I'll have to present my mini-thesis topic next week's Tuesday in a mock circumstance. I met a lecturer today and I listened to him for about three hours, hehe. It's not just about my thesis but he also talked about few matters including Palestine-Israel issue.
Well, that issue really makes people around the world go crazy, either in Jews' side or Arabs' side and not to forget the people in our Malaya too. I'm not going to elaborate more about Palestine-Israel issue. It's not my first intention to create this post.
I just want to drag back my attention to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. I'm still feeling weak and restless. Even I notice that I have veins protruding out of my head. That is not good. The sign of tensity. I better not taking this task too serious and trying to enjoy life without forgetting Allah 'Azza wa Jalla but this is not easy too. I tried many ways including meditating in the musalla (surau). But I guess I might did something wrong until these meditations didn't come to work.
In whatever things that we do in our life. We need to always be confident that Allah 'Azza wa Jalla is monitoring us. He is watching us. Whatever we learn too must reflect remembrance to Allah 'Azz wa Jalla. I somehow feel it is still my fault that I had diverted from my previous destiny. I supposedly to be in religious studies but it turns out to be like I am today. I don't know, it could be written in His tablet too that I will be like this since the who knows except Him.
I listened to a religious lecture from radio Kedah by an ustad that I can't barely remember his name. That is because I was like between asleep and conscious. I was so tired after my class in the afternoon. Not because I have to walk here and there to different schools but because I feel that I am not fit in the field that I am studying right now.
However I managed to capture some of the ustad's lecture into the paper that I hold in my hand before I fall asleep. I seek forgiveness before Allah, if there are flaws in my notes. The flaws indeed are from my recklessness. I'm afraid that I'll lose it so I wanted to record it here.
It says, the splendour of knowledge learned should be assured that it brings us to be closer to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. When we do charity, we are doing charity to ourselves. When we do evil, then evil will come to us. In the summary of surah al-Hujurat verse 17th, Allah says that He has nothing to lose when we do not perform observances to Him. Neither does He gain anything from our observances nor worship. Our observances, our worship are for our own benefit. The same things goes to knowledge which is His grace toward us.
This quote reminds me of what I learned from Buddhism lectures that I listened and read when I was a Buddhist. I believed almost the same thing. What goes around comes around. Any bad luck that strucked me down is due to my paapa (sins). When I did charity, I accumulated bunniyam (merit) and it helps prolong my life and my future. It's more to Karmma (acts' law). I also believed that our Karmma affects others around us. Sometimes, it is quite confusing for a revert like me. Because these old values still mingling within me and I can't forget it just easily.
Then, in surah al-'Alaq. Allah 'Azza wa Jalla says that He taught human with pen (al-'Alaq vs 4). To learn something we need to have a pen. It means that we need to jot something down from the lecture. Which is what I was doing before falling asleep and lost everything after that.
We have to realize that wisdoms and knowledge come from Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. The knowledge and wisdom that we have is not ours but they are from Him. And further, He taught human on what they do not know (al-'Alaq vs 5). When we are grateful to Allah 'Azzza wa Jalla, He will surely increasing His blessings to us through the increasing of knowledge and wisdom. When Daud (as) and Sulaiman (as) received knowledge and wisdom from Allah 'Azza wa Jalla, they said : "Glorified be Allah 'Azza wa Jalla for His blessings on us over others."
Last two nights I had sent a phone messages to a Tabligh brother who was in charge to be an Imam in musalla at this hostel where I am living. I am not a member of Tabligh Jama'a anyway. I am just a lay Muslim not of any affiliation. I found that he has a very nice recitation with his vowels are according to the sound approximation in tajweed which is quite nice. But he seems confused in pronouncing alphabet sounds. The ones which came out from the middle of adam's apple and mouth cavity. He had mistaken in pronouncing some parts such as when it should be ع but he pronounced it with ا and also in the opposite way. Also ح and ه. I believe that this is one of a problem for most Malay speaking people but for us, we used to recite everything according to Arabic dialect since our childhood. We began our Quranic learning when our mother teaches us the alphabets at home. Later only we went to state's government's evening religious school and learning them again in national school's Islamic knowldge subject. So, when we read the Quran we will put emphasize on the sound first before memorizing anything from the suras.
I was afraid that it is like too fussy and annoying for him but when I saw tajweed books, they are called as lahnun jaali which means the obvious mistake. I'm just reminding him for his own benefit. I have no other intention at all and that is why I just sent him a message and not talking about it in the midst or people or even in the musalla so that he will feel comfortable. I just hope that he thinks out of it positively and never mistook me. It's not like I am in a position to teach anyone because I am also learning. It will always be like that.
Anyway, I love to see enthusiastic youngsters like this guy who became the imaam. I love listening to his recitation and also to others because I will visualize the alphabets in my mind. I am myself not a good imaam and and not a good example. So they really impress me for their spirit. Usually I will pray to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla for their consistency and may they become good example for me and others. I also hope that my reminders didn't make them feel jaded nor irritated because that will be a sin for me.
As to say, wisdoms and knowledge in this Universe are His belongings. We have no right to claim them as ours copyright. It should be spread to others for the benefit of our nation in order to be close to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. Thus, I pray to Allah please keep our creed purified forever, make our life as a worship itself to You, please grant us Mercy and make us grateful servants and slaves o Allah, blessed be prophet Muhammad (saw) and his family, his companions and his faithful followers!