Last Sem Registration - Settled

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Language Center - Pic pinjam from Prime Time with Aleph Prime tak kuasa nak snap pics in the dealing times

Praises be to Allah, I had settled the registration for the beginning of semester. I don't borrow from PTPTIPU (national loan for students) but borrowing from fama (father n mother) and third sister's loan. I had already said that I am going to pay the loan of parents and sister's so it should be like what I had earlier said no matter what happen or even if they refuse it. A Muslim with noble morality must be firm with his words.

How do we register as a postgraduate candidate without any scholar or loan? The registration for my major class has been done since last week's Friday. I had to abandon Friday Ziyarat after Jumu'ah and Saturday Salam benediction rituals in the evening with salawat to prophet Muhammad s.a.w as the seal of prophethood. I wish Allah forgives me because I was so occupied and I took hold with the sayings of noble prophet Jesus a.s who mentioned that human is not to be the slave and servants of the day but submitting to Him. I just print out the payment slip which already stated the name of the recipient and its account number. I took out the amount of money RM580 for payment from the ATM machine at CIMB bank and taking the number. Waiting there patiently beside an Iranian guy who behaved like a macho man... his mouth stinks, na'udzubillah bukan nak nak mengata just a negative thinking, hehehe... So, it was settled since last week. I am still not done with the monthly hostel payment for February so tomorrow I would go to the treasury and pay so I could feel at peace.

Today, I have to register foreign language class again since I had dropped the earlier German class. It was a rusty language and I found that it's like a barbarian tongue. I better learn Arabic, Sindhi, Farsi, Aramaic or Kurdish as compared to German. They are more useful for me. I just took Spanish and I met my Spanish level I teacher there again, Miss Ummu. She's quite cool today as compared to when in classes maybe because of the nice positive morning air, haha. However, the teacher for my level now is a Spaniard girl could I say. She seems pretty but I'm not talking about her in a horny way it's a sin, hahaha. She's just pretty that's all and her name I guess is Maria Rosario. Who cares, as long as I can finish this thesis and get the hell out of this place I would be very glad and relieved. First I had to fill the form for BJIM students which refers to the International Studies Postgraduate students as our pointer will not be counted even if we've got failed in the paper. It's just a requirement paper as long as we sit for the final test we can get our degree and certification. After the payment at the CIMB bank, I went back to the Language Center building and getting the receipt as the prove of payment and registration.

I think this is better because I know how much that I had spent for studies through receipts that I keep with me. I could also manage to pay back to people without interests. I don't have to burden my country and tax payers but just burdening my parents and sister for few moment. I don't take any scholar or MyBrain support by Higher Education Ministry because I have my own philosophy which people could not easily understand because they love to be supported by government. After this I'll become a tax-payer, it is the government who will owe me and not me who owe them anymore because I would be free after I finish my undergraduate loan payment. It makes a lot easier for me to claim in the hereafter before Him to those who do not believe in the Pillars of Faith and Path because Judgement Day is not coming yet and it is not visible to people's eyes, haha. I just borrowed around RM9000 for undergraduate and it covers the whole three wasting years in the university just to get a name as a university graduate. As for me, I don't care about people status even if a person is a farmer or a raw meat or vegetable suppliers at the market. As long as a person is humble and happy with his life it would be the greatest grace ever granted by Allah to us because we could concentrate on our worship and seeking knowledge to be His real servant. What is the pride by being a scholar student? Nothing... Because Allah would never asks us about that in the Judgement and we would have a big trouble in managing the time to know Him so I would rather giving the opportunity to others to grab the chance if they wanted to.... : )

We begin the class right away at 14:00 but I was late to the class because of Dzuhr prayer service. I am thinking to ask jurists about salat service whether I could simplify my salat with Jama' Ta'akhir and later perform it again after 'Asr prayer service. It's better than not performing any prayer service at all because I would feel accursed and guilty for the whole year if I leave the salat without any reason. Have to record today's notes from the class because it's European Crack-Head Economy and I am not from that background, huhuhuuu.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!       

           

Semester III Gonna Begin

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

I wish everyone passing by in good condition and wishing everyone well-being. For record purpose, I must pay back third sister since I had several times mentioned about borrowing some cash to survive. I had borrow from her about RM4000. When we borrow from someone, we must hold our words. Even death touching us, we must pay back or at least try to pay. I payed the study bill with 75 bank notes of RM50, the turn number 1173 around 15:38-16:30 at counter no.1. 

I helped third sister with her thesis proposal and she might give me something. I don't want anything, I just wanted to help her because I want to help her. She is my own sister. I had owed parents more than my life. I doubt that I could pay everything before I see the Glorious God. I must also pay dad RM5000 for the first two semesters registration, also RM2000 to mum. Though they never ask me but I must be considerate and compassionate as it is not easy for dad working day and night for some money to make a living with family. He might need it for his future guarantee, he is already an old man. Parents deserve to live in peace and getting merits for themselves in the hereafter through practices. My first degree debt with the National Higher Education Fund Corp (PTPTN) would be around RM16000, calculated and predicted together with 3% and the interest according to years. It supposedly to be RM9000 without any interest or service charge because I just borrowed that amount and strictly using it for registrations and related courses according to unit requirements. I don't use that loan for my daily life in the university while being a first degree student.

I do not know whether I should regret choosing this way to further studies or not. I am already half the way and I could not act like a coward, running half way. If I am in the battle, I must move up to the front line facing bullets or else I will get His curse. I actually wanted to study Quran and Sunnah just after I finish up my first degree but I end up like this. I just can't stand people coming by at home keep talking about what would I be in the future.. I can't run from them since I do not know where to go. All of my friends fade away and I can't hide from them, nor finding my friends maybe to hide from these people...

I do not intend to further phd anymore after this, let people say anything they want. It is just a certificate, our virtue is in our heart and mind, not in the paper. I just don't care anymore. I pray to our Lord, Allah 'Azza wa Jalla to set me only to get ready to see Him. I am already tired with this world. After I settled everything at the bank, I actually felt that I wanted to cry as I have to be a beggar but I have to hold up my tears... Just feeling weak and it is so shameful... Right now I am staying for few hours more in Azren's room because I had a problem with my roommate. He keep reminding me not to bring scouting friend though I had already told the guy not to stay in the room anymore. I don't receive any scouting friend anymore. Even when brother Shuhaimi called me yesterday asking me permission to stay for a while in my room, I had rejected him. I feel like crying while typing this too. I don't want Azren or anyone seeing me crying... Just like Amir, my homie  and ex-colleague said... No matter how suffering we are, hold up our tears, cry alone...!!! Don't show it to others...!!! Terima kasih lah Azren tompangkan aku, aku wat susah ko je, kalo tak arini ko dah leh balik... Aku malu sebenarnya tapi dah terpaksa... Lenkali aku cuba kurang susahkan orang... Selamat bergraduasi, best of wishes...! I wish dear brother Sayyid 'Eidan and family a blessed fasting and abstinence period too.  

Anyhow, I would just cry at the masjid kneeling before the God for guidance and strength. I feel restless for this semester and the coming semester :'( The first class which I am going to repeat will begin on Thursday the next week, 16th of Syawwal 1432 H. I am still not done with third sister works and also my own thesis chapters. I don't want to see anyone including my sisters crying, I will cry for them though many people cursing my face when I try to reconcile everyone. May Allah forgives everyone, as they do not know nor understand... Today is 10th of Syawwal.... We have plenty of time to finish up 6th days of Syawwal fasting... Insyaallah, I would try to fast beginning this Monday... I wish those who fast the 6 days of Syawwal to be blessed with His Grace and Love... Those who had already finished, I wish you congratulations, may Allah keeps you in consistency under His Shade, amin!  

يا رب القوات كن معنا يا رب القوات إرحمنا .... O Lord of the Strength, be with us... O Lord of Strength, have Mercy on us... اللهم صل على محمد وعلى اهله و صحبه أجمعين... Our Lord please be in contact with our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family and his companions... Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!