Disconnecting

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Hiraa Cave - 'Abdul 'Azim Green Rod

I tried to be patient when people playing sentiments with me last time, especially when it is regarding religious work or what we call as da'awa either to ourselves or to others. I actually always trying to remind myself about the God and praying to Him in my heart for faith. Sometimes situation and environment around really testing my faith to Him. It happened since I was a young kid.

Although I am not a religious science scholar or not even close to them who has the right to report about themselves but this is a personal site so I am just writing what I think as a mortal human-being. Since I have no one to talk with. I better talk to diary or blog. Thanks to google blogger for the blog although I am not a creative person nor am I skilful in computer. At least I know how should I express my feeling as an... I can say an orthodox Muslim guy who is trying to repent to Him. Now, I feel deeply sympathy to the late Anne Frank. I understand how she feels while being a refugee during World War II. She must had to underwent a hard time especially after her sister and mum died until it makes her talking to her diary as the only friend that she had. Though she's not of the same religion with me but she's also a human-being. I am sorry for not being a typical racist Arab or non-Arab Muslim. I can't be like that and nobody supported me too when I am alone like this except Allah and His Words.  

Yesterday evening, I just messaged a guy representing those guys who had not telling me anything about what happened to them while last time they talked in the car after returning from the Bengal mosque bayan session about outing for India, that kerja agama stuff. I talked more to him because he came to talk with me. One of them had loudly said to others that I agreed to go for India and that made me feel tied to the determination. Determination for me means the portal to promise. Promise must be executed, though death touching us. That is my principle. That's why I tried not to engaged with debt nor trying to do anything which lead to promise. If it happened then, I must go with it no matter what happened to me. So, as to say another Tabligh kid out of that group also came and talked about this to me. And they already bought tickets including for me to Kuala Lumpur, so I without any idea on what happened had just followed the other. I posted about this before but it's not a full story as I am thinking on how not to make people assume bad things about the Tabligh-e-Jama'at. So, in my message, I said that they are competing in converting me or other people because I didn't see that those separate group guys talked to each other. One thing that we must remember, quantity is not equal to quality. Try check in surah al-Baqarah about Taalut (Saul) and David a.s during military training before the establishment of Judah kingdom in the Land of Cana'an. There is also a conversation between the Children of Israel and an unknown prophet about how to choose a leader amongst them to encounter the infidel Philistines. The prophet according to Israeliyyat is Samuel bin Alqanah bin Yaruham a.s.  

After the brief session in USM mosque last Friday before the semester break, I just saw the guy but I didn't get the chance to talk about the matter or at least getting to know what actually happened. I afraid that it would jeopardize their auspicious chance when getting job opportunity as it's not easy for graduates today to get job according to their certificate specification. The kid was the first of the group in the musalla who came to persuade me to join them or asking me to be friendly with people, so they should at least come and visit me. I didn't visit nor contact them because of the reason that I saw they looked like facing dilemma. We non-science stream and non-technical students are actually very sensitive to environment and very considerate. We consider everything but nobody channel us to right places instead making us jokers out of our unfortunate situation to entertain them.

Isn't it Tablighi way that they would visit people they wanted to preach or persuade? I still feel upset with that though it happened last semester. It's not like I can't forget that, but to do that is not as easy to say. That is also apart of polite manner and adab for Muslims. I never consider myself as having any significance in front of others so I would just keep my silence but that does not mean that I am not listening or entertaining people if they come to talk with me. I am just keeping my silence and avoiding people because I had experience like this before and it happened again.

I thought that, they are 'real' brothers in faith. I had also silently read some muallaf sisters' and brothers' blogs. I believe they must also experience the same thing. I pray may the God grants them patience though I don't comment all of their blogs to show support. I am supporting all of them and always pray for them either those who are helping others virtually or through daily activities. Till now, I still maintain contact with two ex-colleagues during my degree time. They are not religious anyway. I think only two of them still survive as contacts and friends if not close but by distance. Sometimes, I talked with one of them through messenger or messages. He never replied me. If I contact him by messages I never expect any reply but I know at least he know what happened to me and he actually reads me. I am not asking him to think about my troubles here but just someone to listen. Another one is my acquaintance in Israel and he is also a Hadrami descent. His experience is more or less the same like me before he performed migration to holy land, but he is occupied now with his religious duty and other things so we don't really talk much online. I can also tell the God or talking with His creatures around like angels while walking, but people might think that... I am crazy. Maybe I should just chant asmaa'ul husna while I don't talk with people around. It's better than looking at people face, keep thinking, later being sad.

That guy who persuaded me replied me messages, but the second message that I send telling him about what I feel is the last message. I don't reply to him anymore when he replied. I don't even read his reply message no more and just deleted it as I am so disappointed. I deleted all of Tabligh-e-Jama'at members' numbers in this hostel. I also deleted their contacts from my mail address book and messenger. Though they were nice to me and also teachers to me but I think I should only depend to the Holy God as my Wali. If He never replies to my prayers, but at least He is Holy and He is my King. I believe the God listens to me anyway. I don't have any problem with Tabligh-e-Jama'at. I know their founder syeikh so this is not trying to blacken them. This is just my personal story. And yes, I did listened many negative remarks about Tabligh-e-Jama'at members but not about the founding syeikh. 

My uncle is also a Tabligh member living in the Beseri Markaz in Perlis with his family. My eldest cousin sister which is his daughter live in the UK with her family. When they returned home during Syawwal few years ago, they do not even see our grandma graveyard. They looked at us as we were ungodly but they never stayed with our grandparents when they are sick. We looked after them, and grandparents didn't want to live with them because they are not close to them. My second sister too had encountered such experience when she went to Australia with her friend. They met this Malay Tabligh uncle, who is trying to matchmaking his friend to women introduced by our relatives who know that Tabligh uncle. That uncle talked without any manner to them like they have no basis about their own path and faith. But when looking at the uncle's daughter, she wears tube and dating her boyfriend. My sister just cynically said, why don't you match your daughter with your friend? That's her story to me, hahaha. 

Those kids just go without telling me what happened and only after that I know they had gotten job offer from an established multinational company although they talked to me last time about "duniya" this and "duniya" that. I get to know that news from other kids, but some of them seem like reluctant to tell me the truth about the kid who persuaded me too. I do not know how they understood what they listened from their bayan but I had been exposed to all of these stuffs since I was a little child without having to be persuaded into a particular jama'at. In term of worldly matters, I am not blessed like others since I was a young child. I also learned by observing around and life experience.

They have my contact number or even email if it is difficult to climb up a floor above their rooms or they are so occupied with matters around. Just write one or two words saying we are not going to the camp nor outing. That should be enough for me. That guy can call me last time when they wanted to invite me to join them, perhaps to fulfill their 'quota.' But to call telling me they are not going to the camp for few seconds is difficult. I do not think that it is wrong for them to pursue the job as they deserve that. That is His sustenance to them and they must be thankful to the God. I am happy for them, I am proud with them. But when I think back, I am just a worm which is minor in people's eyes. And that makes people simply play around with my dignity and promise. For some Arabs, though I am just a hybrid Arab, dignity and promise are very important. We may be poor, brethren, but we honor people and guests who come to us. I listened to the kid because he first came to me. I do not consider them as having low or high religious knowledge to preach to me. I just listen to the essence they are talking about without looking at who they are nor how do they look like. 

I mingled too with cleaners, Bangladeshi and Pakistani migrant workers, I eat with them. I befriend and talked to retarded students, thugs and I talked with other groups of people who are considered as sinful like gays, transgenders, and non-Muslims. I listened to Christians' sermons. Once, I was also educated by Buddhist temples and Buddhist gurus. They are all teachers to me. And I know how does it feel when we are alone and we are doing everything by ourselves without any company to even ask opinion or advise from others.

Last time I had also tested few friends and acquaintance who lived with me for two years in my previous hostels. And the result is they had forgotten people easily although we eat together, watching TV's together, and always chatting about many things. Like when I called a friend who's known as Ijo, and he just asked me again. Who's this? It means that my number is also deleted from his phone although we used to exchanged number and calling each other for lunch or dinner. The same thing also happened with Jantr of Pendang, Pidoth of Sungai Petani, and Pak Ku of Alor Setar who were my Kedahan compatriots in our previous hostel. So, I believe I must also do the same. I just disconnect the line and simply deleted those useless numbers. I also deleted few other colleagues' numbers since I don't think their number or contact could be benefited either for Him or for nation. Simpan nombor pun buat semak saja sebab tak ada kegunaan atau tak ada pertalian silaturrahim lagi.

There is of no use to keep numbers if there is no silaturrahim to be prolonged anymore. I am also thinking of changing my number and planning to work in Thailand after I graduated so I would need to polish up Thai for interview and job purpose. I do not want to join the convocation ceremony next year but only grabbing my scroll. No need for celebration I don't need it anymore. I wanted to forget everything. Furthermore, this issue of religious work is so disappointing and I feel that it had been mocked by people who call themselves as the practitioners of sunnah. Maybe sunnah for them only means brushing teeth with miswak, recording names for those who are willing to join their outing (maybe converted into a member) or wearing Bangladeshi style attire. For me, sunnah is more than that. Prophetic traditions teaches us to worship Him, morality, prayers and manners to deal with others. It won't be so much concern for me if His Name and prophetic tradition is not being brought together. But unfortunately...

As to say, people will use us when they need company, sad or when they need help. But when they are in happiness, pleasure or in luxury they tend to forget everything. Perhaps they are not always in solitary. If they always recite Muhammad s.a.w life, they would know how does it feel although they are not in the same situation faced by noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w. If I am in this kind of situation, I love to recite about his life chapter in the Hiraa' Cave.  

Now, I am just disconnecting myself from society again. It does not mean I totally isolate myself. I just don't want to talk with people anymore if there is no important thing to say. I must remind myself to quick finish my thesis or else I would just grab my Quran and reciting it without thinking about anything else. I hate this studies and institution but maybe it is my destiny that I am in this situation. May Allah forgive me my sins if my words hurt others. I am trying not to hurt others too, but human is never perfect. While we are never perfect, but try to reach perfection through prayers to Him.

I would also like to put forward my kamchiang (close) ex-colleague quote: "to forgive is to forget, leave everything that had happened behind and don't think too much don't bother with karmma though it might be differently to your concept of karmma." The last part, of this quote actually he means to me. I just can't see people in difficulties and that's why he urges me to leave everything behind. Don't bother with others.

Good friends is not easy to be seen in the society today. I do not believe people today are sincere finding friend simply because they wanted to befriend others but because they have agendas. This is a little bit of conspiracy but I think it is logical because we find friend as we need to ask people to help us if we have problem, if we want to borrow something, and others. I am not an important person anyway, haha. Last time many people who come to me are also with bad intention like that crazy old Jordanian. The Most Good Friend is actually the God. He does not choose anyone to be his friend except for those who fear Him and devote themselves for Him. Unlike human-being.    

We just take everything as test from the God, He loves us that's why He tests us. On the other hand, this world is not our eternal abode. We are like living in a hotel. Some people might have lots of money, so they live in expensive hotel. Some might live in motels or one star hotel. Others perhaps living in the box or under trees since they have no money to rent for a place... To be a faithful believer is to immerse ourselves into torments. Nobody who have faith to the God living good life. Just read Qisaasul Anbiyaa' and stories about disciples of prophets.                   

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Where is Morality?

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Avignon Palace

This is the continuation of the post about, why we human being are arrogant. It is said that another reason for a human-being to be arrogant perhaps is because he or she is affluent and are of high position in society. They possess lots of property and land. They have jewels in their closets. One day a lady came and see the ustad who delivered the lecture for him to calculate the amount of tithe that she needs to pay for her golds. She shows him her jewels thus saying: "I have pounds of golds in my closet, I don't know what to do with them. I am exhausted for having to count them each term."

In fact, the God does not prevent us from possessing anything. It is not a sin to have possession. He is not angry to His servants who are rich as it is among His grace to His servants. Everything that He creates in the earth is for human to use and benefit in this life. He does not demand us to totally leave everything. It is not like that, but He demands His servants not to keep the worldly matters in our heart. If our heart is attached to the worldly matters, we would be stingy and it makes our property barren. The example of people whom heart was attached to worldly matters such as property is Tsa'labah who lives during the period of noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w and Qarun who lives during the period of noble prophet Moses a.s. These examples are negative ones. Be like David a.s and Solomon a.s. It is narrated that David cries 40 days and nights only because he reckons all of his errors though he is infallible of sins. His tears dropped down the earth and grass grows up from the tear drop place. He is a person with a position in his society but he still fear the God.

Another example is Jonah who was swallowed by a whale. Whales do not live in the Straits of Malacca or wandering at the sea close to Kuala Kedah nor swimming in the South China Sea. It is a kind of fish that dives deep into the ocean. While Jonah was in the fish's belly, he recites the exaltation to the God and asking for forgiveness: "لاإلهَ إلَّاأنْتَ سُبْحانَكَ إنِّيْ كُنْتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِيْنَ". It means: "There's no gods except You, exalted be You indeed I am already amongst those who are cruel (to themselves)." The angels of the God heard his prayers from the belly of the fish. His exaltation and prayers reached the heavens though he was deep down in the sea in fish's belly. The God listens to His exaltation. The angels of the God asked the God: "Who's voice of exaltation was that?" The God answered the angels: "The voice is of my beloved servant, Jonah. He ran away from his nation and people because of his disappointment with them and that makes him stuck in the belly of the whale." The angles prayed the God to forgive Jonah. The God revealed... If it is not because of Jonah's exaltation, he would remain in the whale's belly until the Day of Resurrection.

Nowadays, many people live an easy life. They had forgotten exaltation to the God and many think that they are gods of themselves (atheists). For us the paupers, exaltation is the substitution of wealth. Once upon a time, came to prophet Muhammad s.a.w several paupers complaining: "Dear the messenger of the God, rich people could have the merit for donation while we have none of it as we have nothing to offer to others." The prophet s.a.w replied to the: "recite exaltation to Him which are سبحان الله والحمدلله ولا إله إلاالله والله اكبر subhanallah walhamdulillah walaa ilaaha illalllah wallahu akbar 33 times!" The exaltation means: "May be exalted the God, and praises to the God, and there is no gods except the God and the God is the Great." So after we perform obligatory salat service, at least, recite these exaltation 33 times. Don't just fold our prayer mats and hurl it under the bed or just rise up after the prayer without respecting the God with exaltation nor supplications. 

The God Will, we would continue with the lecture notes on this topic in whatever gaps that we have, it's already late... Wish everyone passing by entertained though it is not in the original language... May whatever is good and beneficial being transmitted to everyone, insyaallah...

To be continued...

Disconnecting

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Hiraa Cave - 'Abdul 'Azim Green Rod

I tried to be patient when people playing sentiments with me last time, especially when it is regarding religious work or what we call as da'awa either to ourselves or to others. I actually always trying to remind myself about the God and praying to Him in my heart for faith. Sometimes situation and environment around really testing my faith to Him. It happened since I was a young kid.

Although I am not a religious science scholar or not even close to them who has the right to report about themselves but this is a personal site so I am just writing what I think. Since I have no one to talk with. I better talk to diary or blog. Thanks to google blogger for the blog although I am not a creative person nor am I skilful in computer. At least I know how should I express my feeling as an, I can say an orthodox Muslim guy who is trying to repent to Him. Now, I feel deeply sympathy to Anne Frank. I understand how she feels while being a refugee during World War II. She must had to underwent a hard time until it makes her talking to her diary. Though she's not from the same religion with me but she's also a human.  

Yesterday evening, I just messaged a guy representing those guys who had not telling me anything about what happened to them while last time they talked in the car after returning from the Bengal mosque bayan session about outing for India, that kerja agama stuff. One of them had loudly said to others that I agreed to go for India and that made me feel tied to the determination. Determination for me means the portal to promise. Promise must be executed, though death touching us. That is my principle. That's why I tried not to engaged with debt nor trying to do anything which lead to promise. If it happened then, I must go with it no matter what happened to me. 

After the brief session in USM mosque last Friday before the semester break, I just saw the guy but I didn't get the chance to talk or at least getting to know what actually happened. They are the first who came to persuade me to join them, so they should at least come and visit me. Isn't it their way? They would visit people they wanted to preach or persuade? I still feel upset with that though it happened last semester.  That is also apart of polite manner and adab for Muslims. I never consider myself as having any significance in front of others so I would just keep my silence but that does not mean that I am not listening or entertaining people if they come to talk with me. I am just keeping my silence and avoiding people because I had experience like this before and it happened again.

I thought that, they are 'real' brothers in faith. I had also silently read some muallaf sisters' and brothers' blogs. I believe they must also experience the same thing. I pray may the God grants them patience though I don't comment all of their blogs to show support. I am supporting all of them and always pray for them either those who are helping others virtually or through daily activities. Till now, I still maintain contact with two ex-colleagues during my degree time. I think only two of them still survive as contacts and friends if not close but by distance. Sometimes, I talked with one of them through messenger or messages. He never replied me. If I contact him by messages I never expect any reply but I know at least he know what happened to me and he actually reads me. I am not asking him to think about my troubles here but just someone to listen. Another one is my acquaintance in Israel and he is also a Hadrami. His experience is more or less the same like me, but he is occupied now with his religious duty and other things so we don't really talk much online. I can also tell the God or talking with His creatures around like angels while walking, but people might think that... I am crazy. Maybe I should just chant asmaa'ul husna while I don't talk with people around. It's better than looking at people face keep thinking.

That guy who persuaded me replied me messages, but the second message that I send telling him about what I feel is the last message. I don't reply to him anymore when he replied. I don't even read his reply message no more as I am so disappointed. I deleted all of Tabligh-e-Jama'at members' numbers in this hostel. I also deleted their contacts from my mail address book and messenger. Though they were nice to me and also teachers to me but I think I should only depend to the Holy God as my Wali. If He never replies to my prayers, but at least He is Holy and He is my King. I believe the God listens to me anyway. I don't have any problem with Tabligh-e-Jama'at. I know their founder syeikh so this is not trying to blacken them. This is just my personal story. And yes, I did listened many negative remarks about Tabligh-e-Jama'at members but not about the founding syeikh. 

My uncle is also a Tabligh member living in the Beseri Markaz in Perlis with his family. My eldest cousin sister which is his daughter live in the UK with her family. When they returned home during Syawwal few years ago, they do not even see our grandma graveyard. They looked at us as we were ungodly but they never stayed with our grandparents when they are sick. We looked after them, and grandparents didn't want to live with them because they are not close to them. My second sister too had encountered such experience when she went to Australia with her friend. They met this Malay Tabligh uncle, who is trying to matchmaking his friend to women introduced by our relatives who know that Tabligh uncle. That uncle talked without any manner to them like they have no basis about their own path and faith. But when looking at the uncle's daughter, she wears tube and dating her boyfriend. My sister just cynically said, why don't you match your daughter with your friend? That's her story to me, hahaha. 

Those kids just go without telling me what happened and only after that I know they had gotten job offer from an established multinational company although they talked to me last time about "duniya" this and "duniya" that. I get to know that from others. I do not know how they understood what they listened from their bayan but I had been exposed to all of these stuffs since I was a little child without having to be persuaded into a particular jama'at.  I also learned by observing around and life experience.

They have my contact number or even email if it is difficult to climb up a floor above their rooms or they are so occupied with matters around. Just write one or two words saying we are not going to the camp nor outing. That should be enough for me. That guy can call me last time when they wanted to invite me to join them, perhaps to fulfill their 'quota.' But to call telling me they are not going to the camp for few seconds is difficult. I do not think that it is wrong for them to pursue the job as they deserve that. That is His sustenance to them and they must be thankful to the God. I am happy for them, I am proud with them. But when I think back, I am just a worm which is minor in people's eyes. And that makes people simply play around with my dignity and promise. For some Arabs, though I am just a hybrid Arab, dignity and promise are very important. We may be poor, brethren, but we honor people and guests who come to us. I listened to the kid because he first came to me. I do not consider them as having low or high religious knowledge to preach to me. I just listen to the essence they are talking about without looking at who they are nor how do they look like. 

I mingled too with cleaners, Bangladeshi and Pakistani migrant workers, I eat with them. I befriend and talked to retarded students, thugs and I talked with other groups of people who are considered as sinful like gays, transgenders, and non-Muslims. I listened to Christians' sermons. Once, I was also educated by Buddhist temples and Buddhist gurus. They are all teachers to me. And I know how does it feel when we are alone and we are doing everything by ourselves without any company to even ask opinion or advise from others.

Last time I had also tested few friends and acquaintance who lived with me for two years in my previous hostels. And the result is they had forgotten people easily although we eat together, watching TV's together, and always chatting about many things. Like when I called a friend who's known as Ijo, and he just asked me again. Who's this? It means that my number is also deleted from his phone although we used to exchanged number and calling each other for lunch or dinner.

The same thing also happened with Jantr of Pendang, Pidoth of Sungai Petani, and Pak Ku of Alor Setar who were my Kedahan compatriots in our previous hostel. So, I believe I must also do the same. I just disconnect the line and simply deleted those useless numbers. I also deleted few other colleagues' numbers since I don't think their number or contact could be benefited either for Him or for nation. Simpan nombor pun buat semak saja sebab tak ada kegunaan atau tak ada pertalian silaturrahim lagi. There is of no use to keep numbers if there is no silaturrahim to be prolonged anymore. I am also thinking of changing my number and planning to work in Thailand after this so I would need to polish up Thai for interview and job purpose. I wanted to forget everything.

Furthermore, this issue of religious work is so disappointing and I feel that it had been mocked by people who call themselves as the practitioners of sunnah. Maybe sunnah for them only means brushing teeth with miswak, recording names for those who are willing to join their outing (maybe converted into a member) or wearing Bangladeshi style attire. For me, sunnah is more than that. Prophetic traditions teaches us to worship Him, morality, prayers and manners to deal with others. It won't be so much concern for me if His Name and prophetic tradition is not being brought together. But unfortunately...

As to say, people will use us when they need company, sad or when they need help. But they are in happiness or in luxury they tend to forget everything. Perhaps they are not always in solitary. If they always recite Muhammad s.a.w life, they would know how does it feel although they are not in the same situation with that noble prophet s.a.w. If I am in this kind of situation, I love to recite about his life chapter in the Hiraa' Cave.  

Now, I am just disconnecting myself from society again. It does not mean I totally isolate myself. I just don't want to talk with people anymore if there is no important thing to say. I must remind myself to quick finish my thesis or else I would just grab my Quran and reciting it without thinking about anything else. I hate this studies but maybe it is my destiny that I am in this situation.

May Allah forgive me my sins if my words hurt others. I am trying not to hurt others too, but human is never perfect. Although we are never perfect but try to reach perfection. I would also like to put forward my kamchiang (close) ex-colleague quote: "to forgive is to forget, leave everything that had happened behind and don't think too much don't bother with karmma though it might be differently to your concept of karmma." The last part, of this quote actually he means to me. I just can't see people in difficulties and that's why he urges me to leave everything behind. Good friends would not be easy to find brethren. Once you see good friends, just appreciate their presence around you. If no 'good' friend to be seen around, just befriend the God like our patriarch, Ibrahim al-Khalil (Abraham the Friend of the God). The God is the Most Good Friend over others. 

Anyway, what had happened already happened. We look for the future. Just forget it, next time I would be extra extra cautious with people around no matter how nice they are to others.                   

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'ala aali Muhammad. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Manners at People's House

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Source picture Jackie Hinkson, Humble House.

Sometimes we might also forget, thus Ramadan is a good month to revive every sunnah that we could recall. I always remember whatever told in Qisasul Anbiyaa' (prophets' life) although after my iman and aqeedah was deflected by the environment and circumstances surrounding me.

What I still could recall in my memory. A guest should not living in a host house or compartment more than three days. Why is that so brethren? It is because we do not know whether we would be a burden for the host or not after the prescribed days.  It is not only about a host who serves his or her guests, but it is in two ways. The host and the guest. If we could remember the narration about our patriarch Ibrahim a.s with his guests which are the two angels bringing news about his nephew prophet Luth a.s tribe. Our patriarch Ibrahim a.s had served his guests with food but those guests do not take it. This could also be an example on the dignity of the guest. Both host and guest must respect each other. It is not only about the host who celebrate the guest as what I listened in Tabligh brothers' bayans. Those who are according to sufi or neo-sufi lines always emphasize on what we call as muruah (dignity) and adaab (civilized manner). These two are different from pride. They are not negative but positively related to respect to the host.

I used to stay at a close friend's house at a village in Yan district to offer my respect to his father who had passed away. I only stay there for one night, and that only because there was no bus service after 'Asr although his mother receiving me and asking me to stay more than one day. I understand his family condition where they were still in their mourning period and my visit there is not to burden them but to comfort them with some little and humble donation. More importantly expressing my condolence to their family as a brother to them. I actually prefer to do that anonymously but I am always a loner and I have no other way to send the service to this friend except using myself. This is apart of jihad to strengthen spiritual connection between souls. 

Last Thursday, my current roommate, Mr. Jamal had messaged me that he was on his way to the campus and kindly asked me not to receive any scouting acquaintance. I understand him, and I would also be pissed off if seeing someone we do not know messing up on our bed when we arrive early in the morning and he paid monthly rental for his place. In everything that we do, we need to be aware, sensitive and alert whether our act would create something unusual or affecting others. I am not sure whether this is prescribed in sunnah but this is a common sense that I encountered during my past reading about Buddhists manner.  

I was so ashamed of myself for burdening my roommate because of this guy that I gave the shelter for 'few days' in the beginning but it turns out that he stays here for few months. I began to think again because before this I do not have any tainted thought. I wonder why is this guy need to stay in my room while he could also duplicate his previous room key? His previous room is located in front of the wing where my room is located. I saw him staying also in his previous room, and his roommate is also my acquaintance. What makes he curious about me? I am just a normal guy like other human-being. Maybe I am a bit weird as I have no close friends 'here.' That is normal too because all of my friends fade away after finishing first degree studies. We can't expect everything to stay the same. Sometimes I sense that my books and kitabs are moved around. There are certain kitabs that I do not simply reveal to people because it is not suitable for others. I do not recommend others to read the kitabs nor talking about them in public since some people have no capacity to comprehend them. Is he spying on me or what? 

Silap pulak rasanya buatkannya kunci pendua, nak buat camna lagi nasik dah jadih bubur. Never thought about this before. I made the key myself for him in the beginning, I thought that he is in trouble after he gave up his room to the management. Why not be considerate to others even though we want to save some money? I don't take any loan or getting any scholarship for my study, simply using our own money just like other non-Malay students but I still avoid from burdening my friends or acquaintance wherever possible. I only make study loan when I was in degree and strictly using the money for study materials and fees. Kalau takda duit kerja sambilan or kutip tin and sell them. 

The night that I received Mr. Jamal's message, I also have to pack my stuffs and scouting at Azren's room in Aman desa. Again I feel ashamed because it is now twice I have to scout in his room to avoid arguing with my roommate. Luckily he has no roommate, I mean in a real sense not like me where my roommate is not always in the room but he will come once a month for consultation with his supervisor. I also made a duplicate key for Azren's room, but I always ask his permission each time I wanted to go into his room. I only go into his room when he is there and never approach his room when he is not there. Yesterday he went back to KL and he is offering me his room and also the foods in his room but I think that it would be sufficient with his assistance sheltering me because my roommate is now away home and I don't take people's offer as a mean to respect their private stuffs. So, I returned to my room. Azren would only be here until this September. I am still figuring out on what will happen next when he is also away because he is my last resort and the only person that I am close here since we were the same classmate during our bachelor time.

When I returned to my room I could see that guy again landing on my bed! It is OK in the beginning to stay in my room but now it is more than few days and it is now Ramadan. I need my space for my personal rituals too especially when it comes to Friday nights for twice holy days. I don't know whether it is rude or not to ask him to leave but I just feel uncomfortable now. This is common sense. We don't have to ask the host whether they are comfortable with us. Just put our feet in their shoes and think what we feel? Unless we are insensitive to others, I have no idea on what example to pose up here no more.

Then, when entering people's room or house no matter we have the access or not. Since it is not our room or house, we should always ask permission. Knock the door thrice and recite prayers which is assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah, peace be upon you, those who inhabit the room or house. It is to also warn people in the room or house that we are in front of their place and whether they allow us to enter or not. Maybe they are in the state that they don't like us to see them in that state. Don't stand right in front of the door but a bit at the side as not to see what happened inside. It is also to give the chance for the host to get ready. Maybe he is topless or do not cover her hair with hijab if a female host.

If they do not open the door up after salam prayer and thrice knocking of the door, and we have the key of the room, what should we do? Don't ever go in. The key does not indicate that we have the authority to 'intrude' into others compound. It is not our room or house, no matter we have the authority to enter or not.

Prophet s.a.w even when he is at his own house do not enter when he came back home in the middle of the night. Why is he doing so brethren? He does not want to burden the people and that's why he slept outside of his own house. I wonder, this guy also reading the kitaab about fadhaail 'amal? Some of blogs also talking the same thing about the manner of visiting others' house. I managed to google them up after the idea for this post sparks up. I think it is also common sense and this blog that I've got is hilarious, lol.

What is the difference in the kitaab's content with us laymen who reads Quran, Hadiths Bukhari and Qisaasul Anbiyaa'? I read Fadhaail 'Amal too though I am not a Tabligh movement member. I have a soft copy with me. But why I don't do this kind of attitude to others like Azren? I know Azren more than three years and quite close but I don't do like the guy is doing. I am so astonished in the same time hoping everyone would receive His Mercy and Guidance. 

Wish everyone could take heed about this and benefit from it in order for everyone of us to form a civilized nation. This is not only for brethren but also for myself in case if I also forget. Thank you for the visit if you stumbled by, forgive me my bad words or if this is offensive. I do not intend to low estimate other movements but all of these is for everyone benefit. Never let your movement and the honorable founder of your movement being slandered because of your indecent attitude. 

Dear the God our Lord! Accept us our service and grant us health, forgive us our sins and wrong-doings, make us die in the Path of Islam and may our life is according to Your Path. Gather us with righteous people. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

Just Moved to the New Room

Assalaamu'alaikum!

I had just moved to the new room yesterday morning after several times climbing up the office for hostel asking for the new room's key because I can not stand the new roomate that the office had placed with me. He is actually from Gaza. 

Most of the Palestinians that I met are actually quite arrogant in some ways, nationalists (secularists) although they play 'aleem like an 'ailoum (Yemeni dialect for ulama) in front of me where I can easily detect that from the way they talk, and they can not understand tasawwuf way of thinking although Imam Syafi'ie himself came from Palestine. I can not stand this kind of people so I moved away, might be he don't like me and I don't expect people to favor me because I understand the reality of the world is not like what we think or want.

Last time, I had two other roomates. The first one was also a Palestinian from Gaza whose name is Muhammad Sabhan but I think that he is a nice guy and I was comfortable with him although we seldom talked.  He moved out once his family arrived in order to live with them. I did encouraged him to bring his whole family here if he thinks that it is not safe for them to live in their territory.

The second one who came in after a while I was alone in that old room was an old Indonesian uncle that had molested me until I had to seek refuge in musalla and the office didn't want to take people's safety into their consideration because they just don't care. They only care about themselves. I reported him, and later he went out of my room.

And this recent one, whose name is Abdul Jawad. A blue eyed guy with red hair who is pursuing his Phd in English Linguistics. I am not impressed with his appearance at all because I don't look at outer appearance and I believe Allah only judge us according to our level of fear to Him not because of our eyes are blue or how fair our skin is. This guy is going to finish his viva this end of March but I can't stand him anymore. 

I do understand Arab's culture and I am familiar with it because I had performed Hajj with my mother before. I read Arabic books when I was in secondary school and we have evening classes for Islamic education like other kids in Malaysia in the evening. This guy in the beginning he entered my room had asked me whether I am a Muslim or not. And certainly I felt uneasy with his question. If he thinks that I am a non-Muslim, why did he continue to bring in his stuffs into my room? He could just change to other room because he is a Phd student, unlike me who is a master student who can't choose my own roommate and has no contacts in here at all except for an ex-colleague who is now my senior and he also has his own life.

Before I went out from the room, he had offered to help me but he never apologize for causing me uneasiness like offending me when I listened to Quranic audio from my computer although I had tried to use the headphone and minimizing the sound because he said that I was disturbing him studying for his viva. Also when he want to pray, he told me that he wants to pray and turn down the volume or mute it when I was about to do that. 

I was there before him and I never did the things that he did to me. Even to other roommates, except to my second year degree roommate. I will always have to apologize to him. In fact I tried to be polite as possible as I can and I borrowed my friend the headphone for my prayers (recitation of Quran). I only chant the Quran in my heart while listening and doing my homeworks unlike when before no one being my roommate. 

When he listened to Umm Kalthum in the middle of the night, laughing out loud to videos from his computer shouting "mustahab" (lovely) and turning on the big light when I was sleeping. I never complained him at all. I understand he might want to have his leisure time and releasing his tensions after poking his nose in his thick book but he did not tried to understand others. 

I can't tolerate this type of people where they expect people to cooperate with them but they did not do the same. So, I packed all of my stuffs and writing the letter to the office saying that I want to urgently change the room. But I had to wait for about two days in order to get the keys because it was interrupted with the campus election amongst degree students. I sleept everywhere that I can in the night and thanks to musalla, it is a refuge for me. I went to the class on Tuesday without any preparation with my files and papers scattered all over.  

When I was about to bring all of my stuffs out to my new room, just in the opposite lane of my old room. Abdul Jawad offered me his hand but I refused. He said he will be there for few weeks and it would be worthless for me to move out but I don't want to keep having problem with new temporary roomates anymore. I hope that he is happy for these few weeks before his viva and wishing him good luck.

Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah. Now, I am in the new room.  Haven't got the chance to clean up the things  yet but I had bought few things like floor cleaner yesterday's noon because the floor near the window has some spots of bird defecates. Also piling up papers and boxes left by previous inhabitants and put them into a large garbage bag.

I suppose to stay with a Malaysian roommate but I can see that the other side is vacant when I came in until now. Only with little stuffs indicating that this new roomate is not always here. Guess he might be somewhere in his hometown. 

I hope that this new roommate is not like that troublesome Abdul Jawad. For the time being, I could have some privacy and I will use this opportunity to finish everything that being postponed due to my previous problem with the roomate including finishing my assigment about set-aside policy of europe and sending it before Friday evening to the lecturer, insya-Allah!

Allah bless prophet Muhammad (saw), Allah bless his companions, Allah bless his family members, Allah bless all of our faithful Muslim brothers and sisters. Grant us Your love and make us loving each other in the way to see You. Allah please grant us good akhlaq (morality). Allah grant us politeness. Allah grant us the faith in You. Amin!