Muharram Job Interviews

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Today 23 Muharram 1345 H I just received two calls from different hotels in our area. I tried to apply for a job this morning and I have got a call for a front office job just after an hour I perform the Ḍhuha optional service, haha. I did not recite any specific prayer wishing for any job but I just ask Him to help me leading my life and help me with my mission for Him.

I sent an email to the Pullman Hotel for a front office position this morning. And the Human Resource called me and giving me an email about detail which I should fill in the four pages form. Also a copy of identity card and I have an interview at 15:00 on this Friday. I have to be there 10-15 minutes before the interview.

Then, few hours later. I received another call from Shangrila Hotel. I thought that they already had forgotten my application for steward job. The lady who called me asked whether I am familiar or whether I understand the job specification? I just explained to her that I have no experience with the job but I know that it is a job in the kitchen. My acquaintance, Mr. Azrul already had told me about the job while he is also a graduate cleaner in a hotel in Damansara. The lady then offered me a job as a receptionist and arranging an interview for me tomorrow Thursday at 15:00!!

I just planned to leave the house and buying a ticket for Kangar and later jumping to Langkawi for hotel jobs because I thought that I would have to migrate if I cannot flourish in our neighborhood here, haha. But suddenly the calls hitting my phone. My mother was actually afraid that I would leave her alone because I suddenly cleaned my room and folding all stuffs in this little room. But that is not my real intention to leave her alone. I just wanted to establish myself before I could "save" the others namely my parents. I always think about them and I love them. I do not want them to be neglected in the future especially girls at our house are not as typical as people might think. They are modern women who devote themselves for career and also their husbands' family. My parents are fortunate as compared to those who have no son at all. Imam Ja'afar al-Sadiq r.a mentioned that, "Daughters are mercy compassionate of the parents and when they are well-educated by parents thus parents will be rewarded with meritorious deeds. Sons are grace of the God the Highest. They will help the parents when they are well-educated (with religious teachings)".

I checked the range of salary for entry level for those two positions: front office assistant and receptionist. The range is from RM 1500-1650. So funny that I always have to begin from zero when I leave my previous position after I worked so hard. Last time, my salary was RM2100. But I can do nothing because I am entering another boundary which is different from the other. Well, just take the challenge and off we go followed with tawakkal (dependency only) to Him.

This is a bit on our struggle to find job and establishing ourselves dear brothers and sisters out there. I have no time to blame anyone on my misfortune. But I have to work very hard. I tell you something that we cannot think like our countries are new countries like Timor Leste anymore. Perhaps Timor Leste would also experience what we are currently experiencing when their country reaching a certain stage of development. There would be many universities and colleges and people are racing among each other to be labor or slaves to capitalists (slaves of the world).

I will share with everyone the outcome if I am free for that, inshā Allah. I have to do some researches for those sudden interviews. This is actually for those who are still looking at which direction to go with their life. I am sharing this specially with you : ) Wish I could get any one of those jobs and be strong in the future. Praise Him in all circumstances never forget Him who controls everything in the universe...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

13th Muharram 1435 H

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I am not sure whether the title is suitable or not but I seriously do not know what to put at the title, haha. Well, tomorrow morning maybe after morning prayer service I would take the bus to Shangrila Hotel up there. I just wanted to apply for a steward (dishwasher) job. In the beginning I planned to beg for my mother to help me to study the "religion" but after all I think that I had also burdened her before. I feel so ashamed too. Now on I just wanted to settle my debt with the national loan center because I owed them to study in my undergraduate level. Anyway, I am thankful to the government and I do not want to owe anyone no more. I wanted to pay my mother's jewelry too. I do not want anyone to suffer because of me! 

I wanted to find a job again just after I quit the one which was a Protection Clerk in the UNHCR, Kuala Lumpur. There were too many things to deal at once including with my mother who wanted to see me graduated which means that I have to apply for one week leaves although I am still in probation and that annoying Human Resource lady in the office as I was still under her supervision. You know, sometimes people love to look at others as inferior than them without trying to be their friends. They would rather love to make enemy with others by giving that pompous attitude. I had also quarreled with my younger sister where she accused me as not taking care of my father though I was always with my father in his sad times since I was young until now when he is bedridden. I never leave him behind or neglect my responsibility. When you are in unfortunate situation, you will see the true "colors" of everyone. It will spontaneously come out of everyone...    

I am still "aware" about my "self" and I know the God's commandment for a child to be devoted to his parents. Besides I had to give the chance for my little sister to use my mother car since she has got a job in the Prime Minister's Department. I quit at that time and opted for another job far in Kuala Lumpur because I was the one who offered her my position though my old employer actually trying to stop me by giving me a promotion together with an increase in salary pay. Now, everyone could see a Muslim guy is being bullied by women and how I have to sacrifice for their chance to live in term of my future. I have to give up my job under the midst of pressures. Yet, most of the time, we Muslim guys being tainted with the so-called "feminism" cry that most men are irresponsible, going out for religious propagation like the Tableeghi Jama'at members by just ignoring their responsibility as men and others. I respect the teachers of Deoband school of India and I give due respect to all Muslim scholars but some people still taking some of the "public" members of the movements as the benchmark for all! I strictly adhere to the principle of Ahl Bayt and that makes me have to struggle on my own with only the God as my only Protector and Companion. I have to do anything by accepting my situation, accepting the facts and according to situation. So my final decision because all of those troubles is just to quite without having the chance to establish myself like others.

What I had done yesterday was I had already cleaned my clothes and mattress sheet. Some had already been packed in plastic because I do not want them to be dirty again before being given to people. I had given up like half of them right now. I do not want too many possession because it will burden me in the future. I need to clean the fan in my room as it is quite dusty right now. Around midnight I will start to clean my room since I do not want to be seen even by my family members anymore.   

Owh yeah, I wanted to give up my religious kitabs to mosques and some friends. I do not need them anymore because I had memorized some of them. I just need to practice them and just need a copy of Quran with me in order to get it preserved in myself. Maybe I will make some "letter of will" and inheritance letter. I wanted to quietly move away without being known by anyone if anything happen to my beloved father. I love him so much, grateful to him for raising me and I am here because of him. I do not care a bit about being in comfort zone... Unfortunate events will happen without we even notice or expect it. So better be very very careful...  Maybe today you see that people in those war zones are crying but it could also happen to us. Doomsday is not only the great doomsday but also doomsdays which follow our transitory phases of life...   

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Today I am Fasting

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I love to fast during Mondays and Thursdays. Well, our friends could actually see that we develop optional worship from the basic form of obligatory ones. Lately, I have been exploring the life of prophets, prophet Muhammad s.a.w, the companions, the generation of followers, the generation after the followers, the pious predecessors and the pious generations to come. I will just return to their "life" narrations when I feel vulnerable. 

I am trying to donate my clothes and materials that I do not need too. Not all of them were from my earning but I just received them as donation from my relatives and close acquaintance such as Azren. I think I am going to wash them again with my hand as to make them clean and sew the torn parts at my clothes so they would look better before I give them out. I had stopped using the washing machine since I unexpectedly quit my job after some "discussions" with my younger sisters. I just want to leave behind with me some pairs of shirts, trousers and two white garments which I used for my ihram during the pilgrimage. I think I would like to be buried with those white garments too when I leave behind everything. I am glad I had finished my master graduate but I regret that I still cannot pay the government loan and also repay my mother jewelries. She sold them all to help me with registration without telling me that she sold them in 2010. I just cried like a crazy little boy when I get to know this fact because I think I had tyrannized my mother... If I know earlier I would just quit everything and return home to work as to finish all the loan. Anyway, whatever happened is fated. We would be looking forward for our destiny. I just regret my sisters do not understand their only "stupid" brother who loves to work the hard way here, haha... Anyway I wish them all the best too. I hope they could all get married and living a nice comfortable life with their families. The old me has long died since I went to the pilgrimage in 2005-2006... 

Basically what I do before I fast is just the same like my previous posts. Now, this is my life at home, hehe. I would take some chunks of bread for breakfast before the dawn prayer service time. Maybe some milk. Because we do not have fresh milk here so I just take whatever that I could see in the kitchen. Of course with limited quantity because I cannot take anything if my family members say nothing to me. I am afraid of taking whatever is not given because it will held me accountable to the punishment in hereafter. I just have a very very simple meals without any elaborate stuffs like gravy or anything. Simply bread, cookies, some fruits, plain rice with fresh vegetables or simply drinking plain water if I cannot find anything. It depends on what ever left over by people at home. I do not take any food prepared before they eat them first and leaving behind things because I wanted to know how much is my sustenance at that day in this period waiting for my father.   

I would go for shower around 4:00 in the morning because nowadays the prayer services become earlier than ever. Then I would apply some olive oil if I still have them with me in the container at the Quran shelf and if I do not rush. I walk to the mosque like 10 minutes and I avoid myself from going to the closer musalla. Why am I doing so? People might be talking behind me and I know that. I do not like people to see my practices. I do not practice the same thing like mainstream people because I have a paralyzed father at home, I have many female siblings where I have to keep my manner in a very polite way, I cannot go to work or live like normal people because of my family is not stable since my father had fallen due to the strokes and I am trying to memorize the Quran "fully" before I reach 30 years old. I am now a 27 years old guy. I feel that my time is very close everyday despite that people in my age are enjoying their late 20's life. Human is mortal and we cannot live like thousands of years. The same thing also happen to the universe as it flows and cease to be in existence by His will. 

Then I do not try to open the gate of the mosque because people would mistaken me for a thief. Many people would steal from the mosque. I would just climb up the little mountain in front of the mosque and beginning to control my breath, recite Ma'turat, some verses from Quran, memorize the verses or trying to contemplate the meaning and the Glorious Attributes of the God the Highest to start my morning. I do not recite them after the prayer services because I would have to find hidden places to recite them as to avoid from disturbing others. I tried to teach my father all of these but he was too old when I revealed everything to him. He is now a 65 years old paralyzed man. When I tried to talk to him during I practiced the non-Islamic lifestyle I actually wanted to have a dialogue with him and people around. But people did not get the signs. Now, I speak very little with my voice. Perhaps like two or three words a day. I do not think that people around like my sisters or even mother would understand me. So, I just keep my silence even more. 

The whole day while waiting in the 11 x 11 x 11 x 11 feet room, I would just stay in contemplation without talking. Memorizing stuffs as much as I can and trying to recite them again alone. Basically I read Quranic exegesis, checking points about contemplation, reading about Sharia, reciting the basic matters about Islam again and again and recite the hadiths that I know just to perform them again as a practice in whatever space that available. If I cannot perform the da'awa to human, I could still perform the da'awa to the "hidden" brothers, haha... Life is not only about whatever that we can see with our plain eyes. The Quran speaks about metaphysical life too.

Then, to break the fast too I would just drink plain water at the dusk hour. Or simply eating the same thing like I had during the pre-dawn breakfast. If I have some money from my previous savings then I would withdraw them and buy a piece of plain chapati or plain prata roti from the Indian Muslim restaurant and buying some milk like the RM1.50 Dutchlady from the shop's fridge. I plan to xerox my resume in the next two weeks time if it is for this year. Or maybe waiting for the next year to start all over just like what I wrote in my diary. My distance acquaintance Mr. Azrul from Kelantan was quite helpful in providing me information about operational jobs in a hotel. I check every detail about the jobs in a hotel such as waiter, steward, cleaner, bell boy, and others. 

Some people might frown at why a master graduate work like this. Let me tell you people. Not all people are fortunate like you! Besides being happy with your life, enjoying it, you perhaps need to have some empathy to the others. It does not mean that you have to donate anything to others or to say anything to them. But simply having an empathy is a donation itself toward a better universe. These are just a sharing. I am not doing all of these on purpose or simply to feel the life of the poor people. I am just living according to my situation and capability other than being a victim among other victims of the situation since 1990's.  

Other days, I do not really take much food too. I just drink some water with rice mixed with ghee or some salt. Sometimes it will end up as a fast too for that day because I do not touch anything. I am not in the stage of being a beggar yet and perhaps I would never commit that. It is a disgrace to prophet Muhammad s.a.w, a disgrace to father Ali r.a. and mother Fatima al-Zahra r.a! If there is nothing then just recite the dhikr. We die only once but not many times unless if there is reincarnation like in the hell where the sinners will be alive and dead and alive and dead up to the period where the God the Highest closes the hell and the disbelievers will be wrapped together and die forever there (I cannot remember the source but there are sources about this. Do not take this as a definite argument in people's speeches!). 

This humble servant fast an optional fast as a sacrifice to keep himself and bringing his life closer to the God the Highest. May the God the Highest be my Defender, be my Protector and be my Lover always in the quest to seek His Glorious Appearance in the hereafter and to seek His pleasure.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!