Alhamdulillah, I had just settled matters with the God which is salat al-'Isya' (night prayer service). I feel very much relieved because I didn't late to see Him for the service : ) Not so many people in masjid today perhaps it is weekend so people would spend more time with family or friends at home or in other places. I had just get an idea to do physical exercise to maintain health. I can use Tamil song videos to work on physical movement because they have lots of ideas regarding choreography, hahahaahaha. What can I lose if I try... I am just alone in the room so nobody would laugh at me if I use Tamil movie scenes to jog.
Oh yeah, I went to bookstores too at Sungai Dua and I saw many interesting textbooks such as Social Research by Earl Babbie, Sociology Essentials by Anderson Taylor, Introduction to Social Studies, Human Communication, Microeconomics, Management of Strategy and Concepts, Ayurveda (Indian Traditional Medicine Studies), Medical and Nature, and other religious books. I have got no enough money to purchase them for personal references. Only if I found them earlier, perhaps I could also excel in examinations because I could understand basic principles from textbooks before reaching other journals and articles for applications.
In the end I just bought a book about wudhu' which its title is translated as Characteristics of Wudhu' from Sunnah written by Abu Ezzat al-Mubarak. I had saw many other series but I think wudhu' is also important. I love religious science but nowadays I think religious science is only my dream since I am not suitable to be one of the student for religious science. There are many obstacles but at least I try to approach Him. Does not matter if He hates me, He has every right to hate me but I will still pray for Mercy and Love on everyone and also for myself. I just wanted to remind myself and beloved brethren... we just appreciate whatever that we have even if we think that it is lame and does not look great like others. Because perhaps it is better for us.
I always feel down when I am among people. I don't know perhaps my past experience and treatment received had made me turning to be like this. I think that I don't deserve to be around people or even being seen. When I watched a Korean movie called 3 Iron which is about a loner guy who could make himself invisible, I was so curious to know how did he do that???! I wanted to be like that!!!
Now let us scan what had we done last Thursday...
Thursday, 14 Zulhijjah 1432 H (10 Nov 2011) 9:20 am
Pusat Sejahtera which is the Health Center in USM
I went for dentistry to remove the plaque at my lower front teeth. In the beginning I thought that the previous dentist who dealt with my wisdom tooth suggested me to repair my upper wisdom tooth but when I arrived at the dentistry another dentist and her assistant just removed my plaque. I felt my head giggled when the machine working and I only think that it could thrust my head so I said my testimony of faith to the God and His messenger and seal of prophethood, Muhammad s.a.w.
I actually hate clinics or hospital and always try to avoid from sickness because I don't want to be admitted to hospital. My dad was actually a heart disease patient. We had cried when he was admitted into hospital around the year 2000 and he had underwent bypass surgery. Human life is not always a happy life. We always have to face trials and tribulations where He taught us to be patient and to pray to Him for Mercy and Love. Many times dad was admitted to hospitals because he also refused to be admitted to hospital each time he was attacked by the heart disease. When I studied in upper secondary school and silently observing Buddhism, he was also attacked by stroke.
Passage to dentistry
In Ramadan 2010, dad once again was attacked by stroke which makes him paralyzed at his right side. He can't pronounce words properly and his right hand can't moves. Before he was attacked by stroke he came to me and stayed in my previous room. He actually loves to have his meal in mamak restaurants and that's why I am so angry with mamak restaurants. They cook things without sincerity and it caused diseases to customers. In Islam, business is for community service and survival. Business and trade is not for excessive benefits which tyrannize community! I can't do anything to prevent dad from mamak restaurant since it became his habit and perhaps other Malaysians as well. Be careful with what you have brethren and I think having meals that we cook ourselves are much better than having them at restaurants or hawkers. In this campus, I have no choice because we don't have stove nor kitchen. In maqasid shar'iyyah (methods of deriving legality of acts and stuffs), we do not only observe halal slaughtering for meat or do not take pork and parts of swine as food but we also check other aspects as well. If the preparations of food is harmful for health, and ingredients are harmful then it is classified as haram (illegal). We are very discreet even in term of politeness toward customers and services. That's why some Muslim teachers of mine who went to Japan said that Japanese had observed Islamic values while most of them are not Muslims because those values are actually "the nature" of human-being. I was not surprised when I heard that because I believe in those values and believe that they should be implemented in society. Not just being discussed and left without any implementation.
School of Physics
Some of those Tabligh kids who approached me last time were students from this school, haha. I don't think that I am worth to be around them because I am not a student who excel well in academics since schooling time. I'm just a human-being who deserves no recognition nor important in this world. Perhaps they are from those schools such as Mara Lower Science Institute (MRSM) before they attend the university without non-Malay students because non-malay students usually are not supported by government so they felt weird to see a "Malay" who speaks in Chinese and do not behave like a Malay. It is because I am not a Malay but a "Malayanized" person. We were forced to be ones because we have no place to go. If I lived a happy life or my life working on smoothly perhaps I don't try to find my ancestral root like other Malay-Arabs but unfortunately we do not live happy life since the time of our grandparents. Even I came to the extend that I tried to lose my Islamic identity because I hate how people looking down on others and actually selfish despite talking about the Greatness of Islam and we are holy, others are filthy swine-eaters, ungodly people... They just talk and talk but never walk the talk even they do not look at things discreetly including the soul and environment around which by the God is called as fitrah (the nature) : )
We live in the world as travelers who have no original homeland, and that explains why I understand how Jews and Chinese compatriots feel when people spew things like "lu India, lu Cina balik negeri lu lar!" (you Indian, you Chinese go home to your homeland!). I am not supporting the killings and tyranny toward human-being but there are many people who have no homelands like Jews for example the Kurdish, the Armenian, the Rauhingya, the Southern Thais and others. Their lands were absorbed into other countries and nations. Racism is something which is used to justify nationalism. It is proved as bringing harms to human-being and the environment because human will spill blood because of it. In shariah, it is haram (illegal) and must be uprooted because it is evil!
Above this building was our Global Political Economy (IPE) class, it is in opposite to School of Physics
Anyway, this school of physics is just in opposite to the health center. In front of this school is a part of Hamzah Sendut I library. We used to have our Global Political Economy class at the upper level of the library with Dr. Zainal Abiddin during our second semester.
The backyard of Hamzah Sendut I library
So, anyone who have some nostalgia in USM may take a look at those pictures. Perhaps there are many pictures regarding this institution but I just keep some of them here for those who have no camera or video with them. There was also a Malay movie I guess its title is "Ali Setan" took its setting in this institution. Last time when I was a first degree student many of those first year degree students played the movie. Many Kelantanese students too and most of them were students in the School of Humanities taking courses such as History or Geography. Some were in School of Education.
My ex-roommate brother Zaidi was from School of Education. I know he is a quiet person but he didn't want to talk with me... Maybe I treated him wrongly or maybe I looked like a weird guy. I'm sorry brother Zaidi if I wronged you though you may not read it here. Sometimes, people would look at me like an ignorant person or impolite because people always saw me with "naughty" students or students who have no "good/religious" friends. I tried to bring them to Him while nobody wants them and I could not showing up myself as an orthodox Muslim nor supporting Muslim Students Association in the light. I am actually supporting the Islamic Center though I do not join any association. I sincerely apologize even after many times I apologized to you and others dear brother :'(
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!