Mawlid al-Rasul Eve 2013

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

My paternal cousin sister, Zaynab came by since yesterday with her youngest son, Hafiz and her daughter, Zaitoon. They came from Alor Setar. My father had once lived with his eldest sister from the same mother, Hawa (Eva) and her husband, Yousuf (Joseph) in Singapore. Zaynab is one of their daughter. Uncle Yousuf is also a relative to both my father and my aunt from their paternal side. They returned to Kedah state just before the partition of Singapore from Malaysian federation states because the living cost there was rising. I never had the chance to meet uncle Yousuf because he passed away just after he returned to Kedah, but I had few times met aunt Hawa where she lived in Kodiang. She passed away in Alor Setar and was buried in Kodiang. Yesterday morning, Hafiz had an interview as a security police at the Post Training Center in Bangi. He just stayed in my room these two days, haha. His elder brother, Amir was the one who looks like a Hindustani guy. That was what my elder sister said because they are of the same age and now he is a common Tabligh member constantly with bald head. We're not so close as we live far from each other. My father and mother perhaps are familiar with these cousins.   

This evening, my sister suddenly knocked my room and asked me to accompany her to show Hafiz around as my mother brought sister Zaynab to our jami' mosque. I checked the time and it was 20:00. They would have to rush to the bus station at 22:00. However, my little sister still insist because she wanted to entertain the guest nephew and there is nothing to be cooked at home. That guy might feel hungry but perhaps shy. It was raining so heavily and I was lazy to drive. My driving skill is so bad. So, we didn't get to treat Hafiz anything. Poor guy, maybe he just eat the bread that his mother bought. It is their first time here in central area. When sister Zaynab called us, I just rushed my way to return home and sending Hafiz to the station. Then my sister said she is hungry so we went to Cyberjaya, hahahaha... I don't know what to eat there, so I had a bowl of Japanese noodle while my little sister tried a chicken curry rice as she is not a vegetarian at Tokio Cafe... Quite expensive but that would be only once for this year and perhaps other years that we would try the food there again....

Yesterday, my father was admitted to the Serdang Hospital emergency ward for observation. I don't know whether he has constipation problem or because of drug poisoning. He keeps vomiting and sleepless. He can't tell us what is happening to him as his nerves problem makes him mute. I am actually very sad but I can't express my emotion because so many sad things happen around me. It makes me almost emotionless. I waited in the observation ward from 11:00 to 16:45. The doctors there had injected his skin to take his blood and I felt like kicking their face because my father ate nothing. How could his body produce blood and hemoglobin???! 

Then I changed his diaper myself as we always do that at home. One of a kind nurse came and helped me when she saw me struggling to help my father while other nurses there are busy chatting with each other on how painful their life working in the "hospital". They had chosen to be nurses and expecting their life to be like in paradise? How could that possible??? This is what we call as selfish. We know that nurses are also human. But the nature of their job is the nature of the job in disaster. Why they chose to be nurses in the first place if they do not want to dip their selves into the mess? Easy money? Because it is safer to work with the government? Where is luminosity of mind among human-being? I learned about Bodhicittam (enlightened mind) or Pabhassaracittam (luminous mind) according to both traditions of Buddhism. But I don't understand why most "Muslims" who would definitely being entered into the paradise although committing sins do not have this thinking of "philosophical" infidels?

What happen say if these nurses see the Palestinian Arabs with blue eyes who were bombed by Israel in the hospital? Perhaps they would cry and lamenting on behalf of their beautiful poor brothers and sisters in Islam. But what about us in the hospital? The ordinary patients who have no significance? Those around us? Aren't we Muslims too? Why can't people regard everyone who are closer to them regardless background as their brothers and sisters in Islam? This is what disgusts me... Hypocrisy and double standard is all around...

Wishing those who celebrate the Mawlid al-Rasul a nice day. I guess my mother and second sister would join procession or activities at the mosque or musalla tomorrow but I am not joining them. I would bring the celebration to Friday and celebrating the noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w "alone" in the mosque before the Friday prayer service.

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Memorize Quran

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Since the past two days, I had been very busy writing and printing out my resume to find job. I went out and thinking so many times to do some migrant workers' job at the shopping complex where it also touches things like can I pray peacefully at the time I work like this or is it worth for me to do such jobs when I get only little payment for being humans' slave? Actually I was hit with the fear that I could not maintain my family house and I am the only son at home. I tried to practice meditation and all sort of things that I had learned from my previous experience but once I see my father face I began to feel so scared. I could say that my father had done everything he can to survive and maintaining his family. Though many people looked down upon him, I actually look at him with high esteem. He is way better than me because he could survive. I am also afraid and thinking about my mother. I wish that she would be happy and healthy. 

I had browsed again the schools in Middle East such as in Yemen or Saudi Arabia which taught Quran and the Sharia but now I am already 26. In few weeks I would turn to be a 27 years old man. I am not a little kid anymore. And still I am penniless with no property of my own and with no career. I am only sustained with the mercy of my family members and of course with Allah's mercy. I think that maybe it would be too late for me. I made the decision to shut down my social network account because I don't think that I could get help from any of friends out there. It would be just enough for me to depend only on Allah. Maybe people might think that I am crazy but I have had enough with this world. I don't mind people wanted to say that I am more inclined to rahbaniyyat (monkhood) which is forbidden in our religion. I did not ask for this but it still happens as I cannot get any help from people around. They do not understand me nor do I understand them. Urm, trying to hold my dropping tears. Please be strong...!!!

Anyway, I don't think that I could return to proper Sharia studies and studying Quran in proper environment. Maybe I would continue studying it under the ground and praying for Allah to help me by guiding me with ruhul qudus (holy spirit) and shun away all the satans from me as to protect the Quran that I am bearing. I try to frame the methods that I had used when I memorized the 19th part of the Quran with some help from syllabus from the net. I had lost almost all the methods due to the struggle with worldly affairs. I could just remember the prayers for memorization, the litany that I learned from teachers and chanting its meaning by heart in several languages. Right now, I keep an exercise book with me to jot down any verses that come across my head whenever it is and checking it again with my mushaf. It is almost the same method that I found in a site where I copied these down for myself.  

Memorizing Quran has a process which is broken into three categories which are:

1. New lesson

2. New memorization

3. Old memorization

It is very important to comprehend that memorizing Quran for the long term is a process and it takes close to a month. One we memorize the verse, it would not be solid until we repeat it a number of times until it enters the deeper part of our brain.

Beginning New Lesson

If we are serious about memorizing, try to follow these steps exactly:

1. Read the first verse 10 times while looking in from the top. 

2. Now read the same verse 10 times without looking at it until we can recite it without any mistakes.

3. Begin connecting the verses. Recite the first and second verses together without looking in and without mistakes. 

4. Keep connecting the verse on the page. Each time we connect the new verse, go back to the top of the page and read till the verse that we have memorized. 

5. When we reach the last verse, we should recite the whole page from the top without looking and without any mistakes.

6. Recite the page from memory to someone. We should have no mistakes.

7. We should repeat the above steps as needed to have a perfect page memorized.

New Memorization

This the amount of the Quran which we have memorized in the last 30 days. This part is to be taken seriously as it will determine if the verse we memorized will be solid for our life or not. Retaining and reviewing the Quran is a 25 day process. After those 25 days, reviewing once a month will suffice. This will lead to the old memorization which will be discussed.

1. Whatever we review in this section, we must recite it to someone who has either memorized the verse or is well-versed in reading the Quran.

2. If we have memorized five pages in the last five days, we must recite them to ourselves until we do not make any error. Then find a teacher and recite it to him.

3. At this point on, whatever we memorize, it must be recited daily. It means reviewed to ourselves without mistakes and recited to someone else.

4. If for some reason we did not review our "new memorization" for the day, then do not memorize new verse. We are pouring water into a cup with a hole. Each day we do not review new memorization, we are making the hole in our cup bigger and bigger until we would not remember anything. If we do not review a page for seven days consecutively, go back to the new lesson and re-memorize the page.    

5. It sounds redundant because there lies the importance on how much we need to review new memorization. It will make or break our memorization.      

6. If we memorize a page a day, we will finish a part in 20 days. After these 20 days, take extra five days to review whole part with someone proficient.
7. The part memorized will now be considered part of our "old memorization".

Old Memorization

This is anything we have reviewed for at least 25 days consecutively. The amount we review depends on how much Quran we have memorized. Once we have memorized the Quran, new lessons and new memorizations will come to a halt. And we will be left with the old memorization. This will continue for the rest of our lives till death do us part.

A. Daily Review

1. Between 1-3rd part, we should review five pages daily.

2. Between 4-7 part, we should review 10 pages which equals half the part daily.

3. Between 7-15 part, we should review 20 pages which equals to a part daily.

4. Between 15-20 part, we should review 30 pages which equals 1.5 part daily.

5. Between 20-30 part, we should review 60 pages which equals two parts daily.

B. Read the part to ourselves then recite to a teacher or another memorizer.

This process will have to continue for the rest of our life.

C. In the "old memorization", we should not get more than four mistakes, or four stutters in a part.

A mistake classifies as reading something incorrectly and not being able to correct it. A stutter classifies reading something incorrectly, being sent back a few verses to correct it and finally reading it correctly. At the same time, we should be making more than one mistake or one stutter for every five pages we read.

Conclusion

When we found a verse to be hard, we would look into the mushaf and write it somewhere. At times we would also listen to recitations to ease the memorization. Sometimes looking in and repeating it would not make the verse stick, so do whatever it takes to memorize it.

If we falter somewhat in the old memorization, it is ok. Just do not miss two or three days at once. Reading Quran is a lifetime endeavor. Reviewing is more important than memorizing. Focus on perfecting our "new lesson" and "new memorization". If we feel some part is not strong, give preference to review that part rather than memorizing something new. Read something everyday. Not only should we do this as a student of memorization, but it should be our habit as Muslims. Take out some time to read and reflect on a few verses daily. 

Wishing Allah helps me with this task and makes everything goes well. This life surely is not going on smoothly because nobody guides me or showing me what should I be. It was You who is the One that decides what am I going to be. I know I was not a good student nor excel well in any field that I studied. I keep hearing comments and critics from people around but nobody criticize their selves because they think that everything that they get is by their own effort without the intervention of the Divine Sustainer (luck). I pray that at least let the Quran being my company and my entertainer while waiting for the Resurrection the one which would be my savior in His promised Day if I have no possession in this world nor fame to show off like other people. That is all that I wanted for myself :')

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Happy 'Aidul Adha 1433 and Happy New Year 1434

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Recently I have been really... really... really busy. So nice that I could write or speak in proper polite English. Usually I can't avoid to speak vulgar ones. It's just the way I talk with the people I was dealing with, haha. For sure that is not the characteristic of a member of the paradise. So, I would actually advise myself not to forget my responsibility and to remain "pure" like the lotus among the mud. The lotus can not leave the mud because it is surrounded with it and needs to cooperate with the mud to protect the balanced earth. 

First of all before I go further about what happened in this temporary earth and in the life of a slave of Allah. I would gladly wishing brothers and sisters happy 'Aiduladha and Happy Rossussanah 1434 H. It is our new moon and I think as always most people will recite the supplication and prayers in the masjid. Among all celebration, I actually in deep love with 'Aiduladha as its significance of Qurban or sacrifice to seek nearness to Allah warming my heart with the love to Him. I always remember and cherish my memory while in holy Mecca and those whom I had met during the pilgrimage season and high holy days there. It makes me realize who is my self and what I found is that I am nothing in this universe but He is full of Glory and full of Greatness. I am actually shedding my tears when the flashbacks come in my head hope nobody see it here, hehe :') 

Awareness on the Significance of Qurban and 'Aiduladha

This is only a summary of what I know about my faith, my ancestral tradition and my religion. I would like to call all brothers and sisters regardless denominations and schools of jurisprudence to keep the awareness about what is the significance of certain celebration and festival in our religion. I don't actually care whether brothers or sisters are from different schools of jurisprudence or from whatever denominations. We still profess the same prophet Muhammad s.a.w as our seal of prophethood, reciting the Quran and our faith is solely in Allah where we direct all of our hopes and dependance only to Him. 

Many young people are not really aware about the details of their religion but yet calling it as a "tariqa" of their life. I was also like that though I studied about Islam but that was only for examination papers. Not for "myself" to use it to perform pure livelihood in the way to seek His Glorious Holy Appearance in the hereafter. Nowadays I would question people but it seems that most of them do not understand it yet they think I am trying to put them down. I was not talking to them as a "second person" but I assume that I was talking to my another self when those questions come out. 

This has nothing to do with any mysticism. I beg those who accidentally stumbled by to please do not misunderstood me. I am tired people thinking that I am practicing mystical mysterious dzikr or whatever practices. I am just an ordinary Muslim man like brothers and sisters out there. I don't like people looking at me like a scary pathetic ghost and it makes me crying in my heart. I am a human and I live like other people watching TV, listening to radio and also typing in the computer now. Only Allah knows how I feel where I feel like I wanted to slap the face of "adik-adik" or kicking their ass when they approached me and asking me about some kind of turuq practices. Fortunately it is in the musalla or in the canteen so they were safe. Otherwise I will make sure they bleed their nose without they even realize it! I do pray for brothers of another "realm" but I do not do it for false practices. I am doing it for their benefit because I am always alone. I rarely made friend and as a responsibility of a fellow brother for them I reserved some "foods" and sprinkled them while walking to masjid early in the morning when everyone were asleep. I hate magics, sorcery and tricks! 

Sa'ie, Love of a Mother for Her Infant Son and Sufferings to Continue Survival

Briefly, 'Aiduladha is the peak of a series of high holidays. It is a tradition inherited from our father, Abraham and his son Ishmael. Well, this is according to our tradition's exegesis of Quran. An event that makes me feel touched was about the love of a mother to her son. Hagar as a mother had ran here and there at the Safa and Marwa seven rounds in order to find water after being left by Abraham a.s in the barren valley.  At that time infant Ishmael was around three years old as far as I could remember our elders recital of the chronicles in Arabic poetry form. I recalled everything that I heard when I was in Mecca, while in the Arafat desert and while traveling to Jeddah and Medina along the desert.

We imitated her deeds at the Safa and Marwa hills and I was almost dead with my mother there because so many people and they almost stepped me to death before a man helped me. My mother said that she does not care anymore if she dies, so I was so scared and I took her hand before someone hit me and I was the one who was down there. I never realize that I love my mother and I still have 'some' love in my heart that I thought had already gone after few sad incidents in my life. 

Hagar and Ismael a.s were sent down after Sarah a.s can't hold her jealousy and when Ishmael had teased her son, Ishaq a.s she just asked Abraham a.s to send them both away. That is normal I guess for women. I live with women and I am familiar with jealousy. My younger sister are always jealous to me when my mother gives me something but I actually never ask her anything. I always give everything that I have to others to avoid from "evil eyes". I hate to have issues with others but I just don't understand why they still love to find issues with me.

Back to the story, Abraham a.s just left both of Hagar and Ismael a.s with a prayer may the barren valley be blessed with sustenance which dearly brothers and sisters could read in the Quran Surat Ibrahim verse 37. These prayers were also pasted at the mihrab of our masjid here. Each time when I visit the masjid and pray there I would recite those prayers in my heart and looking at those verses. The valley is filled with metal hill. I am not talking without experience. I saw that the hills do no absorb the water when rain falls and it caused a big and ferocious flood in the Ajyad area.    

Qurban of Abraham and Ishmael a.s

It tells that once upon a time, father Abraham a.s came down to the Meccan valley to visit his wife, Hagar a.s and their son, Ishmael a.s. At that time, Ishmael was already a young man. While staying there, Abraham dreamed that he was slaughtering his son. The same dream happens few times so Abraham understood that the dream is a revelation of Allah (surat as-Saffat vs. 103-107). So, he told it to Ishmael and Ishmael agreed as it was a revelation and a commandment. Everybody at the ancient Jurhumite Arab village thought that Abraham had already losing his mind. 

Jamrat and Throwing Pebble Stones

A "man" appears to Hagar and told her everything. He said that Abraham a.s is going to murder his own son and claimed that it was a revelation. The man according to exegesis was a "satan" in the form of a human. When Hagar a.s heard the word "revelation", she just ignored the man and said that if so then let it be. She knows what Abraham a.s is doing. The "man" was disappointed so he leaves and "appear" to Abraham and Ishmael a.s. Three times the "man" appears to them while they were on their way to a hill to perform the "sacrifice" and commandment. At these three points where the "man" appears, they chased him away with pebble stones throwing. The points nowadays were known as jamrat and the act of these two prophets of Allah is imitated by Muslims all over the world during pilgrimage season. I recalled that we had thrown seven stones in each jamrat and the event happens in three days in Dzulhijja month. The spiritual and psychological significance of this actually is about how we deal with evil whispers. Whether we listens it and stay far from Allah or we just ignore it and be closer to Allah. 

Reward of Qurban and the Love of Allah Saves Everything

At the time when Abraham a.s almost hitting the neck of his son; his sword was directed to another point where he didn't really hit his son. But he hits a sheep. The reward of this sacrifice is what we could see today. Prophet Abraham a.s is blessed with the mercy to the universe for the end of the ages. It was through his prayers and sacrifices that his descents are blessed by Allah.

Other Version: Ishaq as the Subject

I have no time to slip the Old Testament but I am aware that the Children of Israel believe in Ishaq as the one who was sacrificed. I just read the Epistle of Barnabas which is the interpretation of the Old Testament by Jews who were the believers of Jesus a.s that stated this tradition of exegesis. For brothers information, since the end of September until now, our Jew friends are also in High Holy Days where they observed the Yom Kapparot for atonement where they would fast at that day and seeking forgiveness, New Moon of Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot festival and Simchat Torah. To tell everyone the truth; I don't give a damn to any version of the narration or on the differences of gentiles and non-gentiles. Allah blesses everyone regardless they are of any lineage and worldly fame means nothing. 

What I care is the spirit to seek nearness to Allah or G-d or whatever it is spelled because I am referring to the Highest Authority of the Universe, the King. During High Holy Days while waiting for our prayer times, I usually would chat with brother Eidan who happened to be a fellow Hadrami Arab descent but of different religion. We just discussed and sharing our family traditions. He is a Jew since his mother is a Jew but we are connected with the same Muslim paternal lineage of Iraqi immigrant in Yemen who was known as the Migrant though of different clans and of different flows.

Basically, these people were known as high sufis of various tariqa and could be founded among Sunni or Shi'a groups of Muslims whether in Yemen, Africa or Indian sub-continent. Both of us are not registered with those associations because for me I just realized that after I made researches as I began to feel weird after comparing our selves with other locals, I made consultations on behalf of my father and his family and checking with the authority while for brother Eidan he is of different religion and already migrating to their holy land.

Anyway I am not going to be registered nor revealing it widely to other relatives of my father side though many elders actually aware about that and it was discarded from young people knowledge because of some conflicts between clans. Maybe they were shy or afraid to tell people because of consequences that our people faced since Abbasid era. They are no different to the Umayyad dynasty. That is normal when we are at the height of "power" and it turns us to be "blind". It takes away our conscience and that is one of the thing that our elders always said to us on what they are afraid of. I know several those who "still" use the title but they behaved not accordingly to the noble morality. Some of them are married to our cousins too. What for the name if the "spirit" is dim and Allah hates us. 

Wishing

Again wishing everyone Happy 'Aiduladha and Happy New Year 1434 H. To those who perform pilgrimage in holy shrine in Mecca and the Masjid an-Nabawi, you don't know how fortunate you are especially the areas are very tight with authority supervision. Take the opportunity to purify yourselves from worldly matters and always ask to officers around if you have problem in the manasik and confused with the flow of the worship in the pilgrimage rituals. Don't listen to self-claimed "ustads" or you might confuse yourselves. Make sure what kind of pilgrimage you are performing because you need to bolt it in your "intention" and revise neatly what is the important process before the day come. For those who perform Hajj al-Ifrad especially in the early groups who arrived in Jeddah, please please please don't mix with other pilgrims or else you will repeat my mistake. I performed tahallul before I finished everything with the obligatory pilgrimage because I listened to my mother who wants to follow her roommates in the moassasah (foundation) to perform 'umra. I regret it until today after I listened to the lecture on the mistakes in rituals. It is not easy to return and performing it again as to ask forgiveness from Allah through the rituals. Hajj mabrur, wa sa'yan mashkur. May your performed rituals lead you toward charity and chastity. May your efforts being followed with gratitude to Him.

Allahumma salli 'alaa aali Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad wa sahbihi ajma'in...

Sealed with prayer for mercy, peace and love, amin!              

I Came to Know Love

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This is a poem by Rabi'at Basri al-Adawiyah. She was an ascetic lady who dedicated her whole life only to worship the Lord and she is not a married woman. To understand this poem, actually she is talking to Allah, the Lord of the universe. She's not talking to any creature. She regards Allah as her Guardian Friend and the One she loves the most. There are several version of this poem from old Arabic movie of Egypt and also the modern one without musical instrument but only with synchronized human voice from Othman al-Rashidi.

I came to know love the moment I found Your love

And I have closed my heart from everyone except for You

And I wake up (at night) whispering to You

whatever hidden in heart while we don't see You

I have two loves for You

the love of inclination and the love for You are worthy for such love

The love of inclination is when Your remembrance keep me away from everything but You

And truly the love that You are worthy of is when You unveil the veils for me to see You! 

Truly the praise in either case (dear Guardian Friend) is not mine (dear Guardian Friend)

Truly praise in both cases belongs to You!

I have two types of longing for You

The longing of distance and the longing for the closeness so to be secluded in Your refuge

The longing of the distance is creating a stream because of the time of Your departure

The longing for the refuge's closeness is because the light of my life has been faded in Your light

 Despite of all my chantings (dear Guardian Friend)

I am not complaining my love (dear Guardian Friend)

I am content with whatever You have pleased for me

So, ladies out there please don't be sad if you are not married yet or looking around that your gal friends are married with children. I know about this since I have elder sisters. I listened to what they were talking about though I never say anything. 

When you're not married yet perhaps you say you are lonely but when you are married you will mumble other things like you can't enjoy yourselves while your husbands could come back home late after hanging out with their friends or watching football till late at night. You have to take care of your kids, your husbands are lazy to help you even to repair broken pipes at home and etc. Rabi'at al-Adawiyah only lives alone in a cave before her death at her 80's. I am not encouraging ladies to not marry with anyone that they love but just be patient and appreciate whatever that you have. If you are going to get marry with the one you love, then praise the God that your dream is fulfilled, haha.

Some of my undergraduate colleagues in my class last time, including a guy also talked about how lonely life without a girlfriend or boyfriend so they are competing among each other to get life partners. I just laughed in my heart since I thought that only girls would talk like that, hahaha. Human-being are funny but that is the reality of life. Don't make the definition of love and lonely so narrow... It's very broad and human soul tendencies are actually different from others. We could be lonely anywhere and everywhere. While on the earth we could still find people to hang around, but what if we are in the grave? Maybe buried together with others? LOL. So, to whom should we get back???

Before closing my eyes tonight, its the twin brother of death; I apologize to everyone who stepped in here if I posted anything wrong. I didn't mean to hurt anyone but just admiring this ascetic lady and I am just an ordinary mortal human-being. I pray for her soul to be blessed and may she be recompensed by the Lord on whatever she did not enjoy in this fake world since she did not live like normal people, insha Allah. I feel my kidneys are bleeding or its just a feeling???! BTW, Enjoy reading the poem....

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

給自己的情書

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Baru kantoi tengok filem Tamil tadi after I finished watching China's new version of the Journey to the West at 8 TV. I feel malu la gak because I realized that there were two undergraduate kids staring behind me while I laughed alone in the room. 

I laughed like a nut-head when watching a funny scene in the Tamil movie though can't really understand what they're saying and my legs are above my head, hahahaa. What people expect a loner to do when he is alone. Of course I would do all crazy stuffs like jumping, laughing out loud, and etc when no human seeing me, hahaha. Just walk out of the room without looking at their face. Maybe they wanted to watch their favorite program too. I just watch the Tamil movie because I stumbled at the scene and it's funny, hehe.

Just sharing about song here. I listen to this song sometimes when I feel down. It is delivered by Wang Fei from China. She's one of my favorite Chinese national singers. The title actually means Love Letter to Myself. This is in Cantonese but I don't know how to write in Roman Script Cantonese as I just recognize the sound. I can understand Cantonese but nowadays I can't fluently converse in the lingo anymore because I use Mandarin Chinese or English in most of my dealings with people around. 

I always regret myself because I forget Cantonese easily and I almost think to blame China for this but it's also our fault who do not continue to speak in dialects be it Fujianese or Cantonese, huhuhuhu. Everybody could just copy and paste the title of the song which I made as a title of this post. Let us share the lyrics, don't worry of course it will be in English. I feel lazy to type in Chinese and I would have to transliterate it in which will take me a whole year to correctly write Cantonese sounds, ahaha :

Love Letter to Myself

Please don't feel down... You've someone who is envious to you. You're too ambitious, it only make yourself look tiny. Don't give up and losing yourself so early. There are lots of places to visit. Bear in mind to work hard. Celebrate happiness with yourself. 

Console yourself, happy things have to be wholeheartedly remembered. Love yourself, it is the most fundamental truth. Write this noble love letter, using my own words. Be my gospel... If I don't love myself, how should I be in love? How could I bring any good to my lover?  

This thousand pounds heavy love letter in the depth of night. Resembles the tree at the front door. Without relying on him. Going home would not have to avoid the rain... Please don't be sad. 

I am gonna make you my idol. You want others to love and sympathetic to you but first equip your first aid kit. Do whatever good but don't do it because of gaining praises. You have to stay strong till the end, and then only think for others. 

Throw away the toy in hands. First learn how to properly sleep. After crawling over the deep ravine. Search in the mud and you found that you unwillingly believe this golden phrase.  

This song according to some rumors that we heard was about the affairs of the singer with an actor known as 謝霆鋒 Xie Tingfeng who never wrote her any love letter. Now it is an outdated rumors so not really important. I guess this guy has English name but sorry I am not going to refer any fellow Chinese with English name or Christian ones. We have Chinese name so be proud of it unless if it is for religious purpose then perhaps I could be tolerant.

Tips on Loving My Self

However, the reason why I post this is not to talk about the actor or the singer. It is more to psychological treatment when we are alone. We can try to write love letters to ourselves. I read in another blog known as Self Help Goddess and it also has few nice tips to create our own ideal life and getting specific results from it.  

She mentions that: Until we can truly come to a place of loving and accepting ourselves exactly as we are, results will ultimately always elude us because deep down we don't feel that we deserve any success that we are trying to achieve. Hey, this is almost the same like I always feel but I don't know if I made any achievement in my life???

She recommended an exercise called as writing a love letter to myself :

1. Take out a sheet of paper or we can write in journal or on computer.

2. Get busy writing a love letter to ourselves and describe wonderful things that we love and adore about ourselves.

3. We can write about physical features, personality, characteristics, things that we have accomplished in life, or anything that we appreciate about ourselves. 

4. No need to only focus on big things because small matters could also do, lol... 

She mentions that it might seem quite difficult since we spend so much time beating ourselves up and trying to change things about ourselves. So, at first it might be challenging to find things that we truly love about ourselves. We can do the best as we can, and if we keep looking perhaps we will find lots of great things that we love about ourselves.   

We could do this exercise several times or as many as possible as we need to boost up our self love. We will feel better after doing this and we may even realize that we love things about ourselves than we ever imagined. 

If we're single and wanted to manifest our ideal partner, say for this year, write a love letter to ourselves in the place of our dream partner, hahahaha. I don't know if this sounds pathetic but maybe we could try for fun. She says that this is in the case if we haven't meet any life partner yet and have no idea about love. Use our imagination to think about ideal partner and things which we find attractive in ourselves. Then write it again in the perspective of a second person. We could even keep it and show it to our future life partner when they finally show up.

It can be a useful exercise as sometimes we spend so much time focusing on the type of person we want to attract and we tend to forget to focus on how people should treat us. Make sense... Of course we want a person with specific characteristics and qualities but if they show up and don't love us as we are then we have missed the entire point to be loved, right? If we have ever met someone who has all the qualities we are looking for but they are just not into us then we know exactly what the self help blog is talking about. 

Just for fun, it does not mean that I am chasing anyone. I am a busy person and I am not thinking to get any partner yet. Urmmmm, scary la pulak I am not a horny guy or thinking that I should be the same like others if looking at others also have life partners. I'm not going to have a girlfriend or get married because I see others doing so. Marriage is about responsibility and I hate to hear people telling me that's a Sunnah like I am a deaf person. I am aware about it but we should not use it to justify whatever we do without knowing whether our act is the truth or in the opposite! I am not this kind of person who follows trend and I am very bolt if I see something wrong. Sometimes it would make people run away but I don't care.

I'm just thinking if we could also use this for self-confidence and we could also have ideas when we converse with people around us. Maybe we would know how to start talking if we have issues to talk even with the smallest issue like eating habit, hobbies, or anything...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

 

My Teacher

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Mere daachi de gal vicch talliyaang...

Mein tha peera manawaanna, challiyaang...

Shaanaa waleyaa, peeraa...

Around the neck of my camel, bells are hanging freely...

I am going to convince my teacher...

Highly reputed teacher...

Peera ho peera... Peera ho peera...

Mera haath ka thoraa hai, manga tha...

Mera peera waleeyeng naa, rawaa tha...

Shaanaa waleyaa peera...

A begging bowl is in my hand...

My teacher is a friend of the God, I am asking (for lessons)...

Highly reputed teacher...

Mere haath geere diyann, dhoothiyaang... 

Mera peer sacchaa tay main jhootiaang...

Shaanaa waleyaa, peeraa...

The shackles of my hand got cracked...

My mentor is true but I am far away from that...

Highly reputed teacher...

Peera ho peera... Peera ho peera...

Imran Sheikh Qadri

* Make sure our teachers are memorizing the Glorious Quran, practicing the Sunnah and living in compliance to the Sharia Islamiah before we learn something from them. No need to worship them or praise them like a god but just be respectful. The real One who Provides knowledge to us lowly creatures is the God, He is the True Possessor of knowledge and great wisdom. Islam is the Middle Path and the Nature. May everyone be blessed by Allah, inshaa-Allah.

Missing Allah, Glory be to Him!

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Love to the God Love Everyone - Huda

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Special thanks to video maker myiera04 and singers 

While trying to finish up the assignment about European Language Issue and Policy, I listened to the song by Huda sisters. Feel quite tensed and trying to recite some verses to speak with Him too. The song is in Malay and titled Sayang-Sayang which means Love. It's basically the advice for children to love everyone. I can't remember when did I first listen to this, hahaha. Last time, I feel nothing when listening to this. But when I am pressured like this I only rewind everything in my mind.

The lyrics more or less says... 

Love the God, love the prophet... Love father, love mother... Love the God, love the prophet, love the father and mother, dear the God.

Let us little brothers and sisters listen to this advise. Check on our attitude don't be arrogant. Purify our selves, purify our soul. Follow the the order of the God and leave His prohibitions. Let us love the God, let us love the prophet.

The good morality is the morality of the prophet. Hardworking and fast in assisting others, working hard to get knowledge. Always giving to others signifies generosity. That is the tradition of the prophet, the most appraised. Love the God, love the prophet.  

Dear little brothers little sisters, keep in your memory father's contribution to us. Respect him, it signifies love to him. His sacrifice is so big. He finds sustenance to let us grow up.

Dear little brothers little sisters, remember to love mother. She bears us with love, educate without feeling bored nor exhausted. Her face is still cheerful. Go to mother give her a hug, that signifies love. Love the God, love the prophet.

Let us love each other. Love our family, love our neighbors. Among families love neighbors. Love the teachers, love the friends. Love your country, love everyone. Love the God, love the prophet. 

Too bad I was not growing up in this kind of situation of Love. My schoolmates were hostile and cold to me too just because I didn't get along well with them due to some differences. Urmm, they didn't actually accept me. Teachers just know how to condemn and humiliate. But not trying to find approaches to help problematic kids. This is not to condemn teaching profession because it is a respected profession but as a self reflect so that teachers could also improve their methods of teaching and psychological approach. Do I care about those kids and teachers who treated me badly last time now???? No, I care nothing... hahaha. I don't even remember their names if I could only remember the tortures that they had cast over me.

Just telling people on what happened 13-15 years ago in our educational institutions. This is not including what happened in primary school. It is terrible... I can't even imagine myself returning to schooling times. It's like returning to hell even when I try to reckon what happened. I can't even find any nice memory at all while I was a primary school student or secondary school student. I'm sure same things happen everywhere in this world. Not unique here but people like us no matter whether the kids were bullied by others, receiving hatred remarks from others, being looked down upon, and others are isolated. Some might commit suicide, or end up as thugs.

However, I wish and pray to Him may future generations of brothers and sisters could receive His Love and Mercy. Just don't be like us the older generations, treat everybody and among yourselves nicely. That's just our fate and we have to bear with it :') People might think I am a retard listening to children's song, hahaha. Who cares... I'm already a retard since long. Even more bad I have to work hard to hide my retarded characters because society were judgmental, full of negative criticisms. This is the period of negativity I guess.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, love, and peace, amin!

Ramadhan Mubarak 1423 H!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

We stop a moment on the recap about Bangkok. I would continue it when I am free may Allah permits it. I would like to wish my dearly faithful brothers and sisters in faith regardless lines, sunni or shiite, Ramadhan Mubarak. We are thankful to Allah for prolonging our life to see this blessed month again in this year, it is through His Grace and Mercy that we could reach this month.

May everyone have a blessed Ramadhan which begins with His Mercy, continued with His Forgiveness, and ends with Liberation from the torment and His salvation over every faithful servant. I just went to the mosque in USM because it is close to my hostel and we prayed only 11 raka'ats while other kind of prayers could be performed while we are alone or after we sleep for a while. 

It is quite lively at the mosque and I love to see everyone greeting each other although I know no one in the mosque no more. People coming in and out year by year. People are reciting holy verses after Taraweekh prayers, it is a relieve to hear holy verses recited by brothers. May we have good experience this Ramadhan and learn as many things as we can in order to see Him :)

Salawat for prophet Muhammad s.a.w: Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad, wa 'ala aali Muhammad, ka-maa sallaita 'ala Ibrahim wa 'ala aali Ibrahim. Allahumma baarik 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad, ka-maa baarak-ta 'alaa aali Ibrahim wa 'ala aali Ibrahim. 

Allah please be in contact with our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family, as You had been in contact with our patriarch Abraham and his family. Dear Allah, please bless our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family as You had blessed our patriarch Abraham and his family. May we be blessed and may Allah forgives our sins this whole year, aamin!

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for dearly brothers and sisters, I equally love all of my brothers and sisters!

Pray for brethren in Somalia....

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!!!

Here is a site about the news there. I don't know what else to say when I see all of these.... We don't know how to help them or have no capability to meddle in helping them as brothers in soul, but at least please help these brethren with prayers for faith, success, and peace in their way to see Him.

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin!