Challenging

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I had attend the language class' first meeting. Urmm, beside I don't know anything in the class because the teacher is mumbling in her language and I could only understand written things, those little undergraduate kids were bringing me up to my nerves. 

Have to be patient and remember that I am fasting today. Trying not to be violent or yelling to people and it is not easy because it can cause us heart-attack. It's like we put a hot burning iron into icy cold water. Next time I would have to avoid taking meat because the soul of those animals slaughtered could also influence my spirit and soul. Dad loves to eat beef and now I know why he was a hot-tempered man when he was young. I didn't take beef or any hot-blooded meat due to my previous belief which involves Brahmanism of Buddhist traditions and it becomes a habit. If I take it, it would be in a very little portion. Last time I hate Aiduladha because I would have to see people slaughtering cow and goats while I can't reveal to people that I was a Buddhist. However, I tried to take beef now because I am afraid that people would mistaken me as a Hindu while I had already repented and trying to be an obedient Muslim. I took the beef and had broken the pantang last semester break when I went to have dinners with little sister.

Those kids I don't know what to say. If they found that they have to finish whatever their co-curriculum units or optional units and their schedule is not suitable with the time, why not opting for other courses like outdoor activities? Can't they think creatively how to solve problems unless if they have obligation to take the "option" course?  What irritates me is that I found most of them are taking the course with audit status but I have to stay with them and wasting precious time in which I could check anything that I could add in the thesis. When we check the thesis it could not be stopped because anything important that we missed will flows like nothing.

I am not an undergraduate student but the silly language course was included as a pre-condition for me to pass my postgraduate certificate. I am already five years here. I can't bear to be stuck in this place anymore because it becomes a torment for me though I tried to ease it with many things and making everything turns positive. We are not supported by government budgets too unlike when we were in undergraduate level. The more I stay here the more not normal that I would feel because the environment in here is not good to build social relation with society. People also believe myths about introverts and thinking that introverts are different from others. Try check things about who are introverts.

I believe that the director of Language Center somebody Pandiyan Amphigapatti with red eyes had persuaded his brother who is a dean in our school of Social Science to make compulsory the foreign language course other than English to postgraduate students of International Studies. Maybe because it is for Language Center survival since most of departments of the University has to be independent or they could not survive after reaching the APEX status. So, you strangle everyone as possible as you can, noh? I had talked with my seniors last time regarding they had to answer this Amphigapatti guy and they were lectured for not paying for the class. Not because they skipped those classes because they were tensed with the teacher's attitude in the class.

Among the lecture of that guy which makes me wanted to laugh told to me by our seniors is like that guy said: "Don't you know that whatever you don't pay will be claimed in the hereafter???!" This Hindu guy' statement is just making me laughing to my pants, trying to talk religiously to people and making whatever wrong as right. First of all we are customers and we know the limits and boundaries of customers and they are the providers of services so they should know the terms of providing services too. They should not force people in the first place to accept their service in term that if people don't need it. International Studies students must be proficient or at least could understand English and most of us speak in English. We write our thesis in English and not in other European languages. 

I am aware about Brahminical beliefs since Buddhism principles and Hinduism principles are almost the same or just the same and if I am there perhaps I would put some eye mo in his red eyes. We don't behave like an Ariya (noble person) when we strangle people's neck but telling lies about we force others to take classes in our school because we wanted to survive or saving our own ass. That is an attitude of a Swapakah. Why don't we just say: "I need your money for my organization to survive so please I beg you give me this amount of money or else my organization could not survive and I have no wages or could not make a living." Perhaps, I would also think that this beggar is so needy and he is honest. I don't mind to give some donation to him or his organization like RM350 and just let me alone.    

I think English is more than European and we don't need other Continental European languages for our master degree. I just want to get the certificate because I had paid for that and that is my right even if it is without graduation ceremony. I don't want any ceremony but just returning to whatever I feel important to do and to correct in the future. When we begin something we must also terminate it like we begin because it is not a noble attitude to do everything halfway. I was not clear about the course I am taking now in the beginning and when I was half of the period I found that the studies does not suit my interest and it is disappointing because I am a customer to the University. I don't care whatever grade does it bear and I wanted to pay back my parents and sister's loan beside finishing the payment of PTPTIPU.

Urmmm, feel like wanted to slap those kids faces one by one and saying yang hangpa gatai-getik sangat nak amik kelas pelik-pelik buat apa kalu dah tahu sibuq takdak masa?????? They still have many semesters to go so they should know how to prioritize on what is important. This is my final semester. Now I have to go to language center again and listen to them negotiate the schedule and I am quite angry with the management of the school who did not earlier inform us that we could opt for postgraduate four hours in a row language class in the weekend so why should I join these undergraduate students? I am not a bitch who lower-estimate people but I think that these undergraduate students are below the level of humanity while the language school management is irresponsible to customers although they forced us to accept their service. I am sorry to say this but lying is more sinful than telling the truth. I don't want anything stopping me from graduating and properly ending the terms here. Sabaq ja laaaa. 

Astaghfirullahal'azhimmm wa atuubu ilayh, dear Lord please forgive me! Please don't make these people torture me or my worships to You will be in vain. Please accept me my worship and make me a Muslim on the path of our noble patriarchs Abraham a.s and Isma'il a.s.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!         

Problem with APEX University

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I've just heard about the news that our course for master degree perhaps will be closed. We only have two juniors in European studies where one of them is a MITI staff which makes him few years older than me. I don't really care about the course but I am afraid that I would have no time to finish up what ever that I had begin. I don't know what will happen to these students too whether they would have to transfer to other university or else.

The problem that they encountered regarding the course is that there is a lack of lecturers and our lecturers have also to handle more than two classes. They work hard for researches, co-curriculum activities for university staffs, and etc but they've only gain few points of merits with the burden that they have. The dean of Social Science department is also moving to Malaysian National University (UKM) and he has few students under his supervision too. Our previous International Political Economy has also moved to the ministry because he had applied to upgrade his post but those in human resource did nothing. We have very bad human resource here. 

This university is a university which has no campus in Kuala Lumpur and only have campuses in Penang Island, Kelantan and Trans Kerian. Technically they are in states administrated by opposition parties. The principle here is that if we do not support national side, we receive no assistance as it is to teach people not to vote wrong side. It also means that people have to embrace their "political religion". When the university has no campus in Kuala Lumpur, it would be difficult to apply help from Federal government institutions.

The fund for the courses for example Asian and European Studies under International and Diplomatic Relation courses? We do not know where does the money for APEX goes. Perhaps only those in Critical Science courses like Physics, Chemistry, Engineering and etc are receiving it but those in Humanities and Social Science are not receiving it. Our education system since long is for profit making and for human capital. But human capital which has no human spiritual values such as morality and we still could see problems in developed society because of the lack of morality.  If it benefits politicians and the chronies, then everything can moves smoothly. If not, then let it sunk down. Religion is also being tied to filthy politics. Because this is what Western world taught everyone that religion is something which would threaten them and their wipers though they had introduced the term of Secularism to explain the concept of what happened in their nation-state while it does not apply to every place. Not all of the people are with black heart like them.

I am not talking about our courses in Social Science only but this is representing all of the people in our institutions in the country. We are not protected since long even politicians care nothing but only doing things for their "own" benefits. Those slogans that they made are just baby talks. I wish some day He shows them Who He is according to His Will to these people because we are vulnerable here and we could do nothing except talking to ourselves and among ourselves. This 10th of Muharram really reflects what happens now and human are repeating the same history.

Our brothers in Humanities department such as in Hadith Sciences? I do not know what happen to them and we never actually notice their existence here in USM. I tried to apply for Hadith studies in Saudi Arabia too but the procedures are so tight and we were threatened with international laws which is prejudice with no reason like we care about the Western world and trying to Islamisize them. Stop being full of yourselves lar Western World, please lar! We are sick of your old same n lame dramas. We don't care about what you want to do with yourselves or wanted to be. 

Our job is only telling the people about Him and His message through prophethood. We do not force people and have no right or strength to force people. The job to provide Guidance, Wisdom and Enlightening are His job. Not ours... I guess if people here are not using Islam as their so-called Malay identity from being Sinified or whatever racist-nationalism teachings (false religion), perhaps the Islamic Center would be scrapped down too because it is a waste and makes no profit in term of technology and industrial-material development and causing them "sad" pocket. Those people above only looks at the physical sciences as the benchmark for civilization and not at spiritual sciences where in the end we will only have empty vessels with no soul and shameless society. Education policy, economic policy, employment policy and policies are all cross-cutting. For us people of "art" which is not apart of "science," we are not protected by the Constitution.

Sometimes, I wonder... Don't they feel ashamed of themselves calling themselves as people who believe in the God and Muhammad s.a.w prophethood and message when they are looking down at the spiritual sciences or people who observe the society and those involved in it? Muhammad s.a.w was not an engineer, not a politician who studied in Harvard like them, nor a professor who sought for phd certificates or professorship or studying chemistry, physics, biology, or doing researches in laboratories. He was just an orphan who received Enlightment from the God through the emissary of Archangel Gabriel a.s after he was sick looking at the situation of his city.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Housing Unit, You are so Cruel :'(

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

I miss you dear Masjidilharam, everyday I am missing you. I don't know when I could have the chance to visit you again and performing services and commemorating the God in you dear holy mosque, holy city... :'(

First of all, I think housing unit in the USM is so cruel and more biased to people with disability just to show how concern and friendly they are to disables, elders, and foreigners. It is not like I am a heartless person who does not care about everyone around but I think this is too much. They had made normal people and local postgraduate students more contemptible than a bug. They are also indirectly insulting the ability of people whom they called as people of different ability but their 'treatment' and policy to these people is just the same traditional and typical way of old days. The housing unit asked me to provide letters from hospital or clinics showing any disability or health problem if I wanted to shift the hostel or stay in the same hostel while I am paying higher rates than bachelor students. I wanted to stay at the hostel near the mosque, I am always late to congregational prayers :'(  The condition of the hostel which is out of social contact or at least TV could also bring me into depression and psychological impact in which I would become more of anti-social since it blocks me from contact with people in the mosque including teachers and community through branches of reasons which is logical. I almost jumped down my room at my previous room because of boredom but faith prevented me from doing that. This is no joke. No sane normal human could bear this condition. I assure everyone!

I can listen the adzan very clear at my room though my room is very far and that makes me feeling guilty to the God if I do not attend the prayer service at the adzan voice being aired. I don't have any car nor motorbike and that makes me late although I sleep only two hours at night. It is mobility problem and I am not blessed like others with vehicles. Parents said that I should get a proper vehicle but I do not have proper job since I can't take any job-opportunities that had came because of this master application that I made that put me in the middle. So, I don't borrow any of my sisters' cars. I don't have money to refill the gas, anyway. All of the savings is directed for the study where this 'APEX' university had encouraged its students to pursue. Do I have to break my own legs or standing in front of the cars at Bukit Gambir to be hit and being another professor X to get the permission to shift hostel? We post-graduate students are paying higher fees compared to bachelor students. Many postgraduate students worked half-way and have to stop because of bureaucracy that you people created!

Why can't we go to any place of our preference if there is vacant room or place? We are not bachelor degree anymore. I do not apply any scholarship nor loan, I am trying to survive through borrowing my family members salt and I am shy for having to beg to people but yet I am still paying fees at the time! When the time for fee (money) comes, you people are very quick at sending the bills demanding payment and may even call us urging the payment if we are late. But when people asking your help, you are reluctant to help. It's not like everyday I am burdening you. I am trying to ease everybody pain and difficulties too, that is the custom in society we help each other. Housing and administration staffs, why you people are so cruel to your brethren???! Next time, never try to persuade people to continue studies in your organization if you do not want people to study. This university is not in my list to suggest for others and it only has science of hadith for religious studies under the department of humanities while the administrators are Muslims. People of Islamic Center could not reconcile with some people of administration too. Perhaps it has to do with their personal political ideologies and it affects others who have no political affiliations at all. I know all of these since I was in bachelor degree though I never mingle with people in the student committee at the hostel... My ex-roommate brother Zaidi was also apart of the bureau in Aman hostel until they decided to stay away because the person who is in charge for the hostel is not in favor to those who tends to be more to another political party. I am not supporting any political party as it is not my concern but when people who call themselves as Muslim began to act like those in Europe, I can't accept it. It is acceptable if they are non-Muslim, perhaps non-Muslim could not tolerate other religious group and people should respect them if they are the administrator of the country. It is so complicated here, I just don't understand anyone here. I just wish Allah forgives me my negative thoughts, it is hard to refrain from this negativity when we are in this kind of environment... It sometimes burning and torturing us and each time I have to ask forgiveness and patience from Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. 

For now, maybe I need to bring some hygienic stuffs for prayer services, some notebooks for research in the library, and getting ready in Thursday for early class as I can say nothing anymore when they talked about medical letter unless if 'evil' happens on normal students as they wish. I could stay anywhere under the trees or maybe in musallas of other hostels in the same time dealing with other things. Azren who were generous offering me shelter while I am in the campus too will be graduating tomorrow so I have no one to shelter me anymore after this. I don't think that I would be furthering studies in this 'academic' field. I am still here because I need to finish whatever is left. I just wanted to study His path and it's ok if it's not popular nor glamorous.

I don't want duniya, it's not suitable for me. I am not amazed with APEX status of this university at all. Nothing interesting in it! You people (office and administration and anyone) can take these duniya matters with you. I leave it to you people may you be happy in your office until the Day and the Fact comes though it is invincible since it is only a prophecy in the scripture (Quran). It might be happening or might not be happening but I have faith in His promise. For now, let me bear the thorns and bitterness of this duniya in turn for you people to stay in prosperity (in general to human-being). Thank you and praise be to the Lord of the Universe, amin! :'''''''''''

Sealed with salawat, prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin!