Tomorrow is 2013

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I think I have not updating anything here yet since the last piece of blog post is just the audio of Quranic verses. I think many things happened to me through out 2010 until 2012. Last week on the Jesus Christ's manifestation event according to Christian church calender, I was almost being raped by a "homo" Pakistani migrant worker near the musalla at the flat closer to my house. He came from no where and suddenly he was at my back just before I take the wudhu'. I was actually there to perform penance to Him and trying to stay night at the musalla as it was an open space but maybe it was a test from Him too. I am in the midst of pressure. I do not live like other people with smooth beautiful life. I always encounter tests from Him.

I just returned home after being saved by the guard. I am so thankful to the guard and to the God for sending the guard to help me. I am not so big as that damn "pimp"!  He just managed to kiss my face with his stinky mouth. He also tried to undress my bottom part but I punched him several times to escape. Then he slapped my face and it's a little bit bruised. I am not a person who simply insult people with things like gay or others but I do not like these kind of people who assume that everyone are like them!

I am just traumatized and surprised as this kind of disgraceful evil act could also happen in holy sanctuaries. There is no respect at all! I think that guy is just lucky too because I did not bring any sharp weapon. Usually I would bring it when I am alone as a safety measure but because my past experience of being robbed was long ago so I had forgotten. Now I try to avoid the area including the musalla though it was one of the points for me to stop by just like prophet Muhammad s.a.w trying to avoid the Thamudic area which was destroyed by the God because of the people's sins. When I returned home, I just performed the ghusl as I think that guy is filthy and perhaps his sin would also defect me.

I learned a lesson too. I must keep the skull cap on my head as a warning that Divine presence is watching. I had forgotten to put it on when I was there. Then I must wear baggy dress as to make myself looks ugly. Other than that, I would never forget my little knife. I swear that if I see that animal again, I would just stab him to death and after that stab myself! Such a disgrace to humanity! If Tablighi brothers are reading this, I am telling you why I don't like to be associated with Pakistani or those from Indian sub-continent though my ancestors were also linked to Indian sub-continent through our female lineage. I am aware about Hindu philosophies which also include Buddhism and Brahmanism but those who are "spiritually" learned are not many in the sub-continent. Many of the gurus' (those who enlightened) teachings survive and further developed outside of the sub-continent. Last time during my undergraduate, there was a crazy "homo" Jordanian Arab trying to sodomize Eastern Asian and South East Asian students. I don't think I look like a girl. Maybe I look younger than my age but that does not make me a "GIRL"! People should also respect women and not only other men. If people love to see violence then I don't mind displaying it! Next time is I see other Pakistani or those who look like them regardless they are Muslim... Religious or irreligious I would just stab them to death!         

Regarding my thesis, I checked that it seems like it is not eligible for the graduation. Never mind, I have many things to solve than to get a piece of certificate. The reason why I was there is that I just feel pitiful to brother Idris Xian Hongzhi. I thought that he was alone and maybe he needs religious explanation or maybe needs access to kitabs but after all I saw that he already could suit himself with Indonesian students. So, I have no point to say anything anymore. Then, when I realized that, it was too late for me to quit from the master degree. I don't like to do anything half. It is like going to the war and when we turn our face from the battle field. It is a disgrace and those who turned their face from the battle field must kill their selves. Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional. For now, maybe I am suffering the most as it is His test to His slaves and servants. Even the greatest got to suffer for some time....

Happy new year 2013.... I wish that He would help me to go through this life and keep me within the path of my ancestors. I have no new resolution for Christian church calendar new year but I pray dear Allah please bless my prophet Muhammad s.a.w and please bless my beloved ancestor, lady Fatima r.a and her husband, Ali k.w. Please bless and guide all of the bani Hashim clan with your love.

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad.... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!           

Happy New Year 1433 H

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Despite of feeling anxious because of the thesis and classes right now, I am still trying to approach the God our Lord and dearly Friend. I wish that the God listens to my prayers and releases me from this worldly torments which trying to harm my heart. Muharram is the month where we are forbidden to act with unlawful acts such as waging war or quarrelling. Usually in Muharram I would try to fast as many days as I can but this is not obligatory! 

Last time when I talked with brother Eidan, we also share some traditions among us. Brother Eidan is not a Muslim anymore and he is a Jew of Hadrami Arab descent of Johore state as he had chosen to follow his mum's religion. I am so sad because last time I could talk with him about my anxiety and asking him to pray for me though we are of different Shariah (Way) since I also have the faith in the prophethood of Moses (as) the prophet. Now we had lost the contact. I always feel him like a mirror to myself. He also feels the same when we talked to each other. We share similarities in term that we do not have many friends, we are of the same paternal ancestry, we share some points of traditions inherited from ancestors and prophets, and most of all I could not mingle well with people around because of some differences due to past experience that always made me feel down and low-estimating myself just like him while he was the citizen of this country. 

Now, brother Eidan is not in the line anymore because he has to serve his country and I am actually very angry with his country because forcing my friend and a brother to serve the country at a young age and too bad that I could not hang out with him when he was in this country. I actually feel that nobody could accept myself too just like his experience but I am not a Jew but a Muslim who share the same faith and scripture with other nations here. I always think again whether my sins are actually harming me? I was taught not to blame anyone but only myself if anything wrong happened to me. I tried to ask forgiveness from the God and always questioning my faith to Him when I am in tribulations like now. 

Each time we meet new friends and people, but each time we also will go our separate ways when the time reaches us. My seniors had also departed from me. My colleagues had also departed from me. I had already lost contact with Amir whom was my close friend and classmate. He is also my long-lasting friend but I think he is struggling with the changing phase of his happy life (teenage way of thinking) to the new one (adulthood). I had already undergo this experience and will still struggle until He takes me away from this 'beautiful' world into His Mercy, may He be Merciful to my soul and brothers and sisters. 

I am just taking this opportunity to wish brothers and sisters Happy New Year 1433 H which will fall on this Saturday. I know some would say that this is a bida'ah (invention) but worshiping Allah together in a congregational prayer services in the masjid for everyday is not a bida'ah right? Remind everyone about valid sunnah but don't hurt people feeling by just stating this and that as bida'ah (invention). Provide evidences or else we are also considered as committing bida'ah to call other brothers and sisters with names. Dividing brothers and sisters by calling names is bida'ah and haram where we had already declared our testimony of faith to Allah (the God) and His messenger and servant, Muhammad (saw). Talk with everyone with love and mercy. Our Lord, the God is all-Merciful and full of Loving-Kindness. 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Happy Hijrah New Year 1432 AH

Salaam and Peace!

Happy Ra'sussanah of 1 Muharram 1432 Hijriyyah!!!!

I guess it is on Dec 7th where this new year begin. I had greet everyone with phone messages but not yet in this blog, lol. I hope that I am not too late to greet everyone with Hijra new year greeting. It is always a remark for our migration from evil to goodness. From something which is not so good to the better. 

I had gotten this good message from a friend and a brother. It is just a remembrance but, I would like it to be apart of my memory. Said Ibnu Mas'ud: "the most saddest thing ever for me is that each time when the new year arrives, and my age increasing old, but my charity deeds are not increasing."

I have no new hope, it will always be the same everytime. My hope is that all of us will be a unified Muslim nation. Regardless who we are, rank, status, color, background, whether from Jama'at-e-Tabligh, Sunni, or Syi'ah, as long as we profess our witness that Allah is our G"d, and Muhammad is His servant and messenger. Thus we are in a nation, we just need unification and understanding of each other.

May Allah grants us a year of goodness through His love which is His law, may His mercy be with us in our daily life, full of prosperity, and sustainance. And may this new semester of my study moves on in a smooth flow without any obstacle, aaamiiin!!!!