelines and comments given. She had been generous enough in enlightening me with the guidelines and repeating them again. 

I had also talked with my colleague, Wenpei. She also has the same problem. We had also avoided our colleagues like Siva because we do not want them to know what happened to us. Further, what can they do to help us other than just discuss it and later we still have to deal it with ourselves? Yesterday, Wenpei also sent me messages saying that she's so disturbed with the study and classes. Frankly we think that we're not suitable to study European studies and I don't really like this studies on policies and administration either because it is so complicated and I think I should earlier change to research mode of Social Development, Asian Studies or doing MBA because MBA needs no research but it's too late to be sorry. We are reading on something which does not represent us but representing others and we have to follow their (Europeans) head and not our own head. I read many traditional administration system sources as well like Hindu-Buddhism system of administration (half-feudal system of traditional court) but it's not difficult like modern European ones because they work with values which we could understand here though I am a Muslim.  

I just said to miss Wenpei yesterday next week she better go for Guanyin temple and pray or chanting Heart Sutra if she feels so annoyed. I also tried to meditate and trying chanting dzikr remembering Allah but when we are nervous it is very difficult to regain tranquility. Ya Allah, guide me how should I encounter these? I feel like throwing out blood when I look at those stuffs for this research. We also have to encounter this repeating class : (

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Mid Term Test Done

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Beautiful creation of the God. We always feeling envious at Northern hemisphere in term of beautiful plants even at their grass flowers. Guess where is this snapped? It's just at the side of Bukit Gambir road in Penang, hahahaha. I don't want any scholarship to France or Germany. My heart is not attracted to those things. I just want to see Him : )   

Thanks dear Lord, we had done with the annoying test. I had forgotten that I should be fasting today because of this test but never mind. I am just so glad that the test had gone though there are several other annoying matters to come after this. In this matter I would like to thank our brother in faith, brother Idris. May he and his family receive happiness and fortune in this life and hereafter for mercy and compassion to other creatures. I believe in brothers and sisters prayers could help everyone going through difficult times. I look at brothers and sisters prayers as the sign that they put importance of brotherhood and sisterhood as their priority. Prayers are our fort, prayers of those who had passed for their generations had also be the fort for the coming generations : )

I actually begin to believe this after maternal grandpa passed away. I had done many wrong things to him... (urmm, let me shed my tears first). After that, I would ask everyone to pray for me. I also talk with hidden creatures in my room or around me to pray for me to be forgiven if they believe in the God and the prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w. I am also afraid that I would hurt hidden "saints." Usually "hidden" saints do not show any difference to others. They appear to be the same like others. Sometimes they appear to be those whom we look down upon in case of my late grandpa. I listened to few tasawwuf angle lessons being introduced to me by Tabligh-e-Jama'at but actually those things are not new to me. I had already noticed that before I return to Islam after I faced the conflicts of aqeedah (creed) in myself where I questioned many things including my goal of life. This actually made me very sensitive with people and fellow creatures around. Sometimes I felt very guilty if I think I did something wrong to people with my face expression, with my speech, or if I made people feel humiliated if I had sometimes didn't notice them talking to me. I would like to first admit my weaknesses. I am a human-being and a creature of the God with flaws because only the God is flawless the Most Perfect. I apologize my sins and wrong-doing to everyone.

I had answered whatever I could remember from the text that I had read. Frankly, I just noticed that the lecturer had uploaded the articles and journals for tests' references only yesterday. I just downloaded them yesterday night and right away walked down to print them out. I thought of finding some acquaintances asking whether they've got printers with them and I would pay for the service. But I think back, no need such an act. I would be a burden to others. That's not our custom to burden others. We would try to survive until the last breath without harming others. I had always practice this since I was a young kid. In school during my childhood time, teachers and people around told me to try solving problems alone first. So now we are familiar with it. If we have any problem not only in studies, but also in daily life like illness and others, we would try to solve them ourselves first. 

Just before I answered the papers, I have to do some translation jobs translating points from articles and journals because words and sentences that they used are complicated. I made them easy and using Malay as the medium because I was a translation and interpretation student trained in both English and Malay. I managed to memorize few points and arguments through this way. Then I talked with auntie Roslin which is my elderly classmate because she doesn't know how to access to the portal where those stuffs are uploaded. To make things easier, I just walked down few minutes before the test began to print the articles for her at least she could pass her paper because this is her third time repeating the same paper. I understand the torment so I don't mind to sacrifice for others. I guess auntie Roslin is around 60's now but still in high spirit to acquire a master degree. She did encouraged me to apply for Erasmus Mundus and other scholarships offered but I turned down everything which came to me because I think it is just enough. I believe in the God as the central part of my life and if I die, I must also die because of Him. I don't need those papers for recognition on me anymore. I just need His forgiveness, His love and acceptance to free me from torments here and in hereafter. I need the knowledge to know Him and being aware about myself. It needs no paper recognition but practices and sacrifice to spread His Mercy and Love : )

There were three articles uploaded by the lecturer for us which are:

1. Ben Aston (2004) How useful are theories of integration to understanding the development of the EU? Politics of Governance: The European Union.

2. Laura Cram (1995) Policy-Making and the Integration Process - Implications for Integration Theory. Department of Government, University of Stratchclyde. UK.

3. Suha Atature (2008) The Historical Roots of European Union: Integration, Characteristics, and Responsibilities for the 21st Century. Vol. 7. No. 2. Political Science and International Relations Department, Yeditepe University, Turkey. 

There were three questions with sub-questions in them. We have to answer the first question as it is compulsory while the other two questions are elective questions which mean that we could choose either one of them. 

The first question is regarding sovereignty. I think the question more or less asking us about the impact of integration process on sovereignty in the European Union (EU) where it refers to the member states. 

Second question directly come from the paper written by Mr. Aston. It touches the theories of integration such as intergovernmentalism, neo-functionalism, and characteristics of those theories. What are the assumptions of those theories.

Third question directly come from Laura Cram paper where it talks about the impact of integration process on the policy making and integration process in the EU.

Basically, I just answered nonsense and trying to manipulate whatever that I have in my empty head. My head is not really empty but it has many other things including that I think classes are not suitable for old teenage like me anymore. After this I would be a 26 years old guy and His calling is also near and near. I don't want to see Him with humiliation but I want to see Him with His acceptance : (

Ya Allah.... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

お腹がすいた

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I can't eat anything since yesterday. There isn't much choice in our campus or around the campus and considering Penang is a hard place to find proper place for food though it boasts with it's Nasi Kandar and other Chinese cuisines. Well, it's hard for a person without a car nor motorcycle like me, hahaha... Most of Chinese cuisines around are non-halal even the vegetarian ones could still make people doubtful. I can't really take Indian food or anything related to it because they have too much spices. I already tried hard to adapt and I am not trying to be a pain in the ass but I can't...  I had threw out everything when I returned to my room from canteen, that was so embarrassing!!! Fortunately nobody saw me.

Usually I will only become a veggie. The rice at the canteen was horrible but I avoid complaining to the Malay makcik because she might had tried hard. One of a phd Filipino guy had also complained about the rice and side dishes cooked in other hostel. Usually when we do business in large scale this kind of situation is unavoidable. 

I think I need a refrigerator and also an electric pan or rice-cooker... We have department store here but I can't store those fresh stuffs nor cooking them. I'm sick of foods cooked at restaurants and I am just wasting money for something which would be thrown out... Urm, just see if I am crazy enough to carry those stuffs after I buy them...

First I would keep this recipe that I get from sites here for Sukiyaki... If I can't cook here I wanted to do it at home and dip my head into the pan, hahahaha... Need to modify the recipe because sake and mirin are non-halal...

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Sukiyaki Sauce

100 ml vinegar (2/5 u.s. cup)

50 ml sweet soy sauce (1/5 u.s. cup)

50 ml soy sauce (1/5 u.s. cup)

2 tbsp sugar

Raw Items

Beef 

Eggs

Tohu

Vegetables

白菜 Hakusai chinese cabbage

葱 Negi (spring onion)

春菊 Shungiku (chrysanthemum)

椎茸 Shiitake mushrooms

榎茸 Enokitake mushrooms

小松菜 Komatsuna Japanese mustard spinach

糸蒟蒻 Ito konyaku Yam noodle

How to make?

Mix vinegar, sweet soy sauce with sugar. Boil them and wait until it simmer. Slice those raw items. Slice vegetables just to make it easy to eat and being placed into the pan. Put the sauce into the pan and put beef into sauce. Put chinese cabbage and tohu. Put ito konyaku but don't put it close to beef. Put mushrooms and mustard spinach. Put some more sukiyaki sauce when it began to dry up. Wait few minutes. We can also add eggs, have some rice and have some udon with it.    

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I was just too hungry... Just had a bowl of vegetarian instant noodle and later dipping some wholemeal bread in it. I imagined that I am having Sukiyaki... hehehehe... Previously in the age of my ignorance, I sometimes ate Japanese style foods with those alcoholic stuffs mixed in them such as sake or mirin. I didn't care even if there were pork elements or other things though elders are religious and strict. We perhaps also cook raw things and eat them together. Usually we would do crazy things with second sister. 

We wasted our money in Japanese restaurants and watch movies in theater when we wanted to celebrate anything just to release our boredom and tense. Quite funny that last time, I guess around 7 years ago, second sister and I ate like swines in a Japanese restaurant in KLCC and both of us almost fainted when the bill came to us. We had to pay RM90 and before that we didn't bother to check prices at the menu... After that I drank all of the shoyu and mirin in the vases on the table because we paid expensively and we must appreciate our money. 

Though I didn't take fish for long and I have to avoid seafood now but I still could take those like seashells or abalone by closing my eyes. I will perform ritual bath and ablution after taking all of those stuffs in order to validate the performance of prayer services since we live in a country mixed with other population. Sometimes when I go to relatives houses, I would have to take whatever they give me as to be polite to them and it also include seafood. Abalone is expensive, yah!

At our home, only three persons have their appetite more to Indian whom are my dad, my younger sister, and my third sister. They are used to curry. For me, the way to cook curry at home is different with the way it is cooked at Mamak restaurant. They used too much spices in curry and the spices used are fierce. We only use spices which are light like cinnamon. Malay curry and Indian curry is quite different.  

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Argggh... Backpain!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I actually sat down on the chair thinking on how to repair my research proposal in written term since my lecturer had asked me to send it to her before September. Been like this since few days ago. Well sitting in front of computer more than one hour is actually a torture for our muscle and back. It hurts my back, I can't bent down and it also prevents me from joining Taraweekh congregational prayer service besides the cold and fever.

So, I had been reading about health more since health is also a grace from Allah. We should keep His trust in good condition as to make sure that we do not return this trust which is our mass without any attempt to keep it in good condition. I read articles about backpain and this is one of it. Now only, I realize that I had tormented my back. So, please dear brothers and sisters take a good care of your health and never under-estimate any pain or disease. When you have little sickness or feeling pain at any part, don't be like me feeling shy to burden people in the clinic or hospital. Right away consult your doctors! Always doing some stretching or exercise although only five minutes in a day. It would do, to prevent you from neurological diseases and other pain. It is very important.

Other than that, my roommate, Mr. Jamal has messaged me that he was coming last morning assuming that I might be keeping a scout person in the room. So, I immediately cleaned up my room and packed my hygienic stuffs for worship purpose to Azren's room inside the campus. I would like to thank Azren and expressing gratitude for sheltering me for a night, may Allah bless you with His bountiful sustenance for your kindness. You already helped me a lot. I don't know what will happen to me if you're not there. I had already spent my nights last semesters like at the mosque stairs, under trees (I did cried to Allah alone under trees and reciting stories about our patriarch Abraham and Maryam the mother of Jesus Christ sufferings around mosque's area), under huts without walls and musalla when I had problem with previous roommates in previous room. I also felt like jumping down from 10th floor when I felt like nobody was beside me but the God had prevented it with His Words (Quranic verses) that I recite everyday.     

When staying in Azren's room, I managed to stay away from computer so I have more time revising Quranic verses and reciting it alone because Azren is working. I could take a walk and having some deep breath of unadulterated morning air after Fajr prayer which reminds me of my first degree times. I listened to some excerpts of Fajr lecture after the prayer from outside of the mosque and having some deep thought in silence despite the sound wasn't so clear to my ears. I returned to Azren's room and reading copies of my research's early parts. Jotting my idea manually and watched some TV to relax my mind. It's good for our spine when we do all of these as services to the God, haha.

Then I went to the mosque again for Maghrib service from there since it is closer than when I am in my hostel far across the road outside of the campus. I thought that I would be breaking my fast alone, drinking some milk and having biscuits that I bought from Maju Jaya Sungai Dua store at a hut near the mosque. Suddenly, two servants of Allah whom are a Pakistani and an Arab brothers accompanied me with some roti and mutton gravy. They took care the Arab Bazaar just beside the hut and maybe I had disturbed their common breaking fast place. Thanks Allah that they did not chase me away, instead generously inviting me for their meal. I pray may Allah bless them and be Merciful to them for their kindness. I am a nobody and I always think that I do not deserve warm and friendly treatment. However, when brothers spontaneously showing 'mercy,' it is actually the 'grace' from Allah in their selves because 'it' is in their heart.

I am thankful to Allah, tonight I can pray together in congregational manner and not alone. Thank You dear Allah for being Merciful letting me having this opportunity. I had listened news about deaths from my mum and also from Mijie who was my previous third year degree roommate. Mijie is still there as he works as a research assistant for Geography department. Many people died at a very young age. We will also following the footstep but we do not know when as it is in His wisdom. We could only pray that He shall be Merciful to us and never leaving us alone. As for me, I am already a loner without any close friend, childhood friend, or whom ever friend it is. I only have Allah. If Allah too leaving me, then I would only taste a 'real' death :'(    

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

Manners at People's House

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Source picture Jackie Hinkson, Humble House.

Sometimes we might also forget, thus Ramadan is a good month to revive every sunnah that we could recall. I always remember whatever told in Qisasul Anbiyaa' (prophets' life) although after my iman and aqeedah was deflected by the environment and circumstances surrounding me.

What I still could recall in my memory. A guest should not living in a host house or compartment more than three days. Why is that so brethren? It is because we do not know whether we would be a burden for the host or not after the prescribed days.  It is not only about a host who serves his or her guests, but it is in two ways. The host and the guest. If we could remember the narration about our patriarch Ibrahim a.s with his guests which are the two angels bringing news about his nephew prophet Luth a.s tribe. Our patriarch Ibrahim a.s had served his guests with food but those guests do not take it. This could also be an example on the dignity of the guest. Both host and guest must respect each other. It is not only about the host who celebrate the guest as what I listened in Tabligh brothers' bayans. Those who are according to sufi or neo-sufi lines always emphasize on what we call as muruah (dignity) and adaab (civilized manner). These two are different from pride. They are not negative but positively related to respect to the host.

I used to stay at a close friend's house at a village in Yan district to offer my respect to his father who had passed away. I only stay there for one night, and that only because there was no bus service after 'Asr although his mother receiving me and asking me to stay more than one day. I understand his family condition where they were still in their mourning period and my visit there is not to burden them but to comfort them with some little and humble donation. More importantly expressing my condolence to their family as a brother to them. I actually prefer to do that anonymously but I am always a loner and I have no other way to send the service to this friend except using myself. This is apart of jihad to strengthen spiritual connection between souls. 

Last Thursday, my current roommate, Mr. Jamal had messaged me that he was on his way to the campus and kindly asked me not to receive any scouting acquaintance. I understand him, and I would also be pissed off if seeing someone we do not know messing up on our bed when we arrive early in the morning and he paid monthly rental for his place. In everything that we do, we need to be aware, sensitive and alert whether our act would create something unusual or affecting others. I am not sure whether this is prescribed in sunnah but this is a common sense that I encountered during my past reading about Buddhists manner.  

I was so ashamed of myself for burdening my roommate because of this guy that I gave the shelter for 'few days' in the beginning but it turns out that he stays here for few months. I began to think again because before this I do not have any tainted thought. I wonder why is this guy need to stay in my room while he could also duplicate his previous room key? His previous room is located in front of the wing where my room is located. I saw him staying also in his previous room, and his roommate is also my acquaintance. What makes he curious about me? I am just a normal guy like other human-being. Maybe I am a bit weird as I have no close friends 'here.' That is normal too because all of my friends fade away after finishing first degree studies. We can't expect everything to stay the same. Sometimes I sense that my books and kitabs are moved around. There are certain kitabs that I do not simply reveal to people because it is not suitable for others. I do not recommend others to read the kitabs nor talking about them in public since some people have no capacity to comprehend them. Is he spying on me or what? 

Silap pulak rasanya buatkannya kunci pendua, nak buat camna lagi nasik dah jadih bubur. Never thought about this before. I made the key myself for him in the beginning, I thought that he is in trouble after he gave up his room to the management. Why not be considerate to others even though we want to save some money? I don't take any loan or getting any scholarship for my study, simply using our own money just like other non-Malay students but I still avoid from burdening my friends or acquaintance wherever possible. I only make study loan when I was in degree and strictly using the money for study materials and fees. Kalau takda duit kerja sambilan or kutip tin and sell them. 

The night that I received Mr. Jamal's message, I also have to pack my stuffs and scouting at Azren's room in Aman desa. Again I feel ashamed because it is now twice I have to scout in his room to avoid arguing with my roommate. Luckily he has no roommate, I mean in a real sense not like me where my roommate is not always in the room but he will come once a month for consultation with his supervisor. I also made a duplicate key for Azren's room, but I always ask his permission each time I wanted to go into his room. I only go into his room when he is there and never approach his room when he is not there. Yesterday he went back to KL and he is offering me his room and also the foods in his room but I think that it would be sufficient with his assistance sheltering me because my roommate is now away home and I don't take people's offer as a mean to respect their private stuffs. So, I returned to my room. Azren would only be here until this September. I am still figuring out on what will happen next when he is also away because he is my last resort and the only person that I am close here since we were the same classmate during our bachelor time.

When I returned to my room I could see that guy again landing on my bed! It is OK in the beginning to stay in my room but now it is more than few days and it is now Ramadan. I need my space for my personal rituals too especially when it comes to Friday nights for twice holy days. I don't know whether it is rude or not to ask him to leave but I just feel uncomfortable now. This is common sense. We don't have to ask the host whether they are comfortable with us. Just put our feet in their shoes and think what we feel? Unless we are insensitive to others, I have no idea on what example to pose up here no more.

Then, when entering people's room or house no matter we have the access or not. Since it is not our room or house, we should always ask permission. Knock the door thrice and recite prayers which is assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah, peace be upon you, those who inhabit the room or house. It is to also warn people in the room or house that we are in front of their place and whether they allow us to enter or not. Maybe they are in the state that they don't like us to see them in that state. Don't stand right in front of the door but a bit at the side as not to see what happened inside. It is also to give the chance for the host to get ready. Maybe he is topless or do not cover her hair with hijab if a female host.

If they do not open the door up after salam prayer and thrice knocking of the door, and we have the key of the room, what should we do? Don't ever go in. The key does not indicate that we have the authority to 'intrude' into others compound. It is not our room or house, no matter we have the authority to enter or not.

Prophet s.a.w even when he is at his own house do not enter when he came back home in the middle of the night. Why is he doing so brethren? He does not want to burden the people and that's why he slept outside of his own house. I wonder, this guy also reading the kitaab about fadhaail 'amal? Some of blogs also talking the same thing about the manner of visiting others' house. I managed to google them up after the idea for this post sparks up. I think it is also common sense and this blog that I've got is hilarious, lol.

What is the difference in the kitaab's content with us laymen who reads Quran, Hadiths Bukhari and Qisaasul Anbiyaa'? I read Fadhaail 'Amal too though I am not a Tabligh movement member. I have a soft copy with me. But why I don't do this kind of attitude to others like Azren? I know Azren more than three years and quite close but I don't do like the guy is doing. I am so astonished in the same time hoping everyone would receive His Mercy and Guidance. 

Wish everyone could take heed about this and benefit from it in order for everyone of us to form a civilized nation. This is not only for brethren but also for myself in case if I also forget. Thank you for the visit if you stumbled by, forgive me my bad words or if this is offensive. I do not intend to low estimate other movements but all of these is for everyone benefit. Never let your movement and the honorable founder of your movement being slandered because of your indecent attitude. 

Dear the God our Lord! Accept us our service and grant us health, forgive us our sins and wrong-doings, make us die in the Path of Islam and may our life is according to Your Path. Gather us with righteous people. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

It is so boring!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

It has been a while. We are near to Ramadan day by day, today is 17th of Sya'aban 1432 H. I don't know whether I would perform rehlah to Bangkok or not before this Ramadan. It's in my head since long and I feel quite bored in USM. I would feel like I wanted to bang my head on the wall when I am bored. 

You know when you stay alone without any human presence to lead you, satan will blow the poison in your head and evil mind will appear and influencing you until you forget Him, then losing self control. It also happens to our brothers in soul who are about to die or leaving the world. So, we can't leave them alone. I'm still patient and accepting the period like this as a test from Allah. His slaves, the children of Israel were also tested by Allah in isolation as a mean to purify their sins. Noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w was also in isolation and performed 'uzlah away from a corrupt society.

I actually have many things in my head but as always mobility and limitation are our problem. I am alone and I need to carefully plan the trip and everything to make sure that I won't have any problem beyond the border.

What should we do tomorrow, ya 'abdallah?

1) Activate our atm card at the bank for overseas activation and ask whether they have the branch in the city? We can't bring too much cash in hand and it's dangerous especially when we are alone. I had this experience even in KL, kawan kena pau dengan two Patanese or perhaps Kelantanese when I was in form six just across Central Market.

2)  Find the past paper for the exam paper and notes from the files for the subject that we need to repeat in the next semester. We need to xerox them for a senior, an she really is a senior citizen.

3) Clean up the room and my side including the floor mopping. I need to warn brother Fairuz not to come by for few months. I had offered him a shelter in my room but I didn't warn him that he can't use the side of my roommate. I arrived in USM the day where bro. Fairuz in the room. That's why he slept at the roommates bed. I actually am offering my bed to bro. Fairuz because he still have few weeks to see his supervisor and I understand the condition of those who have no room. He doesn't have to worry about me because I can sleep on the floor. But I guess he might not dare to come again. I had lost a person who recite His teachings in my room, blessings will be gone too :'(

He was scolded by the roommate for using the other side when the roommate uncle suddenly arrived early in the morning. I am so sorry for that. Well, you know a teacher and an uncle. He must be quite strict with principles and anyone would be pissed off arriving searching for the bed and suddenly came over an unknown guy at their place. 


I'm strict with principles too but I may tolerate brothers of da'awa movement. The roommate is not always in the room. He comes once a month to see his supervisor. I have to flee the room too to avoid from arguing with the roommate over brother Fairuz issue. He doesn't know anything about me in detail because we are not close and the story of my relationship with Tabligh-e-Jama'at brothers here anyway. I had my previous Kelantanese roommates bringing scouting friends, smoking in the room and slept on my bed during my first degree but I could still tolerate them and be patient. Why can't elderly be tolerant to others too and politely asking people on what actually happened? Seriously, I can't understand some people thinking.    

4) Change some money to TB and USD at Forex because I may need it for expenditure in the rehlah. Maybe I would need some cash in hand for some food and bus fare. I might also accidentally bound for Chiangmai or perhaps Laos. So need to be careful with the money spent and be careful with the people around too not to be cheated. Recite some supplications and dzikrs to avoid evil in travel regardless anywhere we are. Check the debit card too coz we have no credit card. Thanks to al-Rajhi. 

5) Make some list for things to bring for the rehlah. Check also immigration law of the country and the other country at the north. Time is limited so everything must be need. Find the list of mosques and their addresses in Bangkok and also in Chiangmai, just in case. Also the address of Malaysian embassy and Wisma Putra contact number. Check for the list of budget hotels in case we can't find mosques or we can't stay at the mosque. Maybe we can also check for some temples whether they have some vacant room for some donation to the temple if we have no choice.

6) Check for economy class ticket for the train to Bangkok and prepare for a killing waist. Ask for the immigration procedure in the train. Bring some notebook and jot down relatives contact number in Thai and English script in a notebook. Make a list for places that we need to visit especially holy places (mosques) and Muslim areas to avoid time-wasting. How many days we would stay there? Maybe around 4 days, or perhaps a week. Hopefully not extended to a week, we have no financial support and alone. Don't bring any school books to clear up our jammed mind except for Quran and prayer book to recite prayers and blessings for the trip and people around.   

Urmmm, just enough to do list for tomorrow. It's just a plan anyway, it's not guaranteed to happen. No need to rush and no disappointment if it does not happen, ok : ) Make sure to read Quran and start the memorization again tomorrow. I can't really memorize Quran in room when brother Fairuz was in the room. Maybe because I'm shy or perhaps afraid I would disturb him with certain rituals to respect the mushaf. I'm just like that since I always have to keep my religion a secret in front of non-Muslim friends or afraid being looked down upon by some "zealots" last time. It developed to be a bad habit then.

What did we do today????? Nothing interesting... I had to stay at Azren's room since the morning of 16th Sya'aban until today's afternoon. I tried to avoid quarrel with the uncle about why did I gave shelter to our brother and coincidentally he slept on his bed. He pays for the bed and his side so he is also rightful when it comes to half part of the room. It's ok, I understand him. I don't blame anyone. I just prayed Fajr prayer inside Azren's room because I didn't bring any hygiene stuffs and my shirt stinks with sweat smell. It's not so nice to be close to holy sanctuary with stinky cloth. But I had no choice.

A whole day wandering inside the campus waiting for the uncle to leave the room. I prayed yesterday's Dzuhr and 'Asr prayers in mosque too. After Fajr prayer and dzikr ma'thurat services, I just went to sleep without reciting any Quranic verses. Azren was still sleeping at that time. I don't wanna disturb him. Thanks to Azren for the shelter offered, he also trusted me to duplicate his room's key. At least I can find some place when I have problem with an elderly roommate. I really appreciate his assistance. 

I think being a roommate to the elderly is quite difficult compared to be with teenagers or young guys. I don't know why I have to stay with the elderly although I had requested to the office to be placed with people younger than 40 years old. I pay the rental for every month, so technically they should also take note on my request. I'm not really particular with others' religious status. I can stay with non-Muslim and I'm familiar with them compared to fellow Muslims. As long as the person could masuk kepala with me, then I would have no problem at all with his religious practices or belief as long as he respect others. Maybe I should apply for the room inside the campus for the next semester. Might be at my previous hostel in Aman. It would be another fussy job to write letters here and there dealing with bureaucracy, dear Lord!

I went down to have some dinner at Jawi restaurant after Maghrib prayer at room. Typical Southern Thai restaurants that we always refer as kedai makan Siam. This kind of restaurant is at all the place now. Maybe a new kind of colonization or an effect of globalization of Thai food, LOL. Jawi is also a reference for us whom are the Malayan of Arab descents. Maybe it also makes me interested to always have my dinner there, haha. I never go to other restaurants although we have other restaurants at Ivory and University Place unless if I am with friends who wanted to have their meal at other restaurants.

After dinner, I went for Isyaa' prayer at Ivory musalla. Nobody there so I sadly prayed alone. It was already passing the congregational time because at the time I took my dinner, people already called for 'Isya' prayer. Feel quite guilty for not joining the congregation but I'm afraid that I will passed out because I had eat nothing for the whole day. 

 Random pic from flicker, this is not the tokong I went to.

After the prayer, I went down and walked passed the Persiaran Gambir street, further down and crossing the road to another side. I went to a small tokong (Chinese temple) under the hillside there, called 廣福宮 the Guangfu Gong. Urm, I know there are many temples with that name. But it is a given name for the temple by community around. Just feel bored and I have nobody to talk to so I just went to the temple to see what happened down there. They had a religious ceremony down there and as always a platform was set up for a singing show. I just watch people down there doing their religious ceremony beside listening to some songs in Hokkien, Mandarin, and Cantonese.  Frankly, I had been to the temple twice since the last Qingming.

The guy who sings the Mandarin song has a very good pronunciation. Quite impressive because I usually having a hard time to understand many people's Mandarin because we have also developed our own style of Chinese, hahaha. I read the flag there and it says that it's a ceremony for 老大帝 Laoda Di or 玄天帝 Xuantian Di. The name denotes that the god character is an emperor. I guess there is other sage name too, but I can't really see the flag and I don't want to show that I am not a local although they possibly could detect that, haha. I can only recognize 觀音菩薩 Guanyin Pusa because she is a famous goddess for Chinese Buddhists. Some Mahayana Buddhists call the equivalent god to Guanyin as Podhiseth Awalo (god Avalokiteswara). Just an additional info for those who are not familiar with Buddhism and performing da'awa. At least you have some idea about what are those things.

I saw two priests or bomoh doing some rituals. It seems like they were alternately possessed by 'something', perhaps 'gods' represented by the idols on altars there and they wrote some magic words on golden and silver papers and on the forehead or the body parts of people who ask for bad omen to be removed from them. They drank the water with a kind of leaf in it. I'm just lazy to ask people around but just observing through the haze of jossticks. 

A lady was also possessed there and she screamed. I don't know whether she really was possessed but she seems like in pain when the water with the leaves in the vessel sprinkled at her face. Perhaps the effects of heavy jossticks' smoke. The rituals done there looks more to folk beliefs. 

The only Buddhism influence that I could see is shown by the Bodhisatva Guanyin statue at the main altar there. Other seems more like Chinese folk belief or regional Daoism. I'm not really familiar with Daoism though, it's a Chinese traditional religion. They have dozens of beer and donated rambutans too. Those who talked with the possessed priests then gave RM10 in red packets to them.

I just hit the keyboard when I arrived at the room. Now I need to perform ghusl or ma'mad ritual to clean up myself and renewing my faith toward Allah after entering non-Muslim area and attending a non-Muslim ceremony. I smell like a burned lizard because of intense colok burning down there, ahahahahahahaa.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad, wa 'ala ahlihi wa sahbi-hi ajma'in. Dear Allah our Lord, please be in contact with the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family and his companions and everyone. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!