給自己的情書

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Baru kantoi tengok filem Tamil tadi after I finished watching China's new version of the Journey to the West at 8 TV. I feel malu la gak because I realized that there were two undergraduate kids staring behind me while I laughed alone in the room. 

I laughed like a nut-head when watching a funny scene in the Tamil movie though can't really understand what they're saying and my legs are above my head, hahahaa. What people expect a loner to do when he is alone. Of course I would do all crazy stuffs like jumping, laughing out loud, and etc when no human seeing me, hahaha. Just walk out of the room without looking at their face. Maybe they wanted to watch their favorite program too. I just watch the Tamil movie because I stumbled at the scene and it's funny, hehe.

Just sharing about song here. I listen to this song sometimes when I feel down. It is delivered by Wang Fei from China. She's one of my favorite Chinese national singers. The title actually means Love Letter to Myself. This is in Cantonese but I don't know how to write in Roman Script Cantonese as I just recognize the sound. I can understand Cantonese but nowadays I can't fluently converse in the lingo anymore because I use Mandarin Chinese or English in most of my dealings with people around. 

I always regret myself because I forget Cantonese easily and I almost think to blame China for this but it's also our fault who do not continue to speak in dialects be it Fujianese or Cantonese, huhuhuhu. Everybody could just copy and paste the title of the song which I made as a title of this post. Let us share the lyrics, don't worry of course it will be in English. I feel lazy to type in Chinese and I would have to transliterate it in which will take me a whole year to correctly write Cantonese sounds, ahaha :

Love Letter to Myself

Please don't feel down... You've someone who is envious to you. You're too ambitious, it only make yourself look tiny. Don't give up and losing yourself so early. There are lots of places to visit. Bear in mind to work hard. Celebrate happiness with yourself. 

Console yourself, happy things have to be wholeheartedly remembered. Love yourself, it is the most fundamental truth. Write this noble love letter, using my own words. Be my gospel... If I don't love myself, how should I be in love? How could I bring any good to my lover?  

This thousand pounds heavy love letter in the depth of night. Resembles the tree at the front door. Without relying on him. Going home would not have to avoid the rain... Please don't be sad. 

I am gonna make you my idol. You want others to love and sympathetic to you but first equip your first aid kit. Do whatever good but don't do it because of gaining praises. You have to stay strong till the end, and then only think for others. 

Throw away the toy in hands. First learn how to properly sleep. After crawling over the deep ravine. Search in the mud and you found that you unwillingly believe this golden phrase.  

This song according to some rumors that we heard was about the affairs of the singer with an actor known as 謝霆鋒 Xie Tingfeng who never wrote her any love letter. Now it is an outdated rumors so not really important. I guess this guy has English name but sorry I am not going to refer any fellow Chinese with English name or Christian ones. We have Chinese name so be proud of it unless if it is for religious purpose then perhaps I could be tolerant.

Tips on Loving My Self

However, the reason why I post this is not to talk about the actor or the singer. It is more to psychological treatment when we are alone. We can try to write love letters to ourselves. I read in another blog known as Self Help Goddess and it also has few nice tips to create our own ideal life and getting specific results from it.  

She mentions that: Until we can truly come to a place of loving and accepting ourselves exactly as we are, results will ultimately always elude us because deep down we don't feel that we deserve any success that we are trying to achieve. Hey, this is almost the same like I always feel but I don't know if I made any achievement in my life???

She recommended an exercise called as writing a love letter to myself :

1. Take out a sheet of paper or we can write in journal or on computer.

2. Get busy writing a love letter to ourselves and describe wonderful things that we love and adore about ourselves.

3. We can write about physical features, personality, characteristics, things that we have accomplished in life, or anything that we appreciate about ourselves. 

4. No need to only focus on big things because small matters could also do, lol... 

She mentions that it might seem quite difficult since we spend so much time beating ourselves up and trying to change things about ourselves. So, at first it might be challenging to find things that we truly love about ourselves. We can do the best as we can, and if we keep looking perhaps we will find lots of great things that we love about ourselves.   

We could do this exercise several times or as many as possible as we need to boost up our self love. We will feel better after doing this and we may even realize that we love things about ourselves than we ever imagined. 

If we're single and wanted to manifest our ideal partner, say for this year, write a love letter to ourselves in the place of our dream partner, hahahaha. I don't know if this sounds pathetic but maybe we could try for fun. She says that this is in the case if we haven't meet any life partner yet and have no idea about love. Use our imagination to think about ideal partner and things which we find attractive in ourselves. Then write it again in the perspective of a second person. We could even keep it and show it to our future life partner when they finally show up.

It can be a useful exercise as sometimes we spend so much time focusing on the type of person we want to attract and we tend to forget to focus on how people should treat us. Make sense... Of course we want a person with specific characteristics and qualities but if they show up and don't love us as we are then we have missed the entire point to be loved, right? If we have ever met someone who has all the qualities we are looking for but they are just not into us then we know exactly what the self help blog is talking about. 

Just for fun, it does not mean that I am chasing anyone. I am a busy person and I am not thinking to get any partner yet. Urmmmm, scary la pulak I am not a horny guy or thinking that I should be the same like others if looking at others also have life partners. I'm not going to have a girlfriend or get married because I see others doing so. Marriage is about responsibility and I hate to hear people telling me that's a Sunnah like I am a deaf person. I am aware about it but we should not use it to justify whatever we do without knowing whether our act is the truth or in the opposite! I am not this kind of person who follows trend and I am very bolt if I see something wrong. Sometimes it would make people run away but I don't care.

I'm just thinking if we could also use this for self-confidence and we could also have ideas when we converse with people around us. Maybe we would know how to start talking if we have issues to talk even with the smallest issue like eating habit, hobbies, or anything...

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!