Sorrow

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I was in the musalla at Tekun hostel of Universiti Sains Malaysia in 2010 when I received a text from my mother saying that my father was attacked with strokes. At that time, he was not paralyzed like today. I am so sorry bapak... I should be by your side at that time but I was stuck there because of conscience toward whatever that I had started...

I tried to make friends with those Tabligh congregation brothers but I end up feeling stupid myself. They finished their studies without informing me that they had gone home. I did not give any agreement or commitment on the "outing" because I do not like to make promises since I afraid that I would break it. Promise and the action related to contract is a big thing for me. I would even risk my life for that if I say it out loud. I thought that they were trying to befriend me but it turns out that they had got more better things to do in their life. I was quite disappointed too at that time. I had twice experience being dumped by acquaintances whom I thought were friends. Traumatized because of this, I avoid people and stop making friends no more. Life is so much filled with selfishness and egoism. 

I even ignore the Tabligh congregation of our neighborhood who tried to persuade me to join their congregation. I am done with it I do not want to be manipulated by any "movement". I have a huge respect to the teachers who established the congregation but I do not want to have any contact with the members. I had seen something which is not so pleasant in their center which is an "abstinence" for me pantang datuk nenek... Double standard... The high ranking people there only entertain those with "money", nice looking ones, and those who study in "good" courses in which the future of the recruited member makes him useful for those who is close to him. I am not trying to say anything bad about the movement. Never. I just wanted to say that we could see human "colors" when we are among them. I would better make friend with the God the Highest. I do not care if people wanted to call me names anymore. Eventually we will have to be alone in the grave-hole so why not I proceed a little quicker before it happens? I refuse to talk with people or making friend any more. I admire the friendship of Amir Khusro with his mentor, Muhammad Nizamuddin. I do not have any fortune to have great mentors but I am grateful that the God the Highest has given me the Glorious Quran as a loyal companion and a mentor itself.

I just cried alone in musalla this morning while reciting the Yaasin for the souls of ancestors and noble prophets. I have to make sure that there was nobody there except me and Him just in case if my eyes suddenly raining tears. Or else it would be an embarrassing thing for people to see a guy crying like a little baby, haha. I do not know why men have to pretend to be strong in front of others? However, I am also accustomed to that norm. I just feel embarrassed if people look at me crying.

I just talked to Him because I do not know how to help my father. I understand that he must be very depressed being locked in that paralyzed body. He cannot do anything on his own except screaming. I feel like crying when looking at my father's face. Now, it is like 18 months he is in that condition. I tried all sort of things including reciting Quran for him but we are nobody to Him. How can we tie His "hands"? He could do anything if He wills. From these experiences, I learned that He is incomprehensible by lowly creatures like us. This is a meditation and contemplation itself. When we see something in this temporal world, we could also imagine that it is not going to last long in that condition. Only He is immutable.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Is Tabligh Jama'at being Hated by Fellow Muslims?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This is me : )

I read some sites about Tabligh Jama'at. I don't know about others opinion regarding these brothers and I also heard many of the quarrels among movements in Indian sub-continent such as among the Deobandis where Tabligh Jama'at is an offshoot of the movement with the Barelwis who 'worship' grave. Majority of people in Indian sub-continent are represented by the Barelwis. However, they are also Shi'a Muslims as well as non-organized Muslims who are not siding with anyone. I also heard  quarrels and debates among sects whether in Malaysia or elsewhere. I am tired of all of these.

I am not trying to open up or raising up any issue, but I think sometimes that Tabligh Jama'at brothers being exaggerated as this and that either in positive or negative ways. When we are performing anything just perform it with the intention solely to Allah. It is as what has been mentioned in the hadith of Gabriel a.s as it is the principle part of everything that we do in this mortal world. No need to exaggerate over things either positive or negative. Whatever that we do, we do know that Allah is watching over us.

As for us as laymen, actually we view Tabligh Jama'at brothers with respect. We never look down on them especially those who studied the religious sciences. Sometimes, there are some eager member of Tabligh Jama'at but they are without any basic knowledge about the Awwaluddin (the portal of the Law) coming to us and talking this and that. When they suddenly coming to a fellow Muslim brother and asking the guy, please recite the testimony of faith! If the person does not understand the Awwaluddin perhaps he would think that the preacher is trying to insinuate him. If the listener does have the knowledge perhaps he would think, this preacher guy is arrogant because the listener could not expose what he knows as to respect the 'preacher'.

Sometimes it is to the extend of hurting our feelings but we just listened to them without saying anything. As for myself as an example, because I will first reflect on myself and not on others; I was the one who was viewed with negativity when I did many opposite things contradicting norms of society. I grow up to be a rebellious kid. Until now, I am still rebellious but in a slightly different form, hehehe.

I still remember when I was a little child and my dad is not a religious person. Our Tablighi uncle and his fellow movement members had looked at us like a bunch of people who have no religion because we never join them. I felt my heart was bleeding because others in the village also viewed us as contemptible people and we never had any good chance to talk or being treated nicely by them. They never help us to cure people evil view on their own relatives in which it surprised me. We went to the masjids but we never show it to people. Sometimes we would jump down the windows if people are in front of us just because we feel so unworthy to be acknowledged with whatever we are doing. We are not doing that for ourselves but for Him. When I was with Tabligh brothers, I respect them like angels though they perhaps looking at me like a demon. It's ok because we know about our selves, I will never hate them though they might hate me : )

As for me, to perform da'awa, it's not limited to fellow human-being. It could be in the form of mercy to the world and nature. It could be in the prayers for our hidden brothers and angels. It could be like we treat or celebrate the unfortunate with whatever that we are able and making them happy. Da'awa does not always have to be exercised with words and sentences. Imam Zainal Abiddin bin Hussain bin Ali bin Abi Talib also performing da'awa with prayers to Allah AWJ : ) We are just exercising the da'awa of the imams. No need to exaggerate even if we face torments from anyone who fear not Allah.

I don't really wear jubah (Arab garment) or Bangladeshi style attire out here and sometimes I do shave my beard or mustache. Last time when I was molested by crazy sex-maniac and racist Jordanian guys (because they cursed Jews without reflecting on their selves, holier than thou attitude) who thought that I was a Chinese boy. I grow beard and mustache to make my face look ugly but now nobody would look at my face anymore because I am growing old.

I'm not so sunnah in appearance but I perform the sunnah according to other angles. I wear normal T-Shirt like others. I never shave my hair side-lock as it serves as the parts of beard. When we perform obedience to Him, make sure that it is step by step and don't rush. If we rush, we will facing the result which is not so good like what I am facing now with my worldly affairs. I hurt my own nervous system, hahaha : ) BTW, I'm talking about these for the benefit of the nations. Not to provoke or bringing down anyone. We accept criticism and we will try to change whatever is not good in ourselves, insha Allah.        

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!