Wednesday, 22 February 2012


Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I had attend the language class' first meeting. Urmm, beside I don't know anything in the class because the teacher is mumbling in her language and I could only understand written things, those little undergraduate kids were bringing me up to my nerves. 

Have to be patient and remember that I am fasting today. Trying not to be violent or yelling to people and it is not easy because it can cause us heart-attack. It's like we put a hot burning iron into icy cold water. Next time I would have to avoid taking meat because the soul of those animals slaughtered could also influence my spirit and soul. Dad loves to eat beef and now I know why he was a hot-tempered man when he was young. I didn't take beef or any hot-blooded meat due to my previous belief which involves Brahmanism of Buddhist traditions and it becomes a habit. If I take it, it would be in a very little portion. Last time I hate Aiduladha because I would have to see people slaughtering cow and goats while I can't reveal to people that I was a Buddhist. However, I tried to take beef now because I am afraid that people would mistaken me as a Hindu while I had already repented and trying to be an obedient Muslim. I took the beef and had broken the pantang last semester break when I went to have dinners with little sister.

Those kids I don't know what to say. If they found that they have to finish whatever their co-curriculum units or optional units and their schedule is not suitable with the time, why not opting for other courses like outdoor activities? Can't they think creatively how to solve problems unless if they have obligation to take the "option" course?  What irritates me is that I found most of them are taking the course with audit status but I have to stay with them and wasting precious time in which I could check anything that I could add in the thesis. When we check the thesis it could not be stopped because anything important that we missed will flows like nothing.

I am not an undergraduate student but the silly language course was included as a pre-condition for me to pass my postgraduate certificate. I am already five years here. I can't bear to be stuck in this place anymore because it becomes a torment for me though I tried to ease it with many things and making everything turns positive. We are not supported by government budgets too unlike when we were in undergraduate level. The more I stay here the more not normal that I would feel because the environment in here is not good to build social relation with society. People also believe myths about introverts and thinking that introverts are different from others. Try check things about who are introverts.

I believe that the director of Language Center somebody Pandiyan Amphigapatti with red eyes had persuaded his brother who is a dean in our school of Social Science to make compulsory the foreign language course other than English to postgraduate students of International Studies. Maybe because it is for Language Center survival since most of departments of the University has to be independent or they could not survive after reaching the APEX status. So, you strangle everyone as possible as you can, noh? I had talked with my seniors last time regarding they had to answer this Amphigapatti guy and they were lectured for not paying for the class. Not because they skipped those classes because they were tensed with the teacher's attitude in the class.

Among the lecture of that guy which makes me wanted to laugh told to me by our seniors is like that guy said: "Don't you know that whatever you don't pay will be claimed in the hereafter???!" This Hindu guy' statement is just making me laughing to my pants, trying to talk religiously to people and making whatever wrong as right. First of all we are customers and we know the limits and boundaries of customers and they are the providers of services so they should know the terms of providing services too. They should not force people in the first place to accept their service in term that if people don't need it. International Studies students must be proficient or at least could understand English and most of us speak in English. We write our thesis in English and not in other European languages. 

I am aware about Brahminical beliefs since Buddhism principles and Hinduism principles are almost the same or just the same and if I am there perhaps I would put some eye mo in his red eyes. We don't behave like an Ariya (noble person) when we strangle people's neck but telling lies about we force others to take classes in our school because we wanted to survive or saving our own ass. That is an attitude of a Swapakah. Why don't we just say: "I need your money for my organization to survive so please I beg you give me this amount of money or else my organization could not survive and I have no wages or could not make a living." Perhaps, I would also think that this beggar is so needy and he is honest. I don't mind to give some donation to him or his organization like RM350 and just let me alone.    

I think English is more than European and we don't need other Continental European languages for our master degree. I just want to get the certificate because I had paid for that and that is my right even if it is without graduation ceremony. I don't want any ceremony but just returning to whatever I feel important to do and to correct in the future. When we begin something we must also terminate it like we begin because it is not a noble attitude to do everything halfway. I was not clear about the course I am taking now in the beginning and when I was half of the period I found that the studies does not suit my interest and it is disappointing because I am a customer to the University. I don't care whatever grade does it bear and I wanted to pay back my parents and sister's loan beside finishing the payment of PTPTIPU.

Urmmm, feel like wanted to slap those kids faces one by one and saying yang hangpa gatai-getik sangat nak amik kelas pelik-pelik buat apa kalu dah tahu sibuq takdak masa?????? They still have many semesters to go so they should know how to prioritize on what is important. This is my final semester. Now I have to go to language center again and listen to them negotiate the schedule and I am quite angry with the management of the school who did not earlier inform us that we could opt for postgraduate four hours in a row language class in the weekend so why should I join these undergraduate students? I am not a bitch who lower-estimate people but I think that these undergraduate students are below the level of humanity while the language school management is irresponsible to customers although they forced us to accept their service. I am sorry to say this but lying is more sinful than telling the truth. I don't want anything stopping me from graduating and properly ending the terms here. Sabaq ja laaaa. 

Astaghfirullahal'azhimmm wa atuubu ilayh, dear Lord please forgive me! Please don't make these people torture me or my worships to You will be in vain. Please accept me my worship and make me a Muslim on the path of our noble patriarchs Abraham a.s and Isma'il a.s.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!         

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