Thursday, 5 January 2012

Finish Repeating Exam

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Quite relieved for a moment, I have just finished the final exam for this repeating paper. Though I just shoot those answers like a nut but at least I answered them all and I did all of the homework given by the lecturer. Our lecturer and course coordinator had warned us about the delaying of thesis submitting might cause us being stamped as fail. I borrowed my sister's money and also parents so I must not let their money go in vain or else I won't forgive myself for wasting them. I must send the complete thesis to coordinator by 23rd April 2012 if I wanted to grad this December so I would try to finish it according to time. I need to put my reliance to Allah and trust Him as the Guide and I must try to keep my life in compliance with Quranic and Sunnah teachings.

Sadly, two of our seniors which are auntie Roslin and Tirawud had already been eliminated because their due date for thesis had came to the end but they produced nothing. Auntie Roslin just answered the repeat paper with us for her third times. I feel sorry for her at her age now probably around early 60's just the same age as my mum and she has no one to tell about her problem. I sometimes facing this kind of problem and few friends also being my victims. I will always apologize to friends. I don't try to burden you people I love you people just like I love prophet Muhammad s.a.w, his family, his companions, and the disciples. 

I just want to talk about my problem and not asking them to help me only listen and take lessons if what I did was wrong because I don't want people to experience same bad thing. I don't feel comfortable to talk to Pusat Islam brothers or Tabligh brothers though I love them. I also go to masjid and crying to the God lamenting my weak time and feeling useless. This new year, I am already 26 by Gregorian calender. By Lunar calender, I am older than that but still I look like a young kid perhaps because of my physical, haha.

I meet new kids again this semester because this is the first semester for new intake. As always if we go to musalla we are also friends to those in there. I don't want to talk with people after an incident with Tabligh kids there that made me try to keep a distance from them. Actually those kids had disturbed my meditation and concentration because I made vows to recite holy verses even mentally and when people keep coming close it makes my concentration distracted. I love to see devotion in young kids but I don't disturb people meditating, praying, or making supplications and that makes me not talking much in the mosque or musalla as a sign of respect to the Owner of the House. Perhaps they think I am arrogant but as to say we can't stop people from thinking. That is their right. I only talk with people one by one and not in a group. In Malay there is a slang word sounds like menchapub which is a short form of mencari publisiti (publicity seeker). I am not that kind of person, I am not a good politician. I only work behind the scene I don't need people to notice me and that's why I only have few friends. I had already experienced my freshman years and also my schooling time. Most of them are painful experience as far as I could remember. I know little kids way of thinking though they might be bigger than me in physical term. Another thing I don't like when talking with kids is that they would associate things like dzikrs or religious disciplines with magic like flying with the wind and kashaf stuffs. We are practical people, there is no such thing only Allah is All-Powerful. Those kashaf whatever things are not important. We strive to be sincere to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla and trying to be a servant and a slave to please Him. 

Some more comments to all Muslim brothers and sisters. We avoid slandering people so we don't talk about things we do not know. In this sense, I don't try to defend ahli kitab or people of scriptures. We have heard rumors about people drink holy water in church and their tongue became hardened and could not recite testimony of faith. Or tongue becoming black in color after drinking holy water after being forced. I had already entered churches and also temples. I went to pray in Buddhist temples when I was an ignorant kid and listened to Buddhism lectures. Now I am a Muslim and I try hard to be a loyal Muslim and sincere to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. I still visit temples and also churches but I feel nothing anymore. I pray for people and other fellow creatures there to receive the mercy to the world. Nobody there force me to knelt down or drinking holy water or taking sacraments in churches. If we are honest Muslims, we must strive hard and do not even bother about what people wanted to say about our devotion to Allah 'Azza wa Jalla and obeying the teachings transmitted through His messenger and slave, Muhammad s.a.w. We only talk about what we know because prophet Muhammad s.a.w only talk about anything being revealed and not from his own desire. When people of the scripture asked him regarding issue, he only answer once the revelation descends to him. I am sure many beloved Muslim brothers and sisters know about this incident.

Then I also had my dinner at Chinese rice shop at our canteen. I know the son of the shop owner and he cooked also at another stall near our language center here. I asked him and he tell me that his rice is halal with a Muslim cooker. A brother from China had also asked and he told me the same thing but he never eat there. I also don't want him to have his meals there afraid that Malay students might misunderstood him. It is not good for him. I only take vegetarian stuffs there. Even if I am at Malay restaurants, I would also ask for vegetarian meal and sometimes they put stuffs like squid, prawn, and other elements which could be considered as not favorable according to my manhaj. But because they are Muslim/Malay, I still tolerate them and not complaining. Few days before I finally give up and had my meals at Chinese stall, I had also talked with new a new freshman kid which happens to be a Malay. He asked about the Halal status of the Chinese shop. For me, if you feel doubtful, don't ever touch them. I am certain about the status so I have it there plus I don't really feel accustomed to Penang Malay style of cooking or Mamak style of cooking. My mum sometimes used to cook peranakan Chinese cuisine at home and we seldom have curry like most normal Northern people. We eat raw vegetables and Chinese style pickles like poor people. Only dad love to eat meat, few sisters of mine also have fish. I don't take fish at all to avoid from ritual impurity.  

This few months I had not been talking in Malay but only in English or Chinese. Feel quite slow to speak in formal Malay but I still can speak in bahasa Kedah fluently, hahaha. I found that we are fond with this language and we preserve old words just like olden days as compared to fellow Malays. I try to access hadith translation in Chinese but I can't found any. Anyone could suggest to me if you happen to step by in this side? If there is no translation then I might have to initiate important parts in Chinese as compared to English. Malay speaking people are blessed with kitabs and translation made by local students in the Middle East. But Chinese is an isolated language. It is not easy to translate and transliterate Arabic words into Chinese characters. I encourage Muslim Chinese students in our university to learn more Malay though its not in syllabus while they are here because of religious purpose. Certain things are preserved in Malay language other than Arabic, Persian, Urdu, and Turkish. Apart of Yemeni-Hadrami community also contributed into the translation of kitabs in term of sufism and tasawwuf for practices of heart purification in South East Asia. I just read about Wang Daiyu last few months and he inspired me too. I have the same belief like him. We need local stuffs in Chinese instead of those in Arabic for people to understand better and bring them into practice. However my Chinese language is not high Chinese but only communicative Chinese at primary school level, hahaha. Ya Allah, help me to find way how should I improve my Chinese. I had almost forgotten Chinese when I befriend Malay kids from Kedah during degree times. Thanks to Muslim Chinese brothers here I revived it again in myself. People at home most of all had abandoned Chinese (in form of dialect: Fujian and Canton). Last time, even my paternal uncle (of Arab-Gujarat descent) could speak in local Fujianese dialect due to business ties. I took the pain to learn Chinese Orthodox writing and later learning Simplified one but I don't know how to write it just reading.  

Hope to finish studies as quick as possible. I don't want to chase any paper qualification. I want to receive Allah's blessings and pleasure. That's all I want. The period is almost to end just we don't know when. Nothing to chase except His Kingdom, Hail be to You dear Lord of the Universe!

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

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