Happy 'Aidul Adha 1433 and Happy New Year 1434

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Recently I have been really... really... really busy. So nice that I could write or speak in proper polite English. Usually I can't avoid to speak vulgar ones. It's just the way I talk with the people I was dealing with, haha. For sure that is not the characteristic of a member of the paradise. So, I would actually advise myself not to forget my responsibility and to remain "pure" like the lotus among the mud. The lotus can not leave the mud because it is surrounded with it and needs to cooperate with the mud to protect the balanced earth. 

First of all before I go further about what happened in this temporary earth and in the life of a slave of Allah. I would gladly wishing brothers and sisters happy 'Aiduladha and Happy Rossussanah 1434 H. It is our new moon and I think as always most people will recite the supplication and prayers in the masjid. Among all celebration, I actually in deep love with 'Aiduladha as its significance of Qurban or sacrifice to seek nearness to Allah warming my heart with the love to Him. I always remember and cherish my memory while in holy Mecca and those whom I had met during the pilgrimage season and high holy days there. It makes me realize who is my self and what I found is that I am nothing in this universe but He is full of Glory and full of Greatness. I am actually shedding my tears when the flashbacks come in my head hope nobody see it here, hehe :') 

Awareness on the Significance of Qurban and 'Aiduladha

This is only a summary of what I know about my faith, my ancestral tradition and my religion. I would like to call all brothers and sisters regardless denominations and schools of jurisprudence to keep the awareness about what is the significance of certain celebration and festival in our religion. I don't actually care whether brothers or sisters are from different schools of jurisprudence or from whatever denominations. We still profess the same prophet Muhammad s.a.w as our seal of prophethood, reciting the Quran and our faith is solely in Allah where we direct all of our hopes and dependance only to Him. 

Many young people are not really aware about the details of their religion but yet calling it as a "tariqa" of their life. I was also like that though I studied about Islam but that was only for examination papers. Not for "myself" to use it to perform pure livelihood in the way to seek His Glorious Holy Appearance in the hereafter. Nowadays I would question people but it seems that most of them do not understand it yet they think I am trying to put them down. I was not talking to them as a "second person" but I assume that I was talking to my another self when those questions come out. 

This has nothing to do with any mysticism. I beg those who accidentally stumbled by to please do not misunderstood me. I am tired people thinking that I am practicing mystical mysterious dzikr or whatever practices. I am just an ordinary Muslim man like brothers and sisters out there. I don't like people looking at me like a scary pathetic ghost and it makes me crying in my heart. I am a human and I live like other people watching TV, listening to radio and also typing in the computer now. Only Allah knows how I feel where I feel like I wanted to slap the face of "adik-adik" or kicking their ass when they approached me and asking me about some kind of turuq practices. Fortunately it is in the musalla or in the canteen so they were safe. Otherwise I will make sure they bleed their nose without they even realize it! I do pray for brothers of another "realm" but I do not do it for false practices. I am doing it for their benefit because I am always alone. I rarely made friend and as a responsibility of a fellow brother for them I reserved some "foods" and sprinkled them while walking to masjid early in the morning when everyone were asleep. I hate magics, sorcery and tricks! 

Sa'ie, Love of a Mother for Her Infant Son and Sufferings to Continue Survival

Briefly, 'Aiduladha is the peak of a series of high holidays. It is a tradition inherited from our father, Abraham and his son Ishmael. Well, this is according to our tradition's exegesis of Quran. An event that makes me feel touched was about the love of a mother to her son. Hagar as a mother had ran here and there at the Safa and Marwa seven rounds in order to find water after being left by Abraham a.s in the barren valley.  At that time infant Ishmael was around three years old as far as I could remember our elders recital of the chronicles in Arabic poetry form. I recalled everything that I heard when I was in Mecca, while in the Arafat desert and while traveling to Jeddah and Medina along the desert.

We imitated her deeds at the Safa and Marwa hills and I was almost dead with my mother there because so many people and they almost stepped me to death before a man helped me. My mother said that she does not care anymore if she dies, so I was so scared and I took her hand before someone hit me and I was the one who was down there. I never realize that I love my mother and I still have 'some' love in my heart that I thought had already gone after few sad incidents in my life. 

Hagar and Ismael a.s were sent down after Sarah a.s can't hold her jealousy and when Ishmael had teased her son, Ishaq a.s she just asked Abraham a.s to send them both away. That is normal I guess for women. I live with women and I am familiar with jealousy. My younger sister are always jealous to me when my mother gives me something but I actually never ask her anything. I always give everything that I have to others to avoid from "evil eyes". I hate to have issues with others but I just don't understand why they still love to find issues with me.

Back to the story, Abraham a.s just left both of Hagar and Ismael a.s with a prayer may the barren valley be blessed with sustenance which dearly brothers and sisters could read in the Quran Surat Ibrahim verse 37. These prayers were also pasted at the mihrab of our masjid here. Each time when I visit the masjid and pray there I would recite those prayers in my heart and looking at those verses. The valley is filled with metal hill. I am not talking without experience. I saw that the hills do no absorb the water when rain falls and it caused a big and ferocious flood in the Ajyad area.    

Qurban of Abraham and Ishmael a.s

It tells that once upon a time, father Abraham a.s came down to the Meccan valley to visit his wife, Hagar a.s and their son, Ishmael a.s. At that time, Ishmael was already a young man. While staying there, Abraham dreamed that he was slaughtering his son. The same dream happens few times so Abraham understood that the dream is a revelation of Allah (surat as-Saffat vs. 103-107). So, he told it to Ishmael and Ishmael agreed as it was a revelation and a commandment. Everybody at the ancient Jurhumite Arab village thought that Abraham had already losing his mind. 

Jamrat and Throwing Pebble Stones

A "man" appears to Hagar and told her everything. He said that Abraham a.s is going to murder his own son and claimed that it was a revelation. The man according to exegesis was a "satan" in the form of a human. When Hagar a.s heard the word "revelation", she just ignored the man and said that if so then let it be. She knows what Abraham a.s is doing. The "man" was disappointed so he leaves and "appear" to Abraham and Ishmael a.s. Three times the "man" appears to them while they were on their way to a hill to perform the "sacrifice" and commandment. At these three points where the "man" appears, they chased him away with pebble stones throwing. The points nowadays were known as jamrat and the act of these two prophets of Allah is imitated by Muslims all over the world during pilgrimage season. I recalled that we had thrown seven stones in each jamrat and the event happens in three days in Dzulhijja month. The spiritual and psychological significance of this actually is about how we deal with evil whispers. Whether we listens it and stay far from Allah or we just ignore it and be closer to Allah. 

Reward of Qurban and the Love of Allah Saves Everything

At the time when Abraham a.s almost hitting the neck of his son; his sword was directed to another point where he didn't really hit his son. But he hits a sheep. The reward of this sacrifice is what we could see today. Prophet Abraham a.s is blessed with the mercy to the universe for the end of the ages. It was through his prayers and sacrifices that his descents are blessed by Allah.

Other Version: Ishaq as the Subject

I have no time to slip the Old Testament but I am aware that the Children of Israel believe in Ishaq as the one who was sacrificed. I just read the Epistle of Barnabas which is the interpretation of the Old Testament by Jews who were the believers of Jesus a.s that stated this tradition of exegesis. For brothers information, since the end of September until now, our Jew friends are also in High Holy Days where they observed the Yom Kapparot for atonement where they would fast at that day and seeking forgiveness, New Moon of Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot festival and Simchat Torah. To tell everyone the truth; I don't give a damn to any version of the narration or on the differences of gentiles and non-gentiles. Allah blesses everyone regardless they are of any lineage and worldly fame means nothing. 

What I care is the spirit to seek nearness to Allah or G-d or whatever it is spelled because I am referring to the Highest Authority of the Universe, the King. During High Holy Days while waiting for our prayer times, I usually would chat with brother Eidan who happened to be a fellow Hadrami Arab descent but of different religion. We just discussed and sharing our family traditions. He is a Jew since his mother is a Jew but we are connected with the same Muslim paternal lineage of Iraqi immigrant in Yemen who was known as the Migrant though of different clans and of different flows.

Basically, these people were known as high sufis of various tariqa and could be founded among Sunni or Shi'a groups of Muslims whether in Yemen, Africa or Indian sub-continent. Both of us are not registered with those associations because for me I just realized that after I made researches as I began to feel weird after comparing our selves with other locals, I made consultations on behalf of my father and his family and checking with the authority while for brother Eidan he is of different religion and already migrating to their holy land.

Anyway I am not going to be registered nor revealing it widely to other relatives of my father side though many elders actually aware about that and it was discarded from young people knowledge because of some conflicts between clans. Maybe they were shy or afraid to tell people because of consequences that our people faced since Abbasid era. They are no different to the Umayyad dynasty. That is normal when we are at the height of "power" and it turns us to be "blind". It takes away our conscience and that is one of the thing that our elders always said to us on what they are afraid of. I know several those who "still" use the title but they behaved not accordingly to the noble morality. Some of them are married to our cousins too. What for the name if the "spirit" is dim and Allah hates us. 

Wishing

Again wishing everyone Happy 'Aiduladha and Happy New Year 1434 H. To those who perform pilgrimage in holy shrine in Mecca and the Masjid an-Nabawi, you don't know how fortunate you are especially the areas are very tight with authority supervision. Take the opportunity to purify yourselves from worldly matters and always ask to officers around if you have problem in the manasik and confused with the flow of the worship in the pilgrimage rituals. Don't listen to self-claimed "ustads" or you might confuse yourselves. Make sure what kind of pilgrimage you are performing because you need to bolt it in your "intention" and revise neatly what is the important process before the day come. For those who perform Hajj al-Ifrad especially in the early groups who arrived in Jeddah, please please please don't mix with other pilgrims or else you will repeat my mistake. I performed tahallul before I finished everything with the obligatory pilgrimage because I listened to my mother who wants to follow her roommates in the moassasah (foundation) to perform 'umra. I regret it until today after I listened to the lecture on the mistakes in rituals. It is not easy to return and performing it again as to ask forgiveness from Allah through the rituals. Hajj mabrur, wa sa'yan mashkur. May your performed rituals lead you toward charity and chastity. May your efforts being followed with gratitude to Him.

Allahumma salli 'alaa aali Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad wa sahbihi ajma'in...

Sealed with prayer for mercy, peace and love, amin!              

Zulqa'ida : Pilgrimage Month and My Return

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

 

Perhaps people might feel weird if stumbled around here and seeing that I keep talking and posting videos about Hajj pilgrimage in the Holy City, Mecca during this coming season. Although I am not joining the pilgrimage this year, I feel like our patriarch Abraham a.s is calling me to join the season. It is the place where I made my vow and asking the God and His angels witnessing me with His commandments.

Before that mum had actually registered my name as her legal companion to the holy city. But she did not mention anything to me. She had already talked about this since many years ago. Only around the end of 2005 she began to suddenly tell me that I was named as her companion. I was so outraged. I didn't have enough preparation and I just said my witness on my faith to the God and prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w again. At that time I did not properly performed repentance and still analyzing Quranic exegesis and teachings while I am alone.  I had done nothing in a year time except looking at Quranic exegesis written by various teachers such as al-Hajj Abdul Malik Amrullah from Indonesia. I read Quran and Quranic translations. By the time I performed pilgrimage, I was 19 years old of age.

The event where I failed my SPM (O-Level) had actually affected me and made me think after I tried to commit suicide. I tried to perform tapas according to Buddhism and Hinduism and I locked myself in room just after I returned from taking my SPM result. I didn't drink nor eat for many days. I didn't mix with people around anymore. I hope to be born in the land of Brahmas (spirits). My family didn't realize it. Few days later mum first realized it and she tried to open up my room with an axe after they can't find me anywhere. After that, I slowly began to open up religious books. I mean Islamic ones. I had been reading and silently practiced Buddhism for more than 3 years which began since I was 13 years old.

Many things happened since the past and it keeps going. I was ignorant at that time I performed pilgrimage. Even I prayed falsely, recite everything falsely as I had forgotten many things and that was by my own choice. I started again from the scratch and teaching myself. Then I memorized again everything including recitations and pronunciations of supplications.

I remember I met a Pakistani guy whose name is 'Arif and he is a nice guy. At that time, I guess he is around 25 years old and he suddenly talked with me in Arabic. I could understand him because I still speak some Arabic with myself after I stopped religious schooling when I was 16 years old. He did not answer me where he live when I asked him. I tried to find him after I performed tawwaf (circumambulation) to mingle longer with him and he just fade away like wind. We talked about faith which relates practices and how faith could prevent us from disgusting acts in the gap time between Dzuhr and 'Asr prayer services in Masjidil Haram. I learned from him that ijazat (certification) and standard of knowledge do not really have to be imprinted in paper. It is in our understanding, memory and practices : )

I have many nice experience and mingled with people around the Holy City. I talked with Patanese driver uncle who becomes our guide. I also talked with the guy at the muassasah (foundation) who was a guard there. He is not a native Saudi but a Bangladeshi or perhaps an Indian. I talked with few Keralite Indian workers at the construction site of muassasah in Ajyad Road. One of those workers is Ashraf. We exchanged some cultural common traits like languages where I know few Tamil words and he taught me how to count in Malayalam. I didn't really talk with those uncles who were my roommates. I always went out from the muassasah to the Masjidil Haram and looking at environment around. I actually performed the strictest pilgrimage observance which is called as Hajj Ifrad and many of those who performed another medium observance of Hajj Tamattu' had wear normal attire. I was in my ihram until the day of 'Arafah. Ihram is two white garments. We can not wear any other sewn clothes unless if we perform tahallul (legalization acts) and completed all manasik according to our intention. I know that prophet Muhammad s.a.w had forbidden his nations to perform strict observance but I felt guilty that I had gone astray from the path of father Abraham a.s. So, I wanted to seek for forgiveness from the God. 

I found that food hardly rotten in the Holy City Mecca. Perhaps it is because of the climate at that time. It was winter there but no snow. The temperature in the day was like 23 degree celcius and 16 degree celcius in early evening. I met many Muslim Chinese brethren no matter they are from Gansu or from Xinjiang. Some of them are from Shandong. I mingled with their groups during I wandered alone in the Masjidil Haram. They are very high in discipline compared to other brethren from Western part of the World like Afghanistan, India, and etc. I also find Taiwanese brethren groups. They are all nice and polite people. I think that both China and Taiwan should be proud of their Muslim communities. They are ambassadors of Eastern Asia where I wish that His assistance of Mercy and Peace would come from the East. I also pray for Japanese brethren may the Lord protect them and their motherland.

I also made friend with an Uyghur who sold tablecloth at another side of Masjidil Haram. We have to speak in Chinese due to that he is from China and it makes us more comfortable rather than using Arabic. We are not even Han ethnic whose language we used to begin with and it was very weird, hahaaha.... I didn't eat much during rituals were going on. I only grab my Quran and recite it when I was in my room. I managed to memorized a parah (section) of Quran or Juzu' no.16. It consists of stories about Moses a.s and Jesus Christ with his beloved mother, Maryam al-'Adzraa. I still recite those suras in the juzu' after I return to homeland. Many places that we visited in both respected and legal areas. We had also meditated in 'Arafah and I also discussed and asking for kitabs (books) regarding fiqh jurisprudence from religious polices there. Some of them were nice to me, and polite. It is different from other stories that I heard about them. Maybe different person experience different things : )

I had no camera with me because my pilgrimage suddenly happened. Well, someone had asked me whether I wanted my pic and mum to be recorded in camera during in 'Arafah but I refused it. Let it be a memory in my mind and practices of noble life. I actually could grab meanings of the manasik (rituals) we observed in the Holy City, Mecca. All of them make me fall in love with father Abraham a.s and Ismael a.s. I also learned about Hagar hardships to survive in a wild condition. How our forefathers resist satan tried to deceive them from their Love to the God with the attachment to the world. 

I had got a feeling that I must continue my STPM (A-Level) when I was in the Holy City. It just came passing by my mind and I spontaneously called my younger sister at home to help me with registration. Before pilgrimage event, I was registered for about a year in the so-called Sekolah Bestari, Putrajaya Precint 8th where I was blasted by a teacher and I tried to shift to another class but it took me time while the teacher was always targeting me for no reason. 

I had stopped from the school and did nothing at home until mum notified me about pilgrimage that made me feel so afraid as I did not properly repent from my deflected 'aqidah (creed) and practices. That's why I was so angry. After I returned home, I registered for the examination with Shari'ah and Arabic as the addition. I registered that in order that I perhaps could get a place in Mecca again or maybe I could go to Egypt or Yemen to receive proper religious science knowledge again. But I didn't manage to do well as I didn't do that properly and I only registered for the subject after a year which means I had no enough time for preparation. However, I was satisfied because I could do something which is beneficial for myself. I could understand what is Shariah Islamiah (Divine Islamic Way of Life) and I finally understand what is sunnah and traditions of prophets. I was also interviewed by two ustads for my Arabic oral test and they were both fun to talk with. I enjoy discussing matters with them and I recited few Quranic verse for them to listen and I talked about how to save money according to the topic given by them. Too bad I didn't pass my Arabic poetry paper and I slept after I can't answer them, hahahaha.

After that I also began to read ancient and classical Arabic poems of famous Arabic poets such as Qiss bin Sa'eda of Najran. He was a Christian wise man of Southern Saudi today. I'm not sure about what denomination he was because he live before prophet Muhammad s.a.w being raised and those in Najran perhaps were Nestorians or Myaphisites. Nestorians were those with Hristo Tokos controversy. Hristo Tokos is a reference to Maryam al-'Adzraa, the mother of Jesus Christ which means the mother of the Christ. Early Christians were arguing about whether referring to Maryam as Hristo Tokos (mother of the Christ) or Theo Tokos (mother of God) in their prayers. I had read few parts of Christological arguments among Church Fathers and Bishops including those being sent by some Orthodox Christian friends. Those thing were just a waste of time to be debated until it became so dogmatic, hahahaaha. It is also mentioned by the God in surah Maryam verse 37-38.      

May the God forgive me my sins if I did anything wrong during the rituals. Please forgive my mum's sins too and bless her. Bless my dad and protect everyone with health. Forgive our grandparents sins and protect them their souls in the life behind the curtain. May the God our Lord bless our ancestors : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!