Sunday, 11 September 2011

Third Sis Final Thesis

Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah!

Allah............ I am assisting third sister doing her assignment which appears to be her final thesis. She is quite incapable in writing or reading as she had left her school since whoever knows. She is good in practical terms as she have many years experience working as a trained nurse. I can't deny that since I see it myself. I had refused to help her because I would have to think for her besides reading all the stuffs which are not related to my current studies while she is the one who is doing the study. It makes my brain heavy with piles of stuffs and I feel sorry for my brain. But she knows my weakness. She will cry like our four years old nephew and I will surrender to her sad face. So, if anyone saying that a Muslim is generally a violent person, think again. I am a Muslim, instead I am the one who is bullied by other Muslims or non-Muslims. Just try to avoid generalizing. It is not an academic way but a way of people who never go to school who looks everything at surface value.

Even my second sister who is an aggressive lady keep blasting me when she misinterpret patience as a sign of weakness and sometimes she would say that I am an effortless person. She never fails in her life as she is aggressive and ego though she is not a child pampered at home as our dad was actually a hot-tempered man, as fierce as a lion. She will learn about patience bit by bit no worry though she's older than me. Anyway, nobody at home knows that I am here writing my life journey and I will never reveal it to anyone close to me, hahaha. Perhaps being aggressive is what second sister got from her observation of Westerners and from the training she got at home. Most of sisters at home said that dad and mum prefers me but I never feel anything like that. They just never saw me being beaten with pvc pipes or caned when I was naughty as they were at hostels in our motherland in the northern state. They don't even know I tried to lower parents burden by not making them feel worried about me even when I am sick. They don't know what happened at home or anything happened in myself. 

Second sisters had learned French. Well, she was determined to learn it after she saw me taking interpretation and translation useless degree. I think she is just following the trend when last time she said I was following the trend too after I decided to stop from religious studies. Last time one of our uncle had also suggested her for religious studies but she refused as she thinks it has no future. Well, she is right and everyone is right. Religion is for something which is uncertain. We don't see the God with our eyes nor anything like the hereafter. Those are just prophecies in scriptures by most of all, ancient prophets especially prophet Muhammad s.a.w, an orphan who didn't go to school. She was an engineering student who deals with formulas and learned how to deal with metals (manufacturing). Only if second sis analyzes that European countries had been in wars for their aggressiveness to get coal and mines, what makes the Europeans exploring the East which was out of the map in their ignorant mind for spices and colonial lands through pirate companies or reading about ancient wars for power in Indian epics such as Mahabharata.  

So, let us benefit from whatever that we are doing so that we won't feel tortured. Take everything as a challenge for us to properly overcome which also helps us to improve our selves in order to see the God. When we talk about nursing, we actually are talking about nursing practices and also public health. As nurses are people who assists doctors, their tasks and research is more to improving their practices, equipping themselves with proper knowledge and drafting related policies for nursing students. 

In Malaysia, nurses are not well appreciated like in European countries say, the UK. I get to know about this when I read the notes that third sister provides me from her lectures and helping her to understand her notes. I did some comparison for her and she had also worked in Federal Territory hospital so she tells me what to jot down. She thinks that she is bad with English and that I get to master a foreign language because I am a genius. During Eid, pak su Omar which is my uncle said the same thing and I do not like to hear that. That is silly... I have to memorize dictionaries and that is not something to be considered as genius. Only after that I've got good grades for my language papers. There are many people doing that, maybe being assumed as crazy but still it is normal. I have no time to properly memorize physics formulas or understand them as classes in Malaysian school are packed with students. Each class may have 30+ students and we cannot choose whatever that we want to study. We only focus to pass the examination based on whatever is chosen for us by the school and education system but not to understand the philosophies and the usage of things that we learned. In Europe or the US, perhaps a student may choose to learn in classes that they want. I know this from Marlin who had once stayed at our house for his exchange program which Mahathir Lokman had participated when his dad was an ambassador. Frankly, I hate the exchange program and I am not a fan of Mr. Lokman. Nothing in this world impress me. I am just impressed with the God.

Marlin got A for his O-Level (I don't know what they call that in Germany), but what I see, he does not display any genius traits at all and he was chosen to be apart of a program which needs interview to judge whether a student deserves to be sent with government fund to other countries to be a little ambassador, hahaha. All he cares is about his hair and how he looks like since most Malaysian kids would show their enthusiasm in Caucasians' look, and it creates a kind of narcissism for an immature young Caucasian kid -puke-

I think our friends in Saudi Arabia favor Caucasians so much too though they said that anything related to non-national stuffs must be banned. Where did I get this view? I had been in pilgrimage to Holy Mecca, and I had the same experience like Imam Hu Songshan from Gansu of China. That makes me feel more close to the Chinese (China) or maybe more to Japanese though I don't look like one. Third sister works there in Saudi Arabia too. She never lies about what she feels and sees and she does not like Caucasians because East Asians like us always experienced encountering Caucasians (it includes those in Asia like from Iran or Mid East, Scandinavian territories or in the American continent) love to find ways to enslave others when we tolerate them. They talk a lot and good in articulation but poor in practices, easily pampered. This is what we observe, but it does not apply to every Caucasians since Caucasians are humans like others. I had also seen polite Caucasians in a Japanese Education Fair in Mid Valley Kuala Lumpur. So, it is more to human-nature, which is influenced by the environment where they live and turns out to be a habit inherited to children by generations. 

The thesis I am helping third sister to do is about nursing role in preventing risk factors in heart disease. So, basically it is about nurses roles in helping patience to prevent the risk factors of the particular disease. It is not to cure it as risk factors may increase due to age and environment or may be decreased through health care and preventive care. We also have to check on the evidence-based practices where nurses will gain their knowledge on how to treat patients through their experience and professionally going through the environment around them in their working place. I would still demand her to keep all of the records that she has and read again whatever that I had listed for her.

I personally hate being a bookworm, I mean reading stuffs which makes my head feels heavy. I read comics a lot when I was a young kid until I have to wear glasses but I am not a person who reads stuffs full with writings like journals or articles. I hate writings too and I don't know why people around me look at me like some kind of academician.  We have five chapters to finish up, it begins with introduction with some brief things related to objectives of the study. The second chapter deals with the possible risk factors which could affect a certain group of people. The third chapter deals with policies and plans framed by the councils in a certain country and the fourth chapter is the discussion whether those policies and plans are practical or not. The last chapter is the conclusion.

Another eight days to polish up the thesis while the due date is in 19th of September 2011. I am not doing editing anymore but designing an immediate thesis for others while my own thesis is of no where. I really hope that third sister read all of the stuffs given though she is very busy. She paid the registrations for her study and not for me so it must benefit her and not me!

Arghhh dear Lord, it is painful at my back and chest :'( I sit for long hours in front of the computer for her. I wish her and other sisters happiness though they always envious to me and envious to each other in which I wonder what for they to envy? I am just a hapless guy who has nothing to be proud of and is of no potential to be anything better, and has no possession. I just love all of my family members equally and I treat everyone equally according to their level of life. I appreciate everything including ants, trees, natures and I understand their life when human threaten them. Women and human-being in general are sometimes complicated to understand. Through social studies, I found that it is a tough job to think about the society including it structures and systems which includes those witless ideologies.

Hopefully He gives me some chance to get closer to Him and knowing Him more while I am alive in this ephemeral world. I could never have any second chance to clean myself from my sins of losing hope in Him if He takes away my life though life is torturing. I wish everyone to appreciate their life, not to waste their life with non-beneficial matters. Do physical exercise always, go for recreational and release your tense together with your friends or family. Have nice, delicious, clean, healthy and halal diets for your future. Don't be like me who eats vegetables and crappy meals to cut the cost. I just try not to burden others including the government but it is not good for my self. I apologize to everyone for being a burden in the world. I didn't mean to be a burden and never ask for it...

Sealed with salawat and prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

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