Revision: Philosophy of Ramadhan Lecture

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

This is actually a recycle of my notes that I jot down in Putra Mosque around 2009, before Isya' prayer service in conjunction to the Nuzul Quran event. The lecture was delivered by honorable Ustad Farid Ravi Abdullah. I have a huge respect for this ustad too. He doesn't look like a newly revert brother, but his speech is always amazing. It sometimes stabbed right here in my filthy heart, the heart of a Muslim by generation. This lecture was actually parked somewhere in my previous blog. 

I began blogging when I faced problem with my lecturers concerning attitude during the first semester of my third year bachelor degree. I parked any note that I jot down from different teachers in the mosque that I visited in few blogs but I didn't have any intention to properly having blog nor sites. I didn't even know how to properly use blog back then, hahaha. Just learned about it these recent and still could not fully understand how it functions with gadgets and others. I had also recorded them in documents for me to personally revise them as reminders of what should I do in the future or what are my sins to people around. I talked about what I feel about the environment surrounding in few notes and writing them down in papers and they were just my personal opinion. I did that since I learned about Buddhism practices, mantras, gathas and folk beliefs.

Lecturers actually misunderstood me, and I was a friend to a student that they thought a punk so I must be a punk too. At least that is what they think, I don't know where did they get the idea. Further I did not attend the seminar organized by these particular lecturers which they said, to enhance our professionalism for future career while I was in shortage, occupied with another component of the course final project for translation and I couldn't tell anyone because it is not acceptable excuse for not attending the seminar. Surprisingly other students who were absent could get away with that although excuse given is lame and they were investigated after I was scolded. I know that the lecturers are actually helping their consultant friend to gain some income from students and actually many students disagree but they were afraid to voice it out. Few who dare to challenge the lecturers were crucified and being the sacrifices. 

I am the only one who was badly being scolded and the first one to be blast. Some of my ex-classmates too gossiping about others after the incident through their blogs and specially I befriend or at least having contacts with losers in our class. Losers here means that we were not apart of their group nor mixing around with other classmates. That made us outcasts in their eyes though I don't even care. The day I was blasted by two lecturers who taught interpretation, I slammed the door at their face. 

I can't stand one of the lecturer mocking my parents, and he knows not me nor my parents. At least he should take care of his manner of speech. I speak no word in the room and just staring at their eyes. It doesn't suit him as an elderly and a lecturer. When I arrived at my room, I kicked the pails and tore down my cloth because I was so upset. Then I took the wudhu' (ablution), prays to the God to give me patience as I still have another semester to finish that particular course and I slept to counter my anger. I avoid from talking with my roommate and anyone. I was afraid that I might punch others' face too. Drunken Arab genetic perhaps but I had tried to be patient anyway, lol. 

Later, I wrote a letter to one of the lecturer who blast me out and commented on her and the other lecturer attitude. I had got a reply letter sent to my house through postal mail. She couldn't accept a degree student comment on her and the other lecturer attitude, but I know what I said is the truth as I talked in my letter through Quranic guidance. I did prayers as well asking the Lord how should I write the letter to the elderly and teachers. I had sent a card to her near the end of our term as bachelor student and apologized to her if I did wrong or said anything wrong to her in my letter. I didn't mean to be harsh to anyone but the words of her fellow lecturer who is an elderly is unacceptable for a person of his level. This new blog is only for me to muhasibah (muse) my self and that was an experience. Whatever that we said to others, we must also remember to reflect ourselves because others are just mirrors to our selves. We are not perfect, He is the only One who is Perfect without any flaw!

Back to lecture, it was said that although people are married and posses children, lots of money in their accounts; but those things could not being dragged into the grave with us when we are dead. Once a person leaving this world, the people around would recite Yaasin hoping that the departed soul would enter the paradise. The question is, by reciting the Yaasin, are we also forcing the departed soul who doesn't want to enter the paradise to do what he or she refused to do? Through this question, it is important for us to understand the meaning of taqwa. What does it mean?

Taqwa is not an easy word to be translated into English. It means fearful and in the same time faithful to the God. That is a mere translation. Our caliph, 'Ali r.a explained that taqwa is defined with these four meanings: 

1. Fearful to the God

2. Sufficient with what God had granted us

3. Practices through the guidance of glorious Quran

4. Prepared to see Him at anytime

Our Ramadhan would be flawed if we lose one of these four since they are the performance key indicator of a faithful slave of the God. How many of us are istiqamah (constant) in performing charity during Ramadhan? The descension of the glorious Quran in Ramadhan is now celebrated around the world. There is also a question, since tomorrow is the 17th of Ramadhan dear gentlemen. What is the difference between Lailatul Qadr (the Night of al-Qadr) and Nuzul Quran (descension of Quran)?

Lailatul Qadr is described by the God in Surah al-Qadr. It is the night where the glorious Quran was descended from the Luwh Mahfuz (the Celestial Guarded Tablet) to the first heaven which is the heaven of the world. It was revealed by the Lord part by part into the heart and soul of prophet Muhammad s.a.w according to the needs and issues for about 22-23 years. The revelation was poured by the archangel Jibril (Gabriel) into the heart of prophet Muhammad s.a.w, and as Muslims we faithfully believe that Quran is not the fabrication of prophet Muhammad s.a.w. It has no intervention of human words.

Glorious Quran consists of 114 suras. Each suras began with basmallah or the invocation of the Lord's holiest Name except for surah at-Tawbah. The glorious Quran will always be as it was revealed due to that it is the mu'jizat (miracle) of the God. Post-prophetic era, there was a liar who claimed himself as a prophet and a messenger of the God. He was known as Musailamah al-Kazzab. He claimed that he was revealed too, but his composition of the scripture by his own is so ugly. It is impossible to even compete with surah al-Kauthar. Because Quran has its rhythmic system and not only in poetical Arabic style or the selection of words. I myself had found that it is very difficult to pronounce the Quranic verses according to approximation sound because it has certain rules. The rules were analyzed by scholars although the science about Quranic sounds did not developed as it is now in prophet Muhammad s.a.w era. Even when I heard fellow Arab brothers recitation, some of them recited the verses with violation of the tajweed system. I was insensitive about this, but when mum persuaded me to the mosque that I realized about the sin of improper recitation of the holy words.    

The Quran was revealed when human behaved worse than animal. There was no morality. The way and the system of human life is based on those who are strong would survive. They stepped on others to survive, and they have no mercy to others. I personally dislike to listen to some local ustads or ustazas talking about ignorance era and using racist or bias statement in describing other race or ethnics such as "Muhammad was sent by the God to the Quraisy or Arabs as a whole nation, because they are worse than animal unlike Malays who are polite" as an example. It is so contradictory to Islamic teachings and partially not true. Those who are not reading Seerah would just accept it and generalizing every Arab or other race that they see while everyone are the same human-being. They would also spread it wide.  If the message of peace is only for Arabs, what is the need for the message to be spread to other nations? What had been said by our holy prophet Muhammad s.a.w regarding this issue? About superiority of human being over others in his khutbah (sermon)?

The Quraisy are among the descendents of our father, Ibrahim a.s. through his son, Isma'il a.s. Mecca was actually a land of prophet Ibrahim a.s. And the people of the holy city were deflected from the path of their forefathers. They were deflected from the faith and the creed toward the Only God. The God has His Will to cleanse the land from the newly invented faith (idolatry) and glorify it again as it was. Thus He sent, His noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w to the people. That is why we could still hear about the remnants of Ibrahim a.s teachings practiced by some people such as our holy prophet, Muhammad s.a.w before the revelation. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w was in 'uzlah (isolation) and the God by His emissary, Jibril a.s revealed the first surah (divine letter), which is Surah al-'Alaq. I recited this surah when I faced problem with lecturers, classmates, and feeling lonely crying my tears down at the bench under the trees near the Computer Science school just across the university mosque early in the morning during my first degree third year.      

Five early verses of al-'Alaq talk about the recitation and readings which also appoints prophet Muhammad s.a.w as the messenger of the God and receiving prophetic tasks. After the event, the celestial revelation gradually revolutionized the life of Meccans and other nations around the world. Nowadays, humans are reading and reciting the text from glorious Quran, but we do not understand nor having deep thought on what is ordered by the God through His revelation on our practices and our way of life.

These are portions of the lecture that I had integrated with some experience as a student. Life of a student in the university is not always life with friends or companies around like in Bollywood movies that we watched. Where there are students who began their lovey dovey life in the university, outing together with friends with activities or successive in studies with help from lecturers and fellow friends... There are also lone-ranger students, those who we might assume as losers because they are not as good as other students, and many kinds of people if we discreetly observe around.

This concrete university is not even the end of the education life and not the genuine one. Knowledge in general is not in certificate nor written but it is in heart. It is also in practices, experience, sincerity, and through the guidance of the God. I asked one of my colleague on what is her future plan after we finished our contract? "Is she going to further studies like other friends?" She said, "I would just entering the university of life...."  It becomes crucial for certificate today because of frauds. But still fraud happens because people could buy certificates. 

Future or current teachers, please do not tell students that they would be a successful student when reaching university. It is not true and deceiving! I always heard this when a was a school kid and it turns somehow differently when I am a university student. I couldn't even think that I am successful, and I saw few classmates dropped out from their studies when I was in my first degree. The real success is not determined as such although furthering studies in the university is crucial for job-market today. 

Success for the faithful is determined in the end. When we see Him. That would eventually be the end for success. We seek knowledge because of Him, but today it is corrupted with other worldly intentions that made knowledge impure anymore. Many students only think about career because we need money and continue our life. I myself have the same problem but I keep praying to the God for the path of holy prophets and messengers of the God to lead this life and not any other things. Nobody would help us except the God while we are alone. This is what happened to our father, Ibrahim a.s. He was initially alone when he faced the world, worse it was when being chased by his own father.

As a reminder for myself and beloved brethren in faith, each time after daily prayer services please recite at least four pages of our glorious Quran regardless of surah. With the intention to get the blessings of the God, getting some knowledge through the revelation for practices and to please only Him.   

May the God grant us with His guidance and all of the success are only from Him. May the God forgive the sins of fellow faithful Muslims if they had sinned on others and may the God forgive my sins if I had sinned others with my words. I had tried to guard my thinking with Your holy words and revelation but if anything evil slipped of me, it is my fault not of anyone. Sealed with prayers for mercy, love, and peace.

Childhood Memory in KL

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I just finished my readings for research so I browse some files to ease my boredom, haha. Got to see some pictures which brought me to memories during our childhood times. My parents had been moving around from north to south due to my dad's job requirement. My elder sisters had lived earlier than me, so they have also their own memories in few different places where they lived with our parents. 

 Flat Sri Sabah, Cheras

My memory and other two little sisters during our childhood times revolve around Cheras in Kuala Lumpur. Elder sisters were sent back to our state of origin when they reached 13 years old to avoid influences in the city. Cheras is populated by majority Chinese community. I lived amongst them, and I never went to any Chinese school. But I'd been culturally influenced by Chinese and get the language because of the environment around me. We lived in Flat Sri Sabah with two rooms, the housing was provided by Cheras Municipal Council for people with low income. 

We were technically poor because we are the villagers who moved into the big city and it sure pressured us, hahaha. Before that we lived in Flat Pekeliling just after we moved from Sungai Petani where I was born. I still can recall, we celebrate Mooncake Festival with Chinese neighbors in Flat Pekeliling. Am not sure whether they are going to bombard the flat because it is not suitable in the urban area anymore. Three years of my early life was spent in Sungai Petani. And the rest seven years in Kuala Lumpur. So I had experience living in PPRT with many kind of people. 

I didn't develop close friendship with Malay kids at my area when I was in Flat Sri Sabah. I just remember my classmates when I was in primary school in standard 1 whom are Nordin, Azhar, and Isma'il. Then the next year, we fight with each other and never talked anymore. I don't know what happened to them when I moved to Kedah with parents. They played minor roles in my life but still I remember them. We were also registered into Religious Primary School in morning session. 

Basically we went to two schools. The one is under ministry of education supervision and the another is under religious council. I recall that we learned about the God 20 characteristics, Glorious Names of the Lord, some Syafi'ie madzhab practices regarding cleanliness and prayers, Basic Arabic, Morality of Muslims and in my class there were few muallaf (newly revert) kids too whom are the Indian and Chinese. Some of our elders actually had expressed in metaphor that I am potential to be a murid (student) or a tilmidz (disciple) in religious sciences. That is why my parents was advised to send me to a ma'ahad in Perlis. But back then I was a kid, I don't understand what they were talking about. 

My name was not even given by my parents but by an elder who was a wazir or the supervisor of state religious education, blessed be his soul as he was a friendly person and he treats me as a little kid well. I felt uncomfortable with the name given as it sounds Chinese and not even normal like others' name. Some people even thought that I had Chinese parentage while listening to my name while the name is actually Arabic. When I was in first year, I had my spectacles broken due to carelessness and when I went to a Chinese owned optometry; they had given me 70% discount for my name although I insisted to pay full, lol. My parents still brought me for ziarah to see the person who gave me my name when I was seven, so I still can remember him. 

I was also told by mum that during tahnik ceremony, there were imams who had performed the ceremony for me. Tahnik is a tradition of touching newborn baby lips with sweets and valuable things. My lips was touched by the imam of Sungai Petani mosque, my maternal grandfather who was the imam of Ulu Pauh of Perlis, and the person who gave me my name. They touched my lips with tamr (dates), a ring, and pressed banana. All of them had long passed away, may Allah bless them their souls. I would like to express my gratitude to their souls and may they receive bountiful of mercy from the Lord while resting before the time comes.  

I'm trying to understand, what made me like me today. Radically I turned to be an ungodly upset young teenager, an anti-social, being exposed to Buddhism, trying to get away of people's perception on Islamic religious figures that made me unsuccessful in everything that I did and later regret what I had done that I began to search for the path of ancestors. It's not Buddhism to be blamed nor anyone. Might be that it is a test from Allah. I can't stop crying every time I recall this memory.

Pasar Besar Cheras

Pasar Besar Cheras (Cheras Municipal Market) where I used to follow mum buying cooking stuffs. There is also Hassan Wong Cafe which still survive until today. They are the only Muslim Cantonese who serve customers among other Malay hawkers and they serve customers for breakfast. There was also an actor living in Flat Sri Sabah, a comedian from Kelantan. I guess is known as Osman Kering. Third sister love to slip away when mum asked her to help in the kitchen to Osman's Kering house to play Batu Seremban with his daughter, haha.

May Allah bless the soul of those who had passed away. Bless them their souls may they receive mercy and Your love, dear Allah! Sealed with prayers for mercy, love, and peace!   

News about Death

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Just received a sad news our grand-aunt had passed away today. I had also declined the internship after revising my schedule regarding my thesis because I afraid that I would have to see my supervisor every week. I would find a part-time job near my hostel so that I could survive. Why not being confident to Allah????! 

And I should also stop comparing myself to others! I am different and others are different. I should only humble my knees down to Allah and not to fellow creatures. Sometimes I could sense that I behave like infidels again but just could not help it because Buddhism influence was so great in myself. Really have to be careful with my evil side. That is why we are always in sin but we are not away from His glorious mercy. He is Merciful!

This evening to I had heard another news about death from Amir, my ex-colleague. His maternal grandfather passed away. As a fellow muslim I would just send my condolence to his mum. Never have the chance to see his mum but from his stories about his family, I can get to know his mum. His mum must be a nice person. He felt stuffed in his chest because death is not always easy thing especially when we have to attend the funeral and we are alone since we might also seeing long-distance relatives who we aren't really familiar and that makes us uncomfortable while feeling down with ourselves. I can't talk detail about this because we have guests here so I need to respect other guests. But as to say, I only have Amir as a friend. He is the only surviving friend that I have and I feel sorry for him because he is also a reflect of myself. A reflect of myself who feels down. For me each time I feel disgusted with environment around, I would pray that the judge (Isa al-Masih) would return and bringing peace for sometimes before the destruction : (

Got to travel north again becos I have to see my supervisor this Wednesday and on this way we would also stop by at Bandar Baru near Parit Buntar to witness the funeral. It is to remind ourselves that we would leave this deceiving "pretty" world. I'm actually listening to poems about death in arabic while jotting this down. Tried to download Quran recitation from few important suras that I wanted to memorize badly. I must have this determination to memorize Quran. 

I would punish and never forgive myself if I don't get to follow the guidelines set!!!!!! Now, He is giving me the time to repent and seeking knowledge. I am glad no Tabligh kids around in the hostel so I could freely roam without being seen to mosque and meeting syeikhs in the USM mosque. I wanted to memorize Hanbali fiqh kitaabs badly but I need living teachers to help me here. It is not Mecca and I regret that, maybe I should cry my pathetic self to the syeikhs too. 

We can't avoid death. It is a must for everyone who breath and alive. It is the sunnah of the life. Thus I pray may all the souls of the faithfuls being forgiven by Allah. Please have mercy to our souls o Allah! You are the most Merciful and the Forgiver to everyone. We could only seek Your Mercy as we have no one except You. Indeed we are for Allah and indeed to Him we would return. Sealed with prayers for peace and love.

Internship in KL

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Tomorrow am gonna sign few papers for internship and fieldwork at the Institute of Diplomatic and Foreign Relation (IDFR) and they would also appoint me for a supervisor. It's not really a must for this course but I learned from my previous experience during my first degree where I didn't take the fieldwork and I have no connection with the people in my previous field. 

I had also heard stories told by my friend, Azren and other girls whom were my classmates doing their intern in the National Translation Institute (ITNM) that we would just dream off to live easily in the field as we are no better compared to those in the organization with other knowledge and skills. Azren is also a senior of mine in this postgraduate studies I'm currently taking. 

Now I regret for sending my resume to the IDFR and they had replied me accepting my application to learn from their organization. Because I had also made an appointment at 8th of June at 15.00 with my research supervisor. I have to return to Penang. Didn't get to book flight ticket yet and got no gold in my account. I had made promise with Dr. Noraida and I don't like to break it. It would also affect my research and I can't stand any longer stranded in USM no more. I think I may also need to learn about computer and programming for my future, if He permits it because I can't live like a cave man or in the middle ages anymore. 

I pray to Lord as to make everything easy for me tomorrow and this week. Make everything runs smoothly without obstacles and give me confidence to be in the public. I had been in isolation for long and it somehow took away my confidence to have contact with publics. Maybe I should also take 'Emad the Palestinian, my classmate as an inspiration in term of confidence although he actually knows nothing too, lol. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Revision: Five Pillars of Islam

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Being a muslim for a life long, had we ever think of stating down again what are the proofs for us to be a muslim as a revision, dear brethren in faith? We are recognized as muslims with these five standards concluded in the pillars of Islam. It differentiate us from people of different faiths. These pillars of Islam is actually inter-connected with pillars of faith. When one is broken in the pillars of Islam, our faith in the pillars of faith for the day would also be incomplete so we really have to be careful, beloved brethren!

1. Proclamation of faith in the God and prophet Muhammad (saw) as His appointed messenger. The proclamation is done orally, verbally, and displayed through acts whether we are in public or alone. We testify that there is no gods but only the God, and we testify that Muhammad (saw) is His servant and His messenger! This is not only a testimony for a newly revert muslim but for everyone who calls themselves muslim. Why? We have the second pillar as well.

2. Five times daily salaat (prayer services). Salaat means that we are in contact with the Lord our Creator. He had prescribed for us the five times daily prayer services and it is obligatory to every muslim no matter male or female, and those who are able without any trouble must perform it. In salaat we have two tasyahuds (testimonial postures) where we recite the proclamation of faith. So, when we leave even one of obligatory salaat, our faith is not complete and we are not even counted as a faithful muslim. This is the barometer for our iman, brothers. Not at our ID card nor our muslim sounding name no not even genetically inherited from a father to his son. It is inherited through the teachings of Quran and upbringing according to Sunnah.

3. Fasting a full month in Ramadhan for every muslim who are able and without any illness. Ramadhan is a month prescribed by the God as a training for faithful servants of Him. He also opened up His grace and mercy to every creatures. It is a month full of opportunity for blessings and a faithful servant would take every opportunity in this holy month to please Him. When a muslim who are healthy and facing no trouble skip the fast in this month, he is not a faithful servant and only a muslim by name.

4. Zakaat, it means purification of property because some tiny portion in our property are not ours but belongs to others and we clean it in order to give justice to other brethren. There are eight asnaafs (rightful type of people) who could receive the zakaat. It is almost equivalent to tithe in Catholic church in europe and I don't know whether Catholic church still practice tithe since 17th C French Revolution due to that priests had misused their position to steal tithe from the public and many other misunderstandings happened where they had burdened paupers to pay tithe while tithe is meant for the paupers. We have many kinds of zakaat including the zakaat of saving account and zakaat fitrah that we pay during ramadhan for our household. Be careful brothers and sisters please check with zakaat centers at your neighborhood or offices. We still remember on a group of apostates who refuse to pay the zakaat during the era of our first caliph, Abu Bakr as-Siddiq.

5. Hajj to Mecca. Hajj is a pilgrimage to holy Mecca for every muslim who possess ability to access the city. It is only for once in a lifetime. It is not a mere travel but a travel to perform manasik (rituals) of our forefathers and services to the Lord. The calling of patriarch Abraham for the service is announced by the Lord in glorious Quran.

These are the barometer for our iman. We are not really faithful by just being a child in a muslim family. I had experienced that. I believe many others are the same. There are so many things that we didn't get to know when we do not even bother to access the Quran and Sunnah.  Always revise basic things so that we would get to step into another level.

Sealed with prayers for peace and love to every creature of the Lord, may the Lord strengthen my faith to Him and also the faith of my beloved brothers and sisters in faith, amin!

Islamic Innovation Carnival: National Mosque 2nd of June 2011

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

It wasn't planned but mum suddenly said that she wants to go for the national mosque because she heard like there was a majlis (ceremony) for yaasin recitation after the maghrib prayer service. It is a norm here in Malaysia where muslims of syafi'ie school reciting yaasin in a group with an appointed imam. 

I would usually recite yaasin alone in my compartment before maghrib service prayer on Friday evening as it is the time for Sibtis Salaam (Peaceful Saturday) for some of us. The time for the day to change is actually after 'asr. In the beginning, the Tabligh guys like respective brother Fridaus tried to tasykil me, I always avoid them because of my personal services at that time. I am aware about 'amal infiradi (personal practices) or ijtima'i (group practices) but I don't have people in common with me at that time.  When some Tabligh guys talking about certain things during their bayaan (lecture), I felt that myself is so disgusting and felt myself as an irresponsible creature; that I might not spreading da'awa to other. 

As for us, we terminologically assume da'awa as a kind of community service for the God and spreading mercy of the Lord to brethren and fellow creatures. It is a very serious job for us and the priority of da'awa is more important than our own life as it contains the love of Allah to others. We also perform khuruj (outing) but we do not specifically put any time-frame for that. We would do it even when we are working, in our daily life. And some of us perform it in primitive forms and in disguise where we would have to risk our own iman for that like what I had experienced with my few friends during our bachelor time as an example of da'awa. I had mingled with thugs and people who thought that Allah has no mercy to them while actually they just did not realize that.

Sometimes I would go for the usm mosque and joining the halaqah of the mid east jama'ah in the gap time between maghrib and 'isyaa' prayer services. Some of them actually familiar with my face due to that I began to join them since my bachelor time and they recite hadiths or sunnah, tajweed kitaab, and other kitaab as well. On Thursday evening, I would recite surah al-Kahfi. And other nights whenever I am free, I would strengthen memorization of other suras to please Allah.

I also felt that some of them are competing among each other to 'convert' me to be apart of their congregation. But that maybe just my paranoia. I just slowly tolerated brother Firdaus after I received a reply message from him at 3rd of April when we sms-d about iman-'amal and I was touched by his word and because I could feel his conscience at that time. In the beginning around February this year, I could say that I was actually angry because he told me to join the persuasion session in usm mosque but he didn't tell me that it was a persuasion session. The day where I vomit out behind the shops at Sungai Dua after having some tray lunch.

I pray to the Lord that he and his friends are still practicing whatever that they had learned while spending their time with the particular congregation or jama'at. When performing something, we must try to be istiqamah (consistent) and pray for that. I heard few stories from ustads and ustazas (teachers) in our neighborhood mosque about some people who joined the jama'at but when they are away, they turned to be different. 

I am also afraid when I heard that not only for myself but also for my brothers and sisters. I don't want that to happen to anyone. May Allah prevents that happened to those brothers and also to everyone including myself, na'udzubillahu min dzaalik. I still remember whatever I said to others and I could also remember what others said to me. I have plenty of times to muse again and think while meditating alone. I would also make notes because it is a personal custom for me to jot down everything that I could remember as a record and for honesty in front of the Lord when it is regarding the services to Him.    

I managed to capture some memory from the carnival. Well, we also persuaded my lil' sister to the mosque. She's just 22 years old and most kids at this age only think about leisure. When we explain to them about our Quranic teachings, Sunnah (tradition), and 'Adat (customs). And they would question us; why do they have to follow those practices? Why can't they enjoy with their life with their friends male and female? So, patience and du'a (supplications) indeed are crucial. 

Lil' sis love to surf the net and her choice of site is of course Facebook, just like other teenagers. Sometimes I could see they attach pictures of their selves with various of weird face expression just to be commented. As for me, that would also expose us to evil eyes. I usually would also avoid from my pictures to be taken because I wanted to avoid evil eyes. It is not only harmful to physical but also to our soul. That is why I have no memory with colleagues nor friends. 

Facebook is just a waste of time and would turn to be a shaytaan (demon) when we tend to forget Him after excessively attached to it and we do not benefit it to remember Him. Satan does not have to be the specific satan, but could be in many forms. Another term for that is Thaghut (idolatries). Go to the mosque or musalla and remember Him with various beneficial activities and services for our selves like strengthening our iman or seeking knowledge during free time. Develop friendship and amity there, may everyone receives His blessings and grace. This is also an advice for my self, may I not forget.

 Many cars before the roundabout at the KTMB building

I thought of climbing up the mosque from here but dad suddenly wants to cross the Agong's car because he wants to see what happened up there. I don't like to walk near affluent or famous people nor their belongings. I just have bad feeling, but I do realize that this current Agong is quite a religious person.

The bilal (caller for prayer) began to shout iqamat (the call to stand) for others near the mihrab. People there wearing national dress Baju Melayu but we just wear normal dress like we always wear at home, haha. I'm not comfortable in crowds and don't like to be formal.

Some booths representing government sub-organizations like religious departments of the states and Muslim NGOs.

Paintings written with Arabic script and other abstract paintings displayed at a booth.

Yaasin prayer book which is almost equivalent to missal or siddurim liturgical books. Usually, this prayer book is given into circulation to publics by the person who makes request for well-being and prayers from others. It consists of Yaasin surah, Tahlil (prayers to bless the departed souls and praises to the God), and guide to supplications to respect holy words of the God and prayers for prophet's well-being.The front page of the book is not in Arabic but in Classical Malay because it is written in Arabic script.

The dome of National Mosque, too huge and I am also not a skilful photographer.

Prayer hall when the event finished. We could see mihrab, minbar (place to deliver sermon), holy words calligraphy on the wall, and Quran rack.

Lil' sis and I just went out of the mosque earlier than mum and dad. We were so hungry because we still didn't have our dinner yet. I do not dare taking the food provided there too. They said that the food are the courtesy of government agencies and I could also smell fish. I and sister do not take fish, we just take large fish with scales and only if we could see the scales. At home, few people would have this habit of avoiding few types of dietary, while others still tolerate that. I don't know why it happens to me. I would vomit them out without I realize it if I take those food. I could only take chicken and mutton. I had also made the promise to leave the donated properties and zakaat (purification of property) to others who need them more. I would only take whatever people give as present and would feel bad if I touch them. 

In the first year of bachelor degree, I had followed few friends to restaurants in Sungai Dua or Khaleel at Gelugor just nearby my current hostel now. But they didn't pay for their food and they also taught me to do so. I was so surprised because I had already repented in the holy Mecca. I was so astonished that I could say nothing and remain silent thinking on how to solve that without hurting anyone's feeling because I am sure that they know the sin when committing such act. I could not behave properly after I returned to my room and began to feel disgusted of myself. I whipped my legs with my belt in my room, until I have to go to the toilet and poked out my throat to vomit everything that I had in my belly only that I feel relieved and at peace. 

This event happened during Ramadhan 2006. I think, it was around September and we break our fast with stolen food. Later, they keep doing that when we have dinner together and I payed for them when they finished without they realize that. I felt weird because that is not something that could be proud of, but maybe we were just 20 years old kids back then. 

I could not also being harsh with these kids as to respect them and not to humiliate them. They do have their nous but they just didn't get to use it properly with the light of revelation. Not all of the people having same spiritual experience and lucky to receive guidance from Allah so I always pray may Allah be merciful to everyone and also myself. I actually cried alone in Aman musalla during the times I was tormented and tested with these kind of companies while I am alone but we should also be compassionate and merciful to others. Without brethren prayers and help, nobody would ever change while they have every right for that.

Friday is a good time for salawat to be recited excessively. Because angels are everywhere sending the salawat to our beloved prophet Muhammad (saw). Recite them regularly and make it intense on Friday. Pray to Allah in any space that we have. Don't waste them because every minutes and seconds we breath, we are near to the end.  

Life is a dream, while death is the fact. Human are actually sleeping. We are awake now, and our eyes are not closed. How could we be sleeping??? This dimension of life is actually a dream because we never realize about the other dimension of life which is eternal. When our breath is taken away by the Good Lord, then only we would wake up from our sleep and facing the fact. This is a heritage of Arabian philosophy and it is very simple. We take everything good as example while we leave evil behind. Practice what had been preached by the God in Quran and practice the authentic sunnah may we be blessed with taufiq and hidayah.

Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad wa sahbihi ajma'in. O our Lord, send our prayers and connection to our prophet Muhammad (saw), and to his family, and to his companions. Bless also this nation of near resurrection, the muslim nations and let us be pure from evil and wickedness may Your mercy be widespread to every creatures in the universe. Sealed with prayers for peace and love, amin!!!!

Tests and Tribulations

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I believe everybody reaches this stage where we are in the dilemma that we could not do anything nor moving to another stage of life. I am still stuck in this stage of life. I tried to purify myself and trying to forget everything around but Allah had also put tests on me. Sometimes it would also shaken our iman (faith) especially when we do not know to whom we should talk to. 

Well, of course Allah is the One for us to tell our problems but in other times we may also need someone like family member or friends to talk or share the problems but for me this is different. I can not share anything with anyone.  I am always a good listener to my sisters or my parents. When my dad faced problems with his boss during he worked somewhere in the federal government territory. He came to Penang and talked with me just before he resigned from his post after having a conflict with his superior which was a minister, it was around 2008. Even when he feel tensed after being a pensioner for long, he came to find me in Penang last year Ramadhan in 2010 and after he returned home. He was affected by stroke and admitted to hospital.  I was so worried but I can't return home. When my grandpa (mum's dad) passed away around early 2008, I was also occupied with exam at the next day. I can't return home and I regret that even until today, lamenting my self for being an ungrateful and evil grandson. Just after my grandpa passed away that my dad resigned from his post because of the pressure.  

I began to hate politicians because of my perception looking at my dad's situation and taking oath to follow sunnah strictly wherever I could detect the validity of the sunnah. Dad was actually a loyal worker although not a religious person and he would do anything for his superiors or friends but it actually harms him too. I thought that I may also inherit this side of his character too. So do to my friends, I always listen to them or at least I would approach them for services in comforting them and also praying for the best solutions for their problems during their upset circumstances. 

We must immediately recognize where the tests given is according to our own ability to face them. The God is the Most Wise amongst all and He certainly knows why we are in such situations. We do not know that since our mind is limited in comprehending the wisdom behind the tests and tribulations. We would only realize that after we passed the tests or our destiny ministering the paths of life.

Just browsing my job applications. I guess I have to renew my resume and add other things due to that the account was inactive for quite long. I still have another two semesters to go and I had took mixed mode courses so I have to attend classes. It would also stops me from finding proper jobs because I am not really good in the study. I may need to focus and be prepared for new lessons especially for complicated subject like the economy. 

Sometimes we may plan wrongly due to that human is not perfect. Especially I did not know where to consult and I didn't know my classmates yet in the beginning. I could not properly find job when taking this master but maybe try to earn money through part-time job. In the first year I had applied for cashier near my hostel but the boss said that I need to work until morning from the midnight everyday while I had classes from Monday to Tuesday.  I can't accept the job but turned it down.

I still hope that Dr. Noreha who taught us the political and decision making paper do not oblige me to attend her classes because I am just repeating. I promise to read her notes again and prepare better this semester but I need tools like money to survive. I hate to say but we need that for mobility, may He not count me a polytheist. I avoid taking any loan and also scholarships because I try to live on the dignity basis and limiting myself from receiving sympathy from others.

For me, I have these principles for life which are honesty, sincerity, integrity, dignity, loyalty and kind-loving to every fellow creatures. Even if I have to lost my life for that, I would not care. I had gained these standards of living from my experience as a confused boy, after I learned about our hadramis ancestry and realizing that we are the people without proper land since we are not accepted in our ancestral land and in fact only half related to locals through maternal lines. Though counted as bumiputeras (sons of the land) because of being here for centuries, we are the natives who know no boundaries. 

Many of our people are the traders and involved in business while in the same time preaching or teaching the faith to others and practising a form of sufi order which was inherited from fathers to the children. Previously, we do not call it as ahlul bayt sufism, but no name tariqah (path). Some people said that it was to avoid from being persecuted by the Abbasiah, but I guess that Islam is only one. Even if people ask me out of this virtual site, I would never admit that we are practicing certain tariqah due to unity of the nations that we always dream of. 

Later on, that our grandfathers being involved with business with royalties and nobility. My dad's father was a British officer in Kodiang, northern of Kedah Sultanate. They have no choice to have contact with local noblemen except through some of the local hadramis for their deals. My grandfather name is a bit Persian anyway and he has three wives.  My grandma is his second wife and the third wife has no child with him. The first wife I believe is from the same racial background.

Never get to see grandpa as he passed away because of lung cancer when my dad was 12 years old. My grandma passed away when my dad was 3 months due to jealousy of villager. At least, that is what I heard from elders. I hate magics and I would never tolerate that blasphemy!!! May Allah bless my grandparents both, I do not really know you people but I love you just like I love my holy prophet Muhammad (saw). May all of you rest in peace under His shade and in love.

Whoa, I can't believe that I could write longer when I talk about family. I'm trying to find few pics of elders like grandparents because I hope to contact few faithful relatives and acquaintance to establish faith connection amongst everyone and spreading the Mercy of the Lord to everyone. I beg the God to please put us on the right track again and do not leave us alone. 

I had also planned and told my sister who resides in Saudi to help me with visa in this near time to join her but we have so many plans in a time. We also need to highlight whatever is our priority right now. I don't really feel like continuing my studies since I was in the first semester of postgraduate but I had already been half of the way now. I had wasted my times, money and also borrowing my parents money although they never ask me to pay that back. I think that I must be responsible to pay it back just like I'm taking study loan because they also need the money as a guarantee for them. I feel guilty for taking their rights and in the same time I don't want any sympathy from government nor anyone. Let others who need that more get the sympathy and assistance. 

However, I personally think that the tests and tribulations given by the God also have their own grace. Where I could perform purification of heart, learning religious sciences and meditating while studying compared to if I am working. I had the experience working in the airport not long before I further my first degree and sometimes I had to skip prayer services and had to qadhaa' the salaat or paying the debt to the Lord in another prayer times. Sometimes I would sneak out from the office or crowds while dealing with job just to pray at the time in musalla because when we forget Him, He would also leave us. I am afraid of that!  

The tests and tribulations from the God is divided two, dear brothers, sisters and friends in faith. The first one is fitnah (the test) where it comes in the form where we would face difficulties in life. This happens due to that the God actually loves us. He wants us to be closer to Him and He would also untie the knots for us without we realize it. As for example brothers and sisters that I love the most, prophet Ayyub (Job) was tested by the God where he lost almost all of his children and his wife too left him because he was affected by strange dermatological disease. 

The second one is istidraaj. This is the test in the form of luxury and fake happiness in life but the test could also shake our iman just the same like fitnah but only in opposite form. We would forget the God when we are in easy time. When we are in difficulties only we would remember Him. That is not fair because His grace to His slaves is infinite. The example for this is the tribes of Tsamud and the 'Aad. The God had destroyed them after they refused to obey Him through His prophets whom are the holy prophets Saaleh (Selah) and Hud because they had lived in luxury and they felt that they have nothing to fear of.

May I remember this always and take heed of this. May it also benefits my brethren in faith due to that I love them and they are my soul. Allah please be in connection with prophet Muhammad (saw) and his family and his companions. Please also bless my brethren in faith and strengthen our iman (faith) to You. Do not leave us alone but be our Holy Company dear Lord.