What does it mean to be Muslim for a Family?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I manage to retrieve back some of these notes that I jot down from last month. I went to Sultan Mizan Zainal Abiddin mosque and listened to a lecture on a chapter from the book written by Fathi Yakan in the gap time before Isya' prayer. This book is quite famous in Malaysia with the title "Apa Ertinya Saya Menganuti Ajaran Islam?"

The ustad had mentioned where Fathi Yakan highlighted six matters. That day, they talked about the fifth matter and I was so unlucky as I had missed few matters earlier and also the last matter highlighted. They talked about being a Muslim from the aspect of family, creed, worship, and morality. Why do Mr. Yakan choose this topic for the discussion? Because we want a society that reflects Islamic characteristics which could be seen in the soul of everyone.

How could we call non-Muslim toward the God if we are showing bad examples to them? If we want to establish a sanctified nation, we should have a model to be seen by others. For example, before we begin our meals, we would recite supplications to the God or begin our meal with manners. Muslim family must be a model and guidance for others. If a house is in chaotic situation, what can we show to others? Thus, we must try to be Muslims in family angle and have to be caring to the community and taking the responsibility to be in service to others.

  

Says the messenger of the God may the God be in contact with him: "whomever ignores his brothers and sisters in faith, they are not apart of the Islamic nation." - narrated by Bukhari. 

As for example, how many persons before fallen into their sleep are thinking about the problem faced by the nation or how many of us had been thinking about our parents? How about people who are close to us? Remembering parents is a responsibility of every Muslim. Everyday, we must recite al-Fatihah for them no matter they are alive or had already returned to Him and protected under His mercy. Parents are the reason where we are here. Without them as the reason, we are nothing in the Universe. When our life growing better, we tend to forget our parents until we have no time to return home and see them whether they are in good condition or else?   

The responsibility of every Muslim is to prohibit vice and performing charity. Our responsibility had already been performed when we asked others to be together in charity and chastity even though those whom we are calling toward charity refused to follow. When we had already knocked the door and they refused to open it up, we are free from the sins and responsibility.  Our role is only to prohibit vice and promoting charity. Being in accordance with the glorious Quran and Sunnah. We perform our responsibility by telling others about what is Islam to the society and trying to establish it in our society or community.

Then Muslims are responsible to form a family with Islamic values. Establishing Islam in the house begins with the education where parents must teach their children to respect the teachings of the God which is Islam and the values in the teachings. The parents are responsible to bring everyone in the family to Him for example making the five obligatory salaat times as the time to remember Him without any interference. 

Muslim parents have the responsibility to ask the people in the family to protect their 'aurah (modesty) as what had been mentioned in surah an-Nur verse 53. An example in asking others to protect their 'aurah and in the same time teaching the family members about the way of life through presents according to sunnah such as veils or beautiful muslimah or muslim dress. A husband are obliged to ask his wife to change her skimpy clothes to better ones if she happens to wear it since she would be working 8 hours with male non-muhrim colleagues.   

Convey Islam to family members and to our selves as what had been mentioned by the God in His holy verses: "never call to the worship of other than the God for you will be dipped into the bitterness" (surah ash-Syuraa'). Teach our close family members and relatives about His Oneness, never proclaim that there are other power with the authority as possessed by Him. We must help and have the care in preserving the creed of our family member. When they are deviating, we would advice them to return to Him.

Check in surah at-Tahreem verse 6th where it mentions that hell fire would be ignited with stones and human, so we must be really careful with our daily conduct. We always think that it is easy when we perform salaat, the God would forgives us our sins just after we perform the salaat. But are we sure that our charity and salaat performed are accepted by the God? We should stop blaming our environment. We must first begin with our selves living our live as Muslims and playing our roles in our family. 

Everyone dreams of a good nation and receiving His forgiveness. This is a general matter, and family institution role is crucial in forming an Islamic family. A husband has a heavy responsibility. The sins committed by children will also be the share of the sins to the parents. The responsibility of promoting charity and prohibiting evil and vice is a very heavy responsibility. 

The glorious Quran shows the way to achieve the goal according to His teachings where it focuses on the family. When a couple get married, their marriage should not only about beauty or how handsome is the groom. The intention must be rightful because of the God and not because of the beauty of the girl or the guy that we want to get marry to. Nikah (marriage) is a reason and a sunnah for the establishment of a good and blessed family. 

When a couple entering the marriage contract, they must be readily to bear the trust from the God in the upbringing of the future generation and soul as what had been mentioned in surah az-Zumaar (I can't recall the verse, I am sorry). Everything that we do in our daily life is actually because of Him. After that, the couple would be stepping into the establishment of a society who understands the way of life according to His teachings. It is not merely a marriage contract where a man and a woman are willing to share their life but more than that where they are responsible in the establishment of a Muslim family. No need for an overly "bersanding" ceremony after the marriage contract and it would be best if the feast for marriage reception being done without waste. As to say, our acts must be viewed through religious rites perspective.

I'm going to print this version of notes typed in our national language and giving it to my newly-wed sister and her husband. I don't want them to just get away without revising their responsibility toward our Islamic society although they had already going to marriage courses before their marriage!!!! 

May Allah be in contact with prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family and his companion. Allah please bless our society no matter whatever we are. Bless us with Your boundless mercy and forgiveness. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for brothers and sisters in faith, amin.  

May Allah forgive us...

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I had received a call from my third sister. In the beginning I thought that she only wants me to help her with her assignments and I agree to help her. But then, she told me she wants to get marry in Thailand. I am so shocked and it is so sudden and scary!!!!!!! I always thought that this only happens in Malay dramas. But this is the reality that I had to face in this Friday morning and I am trying to grasp this situation right. Azren said that life is a drama, He is the director and the only One who understands what happened in the Universe. It sounds like typical Hindi movies dialogue too.

I know that she already has someone that she loves and the person also cares about her. She did talked with parents but somehow our parents do not agree with her choice. She is already a 30 years old lady. I don't think that she has the problem to conduct her own life and she told me that she doesn't want to roam around dating the person without any legal relationship and that would also be a sin for me and for my dad because she is under our protection.  She has the points right.

She can't proceed with her marriage here because of the disagreement between her and our parents due to that the person is not our family acquaintance and mum don't like him. Later, she talks about women's matter with me regarding jealousy and others and why nobody cares about her feeling? But when it comes to other sisters marriage or groom, everyone cares and likes. I understand that. I live my 24 years of life in the middle of sisters. I feel headache myself with them.

It is very difficult to explain when it comes to females' stuffs or it might be depending to individuals. All of my sisters would eventually find me to complain or asking favor when they face problem and I would just giving some advise through the remnant of religious knowledge that I have regarding relationship between non-related females and males or advising them to consult syari'ie (legal) officers if the matters are complicated. I just hope that they would listen to the teachings for their own benefit but human could also forget.    

 Songkhla Province Islamic Council and Religious Department

 The balcony of the Islamic Council

Hong Phrahni Phrahnom Kho Pheephath means the Chamber to Compromise for Disputes. It is a chamber for legal officers to settle disputes for Muslims in Songkhla Province.

Third sister and her groom had already prepared everything for nikah (marriage contract). We went to Bukit Kayu Hitam and the car was parked at the tax-free complex. We entered the border control to Sadao. At the border control, we have to prepare RM3. It is for the immigration procedures at the control. We have to pay RM2 for the people who help us with the embarkation card. And then we have to slip another RM1 in our passport for immigration stamp because that is how they deal at the control. When we want to return to Malaysia, we also have to slip RM1 for the Thai immigration. This is for land route.

I had asked third sister whether she thinks hundreds of times for her to come to this decision and she said that she had considered everything. So, I would say nothing more except that she and her groom must also respect our local customs and trying to avoid slanders before their marriage being registered in our local state religious council.  She is no more a girl but a woman, even older than me.

  

 Sadao Police Station

 Thai old immigration and border control in Sadao

The Songkhla Province Islamic Council is located in Khlong Hae district. About 70 km from Sadao. It is a very tiring journey and we have a driver who is an agent. He is a Malay called Pakcik Salleh. His dialect sounds like Perlis Malay dialect, pekat lah jugak but he lives in Songkhla and a Thai citizen. He talks a lot and telling various stories from the beginning of our travel to Hadyaai and to the end of the travel. He keeps talking, but I love to listen to him as he told many stories that we don't even know, giving tips and advise about marriage though I don't even have any plan for marriage but that is a good knowledge. He also turned on Malay songs from local radio station. Some of the songs are in Hindi but the singers are local Thai and some are traditional Perlis music songs. We arrived at the center after Juma'at congregational prayer service and I have to skip my prayer service for my sister's marriage. 

 Some shop lots in Sadao

I pray for Allah mercy to forgive our sins for skipping jum'at congregational prayer and for doing this but I don't know what to do or couldn't even properly think when this thing comes out of sudden. I personally do not agree with what had happened regarding the nikah without parents consent. She said that she had already told parents many times that she is ready to get marry and she have to return to Saudi Arabia before the end of this month.  She also had made prayers in Haram ash-Shareef (the holiest of the holiest house of the God) regarding the matter.

 A souvenir from the Songkhla Islamic Council and Religious Department

She doesn't want to delay her marriage anymore because she do not wants vice. This is also the problem with some of the parents today. They complicate matters regarding this sunnah and refuse to discuss with their children. Our parents refuse to talk to third sister's now-husband and they don't want to talk about the matter when third sister discuss it with them. So, how could they know the person and judging the person rightly? I could only chant salawats to prophet s.a.w when I meet the person whom third sister wants to marry hoping that Allah would turns every negativity to positive. 

A board for local politicians to promote themselves. They have many banners like this, I don't know if they had already conducted their local election or not.

I get to learn about nikah in this ceremony when I accompany my third sister as her muhrim (related brother). The jurunikah (marriage registrar) name is Mr. Saman Duramae, and he is a hafiz. Hafiz is an Arabic word which means a person who memorizes the glorious Quran by heart and soul. Mr. Saman is an appointed religious officer by the religious council from Nathawee Madrasah near Pattani province. He recites few verses of Quran about marriages and responsibility of husband and wife. I wish that my sister and her husband open up the glorious Quran tafseer (exegesis) for them to get to know about their responsibilities when the officer recites those verses but we have to rush out as I don't want to stuck in the problem since third sister doesn't inform our parents about the nikah. 

Then the nikah process proceed just like what we see in Malaysia with the 'aqad (contract binding) of ijab (propose) and qabul (acceptance). And it is conducted in Malay as the officers are Malays. The conditional mahar (dowry) RM100 is given as a proof to the bride. And then they sign the nikah (marriage contract) with two other religious officers as the witnesses according to matrimonial rites. The nikah process took place without any problem. The agent will help with the documents and nikah certificates issued by the Songkhla Islamic Council to be sent through Malaysian consulate and attorney for certification and identification. 

I can't tell our parents right now in order to avoid problem. Dad was affected by stroke and he could not think properly. He has a blood clot at his brain. While mum doesn't agree with sister's choice since she wants sister to marry local Saudis. Third sister had actually first known a Saudi colleague of her but she had refused him to avoid problem with the guy's family. It is not as easy as mum thinks regarding the native Saudis. However, I strongly urge my sister and her husband to politely explain everything to our parents and later doing it according to local customs and rites here in Malaysia for their own good and to preserve the dignity of both sides! 

Third from left, an unknown officer because I didn't get to know him due to time constraint, the middle one with turban is Mr. Saman Duramae, and the most right with head cap is one of the witness of the marriage. Another one is off to the counter in front of this room. I've got to call the Islamic Council again to check their name for my sister sake because she is still under me and my dad's patronage until they register their marriage in Malaysian States' Religious Council. I hope she still taking me and dad in her consideration due to that we will be dumped into hell fire if she don't listen to me :'(   

For now they still have to be in according to norms and always bringing their sulat nikah (marriage contract) before they formally register their marriage here and getting the nikah card as a testimonial for marriage.  She supposedly having no problem with her marriage but just slowly discussing the matter with parents instead of marrying off like a refugee.

I think that this is the craziest thing that I had ever done and I don't know whether it is right or not. I don't like to do all of these, i.e accompanying my sister doing this because I want my sister to find better solution but she stressed that she has no time for better solution considering she lives abroad in a foreign country and she had already known her husband now for about five years. It is just mum who doesn't agree, but everyone of us are just normal human-being. We have flaws and mistakes. We have to always apologize to each other for our sins over the other. I just hope that everyone is happy and co-exist in peace with each other. 

Allah our Lord, please be in contact with prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family as You had been in contact with our father Ibrahim a.s and his family. Allah our Lord, please bless our prophet Muhammad s.a.w and his family as You had blessed our father Ibrahim a.s and his family. In the Universe You are the only One worth the praise and glory! May Allah bless the marriages of His slaves with sakinah (tranquility). May Allah bless all the parents, forgive their sins, and please bless the parents everywhere. Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy and love, amin!