Diary
I envy my nephew, Shafiq. Through his younger brother, Saffwan, I get to know that he has departed for Medinah al-Munawwara for Quran and Sunnah studies. I don't know his account number but I wanted to give him some secret support without being known by any of our relatives. If I wasn't deceived by environment around and reciting Three Gems to be a young Buddhist (because I was disappointed with people treatment to me as a humble young kid), perhaps I would also studying Quran and Sunnah and later performing obedience according to what has been prescribed in scriptures in this short life for His sake.
Now, it is not important from where I get the knowledge. I don't even care anymore. I would just anonymously asking the help of religious figures around to be my teachers after I finish everything and I am still not completing my Quranic memorization. I feel so sad and disappointed with myself as I thought I could finish memorization in this period of studies because post-graduate is actually a mask for me to study Quran but I paid everything for that by borrowing others'. I guess I am a fool myself because it is just not-necessary to be burdened like this to memorize Quran. I'm crying like a fool while writing this diary for my foolishness, hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha... Ya Allah :'( :'(
Now, it is not important from where I get the knowledge. I don't even care anymore. I would just anonymously asking the help of religious figures around to be my teachers after I finish everything and I am still not completing my Quranic memorization. I feel so sad and disappointed with myself as I thought I could finish memorization in this period of studies because post-graduate is actually a mask for me to study Quran but I paid everything for that by borrowing others'. I guess I am a fool myself because it is just not-necessary to be burdened like this to memorize Quran. I'm crying like a fool while writing this diary for my foolishness, hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha... Ya Allah :'( :'(
Introduction
Remembering death is always a quality of a faithful believer because faithful believer believes that everything in his hand or material world will not last long. So, I bring this post forward firstly for myself and then to others who choose this Path of paupers and the meek brought into light again through the prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w. I just read an article about Ibnu Taimiyyah who is a Hanbali scholar in which I decided to be attached to this school of jurisprudence because baba Abdul Qadir Jailani was also a Hanbali and it makes me easier to understand the tasawwuf teachings according to the school of jurisprudence. Besides I am an ordinary fan of baba Abdul Qadir but I don't like anything associated to exorcism discussions or mysticism stuffs. Some of those Tabligh kids who came to me and asking me about why I am sitting alone and chanting a long chain of "words" then trying to associate it with "magical" stuffs would just make me feel nauseated because I can't suddenly scold people for such assumption and thinking but I feel like I wanted to slap their face. I don't like these kind of questions nor do I like to speak about it. We emphasize on the basis of faith and practices and everything should start from the beginning. Not from above.
Definition of Barzakh
What is برزخ Barzakh dear brothers and sisters in faith? It means a state where the soul of the deceased transferring across the boundaries of mortal realm into the rest before the Resurrection. Reference to this is in Surah al-Mu'minun or the Divine Letter of the Faithful Believers in verse 100:
Lord says through prophet Muhammad s.a.w tongue: "So that may I work righteousness in the things I neglected. By no means! It is a word, but a word he says. Before them is a partition till the Day they are raised up."
This verse in the surah actually refers to the prophecy about those who do not believe at the time death is touching them. Their soul will talk and the God is telling us the discourse of the souls with Him. The souls are asking and weeping to the Lord asking Him to return them to the life so may they perform obedience and righteousness but the chance is only once in this lifetime but never afterlife. Urmm, I don't know how to simplify this in other words. But this could also be known as afterlife. In Roman Catholicism Christianity (RC), perhaps they employ the word purgatorium to explain about this state. I'll try to check RC texts again and asking pastors if I have the time.
Steps into the Barzakh
1. Soul will be separated from physical body.
Soul will be separated and hovers over the body. I had seen many deaths around and I actually will quickly respond to people when they call me to visit a dead person as compared to matrimonial or any other occasions. I went to a relative funeral and saw fishes in the aquarium beside the deceased are staring at a side. It's not only a fish but I counted, there are about six goldfishes in the aquarium with other countless smaller fishes staring only at an angle of the aquarium facing the deceased. I don't know if they saw something, but usually fishes would just swimming here and there without anything happen except if we knock at the tank. I observed it with two of my sisters while others did not notice it perhaps they are too busy to manage the deceased. I saw people at their deathbeds too either in their house or at hospitals.If we do not see these, perhaps we would feel comfortable with life and thinking that we are going to live forever.
2. Self-review of one's actions in deeds in one's life
Last few weeks earlier I went to Golden Screen Cinema (GSC) and watching a movie about wolves something with little sister. It's title is the Grey about a group of wolf-hunters who were involved in a plane-crash due to blizzards somewhere in Alaska. There are also scenes about people before their death where they would reflect everything in their life whether they love it or hate it. In the movie it only shows those people reflecting whatever that they love coming to invite them. My second sister had also experienced this when she fallen down due to slippery floor in the UIA masjid during Ramadan after breaking her fast. She told me that, she suddenly feeling like she was going to collapsed and can't open up her eyes. Then a chain of memory like flashes comes like a screen and she could clearly see the moments when she was born until she slipped down. Few minutes later she comes into her consciousness while there was nobody there. However, she is still alive until today and she is a fan of the late Mr. Hassan al-Banna and Dr. Tariq Ramadan. This topic of death always come to our mind and we talk about this when we reflect about our evil deeds everyday whether we realize them or not.
3. The soul rests in an inter-space where one will experience a manifestation of one's soul resulting in a cold and deep sleep state waiting for the Resurrection and Judgement.
I am still alive and I never experience this so I can't tell anything about the situation while only being in the state of soul except I had few dreams like I met the soul of my "late maternal grandfather". I don't know if that was a demon in disguise who suddenly appears in my dream to deflect me because I was already a non-believer but I could still clearly remember until now.
It is like in Charlie Chaplin movie as to describe how it looks like for the vision in the dream. Everything is black and white as what we could see in old films. His attire is a white robe with a white turban tied like the Iranian Shi'a Imams but the difference is only in color. He didn't say any word to me but trying to embrace me while his eyes are full of tears but he failed to embrace me each time he came close to me like there was a transparent glass blocking him from coming close to me but I saw no such thing as a glass in between us.
I had an issue with him before his death. That is the time when I was in the reflection process where I decided to learn about Islam again and performing the basis of religion which I mentioned in previous posts in hadith of archangel Gabriel a.s reported by Omar bin al-Khattab r.a but I didn't entirely repenting because I still have doubt. When I went to pilgrimage, I still didn't talk with him but only remained silent because I feel tired to deal with people including I was also angry with my mum for registering my name without asking me (since I wasn't a believer). I do not only behaved like that to him but also to most of my maternal relatives since most of them in the village were slandering us as neglecting grandparents but the fact was that, they were those who never really care about grandparents. I wish Allah forgives my grandparents and be Merciful to their souls either in maternal or paternal sides. I didn't mean to hurt them. I wanted to apologize to them if I was wrong but they are now already gone. I always saying prayers for them and apologize to them after prayer services :'(
It is like in Charlie Chaplin movie as to describe how it looks like for the vision in the dream. Everything is black and white as what we could see in old films. His attire is a white robe with a white turban tied like the Iranian Shi'a Imams but the difference is only in color. He didn't say any word to me but trying to embrace me while his eyes are full of tears but he failed to embrace me each time he came close to me like there was a transparent glass blocking him from coming close to me but I saw no such thing as a glass in between us.
I had an issue with him before his death. That is the time when I was in the reflection process where I decided to learn about Islam again and performing the basis of religion which I mentioned in previous posts in hadith of archangel Gabriel a.s reported by Omar bin al-Khattab r.a but I didn't entirely repenting because I still have doubt. When I went to pilgrimage, I still didn't talk with him but only remained silent because I feel tired to deal with people including I was also angry with my mum for registering my name without asking me (since I wasn't a believer). I do not only behaved like that to him but also to most of my maternal relatives since most of them in the village were slandering us as neglecting grandparents but the fact was that, they were those who never really care about grandparents. I wish Allah forgives my grandparents and be Merciful to their souls either in maternal or paternal sides. I didn't mean to hurt them. I wanted to apologize to them if I was wrong but they are now already gone. I always saying prayers for them and apologize to them after prayer services :'(
It happens during Ramadan when I was a third year undergraduate student in the university at my hostel known as Desa Aman (year 2008/2009). My roommate at that time was abe Mijie from Kuala Qirai of Kelantan. I had fallen asleep after Taraweekh optional prayer services because I was too tired walking to masjid besides the pressures due to the end-term project so I had fallen asleep just after I arrived to the room. When I came into consciousness the time shows that it was around 22:00-23:00. Then Mijie entering the room and shouting to me: "Hoh, N**** dok gi maye terawehhhh!!!!" - (You didn't perform Taraweekh service!!!!). I felt like to answer him, its optional to be performed in masjid with the congregation though I went to the masjid and returned to the room earlier before others. I just performed it eight units of prayer services with masjid's congregation but I just think, never mind. I need to quickly perform prayers for grandpa and grandma though only "grandpa" appears in my dream.
Most of times, I also cried at the stairs of masjid, under trees behind the masjid, and at the bench in front of the School of Computer Science just beside the masjid two or three hours before Fajr prayer services since I was an undergraduate student because I was alone. Nobody from Pusat Islam nor Tabligh member including my Tablighi cousins care to approach me because I just wear normal attire and sometimes I look like a messy poor kid, religiously dumb and non-religious mingling with ungodly people. I just didn't know where should I talk to so I decided to befriend with the God and leaving human-being behind.
Urmm, now I feel ashamed that perhaps others might read or see this site because I had given the link to some of them as I just don't want to slander or backbiting them because sometimes I used their real names in this side when referring to them but I would never include any pictures of people whom I talking about unless if I talk good things about them. Who cares, if I did wrong in this side please inform me I will right away and sincerely apologize. Nobody would ever see me anymore after once they meet me. I wish it so since I don't want to see anyone who knows me anymore. If I could disappear like a wind it would be very nice.
Stages of Life and Soul
I think I also heard about this when I listened to lectures about the afterlife. Teachers mentioned to us about the stages of life and soul. Soul will be blown to the fetus in the womb according to the decree of the God and it is known as the stage of the womb. It will open up the stage of the life of human-being.
Before that the souls who are candidates to be born as human had already promised to their Lord that they would be in the Path of Righteousness and Nature: the Path of the God (Islam). But when they were blown into the womb and born into the stage of mortal, their environment, parents, desires and physical craving would be influencing them. The God also sends His Mercy and Guidance to human-being in physical world. He also protects babies and teaches babies how to walk to eat, to speak and to drink which are basics of human-life.
The stage of mortal world is since a person is born and to his deathbed. Then it would be the stage of grave and the soul will be in the Barzakh. The physical body will lay numb after the soul leaves the physical body. That is when we see deaths. The Resurrection will mark the stage of eternity. The Judgement will happen and the Compensation will be done through His Will. I think I had also discussed about spirits and soul with some Christian friends of mine but now I had lost my contact with them after I repent. Now, I don't really closely make friends with people. I am trying to find the reference for this stages of life too.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!
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