Starting Over

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I had made few researches on jobless situation in our country. It is not so much a full finding but is still reliable for fellow jobless friends and also those who are still deciding to further their studies in the university or college especially when they are so excited looking at their friends preparing for their further studies in the university.

Young friends, let me give you an advice. I had already gone through whatever you are now going through. Do not be easily deceived by situations around. Make considerations and get proper guidance on your future. Do not follow your friends or anyone around you but decide yourself with the prayer to the God the Highest on what you are going to do. I am still waiting responses on the unofficial research and collecting responses. If I had almost complete it then I would publish it up here as a warning, haha. Just do not be so sad if you are not doing well in your SPM or examinations in school level or any level it is.

Do not try to take your own life because I had also experienced it few times! I almost took my life when I was 17 years old just after I took my SPM result. I thought that I wanted to be transferred into the highest world after I died. Different to my family members who were not so much spiritual in tendency... I was also a self-educated in Buddhism and I wandered to Buddhist monastery, listening to Buddha Dharma speeches and tying the white thread at my right hand at Buddhist monastery when I was a young 13 years old boy. It happened for almost four years as I could remember when I was in that stage of life. I thought that when I killed myself by performing deep meditation without any food or drinks could bring my "soul" into the angels' world. Luckily my mother broke my room's door and forced me to eat. Nobody was paying attention at me at that time and I ceased performing Islamic teachings but more influenced by Buddhist thoughts. We were in distress with family conflicts as my father and us were not favored by my mother relatives and my father was struggling with his career so I believed that nobody would realize that I am going to commit suicide. I did not know at that time, I was in between the two evils. This is related to a teaching by a Buddhist teacher. I am not going to talk long about this because this is not my purpose posting things here, haha.

I had photocopied my resume with my own salary, haha. I feel so relieved that I could still save some money though I worked for not a long period. I had to print out new resume because I have new experience added in it. This is for my next year preparation. I plan that this Monday would be the day I submit one resume to Shangrila hotel. I am still sticking to my early plan but before this I was persuaded by my eldest sister to try joining the KL Airport Services Sdn. Bhd. around May 2013. I have to quit after a week Customer Services training because of my previous security pass issue in the airport. I did not submit my pass to the "real" security office when I was 19 years old working as a Chinese Interpreter and the Immigration office had lost my pass but my record is still in security office database. I made a report at the airport police station but after that I decided to quit because there was a long-winding process to clean my record and it would also burden the company. I was not there to burden anyone but just trying to get some living! Other than that, the place is so far from my house. I have no transportation on my own and it is not easy to rent room with no one that you know. I have to stand on my own "feet" without anyone to support me either morally or in term of connections that would enable me to get other helps from friends.

In the beginning, I just wanted to apply for either a cleaner job or a steward job which is related to cleaning the dishes in the kitchen for a part time job. In the same time, I could progress for self-development and repent to the God the Highest by performing penance and memorizing Quran in the gap time. Then I plan to teach the immigrants here either Myanmarese, Indians or Bangladeshis with the Quran as a mean of knowledge sharing. I had screened some and I found there are few suitable "target" and I just need their consent to help me accepting the sharing. If they wanted it then I would transfer them through two ways training. I could say that am quite racist toward rich people, hhaha...

I do not feel like wanted to be an executive or living like a rich people and I know where is my position society. I do not study anything for myself but I studied as a mean for da'awa tools and penance so that people would not look at us da'ies as people who only talk about hereafter here and there which is unseen things! So, please those who always say bad things to us graduates of the university! Do not be so arrogant and the God the Highest is listening and watching you in every corner of the universe! He could take anything that you are enjoying right now in no time! Just be grateful to the God the Highest and have some empathy to other creatures if you cannot help others. 

My colleague, Amir had talked about quitting his job. I tried to convince him to stay but he said that he feel tortured. Then I just suggest that he would better quit if he cannot go on because what for staying in the place if he is not happy? Then, we just decided to cooperate in doing translation and interpreting job which was our undergraduate major. It is not so much fruitful but I guess that is what we have in our selves. We have no other talents to sell like voice or even look, haha. If so then perhaps I would become an actor or a singer. Interpreters and translators could also serve as da'ies and civilization bridges. 

I had successfully memorized a surah and I am so happy. Thank you dear the God the Highest. I love you so much!!!!! I wrote my experiences in Buddhism and few concepts about Buddhism especially about Theravada school of thought concepts, the Sarvastisvadin and the Brahminical thought. I wrote few in Malay while others are in English. It is not for public circulation but simply as an experience of a "Muslim guy" from an overseas Arab family disguised as Malays. I am not sure whether I should publish it but I would perhaps just keeping it in my diary.

I need to clean my room and clean the ashes on my rack, it is filled with the chandan (sandalwood) ash... It is a pigsty, goshhhh!! Anyway, brothers and sisters out there. Please do not be so much influenced by your examination in the school. Just try to live a happy life and face the fact of life. Life is not so much filled with happiness but it is a myriad of scenes. If we accept the real life then we will also be content with whatever that we receive and moving on to other phase of life. Nothing to be sad of, nothing to regret, nothing to be afraid of... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin! 

Feeling Bad

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I read the news since yesterday and I noticed this news about this young man who tried to fled his country after his statements posted in Twitter. This is why I hate to post anything in social network site and internet. It could be manipulated by politicians and monarchs. He actually reminds me to my self before I repent. I learned that he was not a secular person but graduated from Islamic studies school of King Abdul Aziz University. And he is always alone or a loner without any friend. It is very challenging to be a loner. We have to face three general enemies. Our own evil self, satan, and people around who do not understand us.

First of all, I do not support his statement about noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w. But we should also never portray fake "love" to prophet Muhammad s.a.w while our akhlak (morality) is not as noble as him. Perhaps the young man was so depressed until he posted something like that. We do not know what is his problem so we should hold for a moment any perception or judgement in view to him. In this matter, as for me, rather than punishing him. He should first being investigated in accompaniment with psychologist and brought to see religious teachers to talk. Surely, religious teacher must have mercy and compassionate toward people. Treating people with love and never insult people though people insulted them. Prophet Muhammad s.a.w had also faced persecutions when he ''insulted' idolatry in his society before he gained support through Allah's Mercy. He was also insulted and injured because he was stoned in Tayf while calling people to worship Allah alone. What he did to those who stoned him?

I read about many people who are "religious" but deflected from the Path instead of reading news about reverts to Islam. For example a Tabligh Jama'at member in Egypt for 20 years, Eng. Bahaa el-Din Hussein al-Akkad, who converted to Coptic Orthodox Church. It happened in 2005 when he was arrested by secret agents of his country and I do not know what happened to him now (Compass Directnews). In 18th C, a member of Naqshabandi Tariqa known as Sheikh Ahmed Barzany from Iraq-Kurdestan had also converted to Oriental Orthodox Christianity during the Revolution. I checked in the wiki to make sure those are the names and they are the same names. I also found about other "apostates" such as the person who shot Pope John Paul II and he also converted to RC when he was arrested. Ironically, you hate a person so much, but later you love him including his religion. That's why elderly always say: "Don't love a person (human and creature) so much because who knows that he would be your enemy in the future. Don't hate people so much, perhaps he would be the one you would love so much in the future."

What I would like to emphasize here is that, we should never be proud with the Mercy of Allah but always pray may He retain our soul and spirit in His Path, the Path of our father, Abraham a.s. Instead of checking of revert news to Islam, why not also check what happened to those in Islam reverted to other faiths or simply becoming agnostic? Later, syok sendiri and staying in comfort zone while others reverting. This is not about others but about our selves. Try check what are these people who go to other faiths problems and issues? Ask them, personally talk with them. I had also experienced this and I don't know what will happen in the future because the ultimate test in the living world is at the deathbed. Certainly people have problem, do people care to know about their problem but only to punish others? 

As for me, I just pray for the young man to be forgiven and blessed with His Compassionate Mercy of Guidance. I pray that the young man would be forgiven by the Saudi court. Islam is the religion of the poor. Many of the early revert to Islam during the period of Muhammad s.a.w early prophethood in holy Mecca were slaves and servants, those who were oppressed. We are those who were oppressed by idolater leaders, governments, environment around and we must be patient with His tests. This world is the test for us.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin! 

Apostacy News

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Throughout current issues that we had followed these few years, we could see many riddah (apostacy) cases happened in Malaysia. Last few years, we heard about an old folk Malay lady from Perlis died as a Buddhist. She had been a Buddhist since she was kidnapped to Thailand by a Thai man.

When she returned home, she was already married to a Buddhist man. Her children were initiated as Buddhists in Thai Buddhist Monastery and she remains non-committal to Islamic faith although being urged to return by her family member. Ironically the lady was a native from the village of my brother in law in Panggas Village but buried in Kok Khlang. These villages are the village with Thai speaking people. They can speak in both Malay and Thai because of the bordering situation with Southern Thailand province of Satun and Songkhla.

Other previous news was about a Malay lady converted to Christianity called Lina Joy and she is now living in unknown place in Sabah. I am not really sure if she won the case to retain her status as Malay but being a Christian because in Malaysia, Malay and Islam is incorporated as an inseparable identity by the Constitution. Sometimes I feel like Malay is a religion rather than a national identity inspired by the identification of nation-state of European countries concept.

As for me, I am comfortable with myself as a Muslim and a Bumiputera of Kedah state in Malaysia without having to steal others' ethnicity identity to be a life member of a political party. I did not get any scholarship or aid from the stolen identity. Instead it had made me astray from the path of Allah when I thought that my ancestors were native Buddhist and Hindus when I have problem to befit into the society during my childhood time. People do not accept me because I do not really look like a Malay and did not behave like one. The matter of racial identity is not a big deal, Allah is more important for now and for ever. 

The recent one that I heard is yesterday in Malaysian National News (BERNAMA) where a 19 years old Malay boy admitted that he had changed his faith to Christianity. He had already attended Christian mass in the church and rituals since early December 2010.

The boy was detained and ordered by the judge of Syari’ah Court to be referred to the mosque in his learning institution for 6 months. He must report his attendance to the mosque every week to the religious office and supervised by the Imaam of the mosque at his Learning Institution in Terengganu. The proceeding for the boy case is done by the Deputy Syari’ie Prosecutor, Mr. Mohd Zaini Sulaiman according to Section 102(3) Islamic Religious Council Enactment and Kelantanese Malay Customs 1994 after the boy was detained in remand in Pangkalan Chepa once being refered by his family to the state religious office. The boy had appealed to the Court not to place him in the ‘Aqidah Rehabilitation Center in Kuala Kubu Baru because he is still a student.   

I had been thinking alone in my room about ‘aqidah issue in the past few weeks and this news suddenly popped out like yesterday and discussing about it through my intercourse with those respective kids in the Jama’at-e-Tabligh.

I actually do not think that we should blame anyone whether the boy or the missionaries in this issue. I personally believe that parents should first know their responsibility to bring up their children together into remembering Allah and following the sunnah or the tradition of rasulullah (saw).

This is what happened when parents neglected their children. Even in a religious family, if the parents do not care about their children and just focusing on their own rituals and ‘ibadah, the same thing would also happen. This issue of ‘aqidah is actually more to the issue of identity. Through my personal experience observing, people who are known as Malays had been very stern in protecting their identity with Islam as the shield of the duniaa benefits. For me, when looking through this angle, it just reflects the surface and not from the inner that would beaming outward. It is not about the acceptance of Allah and His messenger as the source of guidance in their life. But the superficial protection of their worldly benefits which they believe could protect them. Now I am wondering, in this matter, where is our pure Tawheed (monotheism only to Allah)?  

It is undeniably important to have our identity or at least know about our background. I also feel comfortable after I know what I am now although with few hardships contacting people of the first villages and consulting elders in family assembly where they are so fond to be known as 'Malays.' Compared to before when I was a boy who has a crisis in his identity, I do not really care about political matters now. It is normal for kids because kids do not really understand what happens around them. Everything in our life is inter-connected to each other. We could not have anything in separate.

As for parental issue, Islam had taught us since the very beginning before a person should get married he or she must acquire themselves with parental knowledge and the responsibility that they have to bear when getting married. It is not only about channeling the lust and passion through a legal relationship between a man and a woman.

It is about responsibility to the soul that would be issued by a married couple. What would the future child (soul) be when they are born? Are they going to be a good sons or daughters? Obedient to the God and the teachings transmitted through Muhammad (s.a.w)? Are they going to be obedient toward their parents and respecting them? How would the parents or the married couple behave? I had seen many couples registering for the marriage seminar conducted at mosque and other licensed institutions but what do they cultivate from that few hours or perhaps few days seminars?

All of these came from the education that the child or soul received since their souls were to be sent by Allah to the womb of their mother to the age where they achieve their maturity. Of course guidance comes from Allah and it is Allah’s right to choose whom He wants to be guided and leaves behind who He does not want to be guided but imaan is also acquired through efforts as what had been decreed. Efforts to implant imaan in the heart of children are not a short term process but it takes such a long time and patience.

The issue of imaan and ihsaan do not only being the concern for the riddah (apostacy) case. But it is also being a concern when we see our youngsters behave in front of us. Last mid night I went to a mamak restaurant near my hostel to have my supper and dinner. I could see young kids, I suppose that they are Malays and Malays must be Muslim, they were kissing each other in front of people in the restaurant in front of others without any shame. I guess they are just around 15 years old or might be older from their feature and appearance. Also from the jargon and the way they talk to each other. When we see this, what is the implication of ihsaan in an individual and society? 

So, how do we measure our imaan (faith) my beloved brothers and sisters in faith? Is it from the identification of our race? Our ethnicity? Our identity card that stated our religious identity as Muslim and from our Islamic sound names? Or in side of our heart?

If the boy who admits himself as a Christian was detained and later being left behind after six months without any support and care from his parents, siblings, and friends, what will happen to him although he does not attend church meetings anymore? When we are going to die, will Allah look at our identity card, or look at whether we are Malays or not to determine what is our ‘real’ imaan? Will Allah check all of these in our documents? Or will Allah check it with our imaan and 'amaal? I began to understand this when I compare it with what I had heard from the Tabligh lectures and the tasawwuf kitaab. Also making cross check with basic faith. Before this I did not understand all of these although I learned about this in Islamic Education in schools be it primary education or secondary.

As what I had already analyzed and still going through it without feeling tired of it, the religion or deen is based from three basic things. Imaan, ‘Ibadah, and Ihsaan. Ihsaan is related to our behavior and attitude in front of God. These three basic things are inseparable elements of religion. From these three, the Syariah (Way) and the Ummah (Nation) are developed, my dear brothers and sisters.

I am not sure whether I put my points clear because I am not good in words but I am trying to brought this issue as an advice for every one of us who believes in Allah and His messenger (s.a.w). It includes myself without exception and may we be saved from His torments because we do not know how terrible His torments are when we lie to Him. When we try to cheat Him by saying that we have the faith to Him with our dirty lips while we behave a munafiq (hypocrite) and performing differently from what we had proclaimed, na’uzubillahu min dzaalik (may He prevents it)…

I am so afraid of myself ya Allah please save me, save my brothers and my sisters that I love so much. Brothers and sisters in faith are important than my own soul :’(

Brothers and sisters let us chant the kalimah syahadah everytime. It is not a sin to chant it everywhere in our heart. It is not only to be chanted once when a muallaf reverting to Islam and then being left behind. If it is not important after being known as a Muslim then, Allah would not prescribe us the five times obligatory daily prayers where the syahadah (faith proclamation) is included in two tasyahuds (proclamation) of each prayers except the Fajr prayer with only one tasyahud. We always take this matter easy.

Syahadah is very important and the first pillar in the five pillars of Islam. It is the key for syafa'at (salvation). It is related to the first and second pillars of the pillars of Imaan. When we leave obligatory salaat (prayers), then are we really a Muslim in that day? This is also a warning to myself. God would surely torment me with full torments in hell each time I miss my salaat :’((((((((((

Ya Allah my Lord, we seek Your protection from the torment of qubr (in grave), we seek your protection the jahannam (hell). Allah my Lord we seek protection from the slander of the life and death. Allah we seek protection from the slander of the al-Masih Dajjal. Allah my Lord we seek protection from the root of sins and the maghram (debt). O Allah please do not deflect our heart after You had guide us. Bless us with Your boundless Grace. Indeed You are the Greatest Grantor, aaminn!!!!