I saw that the Amir Sahab who is a management lecturer in the university persuaded that Firdaus guy and his two friends, he said that these kids have four months break but as far as I know, these kids are already now in their last semester in the university. They had also got the job offer and they must be committed with it. I talked with cadre Firdaus through email and also through messenger. I was just encouraging him to learn about life and to accept the job. Don't totally listen to what their Amir Sahab said to them but follow what their heart said and discussing the matter with their family or parents. He had also talked with his parents, and I am glad that he still could wisely think about it.
We are not leaving our responsibility in da'awa to the religion even when we are working. Each time we show our akhlak (morality) and performing our responsibilities be they in the form of act of worship or daily job, we are also performing da'awa. Although I felt so sad because this kid is among those who were eager to 'persuade' me into their jama'at (congregation) membership but he had also left me in blurry without notifying me about the job that they had applied. Maybe they have their own reason but I think that it is also bad to play with brothers' or sisters' in faith feeling especially with the Name of God and religious work. For me, these two things are important matters no matter what affiliations we are from especially after my repentance.
For two nights in the center, I was just surviving by taking dates and drinking water from the machine outside the mosque. I tried to avoid tray rice and they had fishes. Fish is a big no for me unless I could see large scales on the fish. I actually felt guilty for taking the property of community from the mosque and it is in my vein. I had violated the sunnah and now I tried to strictly recapturing them but it turns out that I still have to violate them. I could not imagine of taking dates in 40 days khuruj with them because I need to be really neat with what I eat and take from others. I saw some of these people did not sleep at night, I guess we do not have to over-performing the act of worship.
I had read about the incident of Abu Darda' and Salman al-Farisi about Qiyaamullail (closest equivalent to night vigil). Abu Darda' is one of zealous companions of prophet Muhammad (saw). He always performing optional fastings and prayers. Salman told Abu Ad-Darda that Allah has a right on him, his soul also has a right on him, his family has a right on him. He should give rights of all those who has a right on him. Abu Darda' later met the prophet (saw) and narrated the whole story and the prophet (saw) said that Salman indeed has spoken the truth.
I was also left alone by cadre Husaimi in the center after another Amir Sahab persuaded him to shift to India for four months khuruj rather than performing 40 days khuruj (outing). I was like speechless because the cadre has no cash in his hand to purchase flight ticket, they might need RM 4,000 for two ways ticket and some cash in hand to survive there. The boy had called his mother and had a long conversation, I guess his mother would not allow him to have so much money in a flash of the lightning!
It is not an easy money, if it is according to normal human-being way of speech. They said that they would borrow him money. But if I am the boy, I would refuse the persuasion because firstly it is not good to develop borrowing stuffs behavior and flawing our dignity and secondly we should also look at our ability and availibity. We are still students and there are many alternatives for us in performing da'awa to our selves or to others. The boy however was influenced and I could see that he is in high spirit, so I am in no way to weaken his spirit. May Allah protects him his departure and arrival. May he also returns safe and sound with His permission.
This task should not be a temporary burden but a responsibility in anytime. We should do it according to our ability and responsibility or roles. That day when Husaimi was persuaded, is the third day I was in the Sri Petaling markaz (center). I just grabbed my bag and calling my mother and my younger sister. I told them that I am so sorry. I was in the markaz without clearly telling them and to please fetch me home. I felt that it is more than enough to know this movement. I do not think that I would be a life member of the movement but sticking to my principle as a lay Muslim without any classification based on any congregational tag. I had also said to Husaimi that I need to leave because my lecturer had suddenly changed our appointment date, but that is just a formality to leave in polite way. I do not feel comfortable to do that, but I do not want they to think otherwise especially when they had put me into a group for 40 days domestic khuruj. I just can not agree with the Amir Sahab who persuaded the boy but in the same time I must also respect their stands. So, I better leave than causing any trouble to everyone. I left the center before 'Asr prayer.
I had also read a book about the martyr Hassan al-Banna life (may Allah be pleased with his soul). I could see some angles in Ikhwanul Muslimin (Muslim Brotherhood) of Egypt almost resembling the earlier Tehreek-e-Imaan (Faith Movement) established by Maulana Ilyas Kandhlavi of India. There were also some element of tariqa and sufi orders in both of the movements but I could see that Ikhwaanul Muslimin is a bit easier to be understood by a layman like my self.
I do not intend to post this to show any negativity about Tabligh-e-Jama'at but it is as a part of learning process for me. I do not want anyobody to view any movement or tariqah in a negative perception as we are all brothers and sisters. Although I am still sad with the incident that happened when I talked with cadre Firdaus, seeing the Amir Sahab's persuading the students and being left alone by cadre Husaimi in Sri Petaling after a sudden shift, but I would never take them as serious matters. I love all of them as brothers in faith. We must love each other no matter if our brethren had hurt us our feeling. Our path would never change, it would never weaken us but only strengthening our faith to Allah!
I would like to congratulate my brothers of Jama'at-e-Tabligh (I do not know if they are still with their Jama'at now); respective brothers Firdaus, Naufal, and Syafik due to their success in their job interview with the company. I do not know what happened to them, after all I just talked with Firdaus.
In the beginning I had already tried to avoid you people but seeing that you people especially brother Firdaus had been friendly to me, I felt bad. I am not a shy or bashful person but I am just being cautious. Many times I was hurt by people around me whether intentionally or unintentionally. To develop trust on people is quite difficult for me. That is why I always put my trust on Allah as a sole Wali although He is Holy to an unworthy creature like me. I do not want to lose hope on Allah so I tried to avoid being close to others or being seen by fellow brethren.
I would also take this opportunity to say that I am proud of all of you because I did not get the chance to properly talk with you people. You people are among the luckiest people in the earth because not all of students immediately got their dream job even after their graduation and some of them end up with non-related jobs or joining the teacher training program. It is an impressive achievement on your behalf. May you gain benefits and experience from your job and happy working : )
I was among those who were jobless after my graduation and my degree could not be used in real place, because our positions were grabbed by others who are more proficient than us and they are proficient in many fields, unlike us who were just trained to be mere translators or interpreters. They have degree in Chemistry, Computer Science, Arabic, Religious Studies, and others. We were just Translation and Interpretation students with English and Malay proficiency combined with translating and interpreting theories not in competence with them. I remember that I talked about this with my ex-colleague when we discussed with each other during TV watching times every night when I was a first degree student in USM third semester when we were almost finishing our studies. It is since our schooling times to our job seeking time. It is just the same. Nothing really changed. Maybe we need to perform hijrah (migration) too but it sure needs lots of works to be done before reaching that level.
Since then, I prefer to put my dependence under Allah Wisdoms. I had made vow to Allah when I did hajj pilgrimage and also prayed during tawwaf (circumambulation) that may Allah grants me rizqi (sustainance) through many doors so that I may always remember Him and never being a polytheist. It is fine for me to be seen as a pathetic in this world, because Allah would never leave me behind.
I managed to get the job in a security company after pressuring jobless period but I had just applied for a clerical job at that time. I had already felt down with myself. And my level of confidence turns really low but not as low as I did not do well in my SPM. The boss had offered me another post which I was not so sure because he said that I need to be trained as a supervisor of guards. I applied the job in a depressing time where everyone began looking at me like a useless punk doing nothing at home and working for few moments in gas station and restaurant.
The company said that they would send me to the Philippines dealing with weaponry if I was to continue with them but not long after that I had got the offer to continue my master and being in USM again. When I am in this kind of situation, feeling disappointed being played like a ball by friends although I am sincere toward everyone. I came back also because of a junior apart of trying to upgrade my degree since I had already tergatal tangan filling the post-grad form after my first degree graduation. However, now I guess he is just using me as a companion to release his boredom the same as what Azren and other friends of mine had felt being used as dumpsters for friends or acquaintances. I guess that I regret my decision and would rather accept the offer to be sent to the Philippines even if I have to learn about weapons. He would never see me anymore. I will perish from their eyes or memory, insyaalah.
I had also watched a Tamil movie called Aarvam on how an honest guy being played and mocked by people who he assumed as friends but later he found out that those people are just taking opportunities over him. It is just a movie but it reflects real life and actually based from a real story in India.
Maybe there is a wisdom in it. Only Allah knows. I just hope that all of you people are istiqamah (consistent) with your religious effort no matter whenever and whatever you are with. I don't mind if I am being mocked or played or you people wanted to use me last time to penetrate other students in forming your jama'at. I am sincere because of Allah and if it is beneficial for ummah I would even support it with my life and anything that I have. I don't care being laughed at by anyone. Let it be. There are many people performing da'awa died, disappear like wind and forgotten but Allah never forgets them : )
I end this post with the expression of love and peace to brothers and sisters. No matter what affiliations or congregations you are with. I will always support you with my humble prayers to Allah may He protects all of us from evil, may He leads us to Truth and goodness, may He never let our feet falls out of the path and protecting our confidence toward Him. Amin!