Monday, 30 September 2013

We are Here Because of Destiny

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

First of all, I am offering my praises to the Lord of the universe the Highest. For the boundless mercy over creatures for the air that we breath, for the earth for us to walk upon, for the food that we eat and for the drinks that we drink in order for us to gain strength to worship Him alone.

I have a conflict last week and I am not going to talk about this in detail. It concerns with women issue and as brothers and sisters know. I live with women all my life. I have five sisters. I am the fourth child of my parents and the only son. Arab communities always think that daughters would be traitors to the family and clan. That is why when my father received few baby girls and each time as what people around told me; he was so disappointed. Thus, when he went for the pilgrimage during the season around 1984 and he prayed at the Holy Mecca for a baby son. And in 1986, I was born and I was a boy. He was so happy and he organized a large 'aqiqah for me. So, while being a fourth child I am actually by rites a first born son. By religious rites here, I have to perform religious rites for my parents which also includes filial piety to them. I cannot go to work nor going anywhere when one of them is bedridden.

Now, here the story begins. I have got the job as a protection clerk in the United Nation High Commission for Refugees. And I reported for the post in the 10th of September 2013 just after my name being submitted to the headquarter in Bangkok. Well, I found that the account manager there was quite a pain in the ass. I am just going to name her as C.C for confidential reason. The first time I went there, I felt like why the people there are so weird? As if working in the area is like working in some great place? Those who work there like some cool, precious or maybe smart? Because they are working for the United Nations? I thought that they who includes that C.C lady are just contractors who are hired for a project known as the United Nations Office for Project Services (UNOPS) and not the staff of the United Nations in the real sense, LOL... 

I went there for about four days and it was like a training for me. Well, I actually did not know who was my supervisor but I met those three guys who interviewed me in the box-like office. They gave some excerpts about refugees to me. Well, I know some portions about the Convention 1951 and I still can recall it. I did some jobs like signing the asylum seeker cards, keeping documents and files containing the details of the refugees in order at the file room, learning the finger print system which is quite complicated, and taking pictures for asylum seekers' card renewal as to make sure that their rights as the refugees being protected when being arrested by national immigration. I enjoyed doing the jobs. I love to talk with those refugees and most of them are from Myanmar which also includes the Rohingyas. I only do not like the HR manager who thinks that I am a stupid little kid who has no working experience just because I studied for five years in the varsity and the finger print system which is complicated and makes my job slower.

I have no transportation of my own so I just go to work by public transportation namely the ERL from the Putrajaya station to KL Central and the Monorail at the Hang Tuah Station. Then, I would have to walk like 20 minutes to the office. I worked from 8:00 up to 19:00 and I sometimes had to skip either my 'Asr or Dhuhr prayer service depending on the arrival of those Rohingya refugees who were bailed from the immigration charge due to that they are the asylum seekers. They will further being interrogated by the investigation offices in the UNHCR here to decide whether they are refugees or else. I arrived home at 21:00 in that four days working. At night, I would have to take care of my father's needs and he could pour those "stools" at 3:00 or 4:00 early in the morning. I have to clean them for him or else he cannot sleep until the morning and he cannot do that on his own.

At day four working, I had some conflict with my younger sister and I woke up late to the office because I was so exhausted. The conflicts is with regard to some "heart" problem which I feel very irritated with people who loves to compare people with themselves and it is also about filial piety to the bed-ridden father. Other than that, my mother really wanted to see me on the convocation stage which I do not know what to say anymore since I have many other important things to do than that. So, I wrote the resignation letter and emailed it to the office. I return to Penang Island at the USM because I have to claim my scroll in 20th of September. And my mother wanted to follow me as well since she said that it is also her desire. She was the one who was so excited to ask me to get some leaves for that convocation ceremony. I personally do not think that the ceremony is important but because that is her desire so I followed her desire. I had to answer the tests provided in the website and presenting the certificates to the HR manager in a week time from the day I began my job and I cannot manage to do that with so many problems in a time pooping over my head. So, I wrote resignation letter as a way out for all of these problems. And here I am... Jobless again. I feel shy to apply for the contract job at the previous office closer at home because I think that when our time in a place finished. Then, we should never appear there anymore in that position. This is not only principles but it is also related to the "time".  

I send text messages to Azren last night. Then, he told me that he talked with a hafidh al-Quran and he found that it is interesting. Then, one of an uncle at their conversation place asked the guy, "If we are to be a hafidh al-Quran, is there any examination for us to pass?" He answered, "Yea, we have to memorize a page in 20 minutes". He said in his heart, "Ok, it means that in my stage now I cannot take the Quran Memorizing course anymore". The guy said, "Not all people could do this..." Then, he was speechless and thinking that maybe the guy is right. We have to accept whatever has been destined to us. He just got mixed feelings on what has been said by the guy. Azren said to me, "We cannot change anything including ourselves in our stage right now, right?".... For his question... I could just talk about the Fardh al-'Ayn and Fardh al-Kifayah... But it is not too late to start memorizing the Quran as I always encourage my brothers and sisters to memorize and to practice with the Quran. It is useful for us to conduct the life while making our body the vessel for the Holy Word of the Highest.

In the end, everything that happens in our life is whatever that He destined over us. Do not blame your brother or sister when you see them being stricken with calamities by saying that, "This or that happens because of your own fault!". That is an arrogant statement. We can plan, we can pray and persuade the Highest through prayers but it is Him who decides. And never think that everything bad befalls us as the sign of His wrath. Does not mean that who lives easily with great things in their life are receiving His blessings or He is pleased with them. Perhaps it is the mask for the other torments to come which is hiding behind those "good" things.

I have received another good news too that my friend, Amir is also getting a job as an administration staff in the UUM. Well, congratulations to him. He is jobless for about five years and working on his own as rubber tapper and doing other house chores like looking after his brother and sisters. I hope he could go through the working world easily and could improve his life to a better one, insha Allah. For the time being, I will be waiting for my father. What else that I can do? Everybody is going to work leaving behind my mother alone. She cannot take care a paralyzed man alone. So, I am sacrificing myself for everyone happiness even I am a man. I am sacrificing myself for my sisters. Giving them the chance to work, keeping some money and get marry before leaving us for their husbands.

In these few weeks, I try to avoid people around. I did not even participate in my younger sister's engagement ceremony. We are not from the same congregation and how could one with empty stomach eats at the same table with others and fulfilled from the hunger? I have dignity. Dignity is different from pride or arrogance. It is the force which protects the banner of Hashemites from fallen when we were attacked by those who looked down upon the poor and the weak.

You are the ocean of love... You are the ocean of love... We are thirsty for a single drop of Your love.... We will perish away in eternal death if you turn away from us.... - Prabodh Chandra Dey/Jay Kishen 1955

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

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