Zulqa'ida : Pilgrimage Month and My Return

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

 

Perhaps people might feel weird if stumbled around here and seeing that I keep talking and posting videos about Hajj pilgrimage in the Holy City, Mecca during this coming season. Although I am not joining the pilgrimage this year, I feel like our patriarch Abraham a.s is calling me to join the season. It is the place where I made my vow and asking the God and His angels witnessing me with His commandments.

Before that mum had actually registered my name as her legal companion to the holy city. But she did not mention anything to me. She had already talked about this since many years ago. Only around the end of 2005 she began to suddenly tell me that I was named as her companion. I was so outraged. I didn't have enough preparation and I just said my witness on my faith to the God and prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w again. At that time I did not properly performed repentance and still analyzing Quranic exegesis and teachings while I am alone.  I had done nothing in a year time except looking at Quranic exegesis written by various teachers such as al-Hajj Abdul Malik Amrullah from Indonesia. I read Quran and Quranic translations. By the time I performed pilgrimage, I was 19 years old of age.

The event where I failed my SPM (O-Level) had actually affected me and made me think after I tried to commit suicide. I tried to perform tapas according to Buddhism and Hinduism and I locked myself in room just after I returned from taking my SPM result. I didn't drink nor eat for many days. I didn't mix with people around anymore. I hope to be born in the land of Brahmas (spirits). My family didn't realize it. Few days later mum first realized it and she tried to open up my room with an axe after they can't find me anywhere. After that, I slowly began to open up religious books. I mean Islamic ones. I had been reading and silently practiced Buddhism for more than 3 years which began since I was 13 years old.

Many things happened since the past and it keeps going. I was ignorant at that time I performed pilgrimage. Even I prayed falsely, recite everything falsely as I had forgotten many things and that was by my own choice. I started again from the scratch and teaching myself. Then I memorized again everything including recitations and pronunciations of supplications.

I remember I met a Pakistani guy whose name is 'Arif and he is a nice guy. At that time, I guess he is around 25 years old and he suddenly talked with me in Arabic. I could understand him because I still speak some Arabic with myself after I stopped religious schooling when I was 16 years old. He did not answer me where he live when I asked him. I tried to find him after I performed tawwaf (circumambulation) to mingle longer with him and he just fade away like wind. We talked about faith which relates practices and how faith could prevent us from disgusting acts in the gap time between Dzuhr and 'Asr prayer services in Masjidil Haram. I learned from him that ijazat (certification) and standard of knowledge do not really have to be imprinted in paper. It is in our understanding, memory and practices : )

I have many nice experience and mingled with people around the Holy City. I talked with Patanese driver uncle who becomes our guide. I also talked with the guy at the muassasah (foundation) who was a guard there. He is not a native Saudi but a Bangladeshi or perhaps an Indian. I talked with few Keralite Indian workers at the construction site of muassasah in Ajyad Road. One of those workers is Ashraf. We exchanged some cultural common traits like languages where I know few Tamil words and he taught me how to count in Malayalam. I didn't really talk with those uncles who were my roommates. I always went out from the muassasah to the Masjidil Haram and looking at environment around. I actually performed the strictest pilgrimage observance which is called as Hajj Ifrad and many of those who performed another medium observance of Hajj Tamattu' had wear normal attire. I was in my ihram until the day of 'Arafah. Ihram is two white garments. We can not wear any other sewn clothes unless if we perform tahallul (legalization acts) and completed all manasik according to our intention. I know that prophet Muhammad s.a.w had forbidden his nations to perform strict observance but I felt guilty that I had gone astray from the path of father Abraham a.s. So, I wanted to seek for forgiveness from the God. 

I found that food hardly rotten in the Holy City Mecca. Perhaps it is because of the climate at that time. It was winter there but no snow. The temperature in the day was like 23 degree celcius and 16 degree celcius in early evening. I met many Muslim Chinese brethren no matter they are from Gansu or from Xinjiang. Some of them are from Shandong. I mingled with their groups during I wandered alone in the Masjidil Haram. They are very high in discipline compared to other brethren from Western part of the World like Afghanistan, India, and etc. I also find Taiwanese brethren groups. They are all nice and polite people. I think that both China and Taiwan should be proud of their Muslim communities. They are ambassadors of Eastern Asia where I wish that His assistance of Mercy and Peace would come from the East. I also pray for Japanese brethren may the Lord protect them and their motherland.

I also made friend with an Uyghur who sold tablecloth at another side of Masjidil Haram. We have to speak in Chinese due to that he is from China and it makes us more comfortable rather than using Arabic. We are not even Han ethnic whose language we used to begin with and it was very weird, hahaaha.... I didn't eat much during rituals were going on. I only grab my Quran and recite it when I was in my room. I managed to memorized a parah (section) of Quran or Juzu' no.16. It consists of stories about Moses a.s and Jesus Christ with his beloved mother, Maryam al-'Adzraa. I still recite those suras in the juzu' after I return to homeland. Many places that we visited in both respected and legal areas. We had also meditated in 'Arafah and I also discussed and asking for kitabs (books) regarding fiqh jurisprudence from religious polices there. Some of them were nice to me, and polite. It is different from other stories that I heard about them. Maybe different person experience different things : )

I had no camera with me because my pilgrimage suddenly happened. Well, someone had asked me whether I wanted my pic and mum to be recorded in camera during in 'Arafah but I refused it. Let it be a memory in my mind and practices of noble life. I actually could grab meanings of the manasik (rituals) we observed in the Holy City, Mecca. All of them make me fall in love with father Abraham a.s and Ismael a.s. I also learned about Hagar hardships to survive in a wild condition. How our forefathers resist satan tried to deceive them from their Love to the God with the attachment to the world. 

I had got a feeling that I must continue my STPM (A-Level) when I was in the Holy City. It just came passing by my mind and I spontaneously called my younger sister at home to help me with registration. Before pilgrimage event, I was registered for about a year in the so-called Sekolah Bestari, Putrajaya Precint 8th where I was blasted by a teacher and I tried to shift to another class but it took me time while the teacher was always targeting me for no reason. 

I had stopped from the school and did nothing at home until mum notified me about pilgrimage that made me feel so afraid as I did not properly repent from my deflected 'aqidah (creed) and practices. That's why I was so angry. After I returned home, I registered for the examination with Shari'ah and Arabic as the addition. I registered that in order that I perhaps could get a place in Mecca again or maybe I could go to Egypt or Yemen to receive proper religious science knowledge again. But I didn't manage to do well as I didn't do that properly and I only registered for the subject after a year which means I had no enough time for preparation. However, I was satisfied because I could do something which is beneficial for myself. I could understand what is Shariah Islamiah (Divine Islamic Way of Life) and I finally understand what is sunnah and traditions of prophets. I was also interviewed by two ustads for my Arabic oral test and they were both fun to talk with. I enjoy discussing matters with them and I recited few Quranic verse for them to listen and I talked about how to save money according to the topic given by them. Too bad I didn't pass my Arabic poetry paper and I slept after I can't answer them, hahahaha.

After that I also began to read ancient and classical Arabic poems of famous Arabic poets such as Qiss bin Sa'eda of Najran. He was a Christian wise man of Southern Saudi today. I'm not sure about what denomination he was because he live before prophet Muhammad s.a.w being raised and those in Najran perhaps were Nestorians or Myaphisites. Nestorians were those with Hristo Tokos controversy. Hristo Tokos is a reference to Maryam al-'Adzraa, the mother of Jesus Christ which means the mother of the Christ. Early Christians were arguing about whether referring to Maryam as Hristo Tokos (mother of the Christ) or Theo Tokos (mother of God) in their prayers. I had read few parts of Christological arguments among Church Fathers and Bishops including those being sent by some Orthodox Christian friends. Those thing were just a waste of time to be debated until it became so dogmatic, hahahaaha. It is also mentioned by the God in surah Maryam verse 37-38.      

May the God forgive me my sins if I did anything wrong during the rituals. Please forgive my mum's sins too and bless her. Bless my dad and protect everyone with health. Forgive our grandparents sins and protect them their souls in the life behind the curtain. May the God our Lord bless our ancestors : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!