An Eid Talk with a Hostel Mate, Brother and Friend : )

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I will always be proud with this friend and will mention his name without any alteration. His name is Alef bin Ahmad. I do not know whether he would reach here but I want you to know Alef. You are my brother in this world and hereafter. I believe that if people love you, it is surely because Allah 'Azza wa Jalla loves you. If people hate me, it is because Allah 'Azza wa Jalla hates me and I deserves it for what evil that I had committed. This friend of mine was not so fortunate because his father passed away due to sudden "heart-attack" while working at their village and he was still in the first year studying in the university. He is from Yan. He is still living with his mother and siblings back there in Yan.  

Yan is a district within our state but by our state standard, it was actually a region with few feudal lords just like other places in our state. Most of feudal lords and chieftains were actually of Arab descent but there were also native feudal lords from the native court. By today we have 12 districts but before 18th century we had few other districts or regions which is now in the lower of Myanmar, separated as a different state with its independent king and in Southern Thailand. One of our district in Southern Thailand is known as Satun which was separated into Thai administration under the governance of a royal member known as Ku Din bin Ku Meh while another which was made a state by its own right is Perlis. The king of Perlis now is of Arab descent of Jamalullayl Sayyid clan who happened to intermarry with Kedah female royal members.       

Alef was one of my hostel mate but not my course mate. We were quite close back then when I was in Aman hostel in the Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM). The hostel has so many memories for me before I went further my postgraduate studies. I have no picture with him nor any other friends at that time so people might think I am a lone-ranger at all the time. Alef is among my friend and he is my compatriot Kedah national. Our religion and faith which is Islam and the state, Kedah Darul Aman where we share the same regional language and cultural traits bonded us together as very close brothers though our state is very diverse in term of ethnicity and cultural traits by its regions. I used to watch TV with him other than with Amir. During Ramadan, we would talked about various issues whether it is about religion, daily life and politics. We became even more closer after I visited him but I just tried to avoid talking anything about whatever I did because I don't want him to feel grateful to me. I did that as a responsibility to comfort him and his family. I do not want any return and anything that I donated is not of myself but from Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. It was his property once he received it and it's not so much because I just donated what I can. If I have that much then that much is donated for unfortunate brothers and sisters. That's all.  

I used to visit him and his family just after his father passed away. I did not have any vehicle back then and I saw that those Kelantanese hostel mates had left for Alef's father burial. Other compatriots had left me alone with Amir without informing us. I just hit Amir with a message and trying to see whether he is interested to visit the poor family and pay respect to the deceased. I guess Amir did not understood me. I felt so sorry that I cannot pay respect and help in burial process of Alef's father. After a week, and we were still in long term holiday. I prepared a rucksack and took buses for Yan from Penang. I immediately reserved some RM300 (USD 98.70) from my personal account for Alef's mother and buying few stuffs for condolence donation under the da'awa banner because of Allah and started to travel for Yan. I understood how Alef felt especially I had just lost my beloved grandmother where I cried like a crazy little kid and losing appetite for weeks. It was very difficult to access the rural area while I was alone. There was only one or two route of buses from Sungai Petani to Alor Setar through Yan. When I arrived in the rural area there was no bus anymore and by the time it was near Maghrib prayer service. I never informed Alef anything about my visit. I know Allah 'Azza wa Jalla was with me. Then I chartered a taxi at the little town and I cannot remember how much it was. When I arrived at the village only I called Alef just to inform him I am visiting his family because I cannot help with burial lest saying condolence. I feel so ashamed of myself because the matter of death is very important for me and it reminds me on how helpless I am before Allah if He does not sustain me with His precious Mercy.

After long, Alef had gave me a text message wishing me for Aidul'adha greetings. I am actually so happy to receive the message from him. I do not make many friends in my entire life and I am always grateful to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla for few friends and acquaintances that I have though we cannot see each other often. They are actually my pride as our beloved imam Ali r.a said: "The most helpless among men is he who cannot find a few brothers during his life time. But still is more helpless is he who find such a (good) brother but loses him". That is why I always feel afraid to be closer to newly-known brothers or friends. If they leave their footprints in our heart, we would feel like dying when the "time" ends. I do not care whether a "brother" is a Muslim or non-Muslim. The definition of a brother or a sister is very broad for me. Once they are considered as my "brother" it means their blood is also my blood. I would have to protect them like protecting my self.  If they are sad, I would have to comfort them like I comfort myself.

I called Alef when he miscalled me. Just talked with him like around 20 minutes and we talked about we missed each other and other friends while we were living in the hostel. All of friends had left us and we had lost contact. I just said to him I am grateful that I do not lost his contact. We talked about job and I could sense that he feels low self-esteem. I just told him the truth. I am a "da'awa cadre" but I never appear like one because I need to be alert with the situation and condition of society. I did postgraduate studies and it seems like I am pursuing it for career advancement but the real meaning is that I am doing this postgraduate studies to reconcile the gaps between traditional Islamic sciences and other fields. Nobody understood me even my younger sisters said that I am a "chowder-head" when they saw that I never grab any opportunity to further anything or getting good jobs for myself. 

I began to understood my destiny and facts of life when I was in Holy Mecca while I sat alone in the desert and pondering myself in al-Haram al-Sharif. And I felt so sinful that when I returned that I tried to return to the "responsibility" again. This is actually a very painful situation I think one would rather stabbed their heart with knife than to feel stuck like this. I told Alef to be patient and take a good care of his family. Do not worry about worldly affairs as we have faith in Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. He had already prescribed our fate in His tablet and our sustenance is within His wisdom. Just do not feel low and to strive hard to perform worship to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. Learn more about kitabs and try to increase knowledge through religious discourses in his state. He still messaged me after we end our conversation and saying thanks for not forgetting him though he lives in the village. I just dropped few tears after reading that because it is me who should be thankful to him... I wish you happy Aidul'adha and in the Day of Atonement may our sacrifice brings us closer to Allah's Compassionate Mercy and Love. I am not good with words but you can feel it when I am closer to you, dear friends and brothers. I am just a nobody since I honor you as blessings of Allah for me :')  

            

I wish Allah 'Azza wa Jalla to have mercy on me because I am afraid Allah would throw me into the torments in the hereafter if my intention is wrong. I do not intend to tell anything here as something to boast nor getting names. I even mildly scolded Azren, who lived in the same hostel last time when he told his friends about my visit to Alef's house because that is not my intention to boast around instead I did it alone and not inviting others. I am doing that for Allah 'Azza wa Jalla and it is our traditions to comfort brothers and sisters who are in sadness. This is just a memory with Alef. He is one of my pride and I wish him to be among the da'awa cadres propagating His Names and teachings of morality by understanding the spirits which determined me to visit his house last time and why I keep them in my prayers :') 

Dedicated to my beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his progeny and his companions may Allah always be in contact with them, bless them and be merciful to them. I also dedicate this post for brothers and sisters in faith and brothers and sisters in humanity. No matter where you are... Those who had been in contact with me are actually kept safely in parts of my heart. Allahumma salli 'ala Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad wa sahbihi ajma'in.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Responsibility and Think "Nothing" in Life

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Currently I am trying hard to finish up my thesis. Well, I learned that I can't read the journals in the monitor 24/7 besides I have to look after my father. I'm thinking to print them out but I have no printer so it sure will cost me again. Maybe I would ask my elder brother in law permission if I could use his printer at his house and pay for the ink. I wrote the thesis until I fall asleep at the computer. This is so scary. I wish Allah forgive me for studying this course. I would not be as crazy as this if I just go right away to work and secretly continue studying Shari'a beside performing da'awa job in disguise. This won't work for my Quranic memorization schedule too. I just did not realize that few drops of tears dripping on the Quran before I get started this morning I feel so guilty to Allah.   

I learned that Amir had just gotten a letter for a pre-qualification psychology test for the position he does not know and it just need to be answered online. He applied last Aidul'adha. Almost a year and he just got it now. He did not mention this to me when we talked on the phone. He just stated the benefit if he got hired for the position as the location of the job is in Malaysian Northern University (UUM). His cousin bought him the form. I learned another thing from Amir. He said that he did not expect on good stuffs to reaching him when he dreams nothing. But another thing he said that he was envious with the lady living beside his house working as a clerk in Alor Setar. She just returned home and brings nothing at home, so he said that she seems so relax. The same thing happened with his elder brother who works in the morning and returns home late in the evening. At night he just check the internet before goes to sleep and it continues everyday. He wanted that kind of lifestyle. Thinking of nothing just like in the school. Go to school, return from school and did nothing. In the end he just said that he will never forget me though he has gotten good things. 

I just put his conversations here in the form of writing so brothers and sisters just treat it like reading a fictional novel and I am just a fictional character, haha. I feel shy when people reading these but I am writing it here so brothers and sisters would see how "real life" works. I know many are jobless in the US, Europe and around the world. I understood how you feel. My conversation with him was actually according to the level of his thinking. Because people think at different levels. 

I had experience in job world before though not long. What he said as think of nothing is not true for me. Human is burdened with the levels of responsibility and there are stages of life. Last time I was so dedicated to my job though I worked for more than eight hours a day and only with one day off. I woke up early as early as at four to prepare for my uniform and waited at the train station to the airport. I just walked alone to the airport in the darkness of early morning. I end my shift at 12 midnight and arrived home when everyone were already sleeping. In the beginning there were two shifts but later it becomes one when only two remain there when others resigned. I was 18 at that time. 

But when the offer for the university came, I just accepted it though I should have forget everything and return to Shari'a stream as what I "mentally" talked with Allah in holy Mecca. I just had no one to talk with and to discuss on the plan so it happened this way I am now typing the post, hehe. My other friend, Azren which is also the colleague of Amir because we were from the same graduate classes worked as a general clerk in a company. He has to deal with huge amount of money for his company. He said that it is not fun but because he has no choice and need to pay for study loan so he just stay there until other offers come. As for me, I am waiting until the end of this year to reform my life again. Maybe it would be a bit later than others but I just don't care anymore now. I think it is better to embrace the divine pre-destiny. I begin to slowly closing my recently opened social account. I don't want to be seen by those "new friends" that I just known in the musalla when attending master classes. I need to gather and unify our "congregation" first with other brothers and sisters. We had been looked upon negatively since long and our ancestors were killed and chased by governments of two "Muslim" empires for nothing. So, I would study the Sunnah traditions and also the other side traditions and act as a transmitter of the traditions of our ancestral lineages like what I suppose to be and what the previous imams had done.

Anyway, I am happy for Amir. He had been jobless for about three years and he just stayed home. Maybe his parents get worried of his future too so they had asked his cousin to get the form for job application. I think it is not good to stay at home idle because it would affect our social life skill. It's just hilarious for me when he said that he won't forget me, lol. I don't need anyone to remember me. Maybe I ask some brothers to pray for me. That's all I want because when people generally praying for faithful believers, then it also includes everyone. Another things is nothing last forever. I don't believe in the "forever" term in this Earth. It is only applicable in the "life" to come : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!    

How does it feel when we have a good or close friend?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Wayne Chia

I begin this post with praises to Allah and humility. May Allah bless me, beloved faithful brothers and sisters with bountiful of wisdom from His boundless Wisdom.

I had finished the paper for SAE515 European External Policy last Friday. I do not know whether I did well or not. But I guess I had tried hard enough to do well. The rest will be the Divine intervention to help me. I do not have any ability to excel without the help of Allah and everything is already decreed. I will harvest what I had worked on. I still have to represent my proposal and answering German paper level 100 (Beginner). 

I actually have no friends here, not even a close friend to be a company. So I can't help feeling lonely and envious looking at groups of people talking and laugh among each other at restaurant, or discussing about the affiliations or values that they share in musalla. I tried to develop relationship with people in musalla but it is not a close relationship. We just shake hands sometimes after the congregational prayers end in musalla and walk away. I feel so shy to talk to people, plus some of the congregation member in musalla is from Jama'at Tabligh. Although I learned religious knowledge in my three years secondary schooling time and for some times in Syariah stream before shifting to secular education but I still feel myself lower than others. Especially when I heard that they have more priviledge in front of Allah because of their efforts, and I have nothing to offer to Allah except trying to be sincere to Allah. I feel more down, with my experience which was not really good as others although I believe many encounters this kind of problem too. 

I do not intend to insult myself, I know this feeling is not good. But that is what I feel. I am not like a quiet person if I know people well. I could talk about many things, breaking out laugh with jokes that I feel comfortable to talk but when I encounter people who talk about religion or about God all the time like JT kids, it would be quiet difficult for me. Because some of them are still in the stage of learning. I am also afraid that I would hurt them with questions or comments that I have even though I do not care about what people want to think about myself or talk about me. I do think in a complicated way sometimes because of my past experience, so those who are not familiar with me might think that I have something broken in my head, hurting them or talking nonsense. Because of taking care about brothers feeling, I have to think many times and observe first before breaking the silence.  

I do not have problem to talk with congregation from the Mid East although I am not comfortable with some of their attitudes but those in the university mosque congregation are quite polite to people and they conduct religious lecture and readings from kitaab. I am familiar with Mid Easterners culture and customs but I prefer to talk to compatriot better. The congregation of Mid Easterners are in the university mosque and it is far from my hostel. That is why I have to pray congregational prayers in musalla in the lowest level of the hostel.

I remember the last time I had a good friend is when I was in standard four. At that time, my father served the state government office as a press secretary of the Kedah state chief minister. At that time, we also had a photo shop but it did not work well because of the capital shortage and few problems, so we have to close the shop. We are the only "bumiputera" who opened photo shop in Jitra competing with Chinese owned photo shops. I was schooled for a while in Sekolah Rendah Ahmad Tajuddin in Jitra. I had a close friend, whom I called as Saiful. He was the one who began to talk to a quiet boy who was me. I never start greeting anyone until others' greet me first except if I feel the need for me to greet then I would greet and be friendly like what happened with me and brother Idris during Ramadan 2010. I and Saiful had once been close friends in a year schooling time before I have to move to Selangor together with our parents. Particularly in Hulu Langat. There, I was schooled in Sekolah Rendah Batu 9. I have no close friend anymore since then because of the difference in culture problem and it always not easy for young kids to adapt with new environment, taking into account that we always moved here and there. I just have classmates whom I just meet when I was in the class but not for any other sharing activities anymore like before. 

Then, when I was in third year doing my first bachelor degree. I met my close friend when I was in standard four again which is Saiful. He is eager to continue having a contact with me but he had bring his girlfriend with him when we met at my neighborhood. I feel quite shy to talk with him because for such a long time we did not meet each other and he came with his girlfriend. 

And then the way he talk too is different to when we were kids because that was different thing. Now we are adults. I do not feel close anymore. So, I do not talk to him anymore after we met although for few times he tried to contact me. Maybe times changing him or perhaps it is me who is changing.

I do not have any good opportunity to build relationship with others because my parents especially my mother is quite stifling with me. Maybe because I am the only son. I did not have any chance to be naughty outside with friends although I was quite naughty at home. Now, I thought that I have not acquire the art to make friends anymore. But when I was in the first year bachelor degree, I made friend with a guy from Jitra. He was my colleague in our course. I treat him just like my blood brother or cousin although I have no brother nor I am close to my own cousins. We talked about many things including I listened to his exposure to me about music. But when holidays come, he never offers me to join him visiting his family like other friends did. Maybe he is shy of his family, I also have the same feeling because I have sisters. I could not bring male friend home, because of my sisters. Now I still contacting him, but it is not like before because of distance perhaps or maybe he has his own problem. May Allah makes everything easy for him.

When I am at home, my sisters can't be good listeners. When they have problems, I can be their place to say anything that they want. I just keep my problems to my self and chanting prayers to Allah may He be Merciful releasing me from psychological burden of the problem to befit in the society. My experiences of a confused background had shaped me to be like this and it is very difficult to express it out.

Now I just try to establish good relation with kids from Jama'at Tabligh in congregation although I sometimes do not feel comfortable when they are in high spirit and forgetting around. I saw them having good relationship and communicate well among each other that made me interested to be close although in the beginning it was not me who approach them.

But when I see myself, I just see a poor hermit in me. I do not know how to express it in words but I guess that is the closest picture that I have for my self. But there are certain barriers too. Like I am just alone, I have no close friend together like them in the movement. So, how does it feel when we have a good or close friend? I had forgotten it, or might be I never feel it at all.

Ending this simple post on Sunday, I would like to beg Allah to please do not leave me alone. I do not have anyone in this cruel world in its pretentious colors. I only have Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. Please Allah at least let me have a good friend to company me when I stay in rest in barzakh, since I have no close friend to talk about my sadness or my happiness in this world.

Let me stay with Your Words as my company when I go to see You. I am longing to see You my dear Lord. Please have Mercy on me O holy God, I am your poor slave. I have nothing to be proud of, I have nobody to talk with, I only have You. Please may my lowly prayers be heard O Holy God, only You are my Strength. Praises to Allah may it stop not from my unworthy lips.        

O Friend!

A very beautiful nasheed with good lyrics. I love this nasheed besides the voice is nice. Although my Arabic becomes worse and worse day by day and being a friend to a Palestinian classmate does not  really helping me in polishing my rusty Arabic because he is quite a boast. He thinks that speaking in English makes people understand him better, but I still can't understand his Palestinian Arabic accented English. 

Most Arabs from Mid East speak terrible English with horrible pronunciation. I'm sorry for this, but this is the fact although my Palestinian colleague always condemning Chinese or Malay accent of some Malaysian students who speak in English.  

Allah! I miss my teacher Ustaz Mustaffa from Cambodia during my jobless time where almost every night I went to the mosque seeking refuge and peace from uncertain future after bachelor graduation. He's a good Arabic teacher and I respect his vast and firm knowledge in Nahw Sarf (Arabic grammar). I miss Ustaz Ahmad Wan from UITM too. His method  of teaching is quite good for beginner although I had already have the basic knowledge of Arabic. 

I still think that it is good to figure out the easiest approach to teach beginners Arabic because I hate English. I only want to hear Arabic like when I made my pilgrimage to Mecca. Thanks to both of them, I will pray for bountiful of blessings for them and their family : )

I can't find the lyrics although I had tried asking mr. Google with Arabic keyboard. Might be a new released nasheed.  The singer of tis nasheed is Muhammad Khaled and he's from Yemen. I hope someday I could speak in Yemeni (Teheimani) Arabic, our ancestral language : )

Anyway, my understanding is that, the first part of this lovely nasheed talks about a friend who reminds his friend to testify that indeed God is only One, His blessings is everywhere and testify the descent of Hashem clan, Ahmad who called to the guidance of God. 

And the second part, he reminds his friend to perform the prayers. Make out some of the belongings for property purification may you be accepted by God, fast! As it is better for everyone, and perform pilgrimage to the House of God.

Purify the soul, speak with noble speeches. And be known to you, read the book of God. Raise up! Help those who are tyrannized, clear up the effects of damages, be firm to the promise, may God be please with you. Be good to your neighbors, respecting your guests, be sincere to, and forgiveness to those who asking for God forgiveness. Guide classes and law to the householders be cautious to the danger caused by eyes. Be angry with the order of God.

No emerging debt, no deserted those who are loved. Thus we recited what had been written, in the revelation from the side of God. Continous mercy, and no insulted days! Be a friend that salvate, may you be pleased with hasty aid from God.    

The end part I can't really substitute the words into other languages but I am so astonished with them. I heard like it said about the priority on sanctifying God's name, do not leave the obedience duties, and the longing soul. Later it says, the balance is the reward of seeing Lord God glorious appearance in the hereafter.

Isn't it good to have friends that reminds us to be on the straight path and  helping us in remaining in the law of God? I love to see those tabligh guys getting together in the musalla at my current hostel and they remind each other with words from scriptures and sunna. I hope they will always remain like that elal-abaad. May Allah bless everyone, forgiving our sins. Bountiful of blessings to our beloved and dear prophet, may God bless him his family, companions, disciples, and followers.