Movie: Beck Mongolian Chop Squad
Ughhh, I don't really like doing proof reading or checking others' grammar especially when I have to read others' thesis and dissertation which is not related to my field of study but I've got no choice. It's apart of sustenance given by the Lord but the way needs me to work hard a bit and increasing the power of my spectacles.
Yesterday, younger sister called me and ask me whether I would like to receive the task helping her friend from Mara University. I actually do not really feel like checking it though she is willing to pay me because I am still busy researching for my own thesis. But the friend had also texts me saying that she's desperate for her grammar to be checked so I just agreed. Just taking minimum payment though I actually could charge more because I check her thesis the whole day and sending it before the dateline. Feel like vomiting reading the thesis for management in accountancy. Last time I helped third sister to write her nursing management when she cried to me. Now, when I am crying everyone is leaving me except Him. I understood now how grandpa feels when he was facing the state of sakarat al-mawt (before death). Poor grandpa, I will pray for you to be forgiven and blessed everyday, inshaallah. I always wish for your happiness there hoping that you are also forgiving me.
I had wrongly sent messages and calling to wrong numbers yesterday during the moon eclipse. Urghh, this is so annoying. I mean sometimes in few months I might have some nervous break down and I feel like dreaming while I am not sleeping. I hope people are not annoyed too. I didn't manage to go for the masjid for maghrib prayer service. I don't know, right now I feel that I don't want people around to see me because I think I wanted to disappear just like our mother, Maryam the mother of the Christ expressed her feelings during she was in pregnancy carrying the Christ after the Anunciation (surah Maryam verse 23).
Managed to go for the masjid only after maghrib service prayer and waiting for ishaa' service. Feel more tranquil there rather than praying in musalla because I can hide behind pillars and Quran racks so nobody would notice my pathetic face. I love the musalla at the hostel but I feel it sometimes too packed and people perhaps might need more spaces for them to also pray. It is actually a good thing to see the congregation grows in the musalla so sometimes I must give up some space for others to come. I also feel I can't see people face because I am afraid I might make people feel annoyed. While waiting for ishaa' I felt thirsty and thought of buying some water outside because I don't take masjid's property. I only use masjid's property for ritual and not for myself. Then I went to a restaurant and ended up trying some ginger dumpling soup, hahahahaha. I think its quite spicy because of the effect from ginger with some longan. I thought that they put seafood in the dumpling so I was terrified. I haven't joined the prayer service in masjid yet at that time and I would have to perform ghusl if I take seafood to be free from impurity. Luckily that it was only sesame paste fillings in glutinous white dumpling ball.
I watched few Japanese movies and other movies of other languages too while I feel bored looking at thesis. For example, BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad and I think my life is just the same like those boring people in the movies. That BECK: Mongolian Chop Squad is adapted from anime about a boring retarded 16 years old Japanese boy called Koyuki in Upper Secondary School who feels that his life is all the same and being bullied in his school by a group of pathetic punks until he meets a singer and he learned how to be a performer on stage. It reminds me of myself but I was not a retarded guy. I technically become a retard just now after I have to read these unnecessary policies stuffs and I think it makes my head retarded than ever, lol. It also reminds me at the time where I learned about Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Guns 'n' Roses, and others during my first year freshman in the university from my colleague and the first person to talk with me, Amir.
I won't let myself being bullied so easily like that Koyuki guy in the movie. I was a very hostile young boy who never follow trends or people around. Perhaps Hadrami blood in me makes me quite volatile sometimes. I might be tiny but I don't care about what will happen if I am pissed off. I don't know what our noble prophet, Muhammad s.a.w feels when he had also to isolate himself in the Hiraa' cave during Meccan period. Whenever I remember about him I will also recite salawat and birkat to him and his family and companions though never in person meet him. It teaches me to be patient and reminds me to morality teachings of the God transmitted by him.
Need to have some walk down there getting some fresh air before some sleep. Waaa, my waist feels like broken sitting in lotus position for long-checking this sister's thesis.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!