Gifts from Friends

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I actually appreciate whatever people give to me. I don't care even if they cut their hair and give it to me or give me parchments of their shirt or just few lines of threads from their shirt, I will keep them in my album. I also keep my late grandma's hair with me. We keep everything and sometimes I feel our house is like a store house because many of the stuffs bring significance to us and we have no guts to dump them... hahaha. Grandparents are actually 'saints' for me. I don't care if last time people including myself treated them badly and made them cry. I hurt grandpa's feeling, I will always apologize to him. I only see halos at their head whenever I think about them now, they were unfortunate in the world. The Lord has promised us whomever being tortured in this fake world would receive His salvation. 

Last week I received some gifts from friends and brothers in faith. One of the brother had just returned from umra and I actually envy him... Urm, I wanted to be there toooo :'( Actually I did not ask anything except I had asked a brother from Xinjiang some Zamzam water only if he has extra because I need to recite the surah al-Kahfi on it and drink it beside using it to rub my head to cure evil thoughts. I mistook him when he said that he put some of my part into another brother's bottle. I said no need if I have to take other brother's right. That would be a violation of brethren right where I would risk the punishment in hereafter.

 From brother Yunos from Xinjiang, Allah bless

I always think that I wanted to die and pray for it but I do realize that Lord will curse me for that because that is an evil thought. I actually miss the Lord. I miss my grandparents. Everyone that I love will eventually perish so why not I also follow them before others leave me first. I love to be the first, I will be sad when people saying goodbye to me.

I really appreciate gifts but I also feel ashamed in the same time because I did not give something to brother who provides me with Zamzam in return. I will try to approach him and return his favor because we should not burden our brothers and sisters in faith.  I thought of using another brother as a medium but I think never mind. I should be more sincere by giving it myself beside it shows that I really respect his gifts.

Chinese snack with cute dried fruits from brother Idris Xian. I just finished them while in boredom but luckily I have its picture, haha. Allah bless

I love to give presents to people around too. Even if the lamest thing that I could provide to people around like plain water or bread. I always give Zaidi something in return for helping me to pray in the room and reviving the musalla. Urmm, I never ask him to pray or do anything because that is everyone's responsibility to the God but when they are doing that, they are actually helping me as their brother. I love to live with brother Zaidi when I was an undergraduate student. I think he hates me because I show no emotion at all when I am in front of people and I treated him 'badly' in the beginning because that is how we test a person. I don't like other people to think that they are not special because I give more attention to others but sometimes I do give attention to those whom I could see 'something' in them. Brother Zaidi was the same age with me and he reminds me about our responsibility on the Path though he never teach me anything in direct. I observed his acts and admiring him in silence. I love to listen him reciting the Quran every morning, praying obligatory prayers behind him as a ma'mum but I can't always show my affiliation because I would be scaring my ex-colleagues.

Since I had no chance to wash his feet, I just cleaned the floor where he spread his prayer mat for everyday and the result is the floor is still glittering when I visited the room. An older junior, Charlie lives in the room where I and Zaidi used to live. I asked Charlie whether he mopped the floor? He said no... He said the floor is always like that ever since he entered the room. Before I went out from the room after we finished our semesters for the second year, I also lit up frankincense and myrrh that I bought specially to clean the room because it was inhabited by a person that I respect. I also did the same when I lived with Tarmidzie but the degree is different because he reported to Azren that I am scaring him, hahaha. I'm sorry if this sounds weird but I am just like this. This is actually our custom. Most Malay students would say this is weird and they might accuse me of puja shaitan (devil worship) because they don't understand the significance of what I am doing or those stuffs that I lit up. It's just a traditional custom and yes it is not part of religion. We divide both religious acts and customs. The significance of incense in our culture is to respect brothers whether they could be seen or hidden. I mean those brothers in the other realm who have faith in Allah and His messenger, Muhammad s.a.w. It is also used to respect ceremonies and the Word which are holy scriptures.   

Keychain from Langkawi from brother Azren. He's among a colleague who survives as a friend, an open-minded mentor, and a senior to me in this current course. I wish him well-being and happiness always. Allah bless 

Anyhow, I just want to say thank you to brothers in faith. I assume these as more valuable than gold. You people are not just friends to me but also brothers in faith in which your rights being reserved more than a 'mere' friend. You are indirectly my mentors and teachers. I will keep them with me (in case of non-food gifts, haha) and try to use them in the way which benefits you in return whether in the world or hereafter. I wanted to return to the holy land and ask forgiveness again as many as I can before I meet Allah. May Allah grants me my wish :'(

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Argggh... Backpain!

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I actually sat down on the chair thinking on how to repair my research proposal in written term since my lecturer had asked me to send it to her before September. Been like this since few days ago. Well sitting in front of computer more than one hour is actually a torture for our muscle and back. It hurts my back, I can't bent down and it also prevents me from joining Taraweekh congregational prayer service besides the cold and fever.

So, I had been reading about health more since health is also a grace from Allah. We should keep His trust in good condition as to make sure that we do not return this trust which is our mass without any attempt to keep it in good condition. I read articles about backpain and this is one of it. Now only, I realize that I had tormented my back. So, please dear brothers and sisters take a good care of your health and never under-estimate any pain or disease. When you have little sickness or feeling pain at any part, don't be like me feeling shy to burden people in the clinic or hospital. Right away consult your doctors! Always doing some stretching or exercise although only five minutes in a day. It would do, to prevent you from neurological diseases and other pain. It is very important.

Other than that, my roommate, Mr. Jamal has messaged me that he was coming last morning assuming that I might be keeping a scout person in the room. So, I immediately cleaned up my room and packed my hygienic stuffs for worship purpose to Azren's room inside the campus. I would like to thank Azren and expressing gratitude for sheltering me for a night, may Allah bless you with His bountiful sustenance for your kindness. You already helped me a lot. I don't know what will happen to me if you're not there. I had already spent my nights last semesters like at the mosque stairs, under trees (I did cried to Allah alone under trees and reciting stories about our patriarch Abraham and Maryam the mother of Jesus Christ sufferings around mosque's area), under huts without walls and musalla when I had problem with previous roommates in previous room. I also felt like jumping down from 10th floor when I felt like nobody was beside me but the God had prevented it with His Words (Quranic verses) that I recite everyday.     

When staying in Azren's room, I managed to stay away from computer so I have more time revising Quranic verses and reciting it alone because Azren is working. I could take a walk and having some deep breath of unadulterated morning air after Fajr prayer which reminds me of my first degree times. I listened to some excerpts of Fajr lecture after the prayer from outside of the mosque and having some deep thought in silence despite the sound wasn't so clear to my ears. I returned to Azren's room and reading copies of my research's early parts. Jotting my idea manually and watched some TV to relax my mind. It's good for our spine when we do all of these as services to the God, haha.

Then I went to the mosque again for Maghrib service from there since it is closer than when I am in my hostel far across the road outside of the campus. I thought that I would be breaking my fast alone, drinking some milk and having biscuits that I bought from Maju Jaya Sungai Dua store at a hut near the mosque. Suddenly, two servants of Allah whom are a Pakistani and an Arab brothers accompanied me with some roti and mutton gravy. They took care the Arab Bazaar just beside the hut and maybe I had disturbed their common breaking fast place. Thanks Allah that they did not chase me away, instead generously inviting me for their meal. I pray may Allah bless them and be Merciful to them for their kindness. I am a nobody and I always think that I do not deserve warm and friendly treatment. However, when brothers spontaneously showing 'mercy,' it is actually the 'grace' from Allah in their selves because 'it' is in their heart.

I am thankful to Allah, tonight I can pray together in congregational manner and not alone. Thank You dear Allah for being Merciful letting me having this opportunity. I had listened news about deaths from my mum and also from Mijie who was my previous third year degree roommate. Mijie is still there as he works as a research assistant for Geography department. Many people died at a very young age. We will also following the footstep but we do not know when as it is in His wisdom. We could only pray that He shall be Merciful to us and never leaving us alone. As for me, I am already a loner without any close friend, childhood friend, or whom ever friend it is. I only have Allah. If Allah too leaving me, then I would only taste a 'real' death :'(    

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin!