We are Here Because of Destiny

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

First of all, I am offering my praises to the Lord of the universe the Highest. For the boundless mercy over creatures for the air that we breath, for the earth for us to walk upon, for the food that we eat and for the drinks that we drink in order for us to gain strength to worship Him alone.

I have a conflict last week and I am not going to talk about this in detail. It concerns with women issue and as brothers and sisters know. I live with women all my life. I have five sisters. I am the fourth child of my parents and the only son. Arab communities always think that daughters would be traitors to the family and clan. That is why when my father received few baby girls and each time as what people around told me; he was so disappointed. Thus, when he went for the pilgrimage during the season around 1984 and he prayed at the Holy Mecca for a baby son. And in 1986, I was born and I was a boy. He was so happy and he organized a large 'aqiqah for me. So, while being a fourth child I am actually by rites a first born son. By religious rites here, I have to perform religious rites for my parents which also includes filial piety to them. I cannot go to work nor going anywhere when one of them is bedridden.

Now, here the story begins. I have got the job as a protection clerk in the United Nation High Commission for Refugees. And I reported for the post in the 10th of September 2013 just after my name being submitted to the headquarter in Bangkok. Well, I found that the account manager there was quite a pain in the ass. I am just going to name her as C.C for confidential reason. The first time I went there, I felt like why the people there are so weird? As if working in the area is like working in some great place? Those who work there like some cool, precious or maybe smart? Because they are working for the United Nations? I thought that they who includes that C.C lady are just contractors who are hired for a project known as the United Nations Office for Project Services (UNOPS) and not the staff of the United Nations in the real sense, LOL... 

I went there for about four days and it was like a training for me. Well, I actually did not know who was my supervisor but I met those three guys who interviewed me in the box-like office. They gave some excerpts about refugees to me. Well, I know some portions about the Convention 1951 and I still can recall it. I did some jobs like signing the asylum seeker cards, keeping documents and files containing the details of the refugees in order at the file room, learning the finger print system which is quite complicated, and taking pictures for asylum seekers' card renewal as to make sure that their rights as the refugees being protected when being arrested by national immigration. I enjoyed doing the jobs. I love to talk with those refugees and most of them are from Myanmar which also includes the Rohingyas. I only do not like the HR manager who thinks that I am a stupid little kid who has no working experience just because I studied for five years in the varsity and the finger print system which is complicated and makes my job slower.

I have no transportation of my own so I just go to work by public transportation namely the ERL from the Putrajaya station to KL Central and the Monorail at the Hang Tuah Station. Then, I would have to walk like 20 minutes to the office. I worked from 8:00 up to 19:00 and I sometimes had to skip either my 'Asr or Dhuhr prayer service depending on the arrival of those Rohingya refugees who were bailed from the immigration charge due to that they are the asylum seekers. They will further being interrogated by the investigation offices in the UNHCR here to decide whether they are refugees or else. I arrived home at 21:00 in that four days working. At night, I would have to take care of my father's needs and he could pour those "stools" at 3:00 or 4:00 early in the morning. I have to clean them for him or else he cannot sleep until the morning and he cannot do that on his own.

At day four working, I had some conflict with my younger sister and I woke up late to the office because I was so exhausted. The conflicts is with regard to some "heart" problem which I feel very irritated with people who loves to compare people with themselves and it is also about filial piety to the bed-ridden father. Other than that, my mother really wanted to see me on the convocation stage which I do not know what to say anymore since I have many other important things to do than that. So, I wrote the resignation letter and emailed it to the office. I return to Penang Island at the USM because I have to claim my scroll in 20th of September. And my mother wanted to follow me as well since she said that it is also her desire. She was the one who was so excited to ask me to get some leaves for that convocation ceremony. I personally do not think that the ceremony is important but because that is her desire so I followed her desire. I had to answer the tests provided in the website and presenting the certificates to the HR manager in a week time from the day I began my job and I cannot manage to do that with so many problems in a time pooping over my head. So, I wrote resignation letter as a way out for all of these problems. And here I am... Jobless again. I feel shy to apply for the contract job at the previous office closer at home because I think that when our time in a place finished. Then, we should never appear there anymore in that position. This is not only principles but it is also related to the "time".  

I send text messages to Azren last night. Then, he told me that he talked with a hafidh al-Quran and he found that it is interesting. Then, one of an uncle at their conversation place asked the guy, "If we are to be a hafidh al-Quran, is there any examination for us to pass?" He answered, "Yea, we have to memorize a page in 20 minutes". He said in his heart, "Ok, it means that in my stage now I cannot take the Quran Memorizing course anymore". The guy said, "Not all people could do this..." Then, he was speechless and thinking that maybe the guy is right. We have to accept whatever has been destined to us. He just got mixed feelings on what has been said by the guy. Azren said to me, "We cannot change anything including ourselves in our stage right now, right?".... For his question... I could just talk about the Fardh al-'Ayn and Fardh al-Kifayah... But it is not too late to start memorizing the Quran as I always encourage my brothers and sisters to memorize and to practice with the Quran. It is useful for us to conduct the life while making our body the vessel for the Holy Word of the Highest.

In the end, everything that happens in our life is whatever that He destined over us. Do not blame your brother or sister when you see them being stricken with calamities by saying that, "This or that happens because of your own fault!". That is an arrogant statement. We can plan, we can pray and persuade the Highest through prayers but it is Him who decides. And never think that everything bad befalls us as the sign of His wrath. Does not mean that who lives easily with great things in their life are receiving His blessings or He is pleased with them. Perhaps it is the mask for the other torments to come which is hiding behind those "good" things.

I have received another good news too that my friend, Amir is also getting a job as an administration staff in the UUM. Well, congratulations to him. He is jobless for about five years and working on his own as rubber tapper and doing other house chores like looking after his brother and sisters. I hope he could go through the working world easily and could improve his life to a better one, insha Allah. For the time being, I will be waiting for my father. What else that I can do? Everybody is going to work leaving behind my mother alone. She cannot take care a paralyzed man alone. So, I am sacrificing myself for everyone happiness even I am a man. I am sacrificing myself for my sisters. Giving them the chance to work, keeping some money and get marry before leaving us for their husbands.

In these few weeks, I try to avoid people around. I did not even participate in my younger sister's engagement ceremony. We are not from the same congregation and how could one with empty stomach eats at the same table with others and fulfilled from the hunger? I have dignity. Dignity is different from pride or arrogance. It is the force which protects the banner of Hashemites from fallen when we were attacked by those who looked down upon the poor and the weak.

You are the ocean of love... You are the ocean of love... We are thirsty for a single drop of Your love.... We will perish away in eternal death if you turn away from us.... - Prabodh Chandra Dey/Jay Kishen 1955

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Facebook Sucks

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!!!

Lets the video speaks... For the sake of humanity.....

 

There are many such videos.. LOL

Sealed with prayers of mercy, peace and love, amin!

New Job

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Hurm... I do not know where to begin with. I went for an interview in an intergovernmental organization in Kuala Lumpur around July and I expected nothing, hehe. I just went there to try my luck and you know this ancient Indian phrase which means "moving the machine" is actually related to the actions. I am just translating everything into English rather than using Pali or Sanskrit words so everyone could see what we understood from our previous experience being a student of Buddhism, Brahmanism and other ancient Indian philosophies.

I applied for an entree position in the organization as I had a missing line in my resume related to the years of working experience. I went to further my studies because of various thoughts. Basically, I understood the rules in seeking the job where famous companies or organizations would basically looking at our experience of working in certain field of job because they do not want to waste their time and capitals in training new employees. Talents and others would be screened later. For that, I would have to apply for an entry position and planning my career again. I actually wanted to study Islam and returning to the unfinished task which I had to pursue last time. That was my highest responsibility or what is known as the fardh al-kifayah for me. But, it seems like this is just a dream that is far from the reach. It is kicking me far from itself and it was my fault. I cried and always blaming my wretched self for this.    

I did not go for the test in the Malaysian Books' Translation Institute in Wangsa Maju. I know that we are not valued anywhere in the country other than what can we do with Malay? We cannot survive as Malay translators because nobody respect the language. I had read about what happened to Abdullah Munsyi from Malacca. That guy is a Yemenite from a Tamil mother. He translated New Testament: Matthew into Classical Malay and was stamped as a Christian priest by locals. I had seen his other translations in our university library last time. He also translated the Panchatantram into Classical Malay as well as other books. Some of his notes such as about Kelantan perhaps were quite bias because he was not traveling so much nor mingling with the Eastern Coast people much but I think we should do researches with clear mind before throwing out our perceptions. Anyway, my father though a Yemenite by descent but he is a staunch Malay language supporter. He wrote poems, expressing his feelings and articles in Malay. It is the only mother tongue that he knows. Arabic only serve as our liturgical language like what happened to other Arab or even Jewish diasporas across the world. It is still vaguely spoken by our elders but becoming an alien language once they passed away.

I also have large corpus of materials related to Judeo-Christian literature and Christian apocrypha. I translated them into Malay just after I read them few times together with Islamic and other philosophical readings either from English or Arabic while I did nothing. However, they are not for public release and I will never release them to people. They simply serve as exercises for mind and personal references for me. Sometimes I released them by accident and I always regret myself and trying to erase them before others could read them. Now, because of this I would like brothers and sisters who know me out there to know. I did not mingle so much with you as I love you. I do not want you to misunderstood anything which comes out of my mouth or my mind. Especially, when you are just mingling with people of the same group or way of thinking. I am not a person who conform to normal social norm. I have my own standard.

By the way, I am going to be a contract staff again for another six months beginning next Monday. I quit from the post of Public Relations Trainee in the Corporate Communications Unit in the Prime Minister's Department. My payment there was on daily basis at the rank of N17 clerk though I had to also do the jobs of my superiors. I am not quitting from the post because of the low payment. I am thankful to them for the opportunities given to prove myself and for offering me the letter to continue my contract. Especially to my boss and my supervisor. They were late to announce that I would be promoted into the M41 rank with two years contract as I received the call from the new work place asking my confirmation to accept the post earlier than that.

I am just curious about the the new job and men always have to get involved with risky things and challenges, right? My new office would be in the United Nations High Commission for Refugees. Well, it is only a contract based job but I could apply for other posts in the system once I am an internal person. What concerns me now is that I live far from my work place. I would have to plan my driving route and time.... How could I perform my obligations such as salat services when I am working there.... My responsibility as a son to a bed-ridden father... 

I end my working hour early today without attending the farewell party which was held together with Eid al-Fitri feast for the office because I simply do not know what else to say. I said everything to my boss just before I quit today. And I wrote another note on my station (desk) saying thanks to everyone besides apologizing on my shortcomings before leaving. It was in English and I feel sorry for not respecting the national language but I use to think and write in English. I still have four remaining days as according to the previous contract. But I had given the resignation and handing-tasks letters to the boss since last week. I have no one to train so lucky me, haha... I would have to hand in my documents to the new office at their human resource on this Friday, 6th September 2013.

Oh, yeah just after I walked out from my office I took a bus to the shopping mall. I went to the temporary musalla and performing the Dzuhr service. Then I went to have some noodles. After that, I went down and randomly bought a ticket in the cinema. I watched a movie titled Mortal Instruments: the City of Bones alone. It was not so much impressive but I could say that it is just a nice movie with some Gothic elements in the settings. The movie ends around 17:00 something and I went to the musalla performing 'Asr service. I bought some rice and ate them before returning home. 

I performed Maghrib and 'Isya prayer services at the musalla near home. Not walking up the hill like always. I am not sure whether I could regularly go there when I am going to start with my new job. I am going to miss the mosque up there : (

Sealed with prayer for mercy, peace and love, amin!      

Careless Morning

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I lost my phone last Friday (23 August 2013). I took the bus in the morning to go for my office and the phone slipped out without I even notice it. I just realize that I lost the phone after I reached my station (desk) in the office.

Well, it is not an expensive phone anyway. I bought the phone like five years ago and it was RM90 at that time. The model is Nokia 1230. It has features such as alarm clock, calculator, flashlight, date, time, text message and I could receive and make calls with it. Pretty convenient for a gadget-blind guy like me, haha. I am more concerned about the contacts that I have in there. I have lost brother Idris Xian and brother Yunus Kai Huang contacts which makes me so sad because I wanted to go for a visit in China someday. I am trying to save some money so I could pay a visit to our lineage centers (mosques) in North-West and Central of China.  

I thought of buying a new cellphone but I think that I could not find the old model nowhere here. Fortunately my eldest sister offered me her E71 Nokia to me since she has a new ipad. It is more than enough for me and I am learning how to use that phone. Although the keypad is quite tiny but it is better than the touch screen phone since I could be more clumsy at it. She gave me the phone two hours ago. I could save the money for more important things and thank You... Sigh fyuhhhh ~

I did nothing when I lost the phone though I was so sad. I just managed my breath and saying the litanies as much as I can so I could be more relaxed. I received emails from my friends complaining that somebody used my phone and sent them ridiculous messages. I simply told them that the number is not mine now. The phone was slipped in a bus that I took and maybe someone had found the phone. And he was happy to know that the phone is working with some credits left. So, he just luxuriously using it without considering to send it to the driver or those who could be reached by the phone owner when he tried to trace it.

Just after the time out, I took the bus and went right away to the shopping complex at the maxis center to close the SIM card account. Then I just had to register it again with the same number. They said that the old SIM card would be ineffective and that is a relieve for me. The charge was RM10. I performed the 'Asr prayer service and saying thanks for all the deals working on smoothly and since I could not find anyone to treat so I treat myself with Thai Green Curry rice at the San Francisco Coffee. I did not know that I could make a request for a vegetarian curry. I thought that it is simply a menu served just like that. The Nepali waiter told me that they could change it for me if I do not like the chicken but I think that it is impolite so I just ate whatever that I could take. I noticed that they keep staring at me and smiling among themselves. Then, I remembered that I had forgotten to take off my prayer beads from my neck and I know I look like a Central Asian which is also a feature of Nepalis and Western Chinese, LOL. It was so embarrasing... hahaha....

I have a test to join the Translation Institute in Wangsa Maju and I could only reach the interview if I pass the test. I do not know whether I should feel worried about it but I feel nothing, haha. Maybe I had gone through bitter experiences being jobless for a long gap of time. Feeling down and hapless. It was like, quoting my colleague's word of wisdom... Marry the shit and feels like crying no more. I read about a Chinese man of Central China living isolated in a cave. Perhaps I would be like him if I have nothing to tie me around here. I do not like to be around people and I feel uncomfortable. The authorities there diagnosed him with intermittent psychosis because he is naked and leaving behind everything for a primitive life 50 m above the ground. I do not know whether this is normal or abnormal but there are Naga Sadhus of India who are naked and living isolated in thick forest. They only show themselves during the Magara Sankranti festival and baptizing themselves in the Ganges river. There were also Jain monks who are known as Digambara of Southern India and they wear nothing.

Ow, yeah... How could I forget this. I would be graduated from my graduate studies in the 20th of September 2013. However, I still have to correct the grammar of my thesis, facts, and few other important elements. The coordinator told me that I should be able to send it by 6 September 2013. By 9 September 2013 I should have my thesis printed and doing the binding before dumping it in the school's thesis shelves.... 

And that is one careless morning.... : ) 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!           

Eid Mubarak 2013

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Wishing everyone a blessed Eid Mubarak. Presenting you this video from USM. Well, I can't differentiate sweet or bitter memories in that university but it is still my alma mater.

USM

By the way, I know that brother who brought a watermelon in the video. His name is Naim. Once I took the same flight with him to return to USM from KL. And we joined Tabligh session in Bakti Permai, I cannot remember the date and details but it is the time where Tabligh kid from our hostel, Nawfal I guess delivered his speech or their bayan in the Bakti Permai hostel musalla. The good thing in that Naim guy was that I could see that he joined every movement and talking with them other than what we can see in the video. I just avoided to talk with him because I do not think that I am worth to speak with good people since I just have my patronage for unfortunate people... Eid Mubarak, Selamat Hari Raya...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!  

Live Forever with the Scripture

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Whoa, I haven't update anything for my record here, haha. I had lost those piles of notes again and I regret it so much cause I have no time to put them in here as a mean to save them. At least, somebody or other could read them and practice them even if I reach the other realm before them. I am just sharing this from Mr. Suhaib Webb but I had checked first whatever he wrote as I hate spreading anything without checking the contents. We are responsible for our own acts.....

In chapter 35:32, the God the Highest says, the Quran was "inherited" to his servants. Inheritance is usually distributed after a person's death. The idea" "A heart kept away from Him is dead. So grab the book and live again!" He says, "A reminder to those alive (in their hearts)". 

For that reason, 35:35 starts with, "Those who wronged themselves". To give them hope in a new life if they return to Him! Ponder! Instead of clipping the sinners hopes, the Quran gives them flight. May He forgive us in these days and grant us the strength to fly!

"The God began with them because they are farthest from hope; then those between sin and good because they are between fear and hope; then those who are foremost because of their confidence in the God guiding them". Imam Ja'afar al-Sadiq related by al-Qurtubi's exegesis.

I have to do some media control with other staffs in the IOI tomorrow. These whole Ramadan is not so much packed for me because the environment is quite pleasant for everyone. I just tried to key-in the data for our media project as quick as I can so I could help other staffs with their chores if I am free. I am glad that those in the musalla never neglect the prayer times especially those in day time and they have an hour lectures too. I joined them although my department do not put any constraint for us to be there like other departments. 

I just do not feel happy especially now there are many issues dividing Muslims and the slender is spreading all the way round. There are trendy assholes even in religious matters. We have to avoid arguing with them especially imam Ahmad also put forth his advice to leave arguments even if we are right. Let them pull their chest and we just stay calm without any emotion. I had trained myself for this since long while being viewed as a "weirdo" and I just need to practice it when I am facing the situations. That is a meditation method while we are walking, sitting and sleeping, hehehe... Thank you viewing, may He bless everyone and may He helps us to put down the slander around.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Ramadhan Kareem 1434 H

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Hope that it is not too late to wish brothers and sisters with Ramadan Kareem and may everyone be blessed with mercy and forgiveness. Today is the fifth day according to our lunar calender or the taqwim qamariah. Like always, we are grateful to the Lord the Highest for the chance given for us to reach this blessed month. I just perform the taraweeh for eight units altogether and combine it with three units of witr prayer.

Regarding the taraweeh, I would like to put forth this piece of advice to myself. Never ever ask on how many units that your brother or sister performed or even if we see that he or she is not performing the prayer. The reason is that, we should practice the husn al-dhann which is a trait of mahmudah characteristics while practicing the matters prescribed through the Sharia at the parts of worship or services to Him. Take everything that we are doing as a service to seek His glorious pleasure and only to see Him in the hereafter. Not for ourselves or serving our egoism. I just heard some people jokingly asking to others about how many units that they perform in the congregation. Nothing bad about discussing matters pertaining religious matter but we should be very careful with the hidden shirk or polytheism which lies inside of our selves.  It could also grow to the major one if not carefully being watched : )

Taraweeh is a noble prophetic tradition and it falls under the optional acts of worship. We will be rewarded if we perform these kind of acts insha Allah and we would not receive any consequence if we are not performing it. Optional acts serve as the matters which repairs our loopholes in obligatory acts of worship. Some people would perform it in congregation, some would perform it alone and some would perform it half by half where part of it is performed in congregation while the other part being performed at home. All of these are not wrong. Those who perform it alone at home maybe held the position of the optional acts of worship should be done hidden as the reward is 25 meritorious deeds for each act as compared to the acts performed in mass or in the midst of the crowd. It is the same with obligatory ones in principle, where one who performs them in congregation will receive 27 meritorious deeds as compared to performing them alone at home.

I do not like to talk without providing basis. Basically the basis could be seen in many sunans and one of them is in the Book of al-Adhan no. 731 from the compilation of al-Bukhari. The other one is in the Book of the Prayer for Traveler and Its Shortening no. 781 in the Muslim's compilation. The same thing also happens to Salat al-Dhuha or other nawafel prayers because last time I was quite surprised to see people in the Tekun Musalla perform the optional acts in congregation, hehe. But I still joining them out of respect and when they invited me to join besides never say anything because I think that there are many layers in prophetic traditions which people could creatively perform. It is destructive to their spirit when we talk about something with harsh tone or in stressful tone. Yet, the compilations of hadith or traditions is meant for us as a tool of learning and not a "dogma" which should be imposed on everyone! I know about the research of al-Albany as well but I do not want to put if forth. However, I do not have any problem for people to check his researches. The only problem is when people check a certain research and then labeling people with various assumptions and it is dangerous when the people are half-baked or never study any principle in the Sharia and Usooluddin studies while acting as the "scholar". They will regard their teacher as the God and they will repeat what has been mentioned in the Glorious Quran about the "Jew and the Nazarene who took their rabbis and priests as God" while they call others with names without reflecting anything on themselves.    

As per my personal practice in which I would never impose on others; I would perform eight units in one musalla closer to my family house. After that, I would walk out the musalla and go to the another musalla above the hill which is a bit far from my neighborhood then continue to pray there until the following units. It would goes on vice versa and according to the limited energy that I have. As long as I could walk then I will walk. Sometimes, I would perform the taraweeh alone at home and taking it as a vigil prayer or the time spent to communicate in supplications with the Creator. Well, it depends to situation as I also have a bed-ridden father here. I am just doing anything according to availability and appropriateness. Sometimes I would also walking as far as I can or entering the areas such as Mamak restaurants in the gap time but not to eat there. I am actually calling some of the Muslim workers there to join the prayers and wishing that they would join the local community without throwing out any word... Simply gazing at them and smile like this : )   

As an advice for me, the taraweeh prayers is a good act of worship and an act of charity. But we must regard it as a lesson or guide for us to go through this life of worship. The same goes to other acts of worship. They are not only responsibility but also lessons and guide. Do not forget to perform the natural tithe or the zakat fitrah before it is too late for those who are able to do so. So, we pray to the God the Highest may He grants us with strength to perform worship, to study about the path and to practice it in our life before we would be able to see His glorious appearance.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!