A Sunday in UPM

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Sandalwood - Kayu Cendana

I almost forgotten about this site. Have been quite busy lately. It has been almost two years I am stuck with the thesis. I had sent few things to be corrected and still not receiving approval. I guess my supervisor is a kind of perfectionist. It is good to be a perfectionist but we cannot be sure that everything that we produce is perfect. So, brothers and sisters. It is not easy to produce a thesis... I think I would just send it in total to the school to be evaluated maybe like next week before the due date on 7th of December 2012, insha Allah... hehehe...

I had also tried to maintain my rituals as always but I find that it becomes more tough as the day time seems to be shorter than the night one. Maybe in our region. I do not know about other regions unless if I check the weather cast and observing their time.

Well, this evening I just followed my mother to an agricultural expo in Universiti Putra Malaysia. To be honest, I do not like to be among the crowd though sometimes I would feel the importance to have some friends to talk with. I love peacefulness and tranquility more and feel better when I am alone. I am just like that. 

I did not buy anything but my mother bought few things she likes, hehe. I think it is ok as long as she knows the limit and not wasting. Other than that, most ladies sure love to shopping and but things that they like. I understood that and my mother has not really bought anything like jewelry for herself. We do not believe in anything like gold or silver as possession because we are nomadic kind of people. Some of my sisters who had already been to the expo yesterday said that they are interested in business and trade. Well, it is not my nature and inclination. I do not care if people say anything like I have got no life or anything. We do anything because of "specific purpose" and because of the "necessities". What do we really need? Are we really deprived to practice the life of merchants and traders? If we set up the business, we would have to get loan and being tied to materialism because we would always need to roll the capital. We would also have to be aggressive in order to survive in business world and we may tyrannize others or being tyrannized too.  It involves the karmma and it would not easily being stopped...

I just asked my mother to help me to buy a sandalwood tree to be planted behind our house. It is useful for religious rituals and respecting the scripture. It is also a Mediterranean culture to lit up sandalwood in scripture recitation and to "purify" the house's smell for rituals. We have also got some little "lady's finger" plants distributed by the ministry of agriculture in the expo by just filling up the form. Because it involves the "efforts" that I have to write to get the plants so I accept the trees. I do not like to take donated things because it involves our ancestors' dignity and advices. I tried to tell this to all of my family members but because they are not specifically being trained in religious responsibilities so they do not really understand what am I trying to tell them. I think I need to ask people on how to take care the sandalwood tree.   

How's brothers and sisters 'Ashura fasting yesterdays? I just performed it on the 9th day of Muharram and on the 10th of Muharram. It is an optional fasting anyway just to commemorate the liberation of Moses a.s and his people from Egypt but if brothers and sisters performed that. I would like to congratulate you. Other than that I just did some light chest beating, mourning and some prayers for imam Ali r.a, imam Hassan r.a, imam Hussain r.a and other family members alone at the mosque after the Maghrib. 

I walked to the mosque because I do not like people to see me like following some kind of cult and maybe sometimes there are differences because of jurisprudence school as I am a Hanbali in the midst of Shafi'ies. So, praying and worshiping in a larger space would be better because I could hide behind the walls and pillars. I saw Twelver Shi'a brothers performed beating and procession too but I do not think that it is necessary to hurt ourselves just to show how deep our love and sorry for the Ahl Bayt and imam Ali r.a family. I am aware that there are few of the Twelver marjas talked about the importance of the mourning for them. 

I think it is just more than enough to be moderate and pray also for all bani Hashim clan and all Muslim brethren regardless nations and spreading love to all people regardless faith and background. Try not to be selective. Prayers for mercy to be granted upon all is better than prayers for anathema on others because His Forgiveness is wide. 

Reminder too. This month of Muharram is among four respected months within our traditions and rites. We should try to avoid tyranny, war, battle, quarrels and stay away from fighting others or each other if they do not start anything which harm us or our existence. Verses mentioning about these could be founded in Surat al-Tawbah verses 6 and 36. There are also numbers of hadiths mentioning about which months are those respected months and hadiths about practices in the respected months ranging from extremely weak to valid. 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!      

Sunday Evening Notes: Frustrating Technical Problem

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I don't know what is the problem of internet connection today. It becomes very slow in here and I can't access any online TV or radio channel at all. I love to make notes from what I listened or watched as to make sure I could remember them and practicing them if they are in terms of lesson or religious lecture. Previously, I had lost some copies of the discussions that I had recorded in written form of Dr. Tariq Ramadan and Hirsi Ayan Ali regarding Islam and the identity of its adherents before 'Asr prayer service.  It's for my thesis and I need to be creative in this pressing times.

Suddenly a technical problem happens. The computer was shut down by itself and I have to listen and type it again, huhuhuhuuu. It's so frustrating but just think of it in a positive way though I feel macam nak jerit sampai dengar ke planet Marikh. Maybe I could understand more about the topics that I had typed and getting some more insights which are hidden in the discussion if I listen to it over and over. I try to abide to second sis' advice to take everything positively. I am aware about this but somehow we are ordinary human-being we tend to forget especially when we are alone. That's why I always pray to Allah to help remind me through ruhul qudus and through His revelation, the Quran.  

Around 18:22 I went down to Roti Bakar restaurant and having some 雲吞麵 wantan noodle. It's quite spicy and they put veggies in it. Some fish meat which I don't touch them because I don't know about the status but it was mixed in the noodle with veggies. Because it is a set dish so I could not complain and complicate matter. Just finish it and return to the hostel. I can perform ma'amad showering for ritual purity. It's better than mamak's style cuisine which I can't stand them more compared to the peranakan Chinese restaurant. I had eaten excessively while I returned home during early semester break. I just wanted to make my little sister happy so we went to have those stuffs which are forbidden for me. Now, I feel very heavy at my bones and it's not easy to return to the fitrah (nature) again.

Almost Maghrib prayer service, I must get ready for congregational service. After 'Isya that I could review everything again, Insha Allah.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Sunday Evening: Check Sis Friend's Thesis

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Movie: Beck Mongolian Chop Squad

Ughhh, I don't really like doing proof reading or checking others' grammar especially when I have to read others' thesis and dissertation which is not related to my field of study but I've got no choice. It's apart of sustenance given by the Lord but the way needs me to work hard a bit and increasing the power of my spectacles.

Yesterday, younger sister called me and ask me whether I would like to receive the task helping her friend from Mara University. I actually do not really feel like checking it though she is willing to pay me because I am still busy researching for my own thesis. But the friend had also texts me saying that she's desperate for her grammar to be checked so I just agreed. Just taking minimum payment though I actually could charge more because I check her thesis the whole day and sending it before the dateline. Feel like vomiting reading the thesis for management in accountancy. Last time I helped third sister to write her nursing management when she cried to me. Now, when I am crying everyone is leaving me except Him. I understood now how grandpa feels when he was facing the state of sakarat al-mawt (before death). Poor grandpa, I will pray for you to be forgiven and blessed everyday, inshaallah. I always wish for your happiness there hoping that you are also forgiving me.

I had wrongly sent messages and calling to wrong numbers yesterday during the moon eclipse. Urghh, this is so annoying. I mean sometimes in few months I might have some nervous break down and I feel like dreaming while I am not sleeping. I hope people are not annoyed too. I didn't manage to go for the masjid for maghrib prayer service. I don't know, right now I feel that I don't want people around to see me because I think I wanted to disappear just like our mother, Maryam the mother of the Christ expressed her feelings during she was in pregnancy carrying the Christ after the Anunciation (surah Maryam verse 23). 

Managed to go for the masjid only after maghrib service prayer and waiting for ishaa' service. Feel more tranquil there rather than praying in musalla because I can hide behind pillars and Quran racks so nobody would notice my pathetic face. I love the musalla at the hostel but I feel it sometimes too packed and people perhaps might need more spaces for them to also pray. It is actually a good thing to see the congregation grows in the musalla so sometimes I must give up some space for others to come. I also feel I can't see people face because I am afraid I might make people feel annoyed. While waiting for ishaa' I felt thirsty and thought of buying some water outside because I don't take masjid's property. I only use masjid's property for ritual and not for myself. Then I went to a restaurant and ended up trying some ginger dumpling soup, hahahahaha. I think its quite spicy because of the effect from ginger with some longan. I thought that they put seafood in the dumpling so I was terrified. I haven't joined the prayer service in masjid yet at that time and I would have to perform ghusl if I take seafood to be free from impurity. Luckily that it was only sesame paste fillings in glutinous white dumpling ball.

I watched few Japanese movies and other movies of other languages too while I feel bored looking at thesis. For example, BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad and I think my life is just the same like those boring people in the movies. That BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad is adapted from anime about a boring retarded 16 years old Japanese boy called Koyuki in Upper Secondary School who feels that his life is all the same and being bullied in his school by a group of pathetic punks until he meets a singer and he learned how to be a performer on stage. It reminds me of myself but I was not a retarded guy. I technically become a retard just now after I have to read these unnecessary policies stuffs and I think it makes my head retarded than ever, lol. It also reminds me at the time where I learned about Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Guns 'n' Roses, and others during my first year freshman in the university from my colleague and the first person to talk with me, Amir.

I won't let myself being bullied so easily like that Koyuki guy in the movie. I was a very hostile young boy who never follow trends or people around. Perhaps Hadrami blood in me makes me quite volatile sometimes. I might be tiny but I don't care about what will happen if I am pissed off. I don't know what our noble prophet, Muhammad s.a.w feels when he had also to isolate himself in the Hiraa' cave during Meccan period. Whenever I remember about him I will also recite salawat and birkat to him and his family and companions though never in person meet him. It teaches me to be patient and reminds me to morality teachings of the God transmitted by him.

Need to have some walk down there getting some fresh air before some sleep. Waaa, my waist feels like broken sitting in lotus position for long-checking this sister's thesis.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!