I am extremely happy that I waited so early in the mosque. I managed to recite surah al-Haqqah several times and pondering about the facts of the universe.
Nothing so interesting in Friday sermon today. The preacher only talked about the socio-economical issues such as the role of Federal Territories Islamic Council in managing endowments, tithe and their achievements in accumulating piles of treasures. However, I would like brothers and sisters to know. I do not believe in their management system. I feel that it is safer for me to manage my property with my own capacity. I wanted to see my donations, tithe and endowment reaching the right places! I had seen how the people in the religious authority behave. This is not an over-generalization because I had came across with them for so many times. I was educated within the religious circle itself. I strongly believe in the practices prescribed in the articles of the path and the articles of faith highlighted in the Hadith al-Qudsi through the question-answers between Muhammad s.a.w and archangel Gabriel a.s. But I cannot accept the people in the authority! I turned to Buddhism-Brahmanism customs last time not because I have problem with Islamic teachings.
In fact, I always love the God the Highest, Islamic teachings, prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his trustworthy companions, all the noble prophets sent by the God to nations throughout the history as they are the brothers of our noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w and the Ahl Bayt as they form parts of my "self" identity. I have problem with people who call themselves as "Muslims" even until today! I believe in the Justice of the God the Highest and so many people disrespect His Justice to His creatures and the universe!
Mind and Body Type
I had made some checking on my body and mind type as according to ancient Indian system of sciences. Even I chose Islam as my permanent faith in contrast to those who chose Islam as the faith because their parents are Muslims but I have a strong respect to ancient Indian knowledge and philosophy. It represents the traditions of my paternal grandmothers' heritage since they were from Indian sub-continent. I am grateful to the God the Highest since He directs me to the Path of Islam but I am proud to share some crossed heritage with ancient Indians. I even studied Sanskrit and Pali along with Arabic as our ancestral language though I speak mostly in English, Malay and Chinese.
Some questions that I answered could give me some ideas about my self. I am aware that I have to know about my self before I could eliminate other obstacles in my path. I made notes too about myself. Even I tried to get feedback from friends around about my personality because I was afraid that I hurt their feeling when I deal with them.
I am thin, lanky and slender with prominent joints and thin muscles.
I have low weight. Yeah, this is especially true since I could fly when heavy wind flows me. I guess I am now perhaps 47 kg (103.6 pounds). I always fast since I was five years old and I avoid meat including fish and beef. I took only chicken in small pinches. I prefer to take fresh green vegetables. Nowadays I have to turn everything as pickles as to save the money for other services. I may forget to eat or have a tendency to lose weight. Next week I would have to fast again because I am afraid that the Quran would leave me behind if I exceed the limit and the food nowadays are not so clean as compared to last time. We can find halal foods but not all of those halal foods are "clean". By taking greens in limitation, I could reduce the risk of the meat which came from animals that had been brutalized before being slaughtered or caught with diseases because of antibiotics injection to the chickens. Fishes in the sea are facing extinctions too because of human greed. If others do not care about other creatures, then I do not want to be among them!
I have small eyes and active. I wear spectacles and I guess the power of my spectacles' focus is increasing to 1000 +. I love to read and still love to read.
My skin is rough, dry and thin. I have olive yellowish skin. I am not white as compared to Northern Arabs or those with the ancestors from Northern Egypt, Syria, Northern Iraq or Lebanon. My old neighbors were North Arab descents, their skin is mostly pale and fair like Middle Eastern Jewish. I think we are yellowish because we have some genetic crossing with Mongoloids. Sometimes people would mistaken me to a Nepali or a Central Asian. Most of Chinese nationals in my university thought that I was from Western China provinces namely Xinjiang (Turkistan) or from the border of China-Pakistan-India. I tried to explain to them and even to Malay compatriots that I am an Arab descent with North-Western Indian grandmothers but we are not recognized with our identity instead being lumped into "Malay" nationality and we are not united because we were too tiny. The same thing which happened to ancient Jewish people in China who were lumped into "Muslim" identity.
My hair is dry, brittle and frizzy. I think I do not have much hair.
My joints are thin, prominent and have a tendency to crack.
I am moderately sound sleeper, usually needing less than eight hours to feel rested.
My hands and feet are usually cold. I prefer warm environments.
I am lively and enthusiastic by nature. I like to change.
I become withdrawn and reclusive. I guess in most of the time. An example for this is when I served only for a week in the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) like six months ago before I have to quit. The problems and troubles came at once jumping on my head.
Firstly, my sisters think that I am a male and I should be responsible for my father who is bedridden or moving with my own feet because they think that only they faced difficulties in their life while I live like a "king" since I am a male. This is fine, but I cannot do that alone. I am the only son in my house with five female siblings. I have no close companions and I hardly make friends with people because I am a loyal type of person. The burden dealing with them is like I am a stranger man who live among the women. I cannot talk or discuss anything with them. They would not listen to me but they only think about their feelings and care only about their life. One of my younger sister accused me that I am a spoiled brat where my mother never ask me to do anything while in fact is that she did not live with me all the time although we are a family. We have different events in our life and we do not know about each others life for real. We seldom communicate because of gender differences and it also lead to the differences of opinions, beliefs and worldviews. They are very judgmental. I could see that in our society here, people tend to believe that all brothers (sons) in a sibling would be a commander and bullying their family based from the news headlines like "a son stabbed a father or kicking a mother for not listening to his material demands" while in fact now I am the one who is bullied and still is bullied because I consider their feelings, giving a high value for their life and respecting all genders or souls. I am a minority at home. After my father is bedridden, I am even more vulnerable! Not everyone is the same! Stop over-generalization!
My sisters do not even know that I went for Buddhist temple and seeking refuge from Buddhist community (Samgha) because of their attitude and I ended up a layman Buddhist boy for five years before being forced by my mother to go for pilgrimage in Holy Mecca and I have to decide my faith myself without any support from Muslim community!
Secondly, I had no transportation, no support from my own father and my parents are from unsettled families themselves. They would deny it but I am aware about that since I observe the psychological phenomenon. I do not just lay idle but I keep thinking and study. I was not settled yet with my job settlement in the UNHCR and my mother asked me to take emergency leaves just because she wanted to see me walking on the stage taking an empty file for my postgraduate ceremony in Penang. I had to deal with hundreds of refugees file and asylum seekers and in the same time; I had to attend trainings and examinations related to war-field. They gave the time-frame that I should finish everything only in a week! All of these happened in the same time. So, I quit as not to affect other team members in my office and I am holding to working ethics.
Right now, I have to apply again for a secured job and again I have to plan and plan before executing the plans. It is not easy to secure a job nowadays and family members could really be mean to us. Although many people would believe that a family could be supportive to each others, but they could also be mean! The plan would be in other sections. I am sharing this with brothers and sisters out there who also face family conflicts and who are unfortunate. I have no one to speak or to share about anything so I also believe that you are in the same situation with me. Better stay away from your family members if you have problems but try to find other sources to protect yourself from destruction. Just talk with the God the Highest. Nobody gives a shit to our problem if they are occupied with they are full with their ego! We have to deal everything with our own capacity and seeking help from Him!
So, I scored mostly in Vata or Wind element. I have got eight Vata, one Pitta (Fire) and one Kapha (Earth and Water).
Mind: Creative, quick and imaginativeBody: Thin and light frame
Appetite: Delicate, spontaneous, often miss meals
Routine: Spontaneous, variable
Temperament: Welcomes new experiences, friendly, excitable, energetic.
Shopping style: Buy... Buy... Buy...
Conversation style: Loves to talk.
Stress Response: Questioning myself what did I do wrong? Tendency to blame myself.
In the part of loves to talk, I did love to talk but I learned that I have to keep everything filtered when I am talking with different levels of people. So, I appear to be a quit person in the public. I asked some Tabligh brothers to come and tell me about their movements in personal because people are of different level of understanding, reception and so on. Because of these, we have hierarchy and social ranks in a society. Society is a very complex creature! It is not like we are studying the machine. The machine would follow what human programs it but human-being and society is a part of the larger universe! I respect all movements but I have my own reasons to avoid religious movements. If I see that it is destructive for unity then I prefer to be known only as a layman Muslim without any title rather than known to public with movements' tag.
Wind or Vata is a principle of movement and change. People who are naturally dominated by wind element tend to be thin, light and quick in their actions and thought. Change is a constant part of life. When the wind-dominated person is balanced, they are creative, lively and enthusiastic. When imbalanced, they would face insomnia, develop anxiety, dry skin and having irregular digestion.
I have got to check this in detail too. Would return after the 'Asr prayer service. Need to get ready with purification.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!