I am experiencing hectic weeks beginning last week until the next two weeks to come. I even had skipped my German classes and I feel guilty to Frau Myer but I have no choice since the class is not included in my CGPA. It is just a condition for me to graduate. Maybe next semester I will have to opt for Spanish because my Spanish is better and I already took it a level when I was a degree student as an option. I just need to polish it up rather than learning the whole bunch of things like in German class.
I was wrong in my planning and it is me to blame, but I also have a new friend when I join the German class which is Frau Myer. She is a Muslim German. Her name tells us that she is a German. She is married to a local. A caring teacher she is. But this semester, I had caused her inconvenience and I am so embarrassed of my self.
I talked with her about my problems and I feel like talking to a sister or like talking to my mother because I think she is quite old enough almost the same age of my mother. I hope she won't feel upset I had missed her classes like 7 times and she is very enthusiastic in introducing German culture and language to Asian students. I don't like to skip her classes too but I have no strength especially when I am nervous in the way to proposal defend day so I need to do a lot of neat preparation to make sure that I do not breach the trust. I pray to Allah that everyone including me passing the proposal defend, His Will.
I still have other two assignments which are also trusts from lecturers of EU External Policy and Common Policy. I need to submit them before 13th of April and beginning 20th of April I will have the examination. This is really pressuring me and of course my coursemates are also pressured as I am.
Yesterday, I didn't join the Tabligh guys here to the Bengali mosque or the center because I have to review the proposal for few times and today in the morning I will submit it to the lecturers. But after those guys returned to the hostel, I had talked with one of them through YM. He told me about the jama'a from Germany visited their center and also blind jama'a. I talked about my life with him too but I don't think they could easily comprehend it. The life of a confused traveler.
I also told him about my experience being Tashkil-ed by Tablighs at my neighborhood and also about my maternal uncle who tried to convert me and my father into the jama'a. My father until now is an anti-Tabligh person, he would stay away from them whenever he sees them but I do not reach that extent. I do not have any ego nor I don't feel like seeing Muslim nation branching away from one another.
Last time, me neither don't really like some people in the jama'a because some of them have wrong approaches in preaching people and quite arrogant too although I had seen some traces of tasawwuf in the jama'a when I read the review about the jama'a because this jama'a is quite popular in Islamic world. I don't despise the jama'a itself. Some of the tasawwuf (sufism) dimension of the jama'a resembles the one that I am practising and I only follow the prophet (saw) and other prophets tradition.
I am afraid that I might insult people. I hope that the Tabligh guys won't feel offended with my words but think deeply on what I had said eventhough I am not good in putting nice words like in Bayaan (Tablighi lectures). I would like to imply that it is not only Imaan (Faith) and 'Amal (Practise) is needed in preaching to ourselves and others. But it is also with the inclusion of 'Ilm (Knowledge) through the guidance and revelation of Allah. Without basic knowledge of the Law of Allah, the Iman and the Amal is not complete because they must exist in parallel to each other.
I end up this post with my prayers to our brothers and sisters in Japan who are the victims of the nuclear plant explosion and Tsunami. I regret that I have nothing to offer as my condolence to Japanese brothers and sisters, but I only have my humble prayers to everyone as offerings. May Allah protects everyone there and also all of us, creatures and the nation of the dark period near to the Qiamah (resurrection). I am waiting for Qiamah although sometimes without patience, I pray for everyone safety under His shades and protection, Aaamin!!!