Wheel of Sharp Weapons

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This title actually the title of a Sanskrit meter written by a Malay Buddhist monk of 10th century Srivijaya empire in its Sumateran capital and I am an Arab descent who was Malayanized by Buddhism : D The father's name is father Thammarakshita and he was a yogi in the jungle who specialized in mental training. It basically talks about the courage of Pothiseth (Boddhisattva) or the enlightened beings where they dwell in the illusion of hell for the benefit of others. As what I always mentioned, I was greatly influenced by Buddhism in term of mannerism and the way I deal with environment around. Even until now, it is still difficult for me to avoid this past. This meter survived in Tibetan Tantra and secret religion of Himalaya's literature.

Anyway, I am not going to talk in detail about Buddhism philosophies. I am about to talk about our responsibility to take a good care of our parents especially when they are helpless besides sharing some routines. Now I am not going to lie about the fact of life. When you see people who have to take care of their ill family-members, it is actually not as easy as when you see it appears in your eyes. It is a tough job. As for me, my father is stricken with stroke since May 2012. I was still undergoing the period of a full-time postgraduate student. Right now, my thesis is being checked. I do not really care anymore whether I am going to pass or else. It does not matter anymore because I was just finishing what I had began.

People who is affected with stroke actually has problem with their nerves. Their mind is restless for nothing. As a previous Buddhist person, I was well-informed about the importance of breath and mental state. These two things are important elements which would create either a hell or a paradise for you in the "world of passion". I tried to reveal these to my father but I guess it was too late and he might think that I was teaching a devious teachings. While according to our Islamic tradition, stroke could also come from the influence of evil spirit. Well, it does not contradict what has been stated in the beginning of this paragraph because evil spirit would take over our body function when we are over the limit of emotions for example too sad, too angry, too happy, too excited or too scared.  

When a stroke person is paralyzed, their body will display this effect of stiffness. My father could not swallow any food or liquid. We have to insert a long tube from nostril down to his stomach. Then we have to pour a type of milk which is suggested by a hospital dietician. Since May 2012 - now he is fully dependent on the milk and the brand that we use is known as "Ensure". He could not walk nor sit. Just laying on the bed and we have to move him around to clean him up in the morning or after stool, to feed him and etc. Every three hours we would have to feed him. And at certain time within these feeding times, there are some medicine which needs to be crushed and poured down into the tube. 

Some daily medicines in form of tablets that I could remember are:

For certain times in the morning (8:00-8:30), afternoon (15:00-15:30 pm) and night (21:30 pm):

1. Isosorbide Dinitrate, 10 mg : a tablet before feeding.  

2. Trimetazidine, 20 mg : a tablet after feeding.

Morning (8:30 pm) only...

1. Plendil Felodipine, 5 mg : a tablet after feeding.

2. Acetysalicyclic Acid (soluble), 30 mg : 1/2 tab after feeding.

3. Perindropil, 4 mg : 1/2 after feeding.

Night (21:30 pm) only...

1. Atorvastatin Winthrop (film coated), 40 mg : 2 tabs after feeding.

2. Metoprolol Tartrate, 100 mg : 1/4 tab after feeding. 

Before we feed a paralyzed stroke person, we would have to check whether the previous liquid given to him being fully digested. If not, we would have to wait for few minutes or just draw out the leftover from his stomach with the syringe. Then fill it with the new milk. Oh yeah, we pour the milk into the patient's stomach with a big syringe connected to the tube. 

The most challenging thing for me to take care of my father right now is to shower him in the morning. His body will become stiff all over and it is very heavy. Bring him to the wheel chair and heat up the warm water because we do not have heater. Then I put some dried flowers that I collected at the mosque where I used to walk for fajr prayer services. I keep all sort of dried flowers, branches and leaves before burning them inside my room. My room actually smells like a temple, lol. Other than that, it is also challenging to clean up the mess if my father pee on the floor before we put the diapers to him. Because we need clean space to pray especially for the women. 

There are people who could not accept the "fact" that my father is sick. So, they refused to take care of him. Anyway, I am performing my responsibility on my part. I am just doing what I could do. I just get whole from the fever too. Last two days, I just caught with fever and I feel weak all over my body. This is what I mean with the wheel of sharp weapons. It is not the punishment but the effects of what we had already committed. For Buddhist minded people, we never think about the punishment of the Lord. But we think about what we had done? Whether it was correct or false? What about our state of mind at the time we commit or perform something? 

I had gone through three cycles of people who had fallen sick in our family house and watching many deaths in front of my eyes. The first one was our maternal grandmother. She died in 2004... Then my maternal grandfather and he died on 2006. Right now it is my father turn... After this, I am not sure... But I am always trying to get myself ready with this because life is not about happiness. I don't live like others, and I accept this. I must accept and live with this until He liberates me. It is my fate...  I wish this helps to motivate others who are in the same or almost the same condition with me. Just don't listen to those "fortunate" people who come close to you and said: "you're not doing any religious work or going out for the sake of Allah to spread da'awa". They just do not see the fact of life and experience the real life like a man yet : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

No Adhan?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

Hurmmm.... Few weeks going thru and sometimes I can't listen adhan in our hostel. Maybe I need to exercise my responsibility to call for prayer for the benefit of brothers who are fasting even if they don't join congregational services. In fact, I also have no strength to walk to masjid because it's very far and I have to prepare earlier than when I was inside the campus since I am on feet. I actually tried several times to walk my self to masjid. I think I hurt my foot and joints while walking. My back is also aching for sitting too long looking at computer. The thesis must be continued without stop because this April is very close. I need to get the approval of lecturers and supervisor to print out the thesis, stamping it and they are very busy people.

Surah Kahfi and Iman

I read the surat al-Kahfi again and I feel so impressed to those meditating young sleeping men in the cave where they tried to avoid the conversion to idolatry for the strength of the faith in their heart. The stories about these seven young men can be found in Syriac texts of Actus Sanctorum: Saints Life and Martyrdom. I just read the stories from Quran to entertain my lonely self and sad heart but I do aware about the other path stories though they don't circulate this anymore. My family is going through some tests from Allah. It is not new for ajnabis (alien) like us because we face this since we were born, chaotic families, challenging treatment from around, identity crisis, and etc. Sometimes it could make us very weak but we must not lose hope and trust in Allah. He tests us because He wanted to clean us our selves and purify our souls. That is His hidden Mercy in between tests.

Leaving behind Duniya

I think I must avoid nice food again. I read something regarding metabolism and physical growth but I had forgotten that my age now is not the age to grow anymore no matter how much I take, hahaha. It is harmful for me and does not belong to a slave like me. Let others enjoy the food. If I bought them next time I will just dump them in the lake for friends and brothers in the lake since I don't know to whom should I give. I am shy to brothers in musalla and feel not worthy to be their friends nor brother.

Closing

I must keep in my mind that I am waiting for the Resurrection like the brothers of the past in the cave. No need to worry about how I look like or whether I look like a skeleton. If my sisters say I am ugly and looking miserable then be it. I don't care anymore. I beg Allah my Lord to forgive everyone who does not know. I beg Allah forgiveness for being deceived for a moment while I should not forget that I am just a lowly slave. I would like to express my gratitude to brothers and sisters who are passing by for your prayers. May Allah bless all of you and express His Love on each of you.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin! 

African Garden - Keyhole Garden

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Just read an online newspaper about African Garden which is called as Keyhole Garden. It looks beautiful, green, and yet edible introduced by Lesotho Africans in Britain. It is a garden for community where vegetables such as spring onion, lemongrass, sprouting broccoli, and salad leaves are given newly flying start when residents around the garden are prompted to donate a large amount of chicken manure.

I wonder if mosques or neighborhoods here could also conduct this kind of activity where residents around the mosque or a particular neighborhood are invited along as part of  a programme such as what had been practiced in Britain in Eden Project's Seeds, Soup and Sarnies. It is a programme which encourages people to grow, cook, eat and share produce with their families and the local community. 

The benefit from the programme are that, the vegetables grown are organic, cleaner and doubtless compared to what we bought in the market. People could save their money and more importantly it is a congregational activity. Muslim brothers and sisters could assemble together and develop amity or talking about the Greatness of Allah according to our fellow Tablighi brothers or glorify Allah while harvesting or planting their shared vegetables. 

I had seen an almost similar kind of project in Putrajaya. An ah po at my previous neighborhood in Hulu Langat also did the same and using urine as the fertilizer for her organic vegetables. It is still a good effort for the ah po especially when she was affected by stroke. She still working with her plants. It is therapeutic for her. 

I guess it would be good if being practiced in a large scale by community as a habit during our free time especially food price is not really stable for the time-being and it is not good to be dependent to government. They have other things to take care too. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for brothers and sisters.