Problem with APEX University

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I've just heard about the news that our course for master degree perhaps will be closed. We only have two juniors in European studies where one of them is a MITI staff which makes him few years older than me. I don't really care about the course but I am afraid that I would have no time to finish up what ever that I had begin. I don't know what will happen to these students too whether they would have to transfer to other university or else.

The problem that they encountered regarding the course is that there is a lack of lecturers and our lecturers have also to handle more than two classes. They work hard for researches, co-curriculum activities for university staffs, and etc but they've only gain few points of merits with the burden that they have. The dean of Social Science department is also moving to Malaysian National University (UKM) and he has few students under his supervision too. Our previous International Political Economy has also moved to the ministry because he had applied to upgrade his post but those in human resource did nothing. We have very bad human resource here. 

This university is a university which has no campus in Kuala Lumpur and only have campuses in Penang Island, Kelantan and Trans Kerian. Technically they are in states administrated by opposition parties. The principle here is that if we do not support national side, we receive no assistance as it is to teach people not to vote wrong side. It also means that people have to embrace their "political religion". When the university has no campus in Kuala Lumpur, it would be difficult to apply help from Federal government institutions.

The fund for the courses for example Asian and European Studies under International and Diplomatic Relation courses? We do not know where does the money for APEX goes. Perhaps only those in Critical Science courses like Physics, Chemistry, Engineering and etc are receiving it but those in Humanities and Social Science are not receiving it. Our education system since long is for profit making and for human capital. But human capital which has no human spiritual values such as morality and we still could see problems in developed society because of the lack of morality.  If it benefits politicians and the chronies, then everything can moves smoothly. If not, then let it sunk down. Religion is also being tied to filthy politics. Because this is what Western world taught everyone that religion is something which would threaten them and their wipers though they had introduced the term of Secularism to explain the concept of what happened in their nation-state while it does not apply to every place. Not all of the people are with black heart like them.

I am not talking about our courses in Social Science only but this is representing all of the people in our institutions in the country. We are not protected since long even politicians care nothing but only doing things for their "own" benefits. Those slogans that they made are just baby talks. I wish some day He shows them Who He is according to His Will to these people because we are vulnerable here and we could do nothing except talking to ourselves and among ourselves. This 10th of Muharram really reflects what happens now and human are repeating the same history.

Our brothers in Humanities department such as in Hadith Sciences? I do not know what happen to them and we never actually notice their existence here in USM. I tried to apply for Hadith studies in Saudi Arabia too but the procedures are so tight and we were threatened with international laws which is prejudice with no reason like we care about the Western world and trying to Islamisize them. Stop being full of yourselves lar Western World, please lar! We are sick of your old same n lame dramas. We don't care about what you want to do with yourselves or wanted to be. 

Our job is only telling the people about Him and His message through prophethood. We do not force people and have no right or strength to force people. The job to provide Guidance, Wisdom and Enlightening are His job. Not ours... I guess if people here are not using Islam as their so-called Malay identity from being Sinified or whatever racist-nationalism teachings (false religion), perhaps the Islamic Center would be scrapped down too because it is a waste and makes no profit in term of technology and industrial-material development and causing them "sad" pocket. Those people above only looks at the physical sciences as the benchmark for civilization and not at spiritual sciences where in the end we will only have empty vessels with no soul and shameless society. Education policy, economic policy, employment policy and policies are all cross-cutting. For us people of "art" which is not apart of "science," we are not protected by the Constitution.

Sometimes, I wonder... Don't they feel ashamed of themselves calling themselves as people who believe in the God and Muhammad s.a.w prophethood and message when they are looking down at the spiritual sciences or people who observe the society and those involved in it? Muhammad s.a.w was not an engineer, not a politician who studied in Harvard like them, nor a professor who sought for phd certificates or professorship or studying chemistry, physics, biology, or doing researches in laboratories. He was just an orphan who received Enlightment from the God through the emissary of Archangel Gabriel a.s after he was sick looking at the situation of his city.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Mid Term Test Done

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Beautiful creation of the God. We always feeling envious at Northern hemisphere in term of beautiful plants even at their grass flowers. Guess where is this snapped? It's just at the side of Bukit Gambir road in Penang, hahahaha. I don't want any scholarship to France or Germany. My heart is not attracted to those things. I just want to see Him : )   

Thanks dear Lord, we had done with the annoying test. I had forgotten that I should be fasting today because of this test but never mind. I am just so glad that the test had gone though there are several other annoying matters to come after this. In this matter I would like to thank our brother in faith, brother Idris. May he and his family receive happiness and fortune in this life and hereafter for mercy and compassion to other creatures. I believe in brothers and sisters prayers could help everyone going through difficult times. I look at brothers and sisters prayers as the sign that they put importance of brotherhood and sisterhood as their priority. Prayers are our fort, prayers of those who had passed for their generations had also be the fort for the coming generations : )

I actually begin to believe this after maternal grandpa passed away. I had done many wrong things to him... (urmm, let me shed my tears first). After that, I would ask everyone to pray for me. I also talk with hidden creatures in my room or around me to pray for me to be forgiven if they believe in the God and the prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w. I am also afraid that I would hurt hidden "saints." Usually "hidden" saints do not show any difference to others. They appear to be the same like others. Sometimes they appear to be those whom we look down upon in case of my late grandpa. I listened to few tasawwuf angle lessons being introduced to me by Tabligh-e-Jama'at but actually those things are not new to me. I had already noticed that before I return to Islam after I faced the conflicts of aqeedah (creed) in myself where I questioned many things including my goal of life. This actually made me very sensitive with people and fellow creatures around. Sometimes I felt very guilty if I think I did something wrong to people with my face expression, with my speech, or if I made people feel humiliated if I had sometimes didn't notice them talking to me. I would like to first admit my weaknesses. I am a human-being and a creature of the God with flaws because only the God is flawless the Most Perfect. I apologize my sins and wrong-doing to everyone.

I had answered whatever I could remember from the text that I had read. Frankly, I just noticed that the lecturer had uploaded the articles and journals for tests' references only yesterday. I just downloaded them yesterday night and right away walked down to print them out. I thought of finding some acquaintances asking whether they've got printers with them and I would pay for the service. But I think back, no need such an act. I would be a burden to others. That's not our custom to burden others. We would try to survive until the last breath without harming others. I had always practice this since I was a young kid. In school during my childhood time, teachers and people around told me to try solving problems alone first. So now we are familiar with it. If we have any problem not only in studies, but also in daily life like illness and others, we would try to solve them ourselves first. 

Just before I answered the papers, I have to do some translation jobs translating points from articles and journals because words and sentences that they used are complicated. I made them easy and using Malay as the medium because I was a translation and interpretation student trained in both English and Malay. I managed to memorize few points and arguments through this way. Then I talked with auntie Roslin which is my elderly classmate because she doesn't know how to access to the portal where those stuffs are uploaded. To make things easier, I just walked down few minutes before the test began to print the articles for her at least she could pass her paper because this is her third time repeating the same paper. I understand the torment so I don't mind to sacrifice for others. I guess auntie Roslin is around 60's now but still in high spirit to acquire a master degree. She did encouraged me to apply for Erasmus Mundus and other scholarships offered but I turned down everything which came to me because I think it is just enough. I believe in the God as the central part of my life and if I die, I must also die because of Him. I don't need those papers for recognition on me anymore. I just need His forgiveness, His love and acceptance to free me from torments here and in hereafter. I need the knowledge to know Him and being aware about myself. It needs no paper recognition but practices and sacrifice to spread His Mercy and Love : )

There were three articles uploaded by the lecturer for us which are:

1. Ben Aston (2004) How useful are theories of integration to understanding the development of the EU? Politics of Governance: The European Union.

2. Laura Cram (1995) Policy-Making and the Integration Process - Implications for Integration Theory. Department of Government, University of Stratchclyde. UK.

3. Suha Atature (2008) The Historical Roots of European Union: Integration, Characteristics, and Responsibilities for the 21st Century. Vol. 7. No. 2. Political Science and International Relations Department, Yeditepe University, Turkey. 

There were three questions with sub-questions in them. We have to answer the first question as it is compulsory while the other two questions are elective questions which mean that we could choose either one of them. 

The first question is regarding sovereignty. I think the question more or less asking us about the impact of integration process on sovereignty in the European Union (EU) where it refers to the member states. 

Second question directly come from the paper written by Mr. Aston. It touches the theories of integration such as intergovernmentalism, neo-functionalism, and characteristics of those theories. What are the assumptions of those theories.

Third question directly come from Laura Cram paper where it talks about the impact of integration process on the policy making and integration process in the EU.

Basically, I just answered nonsense and trying to manipulate whatever that I have in my empty head. My head is not really empty but it has many other things including that I think classes are not suitable for old teenage like me anymore. After this I would be a 26 years old guy and His calling is also near and near. I don't want to see Him with humiliation but I want to see Him with His acceptance : (

Ya Allah.... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Mid Term Break: At Dentistry

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Alhamdulillah, I had just settled matters with the God which is salat al-'Isya' (night prayer service). I feel very much relieved because I didn't late to see Him for the service : ) Not so many people in masjid today perhaps it is weekend so people would spend more time with family or friends at home or in other places. I had just get an idea to do physical exercise to maintain health. I can use Tamil song videos to work on physical movement because they have lots of ideas regarding choreography, hahahaahaha. What can I lose if I try... I am just alone in the room so nobody would laugh at me if I use Tamil movie scenes to jog. 

Oh yeah, I went to bookstores too at Sungai Dua and I saw many interesting textbooks such as Social Research by Earl Babbie, Sociology Essentials by Anderson Taylor, Introduction to Social Studies, Human Communication, Microeconomics, Management of Strategy and Concepts, Ayurveda (Indian Traditional Medicine Studies), Medical and Nature, and other religious books. I have got no enough money to purchase them for personal references. Only if I found them earlier, perhaps I could also excel in examinations because I could understand basic principles from textbooks before reaching other journals and articles for applications. 

In the end I just bought a book about wudhu' which its title is translated as Characteristics of Wudhu' from Sunnah written by Abu Ezzat al-Mubarak. I had saw many other series but I think wudhu' is also important. I love religious science but nowadays I think religious science is only my dream since I am not suitable to be one of the student for religious science. There are many obstacles but at least I try to approach Him. Does not matter if He hates me, He has every right to hate me but I will still pray for Mercy and Love on everyone and also for myself. I just wanted to remind myself and beloved brethren... we just appreciate whatever that we have even if we think that it is lame and does not look great like others. Because perhaps it is better for us. 

I always feel down when I am among people. I don't know perhaps my past experience and treatment received had made me turning to be like this. I think that I don't deserve to be around people or even being seen. When I watched a Korean movie called 3 Iron which is about a loner guy who could make himself invisible, I was so curious to know how did he do that???! I wanted to be like that!!!

Now let us scan what had we done last Thursday...

Thursday, 14 Zulhijjah 1432 H (10 Nov 2011) 9:20 am

 Pusat Sejahtera which is the Health Center in USM

I went for dentistry to remove the plaque at my lower front teeth. In the beginning I thought that the previous dentist who dealt with my wisdom tooth suggested me to repair my upper wisdom tooth but when I arrived at the dentistry another dentist and her assistant just removed my plaque. I felt my head giggled when the machine working and I only think that it could thrust my head so I said my testimony of faith to the God and His messenger and seal of prophethood, Muhammad s.a.w. 

I actually hate clinics or hospital and always try to avoid from sickness because I don't want to be admitted to hospital. My dad was actually a heart disease patient. We had cried when he was admitted into hospital around the year 2000 and he had underwent bypass surgery. Human life is not always a happy life. We always have to face trials and tribulations where He taught us to be patient and to pray to Him for Mercy and Love. Many times dad was admitted to hospitals because he also refused to be admitted to hospital each time he was attacked by the heart disease. When I studied in upper secondary school and silently observing Buddhism, he was also attacked by stroke. 

Passage to dentistry

In Ramadan 2010, dad once again was attacked by stroke which makes him paralyzed at his right side. He can't pronounce words properly and his right hand can't moves. Before he was attacked by stroke he came to me and stayed in my previous room. He actually loves to have his meal in mamak restaurants and that's why I am so angry with mamak restaurants. They cook things without sincerity and it caused diseases to customers. In Islam, business is for community service and survival. Business and trade is not for excessive benefits which tyrannize community! I can't do anything to prevent dad from mamak restaurant since it became his habit and perhaps other Malaysians as well. Be careful with what you have brethren and I think having meals that we cook ourselves are much better than having them at restaurants or hawkers. In this campus, I have no choice because we don't have stove nor kitchen. In maqasid shar'iyyah (methods of deriving legality of acts and stuffs), we do not only observe halal slaughtering for meat or do not take pork and parts of swine as food but we also check other aspects as well. If the preparations of food is harmful for health, and ingredients are harmful then it is classified as haram (illegal). We are very discreet even in term of politeness toward customers and services. That's why some Muslim teachers of mine who went to Japan said that Japanese had observed Islamic values while most of them are not Muslims because those values are actually "the nature" of human-being. I was not surprised when I heard that because I believe in those values and believe that they should be implemented in society. Not just being discussed and left without any implementation.

School of Physics

Some of those Tabligh kids who approached me last time were students from this school, haha. I don't think that I am worth to be around them because I am not a student who excel well in academics since schooling time. I'm just a human-being who deserves no recognition nor important in this world. Perhaps they are from those schools such as Mara Lower Science Institute (MRSM) before they attend the university without non-Malay students because non-malay students usually are not supported by government so they felt weird to see a "Malay" who speaks in Chinese and do not behave like a Malay. It is because I am not a Malay but a "Malayanized" person. We were forced to be ones because we have no place to go. If I lived a happy life or my life working on smoothly perhaps I don't try to find my ancestral root like other Malay-Arabs but unfortunately we do not live happy life since the time of our grandparents. Even I came to the extend that I tried to lose my Islamic identity because I hate how people looking down on others and actually selfish despite talking about the Greatness of Islam and we are holy, others are filthy swine-eaters, ungodly people... They just talk and talk but never walk the talk even they do not look at things discreetly including the soul and environment around which by the God is called as fitrah (the nature) : )

We live in the world as travelers who have no original homeland, and that explains why I understand how Jews and Chinese compatriots feel when people spew things like "lu India, lu Cina balik negeri lu lar!" (you Indian, you Chinese go home to your homeland!). I am not supporting the killings and tyranny toward human-being but there are many people who have no homelands like Jews for example the Kurdish, the Armenian, the Rauhingya, the Southern Thais and others. Their lands were absorbed into other countries and nations. Racism is something which is used to justify nationalism. It is proved as bringing harms to human-being and the environment because human will spill blood because of it. In shariah, it is haram (illegal) and must be uprooted because it is evil!

Above this building was our Global Political Economy (IPE) class, it is in opposite to School of Physics

Anyway, this school of physics is just in opposite to the health center. In front of this school is a part of Hamzah Sendut I library. We used to have our Global Political Economy class at the upper level of the library with Dr. Zainal Abiddin during our second semester.  

The backyard of Hamzah Sendut I library

So, anyone who have some nostalgia in USM may take a look at those pictures. Perhaps there are many pictures regarding this institution but I just keep some of them here for those who have no camera or video with them. There was also a Malay movie I guess its title is "Ali Setan" took its setting in this institution. Last time when I was a first degree student many of those first year degree students played the movie. Many Kelantanese students too and most of them were students in the School of Humanities taking courses such as History or Geography. Some were in School of Education. 

My ex-roommate brother Zaidi was from School of Education. I know he is a quiet person but he didn't want to talk with me... Maybe I treated him wrongly or maybe I looked like a weird guy. I'm sorry brother Zaidi if I wronged you though you may not read it here. Sometimes, people would look at me like an ignorant person or impolite because people always saw me with "naughty" students or students who have no "good/religious" friends. I tried to bring them to Him while nobody wants them and I could not showing up myself as an orthodox Muslim nor supporting Muslim Students Association in the light. I am actually supporting the Islamic Center though I do not join any association. I sincerely apologize even after many times I apologized to you and others dear brother :'(

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Mid Term Break: Night Walking in Sungai Dua

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

My cousin brother had already passed his contract of marriage, praise be to the God. I thought of calling him to congratulate him but somehow I felt shy, huhuuu. I didn't see his marriage ceremony nor paying respect to the ceremony. Moreover, next week I actually have a test for mid-semester and I felt that it's not safe to go out from my campus. It was postponed until the opening of the half semester break.

It's not actually easy to manage the time even if we are not working. I tried hard not to waste time and filling it with remembrance to Him. Sometimes we would also be deflected by "satan" and in this matter I do not want to blame anyone including satan. Satan could come to us in many forms. I still remember some discourses that I had about lord Buddha Gautham had to also encounter marn (satan) that tempted him in many ways when he meditated. Although he's not mentioned in glorious Quran as anything related to revelation but I still respect his teachings even when I return to the path of ancestors. I also acknowledge that prophet Jesus a.s was also tempted when satan who came to him to deflect him in many ways. 

So, we must be really careful with environment around. Take heed in the changes in ourselves. I am actually reminding myself because every time I feel that the God is leaving me. I am so afraid because I only have Him as my Protector and Friend. Even if I am surrounded by people like parents, siblings, and friends, my real Friend and Protector is actually Him. They will eventually leave me. If He leaves me too, then I will be dead in this life and the hereafter : (

Wednesday, 13 Zulhijjah 1432 (9th Nov 2011)

I supposedly to see dentist last Wednesday to remove plaques at my teeth. However, I had fallen asleep after sunrise prayer service. I hate myself for being a person who's not punctual. That's not a good morality. When we make deals and agreement with people, we must be honest and punctual because He is recording our attitude, acts and words. This is not British culture. This is a culture of a servant of the God who submit themselves to Him. Then I called the medical center at dentistry department and setting the appointment again. So, I have to see the dentist on Thursday which is the next day. 

 

At night I just went to find some food. I just went to Pelita Muslim Indian restaurant at Sungai Dua gate which is close to the mosque after night prayer service. I prayed in the mosque because I always went there when I was a first degree student. I miss the mosque and if I could live inside the mosque I would be so glad. But I just can live far away from Him : ( I had some mutton soup with two slice of bread and it tastes nice. I can't really eat rice here because I am not used to Southern Indian way of cooking. The curries are fierce because they use fierce spices. It's actually harming for spiritual growth. I think I must stick to my dates stock. I could survive with only few dates per day but I am afraid that sometimes people around would feel weird if they see me looking skinny or thinking that I am trying to avoid them. I love everyone who loves the God (Allah) no matter how they look like or what they are. I have weaknesses as a human-being which makes me worried would affect others around me. I don't really care about myself.

Then, I spent my time walking around the area of Sungai Dua. I took some pictures at places where I always walked so anyone passing here could also walk together, hahaha. Not only Malaysian students in overseas facing sadness in foreign countries when breaks come. We local students also feel the same especially when we have no one to talked with. Being a master student is not the same like being a degree student where we have groups of friends around even if not from the same course but we still share other classes or row. Being master students no matter with classes or only conducting research, we have to work on our own. We also have to live alone and isolated from others. My row has less people. It's like I am living alone in this world and perfect for meditation and being tempted by "satan" : )   

Bali Bali Food Court

Bali Bali food court is actually a Chinese food court. Last time I was so fed up with mamak restaurant for their service that made me having some drinks here. I didn't take any food there but just drinks. I saw a Hui girl here but I am not sure whether she had her meal there. Her name if I am not mistaken is Mo Di and she was my German language classmate. There is also Indian hawker there, but I am also not sure whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims. My Spaniard ex-classmate, Celia also had her meals here and she complained that curry in mamak restaurant has strong smells which could not simply being removed by washing hands with soaps and it also sticks to shirts. I just have my meals in mamak's if I have no choice because if we look at the way some of them serve the food, it would fall into haram (illegal and spiritually harmful) category in term of cleanliness. I am actually very particular with food and would rather fast as I hate eating, it tooks away my time in doing other things. Yet, many people who doesn't really know me still look at me as a person who has no religion because I don't like to show off my faith to people and I walk in and out non-Muslim places of worship. Faith should be kept firmly in the heart and we pray for faith to be granted to us by the God. We avoid hurting people with our words or attitude and it would be useless if we only show that we physically keeping cleanliness but inside of our heart is rotten. We emphasize both cleanliness physically and spiritually and His Mercy will reach everyone, inshaallah : )

Lepak, we hang out around here, hehehe

So, I just hang around here alone for a moment watching at the moon and cars. I don't have financial support yet for videos right now. I would also love to produce videos about Muslims life if there are opportunities but for now it's enough with this site. We also have many brothers and sisters with sites about Muslims life and I am happy to see all of them. This idea actually came across when I talked with Dr. Diana Huang who is a lecturer in Women Development Center. Last time Azren had introduced me to her and her assistant, I guess her name is also Wenpei or Peiwen something just like my classmate name but I am not sure about their Chinese character name would be the same. We talked about Chinese culture in Penang and Malaysia. Some parts, we also discussed about why should politicians played the issues like Chinese National school or National school because it is a unique traits of Malaysia. I also had seen a travelogue magazine during we discussed with Dr. Huang. The magazine was published by Wang Changsong, a Chinese national student. He did the publication alone while he was a first degree student. I think that it could be something that could be taken as an example for everyone.

I am actually doing the same thesis about Multiculturalism or Assimilation in Europe particularly Britain who was also a master of vast empire (Great Britain). If we demand people to assimilate, then what degree of assimilation? Britain is a multicultural nation. I didn't tell her that I am of Arab-Gujarat ancestry where our forefathers had came here since before independence of Malayan Peninsula as a Federal component of Malaysia and we were also forced to have dual identity where another identity had been abolished in documents so many of us actually are not aware about ourselves. Some of us thought that we are Indians and some thought that we are Malays. At certain degree some of us would take "Malay" as their identity while in other places they would claim themselves as Hadrami-Yemeni Arabs though they speak Arabic no more nor looking like an Arab because of few generations had passed. 

I had also visited Islamic Museum in Georgetown in the next day. I would put it here for other brothers or sisters of Arab ancestral lineage who are curious about themselves and their culture since we in Malaysia, Myanmar and Southern Thailand are not so significant like those in Singapore and Indonesia for diaspora of South East Asia region. This is not to encourage racism as it is haram! But at least we should be aware about ourselves and brethren of other nations could also learn together. We share everything that we learn and we should be happy that the God has created us with Love and Mercy though we are from different backgrounds and regions. I had also expressed my sadness that some of Muslim Chinese brothers had also being Arabized after returning from Yemen while I am a Muslim of Arabian ancestry encouraging them to flourish within their culture in Islamic framework. Many elders of Peranakan Arab (those Arabs with Malay mothers or other nationality mothers) had also translated religious books into native languages from Arabic. Now, we have vast books in Malay for aqeedah, tasawwuf, shafi'ie madzhab fiqh, and many others. If those elders using only Arabic, would we see Malay books for Islamic teachings today? 

The God created people of every nations to know each other, not to fight over nationalism, being lazy to learn languages and to dwell in negativity. That is baatil (evil) and we should also imagine how boring is this world with only a uniform kind of people. That is why Islam is across the boundary of races and nations. It is the path of the God since the creation of human-being and not the path of human-being like Western ideologies. There is also issue about Malaysian Chinese cuisine which had been published in newspaper. It is called as Bak Kut Teh but had been mistaken as pork based cuisine though the meat in the cuisine could be substituted with something halal (legal) when we do it on our own. It shows that the comprehension of public about usool fiqh and shariah islamiah is still poor. I am so sad because His Wide Mercy had been hidden by people who call themselves as Muslim due to their own ignorance. We would make this an article if we have some time only if He grants it to us the chance. 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Aidul Adha 2011: Little Walk in the Campus

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Just the same places where I use to walk in my daily life while studying here. Since first degree until now. What can I say, feel bored walking in the same place but we appreciate what we have. Might be it is good for us or might be something torturing but at least we have something for our selves. Many students have affection to this place. I have no attachment to this place and I don't really develop friendship here so I don't feel any attachment : ) 

Mai kita jalan-jalan tempat biasa... hehehe

Crossing Bukit Gambir Road into the campus

Jalan Bukit Gambir, view from flyover

Welcome to the campus at Bukit Gambir gate

USM Stadium at Bukit Gambir gate

Students' Main Hall (DUP) from the pavement, just after rain pouring down

 Close up at DUP, this is the place we used to sit for examination during first degree time

View of Indah Kembara male hostel from a bus stand 

Prayer Hall of Masjid al-Malik Khalid, this is the only place that I missed in USM I cried here before Him pleading help to face this life : )

I have many memories with grandparents too. Sometimes we were left in our village in Perlis or our grandparents would look after us when they come over to visit us. I hate to stay in the village too when I was a child because we only could listen to radio and can't watch TV. Radio channel that I listened when I was in Perlis was broadcasting from Southern Thailand. Even the TV channel that I could only watch is Malaysian Radio and Television Channel 1 while other popular channel like TV3 can't be reached with short aerial. Most people in grandparents house are settlers from Southern Thailand and they speak in Thai at home although they are Malays. Small numbers of minority were settlers from southern states such as from Negeri Sembilan. Grandparents were settlers from Sanglang of Kedah state and we regard Perlis as a territory of Kedah Sultanate, haha.   

Besides, we can't make friend with village kids because they would mock us as kids from the city whom are viewed in generalization as bunch of arrogant kids. Some villagers (traditional) ones always looking down to us as ungodly people and deserve no respect so they talked to us in impolite manner. I hate to stay in the village too. My sisters always teasing me, they said you are unfriendly unlike us. They are female and when they bring their friend home, they do not have to worry as I am the only male among them beside my dad who is another.

I always think about others before I do anything for myself. Even when I wanted to give foods to a cat or a dog, I would first make sure that it is safe for the animal. If I bring my friends home, I am afraid that everyone would feel uncomfortable since our house is actually a small house, we are poor people. I had been to friends' houses and staying at their house which actually denotes that I make friends and contacts with people around. As an example, I had been to Alep house in Yan just after his dad passed away during our first year as a degree student. He was not even my course mates nor room mates and we are just hostel mates. I understood how it feels when losing someone we love because I love my grandparents though I had not acted as a filial grandson to the late grandpa due to some misunderstanding. I am still maintaining contact with Alep.

Sadly other friends including my ex-roommate Zaidi had lost from the reach because I don't think I have any significance in others' life. Once I think that I have no function in people life, I would get rid myself from them. Other than that, female and male are different in term of functions although we are both human-being. So, we can't take everyone as fitting others but as unique on their own. I regret that sisters at home, even mum has the thinking that everyone must be the same in function. When I say to them why don't you do man job if human function the same? They would rant saying: "It's like no men at home!" If, human are the same in function and ability, why not women be truck drivers, electricians, technicians, mechanics and etc? I will give my full support to women who involve themselves in these field rather than just talk but never walk their talk, LOL... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!