What Am I Doing in Gap Period???

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

My new hair I shaved it all on 29th of July 2012

I don't know actually what I wanted to write. I still have the balance of the thesis to be finished before December 2012. So, kinda stopping by and reading again what I wrote. Found them very weird maybe I wrote them in several moods, hehe. Ow yeah, just letting brothers and sisters who read this about the job interview on 15th of August 2012. I guess the job is not meant for me as they never call me even after the 'Eid holiday to inform me whether I am eligible or else. So, it is ok maybe Allah has other plan for me. I'm not so much hoping for the job and I sent other applications to other companies and organizations as well. 

Sometimes when we see around of course it would make us thinking that we have no life like other people as they are settled down, have money, possessions, married and could relax with friends during holiday doing activities like sport or vacation together with friends. It would be lying to say that if we looked and something and we would not be thinking because we have brain and soul. Lying is a portal to sins, hehe. Think it in other way around. Maybe it would also be stressful to work as not all people facing the same situation. I just think to pay my study loan which I think is not good thing to be postpones. I hate debts and I regret that I took it when doing undergraduate papers. After few years pondering and contemplating; I guess our education system nowadays, not only in our country but in whole world is to get human labors rather than for the development of civilization based on humanity values but we would ask what kind of labors that we need? 

There are many rough jobs in services like waiter, receptionist, call center customer service, supervisors, management trainee and others. There are also rough jobs like construction sectors and others. There would be questions asked by people who are already settled down, why university graduates (they who ask are also graduates) refuse to work in service fields and others and trying to grab their positions in government or private sectors? Let me answer, because people who ask the question also never do that kind of job. If they did the job, did they do it permanently? Certainly no because doing the job like that is tiresome, consists of shifts and they took away our resting time which could be used to develop spiritual knowledge like studying scriptures. So, we ask others, why not we think in the shoes of others? Just try to put our ruh (soul) inside the body of the person that we asked. I personally hate when people that I encountered asking me, what are you doing right now? Where are you working? It is a sensitive question to other people who are jobless, try to talk about other things for example like what food you love to eat? This is more polite for me. Other than that, why would we tell kids to study and get through the university if we can get labors without wasting government expenditure? It is just a waste time to study in the university while we could earn money and buy low-cost house if we just go right away to work after O-Level or even LCE. Basic school education is more than enough.        

Well, in this gap period which is the period where I am stuck before transferring to other phase of life I would read all sorts of thing especially things related to philosophies because those books are in my father's collection and I don't have to buy them. Many people who don't really engaged in philosophies might think that I have some short circuits in my head when I talk but I am actually talking philosophies and I am talking about daily human life. Sometimes I just use rough words used in daily life without using high academic words because most of all many people in the world talk more than observe or reading. Philosophies was banned during the period of struggle between imam al-Ghazali and the Shi'a Muslims or Mu'tazila groups related to the Creed about God. I also discussed with mom to dispose some books and just leaving behind religious studies books. I would try to memorize some important religious books for example prayers or hadiths that I could memorize and jot them down again beside practicing them before disposing those books too as to preserve the contents of the books. 

I walked at night around my family's house neighborhood. Maybe I would take some stroll at 12 a.m alone and reciting Quranic verses while walking for two or three hours greeting the unseen brothers and sisters around, hehe. I found that I don't have any surviving friends in my neighborhood anymore. Last time I was in lower six class, I had some friends but all of them had already furthering studies in various colleges and universities before we could even end our form six classes, hehe. Many had moved out from the area too and I don't make any new friend anymore here after we also moved out from old quarter. 

Yesterday's evening I just bought some exercise books to jot down Farsi lessons and starting some translation of kitabs into Chinese for future usage. It's just to increase my knowledge about Islam in Chinese language so next time when Chinese friends asking for information, I would easily convey the message in pure, plain and non-mixed Chinese. I found that Farsi is an interesting language and one of my acquaintance studying in Iran also learned the language and Islamic philosophies there. Rarely talk to him but sometimes I would chat with him and enjoy listening his experience and researches.

I also read some blogs written in Malay about random people life and their language style is quite nice, loll. Dah macam baca novel la pulak. I envy these people as they could write in proper Malay. I just know how to write in dialectical Malay which sometimes people don't understand and sometimes the grammar is upside down, hahaha.  

Sleepy, I need to rest my eyes...  Please help me praying for my father's health and may I finish my thesis before December, insha Allah.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!    

等死

我花了我的一整生命，等待死亡
我為他的計劃，我希望他，我夢見他
當我老了，住我的生活
我自己反鎖在此塔扔掉的關鍵
我祈禱死亡，這樣我就可以停止等待
我的頭髮變得灰色，我的骨頭變弱
死亡潛藏在黑暗的陰影
但他仍然不會來
然後我決定把我自己的生活，而不是
由於死亡是不是還跟我來
我會來找他
我從我的塔跳下，降落以下
但我覺得無痛苦，從致命的落下
我回到我的塔再次嘗試
我肯定有做錯
但是當我到達塔頂，我發現我的錯誤
一具骷髏坐在我的老搖椅
我的皮膚和靈魂離開了久前
我花了這麼多時間，等待死亡
在年底，我錯過了他的訪問

- Silent Dreams

Argh, This Thesis Seems Like Forever!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

  

Haiyoooyooo... So bored lar looking at this lousy thesis all the time and nothing is changing. I wanna travel again!!!!!! I wanted to see Nongkhai Dragon Fireball Festival in North Thailand along the Mekong river. Too bad that it only happens in October. 

This April is our semester break, I must quick finish and send this idiot thesis to the lecturer before April, must must must.... hahahaha. In April I guess there would be Songkrant New Year festival around Thailand and Southern China border. I badly wanted to visit North Thai. If I go out and work again I am not sure when I could do crazy things again. Before we go to any place we need to check in detail about the trip and its safety so everything at least could be according to the plan.

I envy undergraduate students, huhuhu.... Why I didn't do all of these when I was an undergraduate student??? Owh yeah, I had forgotten I borrowed PTPTIPU only quarter of the real amount that I should apply and it's strictly for studies. I didn't even go out from USM except when I was in the first year. Still young in spirit and feel shy to go out, hehehe. I regret I didn't take Amir together with me to visit Thailand or maybe Myanmar or Cambodia by train or by bus. I don't care if I have to pay everything for him only to show him the real life. That guy wasn't so open-minded though he seems Americanized. Maybe traveling would open up his mind but we're already in distance. Perhaps, he could also learn to spend nights in bus station or train station, hehe. He was the only friend that I spend most of my time last time and still is helpful, haha. 

I'd like to ask his help to finish up with silly footnotes. Of course its not free nothing is free in this world. I must compensate his time and torture to see lots of alphabets. I'm sure he's gonna swear to me, loll.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Sunday Evening Notes: Frustrating Technical Problem

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I don't know what is the problem of internet connection today. It becomes very slow in here and I can't access any online TV or radio channel at all. I love to make notes from what I listened or watched as to make sure I could remember them and practicing them if they are in terms of lesson or religious lecture. Previously, I had lost some copies of the discussions that I had recorded in written form of Dr. Tariq Ramadan and Hirsi Ayan Ali regarding Islam and the identity of its adherents before 'Asr prayer service.  It's for my thesis and I need to be creative in this pressing times.

Suddenly a technical problem happens. The computer was shut down by itself and I have to listen and type it again, huhuhuhuuu. It's so frustrating but just think of it in a positive way though I feel macam nak jerit sampai dengar ke planet Marikh. Maybe I could understand more about the topics that I had typed and getting some more insights which are hidden in the discussion if I listen to it over and over. I try to abide to second sis' advice to take everything positively. I am aware about this but somehow we are ordinary human-being we tend to forget especially when we are alone. That's why I always pray to Allah to help remind me through ruhul qudus and through His revelation, the Quran.  

Around 18:22 I went down to Roti Bakar restaurant and having some 雲吞麵 wantan noodle. It's quite spicy and they put veggies in it. Some fish meat which I don't touch them because I don't know about the status but it was mixed in the noodle with veggies. Because it is a set dish so I could not complain and complicate matter. Just finish it and return to the hostel. I can perform ma'amad showering for ritual purity. It's better than mamak's style cuisine which I can't stand them more compared to the peranakan Chinese restaurant. I had eaten excessively while I returned home during early semester break. I just wanted to make my little sister happy so we went to have those stuffs which are forbidden for me. Now, I feel very heavy at my bones and it's not easy to return to the fitrah (nature) again.

Almost Maghrib prayer service, I must get ready for congregational service. After 'Isya that I could review everything again, Insha Allah.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

CNY 2012: Georgetown III

Continue...

Wat Thammikara, Burmese Temple

This one is Myanmar Buddhist temple. I had been here last time and experienced being locked because the time was out. However, some pictures were lost. Many tourists inside whether they are Buddhists themselves or Muslims. I meet few Sri Lankan and Iranian Muslims as well in the temple snapping here and there. Two monks at the statue are ready for blessings. Another one is in the hall. This one is in the sala a pavillion at the side of other hall. Monks could speak English as compared at the front one.

These statues representing Buddhism in countries like Afghanistan, India, Nepal, Iran, Cambodia, Thailand, and etc.

Carp fish pond

Pavillion of Buddhist saints

Depiction of Siddhartha Gautama Buddha life

Many migrants from Myanmar staying behind the temple. It has a hostel for travelers and they prepare donated foods not only for monks but also for travelers.  

Wat Jayamanggalaram, Thai Temple

This place is popular with reclining Buddha. Behind the reclining statue, there are boxes to keep ashes of the dead. The place to sanctuary those ashes is known as bua which means lotus. I had been here few times before. I don't know what else is so interesting because many places had been explored in Georgetown. Maybe I need to find ecological places or going to war museum as well.

Pulau Tikus

Finished a half day today through this walk. I walked from Jetty and around Komtar to Pulau Tikus. Take the bus from there to the Jetty and changing to return to the campus. It's quite congested today because people in the mood of celebration.

CNY Eve: Georgetown II

Continue....

Love Lane 
 

Pulau Pinang Islamic Affairs Department

Shop Rows

Nak berangan jalan kat Afrika Selatan??? Kat sini boleh la feeling-feeling. Itu pun kalau cuaca tidak panas, hahha.

Lim Lean Teng Mansions

Padang Kota Lama

I always confuse this with Padang Kota Tembak, hahaha. In Chinese it's known as Jiu Gwan Zai Jiao. According to what I read at the heritage trail there, it says that Penang Chinese young girls would throw kam which is a kind of tangerine into the sea in an occasion at the 15th night of the Chinese New Year. They call it as Chap Goh Meh in Fujianese. Mum could speak in Fujianese, how many times I've been taught to speak in it but I still pronounce things wrongly so everybody gave up to teach it even when I ask them, hahahaa. I just know few short sentence like: wa ai kee Kayang - I want to go to Kangar, wa bo ai chiak pen - I don't want to eat rice, go pwat - fifty cent... ahahha. It's safe to use Mandarin when conversing with people around and I don't feel comfortable speaking in Malay or English with fellow Chinese though I am fluent in both languages. Just feel like banana and sometimes I am also having difficulties with Chinese speakers because of dialectical problem, lol.

Old Protestant Cemetary

This place is a cemetery of Europeans during East Indies Companies building up settlements in Pulau Pinang (Penang). There is also the cemetery of Francis Light, the person who dealt with our Sultan with treaties to protect each other and this island became a separate entity from our sultanate : ) 

Don't glance too long at the name at the tombstone. It's not good for memorization.

Continue...

CNY Eve 2012: Georgetown I

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

I went down and saw the Yemeni guy who always pray in the congregational prayer in the musalla here. So we had our breakfast in Istimewa Nasik Kandaq. Just feel bored and brother Idris had returned home last night. I didn't really mingle closely with the brother beginning few semesters after two Indonesian brothers mingle with him. I just close with those who are alone due to that a friend for many is not a friend for one. I was not a popular student.  Now I am already a 26 years old kid and not a 19 years old one though I feel like one, haha.

I just don't like to be seen by people and that makes me doing everything alone. I also don't like it when people questioning me about Chinese heritage within me or asking me what am I talking about or whether I understand others speaking to me in ching chong language. If wanted to be friend, just accept whatever difference that we have. If can't I would first say tata... I also know how to speak in English. I was trained to translate Malay and English text in both languages during undergraduate time. Maybe my degree is not so significant as compared to others bombastic degrees but I am literate in English. We had phonetics class where we were forced to speak in British standard accent and we did oral interpretations. I just don't speak in English if I can avoid it due to social view and levels. I act and do everything according to levels and norm. Many Malaysians speaking in Chinese as well as English and Malay whether they are with or without Chinese heritage. We have Chinese National Schools here both primary and secondary level. Those without Chinese education could just be influenced by those around them. I have uncles, aunties, nephews, nieces, cousins and friends who also studied in Chinese stream though I'm not one of them.

I was heading to Georgetown this morning. Thought of buying train ticket to Central Thailand before transferring to Northern and visiting fellow Chinese Muslim mosque in Northern part perhaps by chance I could also hop the border to Yunnan. It's just a plan anyway and it was cancelled once I received the call from little sister that she's heading to Penang. She persuades me to do thesis at home. Last night I thought the thesis could go to h*ll cause it brings me nervous break down. It's not good for concentration during meditation and recitation of Quran. What happens in Georgetown while we are having our walk? Pictures talk, I'm too tired to type...

Ghat Lebuh China

Saint George

I gave fake details to the guide makchiks at the door and I get to enter this hall snapping pictures. I thought that it's free and open for everyone like another one known as the Assumption. Anyway it's a heritage building. Even if I didn't put fake name at the guestbook I still could get in. Just afraid I would raise worry to the makchiks. They are nice to me and offering me some pamphlets. I took only two of them. I don't have any problem with them like I had with Pak Adam, the Siak at USM mosque. Maybe Muslim of Indian descents could learn some manner when talking to people and treating people. Don't talk like you want to fight with people you are not sure about their status whether their faith or their appearance. I am a hybrid of a barbarian race myself because Middle Easterners descent are also considered by locals as barbarian and not purely native but I do practice Confucianism and local manner due to Buddhism influence when mingling with people I am not close with. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w also taught everyone to speak in nice manner to people as apart of prophetic noble morality. When we are closer enough then we could talk like friends. Click here for exterior building.  

Chinese Houses

Looks like Peranakan Chinese kind of house. It's just beside a clan temple that I had already visited. There are few clan temples around here.

Kwang Chow Kuanyim Teng

Lots of smokes here people burning prayer papers and incense sticks. It is quite hot and dry because of the smoke. Perhaps that's why Thai and Burmese Buddhist temples prohibit devotees to burn incense in their prayer hall. I had been here few times walking around and looking at people in there. I don't know if this is a Buddhist temple but a section at the right wing is dedicated to Buddhas while others look more related to Taoism.

Chinese New Year Little Parade

They have some lion dance and musical sounds there. Those people in costumes are depicting the Chinese gods pantheon known as Fortune, Prosperity, and Longevity. They were actually stars personified into deities.

Hock Teck Cheng Sin Temple

Continue........

Aidul Adha 2011: Just Having Some Walk in Queensbay

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Didn't plan it. I just grabbed my bag to find something for lunch. Then spontaneously waiting for the bus in front of Tesco. Had a talk with a Penang guy working in the Tesco. He had his time off and going home, so I have some nice chat with him about Penang and bus system. Also about migrant workers from Indonesia where they are concentrated in Relau area.

Poor kid, he said that he wanted to further studies but he has to keep some money. I just think that university is not really a place to study or developing studies but rather a place to keep knowledge only for internal circulation. Other than that, people are not studying because of the passion to study, researching on how to enhance services, or doing something for the betterment of society but only to find job if it is in Malaysian context. So, what's the different between furthering studies and already working? In the end people would have to work for a living either working in a nice office with nice salary or end up like some of my Malaysian Chinese seniors from Kedah in the Language Center working as salesgirls or restaurant managers : ) 

Besides that, who said that I'm not a friendly person if I always keep my silence, hehe. I can be friendly if I wanted to be but when some people who saw me talked with me, I had decided to be unfriendly because of certain reasons. I believe that nothing in the universe and in space existence last long, so do friendship or whatever it is.

Some interior design in Queensbay above the entrance 

 Crowded... We don't have to go for Xiamen or Fujian to travel because here we could also experience being in Southern China region : )

Japanese Restaurant: Nippon Yadamura level Basement Queensbay

Though I don't really like the ideas of the leader who proposed the Look to East (Japan) policy in educational and technological development industry, but I can't deny I love Japanese. I hope some Chinese nationals who are passing here do not smash my face... hehehe. My ability to converse in Japanese had obsolete almost two years ago after I joined Japanese minor class for translation and interpretation degree course. It's because of YOU, Yang Lee Soo! Hate you because if I know that you'd control the classes, I would refrain from that worthless class but rather furthering it in real Japanese University! 

Your teaching method is out of the scheme and not interesting. I'm sorry to say this. I had took the pain learning Japanese in order to read Buddhism books when I was around 15-16 years old. Japanese teachers like Watanabe Jigo, Watanabe Noriko and Goh Sensei who taught me in Egami Private Language Center in Sri Petaling were far more better. I regret I can't complete my Japanese studies. Otherwise, I would have translated all of the fiqh shari'iyyah and tasawwuf books in the rack into Japanese for Muslim Japanese brothers and sisters references. Now I have to do it in Chinese first because my Japanese grammar was destructed by that Yang Sensei who taught in a UNIVERSITY.

Japanese Milk Tea

I miss Japan. I used to buy this in Mami Maato Department Store in front of the factory at Chiba in Tokyo... : ( I can't find this in other convenient store here nor in vending machine like when I was in Japan. We only have green tea and Taiwanese tea. It brings me back to my memory when I was 18 years old. I paid RM8.65 for a little bottle simply because I missed it, ouchhhh!

Jusco drinking water: RM0.35, hehe.

Hainanese Chicken Rice

I didn't check whether it is halal or not but what to do... I had already ordered without checking the owner's status. Next time we must not rush in doing things. Usually they would display certificate in open places like food court but too many people today so I went to place where there was less people, never mind. I hate making fuss about things because it is impolite. 

I just leave the chicken out but only taking the rice, it costs me RM6. Luckily I had bought a fried chicken before entering the food court so I ate that with the rice. Anything wrong I ask forgiveness from the God and His Mercy. That is my weakness and my fault and I am weak. I just used sign language talking with the Chinese hawker. She thought that I am some kind of foreigner since I didn't talk when ordering but just pointing at the menu. She thought that maybe this guy is a Vietnamese or Burmese or perhaps he is deaf or mute, lolll. It's very nice to use sign language, everyone can understand it and no need for voice.  

Penang Bridge view from Queensbay open air parking lot.

A cafe outside the shopping complex.

Many people crowding the shopping complex since it's a public holiday here. Bus is also full with people... 

It's jammed, and many cars. I'm sure those farm folks in the US or Europe never see the world enough when they thought that people in eastern part of the world live on trees. Perhaps they're penniless and stuck in their farms though their currency is higher, kesian... 

Prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Repeat Class Assignments!!!!!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Ya Allah, dear Lord I have assignments for this repeat paper, European Politics and Decision Making! Though I feel bored but I don't really like to do assignments too. I just hope that I would also pass my next year paper about EU Economy Policies. This institution is so damn boring. Only if I know that there is Asian Studies, I would just tick that for sure. At least I am an Asian and I know how Asian thinks compared to dull Europe. Further I think I am not suitable to study all of these anymore. My time for 'campus' life is already over two years ago.

Just for reminder, kalau dak dok syok berangan sahaja... Your assignment is a presentation based on the article about Conceptualizing the EU Model of Governance by Ben Rosamond. Presentation should not exceed 30 minutes. Another five minutes for discussion so, prepare anything like questions or further discussion. I must get A for this course since I have only one class. Well, it's not 'really' my goal but we just need to set up standard for ourselves or else we would keep dreaming. This one should be done by 2nd of November 2011.  

Another one assignment is quite blurry for me cause I don't really understand what should I do regarding it. The lecturer has asked us to get at least two Europeans and trying to get their perspectives regarding current issues happening in Europe for example human rights, environment, terrorism, polity, law or any other interesting topic. Get their views over the issues. 

It is a kind of interview regarding the issue and its relation to their countries. What is the root of the issue? What should be done with the issue? Why is that the issue is so contentious for them? How do they think regarding the execution of rules and regulation regarding the issue? Had it been done enough or else?

Prepare a questionnaire and doing face to face interview. Later report it to the class. Europeans interviewed are not restricted to those from the EU but also from other non-EU states in the continent. Now it is week 5th, I must prepare the background for my topic regarding this presentation. On the 6th week, present the background for about 10-15 minutes.

On the background we have to think about:

1. What questions to be asked?

2. How are we going to do about it?

3. Working in progress idea, it must be doable, basic idea should at least in our head. After that, do some interview and upload them in the learning portal before discussing it in the class.

4. Prepare final report not less than 2000 words about the findings on particular area of studies in which it means literature review.

5. To make it interesting as possible, and state why we choose the topic? Why it concerns us? 

6. Choose issue in Europe which also gives local implication to our country and do research about it.

7. Look at different perspectives in report.

8. Findings can not be generalized and ideographic.

Mid Semester Test would be at the 8th week. So, now we are in 5th week. No class for this week so try to finish the assignments as soon as possible.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!