Saturday, 6 August 2011

Manners at People's House

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Source picture Jackie Hinkson, Humble House.

Sometimes we might also forget, thus Ramadan is a good month to revive every sunnah that we could recall. I always remember whatever told in Qisasul Anbiyaa' (prophets' life) although after my iman and aqeedah was deflected by the environment and circumstances surrounding me.

What I still could recall in my memory. A guest should not living in a host house or compartment more than three days. Why is that so brethren? It is because we do not know whether we would be a burden for the host or not after the prescribed days.  It is not only about a host who serves his or her guests, but it is in two ways. The host and the guest. If we could remember the narration about our patriarch Ibrahim a.s with his guests which are the two angels bringing news about his nephew prophet Luth a.s tribe. Our patriarch Ibrahim a.s had served his guests with food but those guests do not take it. This could also be an example on the dignity of the guest. Both host and guest must respect each other. It is not only about the host who celebrate the guest as what I listened in Tabligh brothers' bayans. Those who are according to sufi or neo-sufi lines always emphasize on what we call as muruah (dignity) and adaab (civilized manner). These two are different from pride. They are not negative but positively related to respect to the host.

I used to stay at a close friend's house at a village in Yan district to offer my respect to his father who had passed away. I only stay there for one night, and that only because there was no bus service after 'Asr although his mother receiving me and asking me to stay more than one day. I understand his family condition where they were still in their mourning period and my visit there is not to burden them but to comfort them with some little and humble donation. More importantly expressing my condolence to their family as a brother to them. I actually prefer to do that anonymously but I am always a loner and I have no other way to send the service to this friend except using myself. This is apart of jihad to strengthen spiritual connection between souls. 

Last Thursday, my current roommate, Mr. Jamal had messaged me that he was on his way to the campus and kindly asked me not to receive any scouting acquaintance. I understand him, and I would also be pissed off if seeing someone we do not know messing up on our bed when we arrive early in the morning and he paid monthly rental for his place. In everything that we do, we need to be aware, sensitive and alert whether our act would create something unusual or affecting others. I am not sure whether this is prescribed in sunnah but this is a common sense that I encountered during my past reading about Buddhists manner.  

I was so ashamed of myself for burdening my roommate because of this guy that I gave the shelter for 'few days' in the beginning but it turns out that he stays here for few months. I began to think again because before this I do not have any tainted thought. I wonder why is this guy need to stay in my room while he could also duplicate his previous room key? His previous room is located in front of the wing where my room is located. I saw him staying also in his previous room, and his roommate is also my acquaintance. What makes he curious about me? I am just a normal guy like other human-being. Maybe I am a bit weird as I have no close friends 'here.' That is normal too because all of my friends fade away after finishing first degree studies. We can't expect everything to stay the same. Sometimes I sense that my books and kitabs are moved around. There are certain kitabs that I do not simply reveal to people because it is not suitable for others. I do not recommend others to read the kitabs nor talking about them in public since some people have no capacity to comprehend them. Is he spying on me or what? 

Silap pulak rasanya buatkannya kunci pendua, nak buat camna lagi nasik dah jadih bubur. Never thought about this before. I made the key myself for him in the beginning, I thought that he is in trouble after he gave up his room to the management. Why not be considerate to others even though we want to save some money? I don't take any loan or getting any scholarship for my study, simply using our own money just like other non-Malay students but I still avoid from burdening my friends or acquaintance wherever possible. I only make study loan when I was in degree and strictly using the money for study materials and fees. Kalau takda duit kerja sambilan or kutip tin and sell them. 

The night that I received Mr. Jamal's message, I also have to pack my stuffs and scouting at Azren's room in Aman desa. Again I feel ashamed because it is now twice I have to scout in his room to avoid arguing with my roommate. Luckily he has no roommate, I mean in a real sense not like me where my roommate is not always in the room but he will come once a month for consultation with his supervisor. I also made a duplicate key for Azren's room, but I always ask his permission each time I wanted to go into his room. I only go into his room when he is there and never approach his room when he is not there. Yesterday he went back to KL and he is offering me his room and also the foods in his room but I think that it would be sufficient with his assistance sheltering me because my roommate is now away home and I don't take people's offer as a mean to respect their private stuffs. So, I returned to my room. Azren would only be here until this September. I am still figuring out on what will happen next when he is also away because he is my last resort and the only person that I am close here since we were the same classmate during our bachelor time.

When I returned to my room I could see that guy again landing on my bed! It is OK in the beginning to stay in my room but now it is more than few days and it is now Ramadan. I need my space for my personal rituals too especially when it comes to Friday nights for twice holy days. I don't know whether it is rude or not to ask him to leave but I just feel uncomfortable now. This is common sense. We don't have to ask the host whether they are comfortable with us. Just put our feet in their shoes and think what we feel? Unless we are insensitive to others, I have no idea on what example to pose up here no more.

Then, when entering people's room or house no matter we have the access or not. Since it is not our room or house, we should always ask permission. Knock the door thrice and recite prayers which is assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah, peace be upon you, those who inhabit the room or house. It is to also warn people in the room or house that we are in front of their place and whether they allow us to enter or not. Maybe they are in the state that they don't like us to see them in that state. Don't stand right in front of the door but a bit at the side as not to see what happened inside. It is also to give the chance for the host to get ready. Maybe he is topless or do not cover her hair with hijab if a female host.

If they do not open the door up after salam prayer and thrice knocking of the door, and we have the key of the room, what should we do? Don't ever go in. The key does not indicate that we have the authority to 'intrude' into others compound. It is not our room or house, no matter we have the authority to enter or not.

Prophet s.a.w even when he is at his own house do not enter when he came back home in the middle of the night. Why is he doing so brethren? He does not want to burden the people and that's why he slept outside of his own house. I wonder, this guy also reading the kitaab about fadhaail 'amal? Some of blogs also talking the same thing about the manner of visiting others' house. I managed to google them up after the idea for this post sparks up. I think it is also common sense and this blog that I've got is hilarious, lol.

What is the difference in the kitaab's content with us laymen who reads Quran, Hadiths Bukhari and Qisaasul Anbiyaa'? I read Fadhaail 'Amal too though I am not a Tabligh movement member. I have a soft copy with me. But why I don't do this kind of attitude to others like Azren? I know Azren more than three years and quite close but I don't do like the guy is doing. I am so astonished in the same time hoping everyone would receive His Mercy and Guidance. 

Wish everyone could take heed about this and benefit from it in order for everyone of us to form a civilized nation. This is not only for brethren but also for myself in case if I also forget. Thank you for the visit if you stumbled by, forgive me my bad words or if this is offensive. I do not intend to low estimate other movements but all of these is for everyone benefit. Never let your movement and the honorable founder of your movement being slandered because of your indecent attitude. 

Dear the God our Lord! Accept us our service and grant us health, forgive us our sins and wrong-doings, make us die in the Path of Islam and may our life is according to Your Path. Gather us with righteous people. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin! 

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