Friday, 21 February 2014

21 Rabi' al-awwal 1435

Assalāmu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

My father was admitted twice to the hospital since the last two weeks. I cannot sleep day and night because I took care of him in the hospital. These recent, he was infected with pneumonia because of the feeding system turns out to be inappropriate to his condition... I contemplated that if I feel so much tortured, then I wonder how much tortured my father feels? He has a crippled, paralyzed body and he cannot speak because his articulation tool has been taken by the Lord of Powers. I am sure that it must be unbearable for him but this is already fated within the Guarded Tablet in the highest region. How could we relate our past and integrate it with the current situation in the process of "self" identification? Whether we cling to the phenomena and identify it as our "ego" or we just remain unattached but going through it with perseverance and right consciousness? These are my personal insight based from the Sutra of Right Conducts: Discourse between Brahmin Kottatha and Brahmin Śariputra. It is not Islamic nor Arabic in its cultural essence because these figures were the foremost disciples of Siddartha Gautama. The philosopher of Śakya tribe from Lumbini.... They discussed psychology and sub-conscious mind...

That is the reason on why I could still go on with the situation and do not try to run away. In Buddhist phenomenology as per my previous lessons learned, the term sasāra refers to the cycle of birth and death. When the time passes then a creature would move on to other phases of the life in the universe. This is the meaning of the word. The life and death is flowing within the temporal universe. We gain our life experience and getting the enlightenment in term of our mental faculties while wandering throughout these cycles of life and death. I am not sure whether this is also being discussed by the ancient Greek philosophers but I guess the same thing was also echoed by Aflaūn (Plato). We are going throughout these phases with few types of devotion such as services, knowledge, wisdom, consciousness and trying to get a focused mind.

I had got a phone call on Tuesday while my father is in the hospital. It was a call from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs for a job interview. I did not have much time for preparation because the interview was scheduled yesterday. Anyhow, I am not confident that I could secure the job on my part but I have no regret. I had at least tried my best by sending the applications and attending the interview despite of my condition.

I am so sad. Two of my Rohingya brothers had moved to other areas. The other Bangladeshi brother, Muhammad Habib is the only one left working part-time in the nearby restaurant owned by my father's office mate from BH. I could not make friends with my neighbors. They are "rich" people. I only can sit with migrant workers even in the mosque or the musalla... I am afraid to taint them with my ugly presence...

Prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

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