Challenging

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I had attend the language class' first meeting. Urmm, beside I don't know anything in the class because the teacher is mumbling in her language and I could only understand written things, those little undergraduate kids were bringing me up to my nerves. 

Have to be patient and remember that I am fasting today. Trying not to be violent or yelling to people and it is not easy because it can cause us heart-attack. It's like we put a hot burning iron into icy cold water. Next time I would have to avoid taking meat because the soul of those animals slaughtered could also influence my spirit and soul. Dad loves to eat beef and now I know why he was a hot-tempered man when he was young. I didn't take beef or any hot-blooded meat due to my previous belief which involves Brahmanism of Buddhist traditions and it becomes a habit. If I take it, it would be in a very little portion. Last time I hate Aiduladha because I would have to see people slaughtering cow and goats while I can't reveal to people that I was a Buddhist. However, I tried to take beef now because I am afraid that people would mistaken me as a Hindu while I had already repented and trying to be an obedient Muslim. I took the beef and had broken the pantang last semester break when I went to have dinners with little sister.

Those kids I don't know what to say. If they found that they have to finish whatever their co-curriculum units or optional units and their schedule is not suitable with the time, why not opting for other courses like outdoor activities? Can't they think creatively how to solve problems unless if they have obligation to take the "option" course?  What irritates me is that I found most of them are taking the course with audit status but I have to stay with them and wasting precious time in which I could check anything that I could add in the thesis. When we check the thesis it could not be stopped because anything important that we missed will flows like nothing.

I am not an undergraduate student but the silly language course was included as a pre-condition for me to pass my postgraduate certificate. I am already five years here. I can't bear to be stuck in this place anymore because it becomes a torment for me though I tried to ease it with many things and making everything turns positive. We are not supported by government budgets too unlike when we were in undergraduate level. The more I stay here the more not normal that I would feel because the environment in here is not good to build social relation with society. People also believe myths about introverts and thinking that introverts are different from others. Try check things about who are introverts.

I believe that the director of Language Center somebody Pandiyan Amphigapatti with red eyes had persuaded his brother who is a dean in our school of Social Science to make compulsory the foreign language course other than English to postgraduate students of International Studies. Maybe because it is for Language Center survival since most of departments of the University has to be independent or they could not survive after reaching the APEX status. So, you strangle everyone as possible as you can, noh? I had talked with my seniors last time regarding they had to answer this Amphigapatti guy and they were lectured for not paying for the class. Not because they skipped those classes because they were tensed with the teacher's attitude in the class.

Among the lecture of that guy which makes me wanted to laugh told to me by our seniors is like that guy said: "Don't you know that whatever you don't pay will be claimed in the hereafter???!" This Hindu guy' statement is just making me laughing to my pants, trying to talk religiously to people and making whatever wrong as right. First of all we are customers and we know the limits and boundaries of customers and they are the providers of services so they should know the terms of providing services too. They should not force people in the first place to accept their service in term that if people don't need it. International Studies students must be proficient or at least could understand English and most of us speak in English. We write our thesis in English and not in other European languages. 

I am aware about Brahminical beliefs since Buddhism principles and Hinduism principles are almost the same or just the same and if I am there perhaps I would put some eye mo in his red eyes. We don't behave like an Ariya (noble person) when we strangle people's neck but telling lies about we force others to take classes in our school because we wanted to survive or saving our own ass. That is an attitude of a Swapakah. Why don't we just say: "I need your money for my organization to survive so please I beg you give me this amount of money or else my organization could not survive and I have no wages or could not make a living." Perhaps, I would also think that this beggar is so needy and he is honest. I don't mind to give some donation to him or his organization like RM350 and just let me alone.    

I think English is more than European and we don't need other Continental European languages for our master degree. I just want to get the certificate because I had paid for that and that is my right even if it is without graduation ceremony. I don't want any ceremony but just returning to whatever I feel important to do and to correct in the future. When we begin something we must also terminate it like we begin because it is not a noble attitude to do everything halfway. I was not clear about the course I am taking now in the beginning and when I was half of the period I found that the studies does not suit my interest and it is disappointing because I am a customer to the University. I don't care whatever grade does it bear and I wanted to pay back my parents and sister's loan beside finishing the payment of PTPTIPU.

Urmmm, feel like wanted to slap those kids faces one by one and saying yang hangpa gatai-getik sangat nak amik kelas pelik-pelik buat apa kalu dah tahu sibuq takdak masa?????? They still have many semesters to go so they should know how to prioritize on what is important. This is my final semester. Now I have to go to language center again and listen to them negotiate the schedule and I am quite angry with the management of the school who did not earlier inform us that we could opt for postgraduate four hours in a row language class in the weekend so why should I join these undergraduate students? I am not a bitch who lower-estimate people but I think that these undergraduate students are below the level of humanity while the language school management is irresponsible to customers although they forced us to accept their service. I am sorry to say this but lying is more sinful than telling the truth. I don't want anything stopping me from graduating and properly ending the terms here. Sabaq ja laaaa. 

Astaghfirullahal'azhimmm wa atuubu ilayh, dear Lord please forgive me! Please don't make these people torture me or my worships to You will be in vain. Please accept me my worship and make me a Muslim on the path of our noble patriarchs Abraham a.s and Isma'il a.s.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!         

Last Sem Registration - Settled

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Language Center - Pic pinjam from Prime Time with Aleph Prime tak kuasa nak snap pics in the dealing times

Praises be to Allah, I had settled the registration for the beginning of semester. I don't borrow from PTPTIPU (national loan for students) but borrowing from fama (father n mother) and third sister's loan. I had already said that I am going to pay the loan of parents and sister's so it should be like what I had earlier said no matter what happen or even if they refuse it. A Muslim with noble morality must be firm with his words.

How do we register as a postgraduate candidate without any scholar or loan? The registration for my major class has been done since last week's Friday. I had to abandon Friday Ziyarat after Jumu'ah and Saturday Salam benediction rituals in the evening with salawat to prophet Muhammad s.a.w as the seal of prophethood. I wish Allah forgives me because I was so occupied and I took hold with the sayings of noble prophet Jesus a.s who mentioned that human is not to be the slave and servants of the day but submitting to Him. I just print out the payment slip which already stated the name of the recipient and its account number. I took out the amount of money RM580 for payment from the ATM machine at CIMB bank and taking the number. Waiting there patiently beside an Iranian guy who behaved like a macho man... his mouth stinks, na'udzubillah bukan nak nak mengata just a negative thinking, hehehe... So, it was settled since last week. I am still not done with the monthly hostel payment for February so tomorrow I would go to the treasury and pay so I could feel at peace.

Today, I have to register foreign language class again since I had dropped the earlier German class. It was a rusty language and I found that it's like a barbarian tongue. I better learn Arabic, Sindhi, Farsi, Aramaic or Kurdish as compared to German. They are more useful for me. I just took Spanish and I met my Spanish level I teacher there again, Miss Ummu. She's quite cool today as compared to when in classes maybe because of the nice positive morning air, haha. However, the teacher for my level now is a Spaniard girl could I say. She seems pretty but I'm not talking about her in a horny way it's a sin, hahaha. She's just pretty that's all and her name I guess is Maria Rosario. Who cares, as long as I can finish this thesis and get the hell out of this place I would be very glad and relieved. First I had to fill the form for BJIM students which refers to the International Studies Postgraduate students as our pointer will not be counted even if we've got failed in the paper. It's just a requirement paper as long as we sit for the final test we can get our degree and certification. After the payment at the CIMB bank, I went back to the Language Center building and getting the receipt as the prove of payment and registration.

I think this is better because I know how much that I had spent for studies through receipts that I keep with me. I could also manage to pay back to people without interests. I don't have to burden my country and tax payers but just burdening my parents and sister for few moment. I don't take any scholar or MyBrain support by Higher Education Ministry because I have my own philosophy which people could not easily understand because they love to be supported by government. After this I'll become a tax-payer, it is the government who will owe me and not me who owe them anymore because I would be free after I finish my undergraduate loan payment. It makes a lot easier for me to claim in the hereafter before Him to those who do not believe in the Pillars of Faith and Path because Judgement Day is not coming yet and it is not visible to people's eyes, haha. I just borrowed around RM9000 for undergraduate and it covers the whole three wasting years in the university just to get a name as a university graduate. As for me, I don't care about people status even if a person is a farmer or a raw meat or vegetable suppliers at the market. As long as a person is humble and happy with his life it would be the greatest grace ever granted by Allah to us because we could concentrate on our worship and seeking knowledge to be His real servant. What is the pride by being a scholar student? Nothing... Because Allah would never asks us about that in the Judgement and we would have a big trouble in managing the time to know Him so I would rather giving the opportunity to others to grab the chance if they wanted to.... : )

We begin the class right away at 14:00 but I was late to the class because of Dzuhr prayer service. I am thinking to ask jurists about salat service whether I could simplify my salat with Jama' Ta'akhir and later perform it again after 'Asr prayer service. It's better than not performing any prayer service at all because I would feel accursed and guilty for the whole year if I leave the salat without any reason. Have to record today's notes from the class because it's European Crack-Head Economy and I am not from that background, huhuhuuu.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!       

           

Mid Term Break: Night Walking in Sungai Dua

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

My cousin brother had already passed his contract of marriage, praise be to the God. I thought of calling him to congratulate him but somehow I felt shy, huhuuu. I didn't see his marriage ceremony nor paying respect to the ceremony. Moreover, next week I actually have a test for mid-semester and I felt that it's not safe to go out from my campus. It was postponed until the opening of the half semester break.

It's not actually easy to manage the time even if we are not working. I tried hard not to waste time and filling it with remembrance to Him. Sometimes we would also be deflected by "satan" and in this matter I do not want to blame anyone including satan. Satan could come to us in many forms. I still remember some discourses that I had about lord Buddha Gautham had to also encounter marn (satan) that tempted him in many ways when he meditated. Although he's not mentioned in glorious Quran as anything related to revelation but I still respect his teachings even when I return to the path of ancestors. I also acknowledge that prophet Jesus a.s was also tempted when satan who came to him to deflect him in many ways. 

So, we must be really careful with environment around. Take heed in the changes in ourselves. I am actually reminding myself because every time I feel that the God is leaving me. I am so afraid because I only have Him as my Protector and Friend. Even if I am surrounded by people like parents, siblings, and friends, my real Friend and Protector is actually Him. They will eventually leave me. If He leaves me too, then I will be dead in this life and the hereafter : (

Wednesday, 13 Zulhijjah 1432 (9th Nov 2011)

I supposedly to see dentist last Wednesday to remove plaques at my teeth. However, I had fallen asleep after sunrise prayer service. I hate myself for being a person who's not punctual. That's not a good morality. When we make deals and agreement with people, we must be honest and punctual because He is recording our attitude, acts and words. This is not British culture. This is a culture of a servant of the God who submit themselves to Him. Then I called the medical center at dentistry department and setting the appointment again. So, I have to see the dentist on Thursday which is the next day. 

 

At night I just went to find some food. I just went to Pelita Muslim Indian restaurant at Sungai Dua gate which is close to the mosque after night prayer service. I prayed in the mosque because I always went there when I was a first degree student. I miss the mosque and if I could live inside the mosque I would be so glad. But I just can live far away from Him : ( I had some mutton soup with two slice of bread and it tastes nice. I can't really eat rice here because I am not used to Southern Indian way of cooking. The curries are fierce because they use fierce spices. It's actually harming for spiritual growth. I think I must stick to my dates stock. I could survive with only few dates per day but I am afraid that sometimes people around would feel weird if they see me looking skinny or thinking that I am trying to avoid them. I love everyone who loves the God (Allah) no matter how they look like or what they are. I have weaknesses as a human-being which makes me worried would affect others around me. I don't really care about myself.

Then, I spent my time walking around the area of Sungai Dua. I took some pictures at places where I always walked so anyone passing here could also walk together, hahaha. Not only Malaysian students in overseas facing sadness in foreign countries when breaks come. We local students also feel the same especially when we have no one to talked with. Being a master student is not the same like being a degree student where we have groups of friends around even if not from the same course but we still share other classes or row. Being master students no matter with classes or only conducting research, we have to work on our own. We also have to live alone and isolated from others. My row has less people. It's like I am living alone in this world and perfect for meditation and being tempted by "satan" : )   

Bali Bali Food Court

Bali Bali food court is actually a Chinese food court. Last time I was so fed up with mamak restaurant for their service that made me having some drinks here. I didn't take any food there but just drinks. I saw a Hui girl here but I am not sure whether she had her meal there. Her name if I am not mistaken is Mo Di and she was my German language classmate. There is also Indian hawker there, but I am also not sure whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims. My Spaniard ex-classmate, Celia also had her meals here and she complained that curry in mamak restaurant has strong smells which could not simply being removed by washing hands with soaps and it also sticks to shirts. I just have my meals in mamak's if I have no choice because if we look at the way some of them serve the food, it would fall into haram (illegal and spiritually harmful) category in term of cleanliness. I am actually very particular with food and would rather fast as I hate eating, it tooks away my time in doing other things. Yet, many people who doesn't really know me still look at me as a person who has no religion because I don't like to show off my faith to people and I walk in and out non-Muslim places of worship. Faith should be kept firmly in the heart and we pray for faith to be granted to us by the God. We avoid hurting people with our words or attitude and it would be useless if we only show that we physically keeping cleanliness but inside of our heart is rotten. We emphasize both cleanliness physically and spiritually and His Mercy will reach everyone, inshaallah : )

Lepak, we hang out around here, hehehe

So, I just hang around here alone for a moment watching at the moon and cars. I don't have financial support yet for videos right now. I would also love to produce videos about Muslims life if there are opportunities but for now it's enough with this site. We also have many brothers and sisters with sites about Muslims life and I am happy to see all of them. This idea actually came across when I talked with Dr. Diana Huang who is a lecturer in Women Development Center. Last time Azren had introduced me to her and her assistant, I guess her name is also Wenpei or Peiwen something just like my classmate name but I am not sure about their Chinese character name would be the same. We talked about Chinese culture in Penang and Malaysia. Some parts, we also discussed about why should politicians played the issues like Chinese National school or National school because it is a unique traits of Malaysia. I also had seen a travelogue magazine during we discussed with Dr. Huang. The magazine was published by Wang Changsong, a Chinese national student. He did the publication alone while he was a first degree student. I think that it could be something that could be taken as an example for everyone.

I am actually doing the same thesis about Multiculturalism or Assimilation in Europe particularly Britain who was also a master of vast empire (Great Britain). If we demand people to assimilate, then what degree of assimilation? Britain is a multicultural nation. I didn't tell her that I am of Arab-Gujarat ancestry where our forefathers had came here since before independence of Malayan Peninsula as a Federal component of Malaysia and we were also forced to have dual identity where another identity had been abolished in documents so many of us actually are not aware about ourselves. Some of us thought that we are Indians and some thought that we are Malays. At certain degree some of us would take "Malay" as their identity while in other places they would claim themselves as Hadrami-Yemeni Arabs though they speak Arabic no more nor looking like an Arab because of few generations had passed. 

I had also visited Islamic Museum in Georgetown in the next day. I would put it here for other brothers or sisters of Arab ancestral lineage who are curious about themselves and their culture since we in Malaysia, Myanmar and Southern Thailand are not so significant like those in Singapore and Indonesia for diaspora of South East Asia region. This is not to encourage racism as it is haram! But at least we should be aware about ourselves and brethren of other nations could also learn together. We share everything that we learn and we should be happy that the God has created us with Love and Mercy though we are from different backgrounds and regions. I had also expressed my sadness that some of Muslim Chinese brothers had also being Arabized after returning from Yemen while I am a Muslim of Arabian ancestry encouraging them to flourish within their culture in Islamic framework. Many elders of Peranakan Arab (those Arabs with Malay mothers or other nationality mothers) had also translated religious books into native languages from Arabic. Now, we have vast books in Malay for aqeedah, tasawwuf, shafi'ie madzhab fiqh, and many others. If those elders using only Arabic, would we see Malay books for Islamic teachings today? 

The God created people of every nations to know each other, not to fight over nationalism, being lazy to learn languages and to dwell in negativity. That is baatil (evil) and we should also imagine how boring is this world with only a uniform kind of people. That is why Islam is across the boundary of races and nations. It is the path of the God since the creation of human-being and not the path of human-being like Western ideologies. There is also issue about Malaysian Chinese cuisine which had been published in newspaper. It is called as Bak Kut Teh but had been mistaken as pork based cuisine though the meat in the cuisine could be substituted with something halal (legal) when we do it on our own. It shows that the comprehension of public about usool fiqh and shariah islamiah is still poor. I am so sad because His Wide Mercy had been hidden by people who call themselves as Muslim due to their own ignorance. We would make this an article if we have some time only if He grants it to us the chance. 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Relieved: I don't have to pull off my wisdom tooth, fyuhhhhhhh!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Wisdom teeth above and below, I thought that I am already old but I had been told that this problem always happen to teenagers from the age of 18-25 years old. I don't think 25 years old is a teenage anymore but more to late teenage. I hate being a man my sins is increasing : (

I am quite relieved after returning from the dentist. I went for oral check at the campus' dentistry and the doctor said that I need not to pluck it out. The problem which caused me pain is the ulcer caused by the upper wisdom tooth. It is too long and stretching to the cheek flesh besides scratching it. So, here it is, the ulcer.  It's not because of the lower wisdom tooth that just newly emerged.

Sometimes when we face pain and sickness we would remember the God more intensely right. Even, Vladimir Lenin who was a Marxist that believed that "religion" is opium for people called for churches to call for prayers with bell and urging masjids to call for prayers with adzan when his country in danger. As for myself, I also tried to call family members or friends just to talk. But for friends I always feel that I am a selfish if I just talk with them when I am in pain. I don't like to be a burden for friends because they are not related to me by blood though I consider everyone brothers by soul. So, I called my little sister to talk about the solution of the problem regarding the wisdom tooth and she said that I would just have to bear with it. Mum also said the same. Perhaps it is also the pain which eliminates my little sins. I wish so. Then I just tell mum and sister to pray for me if I die though this pain is actually just a small pain. Everything that came to me just reminds me to death. It's not like I badly wanted to die. It's just an unavoidable fact no matter if we want it or not. We have no choice : ) I wonder if we also remember Him in all of the time whether in happiness, sadness, while we are scared, while we are courageous, and etc? 

The pain actually began since last four days but I just realized it last night. Last night I can't really sleep so I sent messages to few friends. I have some Malay acquaintances here but I don't feel close to them. Just telling friends that wisdom tooth sometimes could cause pain and reminding them to quickly see dentist if they have the same problem. I don't want people to experience same problem especially those I know. Before I went to the dentist, I was actually so afraid, hahahahaa. I went for the mosque and asking the God to forgive my sins if I have to pull out my wisdom tooth and if it bleeds me till death. I had been late to prayer services because of the world and I feel that I am so evil and shameless to the God. 

Anyway, I think it is a good experience for me though it's just a plain experience, hahaha. I always took everything even the lamest one as nice for me just to make it more fun for myself. I also love to listen to friend's story about plain things like some friends and acquaintances used to tell me. I think their experience though just plain ones but it has some significance in our life : )

The receptionist in the clinic was nice to me. A girl I don't know younger or older than me. Because she called me "adik" or little brother so I assume her as older than me. But later she just call me with my title in Malay which is enchik or mister after she handled my matrix card. I hate people calling me abang or older brother here in the musalla. Maybe those Malay kids are younger but I don't like to be called as abang. I just prefer to be called as saudara or equal brother. Usually only girls at home are calling me abang so I feel a little weird, hehehe. 

Not so many people there in dentistry so it's moving quite fast. I just wait there around 15 minutes and get to my turn. The dentist told me that there is an ulcer and infected area in my mouth. I just need to properly rinse my mouth with mild salt water and carefully clean my mouth after each meal. I don't have to pull out my lower wisdom tooth that just newly come out. She just repaired the sharp edges at my upper wisdom tooth and setting another appointment for next Wednesday at 9:00 where I have to come again to dentistry and repair more my tooth. Then she prescribed me two kinds of medications which are the pain-killer and antibiotics. 

The above one is Mefenamic Acid 250 mg which I have to take a tablet twice per day. Lower one is Bacampicillin HCI 400 mg, I have to finish the packet all in four or five days. Take it at the same time gap and a tablet twice per day. I just took tablets from each packet at 23:22. These drugs are controlled medications.

Last night I used mouthwasher and perhaps it irritates the ulcer. So, I avoid it today and just using salt water. I am actually very particular with cleanliness and hygiene even I would also make people around me to be particular with it. I used to wash my nephews and nieces stuffs like plates, toys and etc many times to prevent them from diseases. Their mum or dad never did that to them, hahaha. Parents should be careful with children health, it is important for them especially they will enter educational institutions. I learned about this from third sister's assignment too and it makes me more particular and strict especially when it is also related to religious rituals.  

Everyday when we still breath, the God is actually giving us some more opportunity to thank Him and to be grateful to Him. He is also Generous in term that He gave us the chance to repent and asking forgiveness. When we wake up from the bed, we must remember to say His Name in supplications:

With the Name of the God Who makes us alive and also makes us dead.

It implies that our faith is only with Him. He is our Guardian and also the Guardian for life and death. He protects us while we are sleeping either our soul or our mass. We offer thanks to Him for the chance to repent and bless us with the blessings for the future in the hereafter.

Already few days I just drink water and had some porridge. I can't find any place here selling porridge except at the fast food restaurant like McDonald or the Peranakan Chinese restaurant called Roti Bakar. I saw local Muslim Chinese having their lunch there so I just went into the restaurant because I believe they don't simply went in but they know about the restaurant. I already know few Myanmar workers in the restaurant. I love to make friend with migrant workers either from Myanmar, Vietnam, or Nepal. Most of them are nice though some of Malaysians said Nepalese or Vietnamese slaughtered dogs as their source of protein. As long as I don't see it myself, I don't want to believe it : ) I had took bus to Kuala Lumpur for my A-Level classes with these migrant workers. Most Malaysian possess cars or motorcycles so they don't really use public transport. Maybe we can see more expats and Malaysians in Light Rail Transit system or other rail systems in Kuala Lumpur.

Might be these migrant workers' country are third world countries unlike countries in Europe, Australia, the US or New Zealand so most of Malaysian who are working in the office and having good positions such as executives, engineers, doctors, lecturers looking down to them. I don't mind to sit with them. Even if people wanted to call me a Nepalese or a Myanmar or Vietnamese when I sit with them. I don't care. We are the same human-being, what differentiate us only sincerity to the God and only He and ourselves could determine it  : ) 

Hairan orang semua apabila bersembang akan berkata yang mereka hendak berhijrah ke negara di Eropah, Amerika Serikat, Australia, atau New Zealand tetapi tiada siapa pun teringin berhijrah ke Myanmar, Bhutan, atau Tibet. Saya suka Bhutan, Mongolia dan Tibet walaupun orang tak kenal dan berasa bahawa kawasan-kawasan tersebut tidak maju, hahaha.         

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

How a Single Guy Deals with Toothache

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

From left: cotton wool. toothache drop, mouth washer, and acti-fast panadol  

Just before we go for bed for the experience of a master degree student, hahaha. I took some dinner around 23:00 after paying for my copies of journals, notes and readings at xerox shop. It costs me around RM27:50 and what can I do... The Chinese family who handle the xerox job are quite hilarious, they had quarreled over the quality of paper. The husband just didn't want to waste the piles because they had done them all the night while the wife just wanted to dump the paper and do it over and over until they've got the good quality xeroxs. Last time I had agreed with the lady to do some binding but never-mind... I just don't care because I need to hurry. I am not a fussy person while time is gold, at least says most books... hahaha. 

Then only, I went for dinner and having some mushroom fried rice and a glass of orange juice all for about RM5 at those Thai restaurants. I thought of ordering some vegetables but I am afraid that they would put seafood like squid or anything related to it. So, it would be safe to order something which is vegetarian. While chewing the food I felt so painful in my mouth and I just realized that I had some injury in my mouth. I don't think that my toothache but it is related more to gums and area around the wall at the cheek felt like torn down at the end of the molars. Perhaps I had committed sins with my mouth that I have this pain. Lately I had been late to musalla and even masjid because of studies so I might turned to be an evil creature. I must recite more intensely the Quran to get rid of evil so that it won't harm me in the future. We take this as a test from the God to test our faith. A servant without tests and tribulations are like empty bags.

After dinner, I went to 7E convenient store and buying those stuffs in the picture. All of them costs me around RM18, quite expensive because it is a convenient store. Not a plain one as those plain ones were closed. I just felt like I wanted to cry out loud when I chew my food. I didn't eat properly since few weeks. Just having some plain bread and biscuits. Even when I met my classmate Siva, she said that I became more skinny than ever. Well, I hate people to sympathize me. But I can't hide my face when I see those whom I know. Usually I would avoid the way when I see people whom I know but when it happens so sudden I can't really avoid but just talking with them. I don't know whether this is called as social anxiety but I am just afraid of sin. It's not because I feel uncomfortable with myself. I could be myself all I want according to situation.

So, this is another experience of a lone ranger dealing with pain. How's respective brothers and sisters deal with toothache? Any suggestions? Or should I just go to clinics? I hate clinics and hospitals, hahaha...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Repeat Class Assignments!!!!!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Ya Allah, dear Lord I have assignments for this repeat paper, European Politics and Decision Making! Though I feel bored but I don't really like to do assignments too. I just hope that I would also pass my next year paper about EU Economy Policies. This institution is so damn boring. Only if I know that there is Asian Studies, I would just tick that for sure. At least I am an Asian and I know how Asian thinks compared to dull Europe. Further I think I am not suitable to study all of these anymore. My time for 'campus' life is already over two years ago.

Just for reminder, kalau dak dok syok berangan sahaja... Your assignment is a presentation based on the article about Conceptualizing the EU Model of Governance by Ben Rosamond. Presentation should not exceed 30 minutes. Another five minutes for discussion so, prepare anything like questions or further discussion. I must get A for this course since I have only one class. Well, it's not 'really' my goal but we just need to set up standard for ourselves or else we would keep dreaming. This one should be done by 2nd of November 2011.  

Another one assignment is quite blurry for me cause I don't really understand what should I do regarding it. The lecturer has asked us to get at least two Europeans and trying to get their perspectives regarding current issues happening in Europe for example human rights, environment, terrorism, polity, law or any other interesting topic. Get their views over the issues. 

It is a kind of interview regarding the issue and its relation to their countries. What is the root of the issue? What should be done with the issue? Why is that the issue is so contentious for them? How do they think regarding the execution of rules and regulation regarding the issue? Had it been done enough or else?

Prepare a questionnaire and doing face to face interview. Later report it to the class. Europeans interviewed are not restricted to those from the EU but also from other non-EU states in the continent. Now it is week 5th, I must prepare the background for my topic regarding this presentation. On the 6th week, present the background for about 10-15 minutes.

On the background we have to think about:

1. What questions to be asked?

2. How are we going to do about it?

3. Working in progress idea, it must be doable, basic idea should at least in our head. After that, do some interview and upload them in the learning portal before discussing it in the class.

4. Prepare final report not less than 2000 words about the findings on particular area of studies in which it means literature review.

5. To make it interesting as possible, and state why we choose the topic? Why it concerns us? 

6. Choose issue in Europe which also gives local implication to our country and do research about it.

7. Look at different perspectives in report.

8. Findings can not be generalized and ideographic.

Mid Semester Test would be at the 8th week. So, now we are in 5th week. No class for this week so try to finish the assignments as soon as possible.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

An Overnight at Masjid Benggali in Georgetown

Assalamu'alaikum!

Last Thursday, I was invited by Ridhwan to join the activity in Tabligh center in Georgetown. He is my neighbor hostelmate and he is also a Tabligh Karkon. It just happened that I joined their Taklim (Tabligh book readings) in the musalla. He told me to call or contact karkon Firdaus if I want to join their activity in Bengali Mosque or their center. 

Well, last few weeks, Firdaus had already invited me but I turned it down because I have my own personal prayer service and recitation of Quran in Friday night to Saturday. But since my new roomate moved into my room, I have to stop everything because he is quite sensitive with sounds. Even he can't tolerate some sounds screeching out of my earphone although I had already turned it lower near mute because some audios can't be lowered anymore as the uploader had set the sound as it is. 

I guess he thinks that I am not aware about Islamic practices although I am myself a born Muslim, being an infidel for a while when Allah took away the guidance from me and later giving it back to me, and a Hadrami descent. This is the problem of people from Arab world including some Palestinians. They are not aware about other brothers and sisters around the world although global medias keep highlighting them. 

I believe that not all of them are aware about Hadramis migration to South East Asia and their preaching of Islam to the native kingdoms around under sunnah and sufisme framework. About Muslims in Southern Thailand, Myanmar, and other places hidden from any coverage. I personally think that it is so selfish.  

So, for this reason I had giving a thought to join the activity at the mosque that night. Why not? Because staying in a mosque is also a good opportunity rather than staying in the room doing nothing and having bad thoughts because of my roomate and later flawing my mind. I can learn how Jama'at-e-Tabligh work and experience is not something that can be gained easily. 

So, I messaged Firdaus, the karkon guy and told him that I am going to join them. I am sure that he would be glad as he had been successive in his Tasykil (persuasion of new member). These are some Tabligh terms that I had learned and being aware of after few talks with them, hahaha. 

However I have no intention to be attached to this Jama'at (movement) nor any Jama'at. I believe that every Muslims are my brothers and sisters, we are already a Jama'at ourselves. We already worked together in different fields for one reason, for His pleasure. We just need to establish connection among each other and establishing more close relationship whenever opportunity reaches us.  

At 18:30 pm I went down to the musalla and saw Firdaus having a big burger while waiting for the transport. He told me someone gave him that. I don't feel hungry at all at that time so, I don't think that he has to be so polite with me. 

We went to the mosque by a car driven by a guy whose name is Syafiq. They called him Atok. I heard those two guys were astonished when we passed by a small tokong with Natu Kong statue in the shrine at the side of the road. Firdaus said, that statue wears songkok and he looks Malay. He must be a Malay. I stayed in silence although I feel that I should explain to them what is Natu Kong but never mind. They will know about it sooner or later and I think that it is a good exposure for them, at least they should also learn others belief and culture before preaching to others.

We arrived at the mosque near Maghrib. We prayed Maghrib together and there were many people in the mosque. They came for the mosque activity and I could also see some Tabligh members selling things like miswak, perfumes, clothes, and many things in front of the mosque entrance. 

They also served the dinner that night but I can't accept anything from sidqa and zakat. I had checked the hadiths that we were forbidden by prophet (saw) to take those things from Muslim and we must obey that. Those are the rights of our Muslim brothers and sisters which we could never take advantage at. 

After the Maghrib prayer, we listened to a bayan (lecture) being delivered by an old Tabligh teacher in Tamil and translated into Malay. They have many translators in the mosque for other languages too like Urdu, Arabic, Bengali, and English. I also met a Chinese young guy too whose name is Yunus from Xinjiang. I approached him but I spoke to him in the beginning in English because he might not understand Malaysian Chinese. I found that he lives in Restu, which is the same area with me just our hostels are different. We have some chat there after he speaks in Chinese because he feel comfortable with it. He asked me whether I could read and understand Quranic verses written in Arabic? He expressed his opinion that he had seen Malays could read Quranic verses very well but  he was so surprised to know that they don't really understand what they are chanting about.  He also asked me whether I learned Islamic education at school in Chinese or Malay? And of course we learn Islamic education in Malay as the medium, I was a product of national system school and later being registered into religious school for three years before I shifted to a technic school in Kajang.

He then asked me to translate to him what had been delivered when we meet again in the mosque next time if Allah permits it but I was like... hurmmm thinking that my Chinese isn't really good enough. I can only talk about common ordinary things around me or colloquil speech but not highly academic speech. Well, I can but it would take me a long time delving into dictionaries, and that would be good only if I am writing them because sometimes in speech, I tend to mix with Cantonese and Malay too if it is a highly academic speech like in the religious lecture. 

I began to feel hungry but because I can't eat the tray food. Well, I am also not a tray eating type of person, hahaha. So, I told Firdaus that I want to go to the 7E in front of the Oriental Hotel. Just close to the mosque and buy a bread and a mineral water. He accompanied me, and he asked me to join them in the mosque although I wasn't eating with them in the tray but I refused because I'm afraid people will think that I am an arrogant. We can't keep telling everyone about our problem, it is shameful anyway. I had few chat with Firdaus in front of the 7E sitting on the bench while chewing the bread trying to know him better because it was only they who asked me this and that but I asked them nothing in return. After that we leave that place because a weird girl trying to approach us and she seems weird, and it is in front of hotels and bars.

Ironically, I found that the mosque is in opposite to two night clubs. I didn't bring camera with me so that had caused me a great regret but I was advised by the karkon guy to just bringing things that I really need like clothes for change, towel, small pillow, and blanket in a rucksack. It is also not safe to leave valuable stuffs unattended in that open mosque. Maybe next time when I have other opportunity that I will consider to bring it along together planning safety plan.

Then we pray 'Isya prayer and those people began to spread their blanket to sleep. I can see some of them were chatting among each other, some were doing additional prayers, some were reciting Quran, some were just laying down on the carpet, some were sleeping. I was just counting my prayer beads for evening ma'thurat because I had forgotten to to recite it after Maghrib. They immediately began their bayan and name-taking of course for 'religious work.' I certainly can't write my name because I would do it whenever I feel free without any constraint nor acknowledgement, just like what my ancestors did.

I am thankful that the karkon guy didn't leave me alone. Or else I would like feeling foreign in the midst of Tabligh-e-Jama'at members. I can't really sleep well. I feel not comfortable sleeping in the middle of prayer hall. Around four to five in the morning many of the people began waking up. They performed night prayers and witr I guess. The karkon guy is still sleeping, I don't want to disturb him so I walked slowly and passing people's sleeping to the shower to avoid waiting in que when all of the people began to take the shower.

Then after Fajr prayer, they had another Taklim. But they keep focusing on their Indian members because their outing for few months usually being done to India. What I heard is that, the Taklim guy told the crowd in the prayer hall that people in Bihar, Bangladesh, and Uttar Pradesh are so respectful to them during their visit to their centers in India. About a Tabligh member died in India  due to heart-attack and his face is full with light because of 'religious work'  during the burial process being performed by other members.

Concerning hospitality of Tabligh members in Indian continent, I had read an Indian saying in my Sanskrit notebook (I learned Pali-Sanskrit and Thai when I was a silent Buddhist for religious purpose) where it says that 'athithi deivo.' It means 'the guest are gods.' It implies that, treat your guest like your god. I think those people in India were simply like that. Not really because of the similarity or their adherence to what had happened during sahabah (companions) period like what had been referred by the Taklim guy as high Ikram (honoring guests). I somehow feel that it has been exaggerated by the Taklim guy about the treatment of the people to them because we know how Indians are at hospitality and they also have their own philosophy concerning that. The Taklim guy is also an Indian anyway.

Later we went home to our campus but first we stopped by at Sardon to have some breakfast. I just had a plate of fried beehoon because I didn't really feel like eating anything although I was hungry because I just ate a loaf of bread and plain water last night. There was another guy whose name is Fitri, a Kedahan who gave us a ride back from the mosque with his car. Through my observations at these karkons, it seems like many of them are quite loaded. They have cars, they come from good courses like architecture, physics, chemistry, and education. Most of them are from the same courses, they have lecturers who are also the members of Jamaat-e-Tabligh so they kind of having good relationship and ties with their lecturers and could maintain their study life with their 'religious work.' I also found that most are from Western coast of Peninsula but that might be my narrow observation because I also met few Tabligh members from Kelantan in my neighborhood.

Compared to me, I was like an outcast in my course during degree. Because I was so stringent with my principles until I had clashes with my lecturers during my third year. I had performed my hajj pilgrimage with my beloved mother before I went to my degree and I have to protect my efforts that I had done but my lecturers didn't understand me and simply taking me as a rebel for not joing their parties and others. 

Even now, I am struggling because I'm shifting to other course, far more different from what I was taking in degree and have to begin from the scratch but in a higher level. Most of my lecturers are not really religious, they are females in which it would be different, in term of having good relationship because we are not from the same gender (mahram stuffs), some of them are feminists, and some are non-Muslims. My faith, affiliations and religion is only kept to myself. I also have to listen to different views, being extra-tolerant and some more, being patient and praying to Allah to give me strength.

I was so tired and I slept for few hours after reaching my room at around 10 in the morning. Luckily I didn't miss my Friday prayer, praise Allah. This is my experience when I follow the Tabligh guys to their markaz (center) which is the Bengali Mosque in Georgetown last Thursday. 

It is quite new for me because although my maternal uncle is also a Tabligh but I never follow him. Last time, he did tried to persuade me or even my dad to join them but never succeed. I am still I am,  I would never join anything but I just assume that I am learning the way people interact and how their movement functioning. It is quite interesting too : )       

I close this post with the prayer may Allah forgive us our sins, our evil thinking, and may Allah forgive us our bad words and replacing them with the good ones. Anything that I posted wrongly, please forgive me those are just my weaknesses and my personal opinion. Allah bless our prophet Muhammad (saw), his companion, his family and may Allah bless his beloved faithful followers. Amin!