Remembering Death

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

How could you disobey Allah while you were dead (yet to be born), and later He makes you alive. After that he makes you dead and soon resurrecting you (in the hereafter). Eventually, you will be returned to Him (for the compensation of your deeds) (Surah al-Baqarah v. 28). 

Narration from Tirmidzie: Prophet Muhammad s.a.w says: "An intelligent person is a person who uphold himself with the preparation for the life after death. An imbecile (idiot) person is a person who let his desires to control his self but hoping that his prayers and ambitions being granted by Allah".

Explanation of the Hadith

1. We are obliged to respect fellow human such as parents, wife, husband, children, relatives and neighbors through charity, keeping our speeches away from hurting them (being polite) and assuming good things about them according to our different level of capabilities. We must also respect ourselves.

2. Death will certainly reaching everyone. It does not matter whether we are a king or a president of a country. Whether we are a Jew or a Muslim. Everybody who is known as human will soon be dead. Allah says through the tongue of our noble prophet in glorious Quran: "Every thing which possess soul will be dead" (surah al-Anbiyaa v. 34). The significance for those who always remember death is that he multiplies his charity and good deeds in his whole life.     

3. The most good effort is the struggle to fight desires and trying hard to enhance one's characteristic. Controlling desires will eventually making it easy to control one's attitude and behavior according to the guidelines of the sharia and the path.

4. Every good deed will be influencing one's prayer and supplications to Allah. In other words, Allah will never let the prayers of His faithful servants who are always in charity to be wasted in vain.

Prohibition to Ask for Death

Prophet Muhammad s.a.w says: "Never ever one of you have the ambition to die due to disasters befallen him. If the situation and condition is forcing one to ask for death, ask it indirectly by saying: "Ya Allah, make me alive if this life is still beneficial for me and let me die if death is beneficial for me" (narrated by Bukhari and Muslim).

i) A faithful Muslim is strictly prohibited to ask for death because he feels bored and could not bear the suffer of the disaster which befallen him. On the other hand, he should take the disaster befallen him as a "test" and accepting it with pleasure. The process is actually very painful, dear brothers and sisters. No teachers taught me this. I had many times encounter this. I believe other people are also facing this. 

ii) Indeed every test is also a kaffarah (elimination) of ones sins and errors of the person befallen with disaster. Allah is teaching us that we need to face it with pure patience and He will write the merits of the good deeds as a gratuity.

iii) Allah is the Most Compassionate the Most Merciful. He will never leave His servants alone in the difficulties as long as His servant always remember Him and dependently submitting his self to Him in all conditions and situations.

Dear brothers and sisters, I have no capability to approach you one by one but just reminding everyone including myself please do not forget obligatory five daily prayers. I am begging you and also begging myself. It is for your future and I always wish happiness and success for all of you. Please also wish me happiness and success and hereafter, pray for me. Thank you dear brothers and sisters who are stepping in this meaningless side and those who had been my friend and helped me, may Allah bless you always you people are in my prayers with love.

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love amin! 

等死

我花了我的一整生命，等待死亡
我為他的計劃，我希望他，我夢見他
當我老了，住我的生活
我自己反鎖在此塔扔掉的關鍵
我祈禱死亡，這樣我就可以停止等待
我的頭髮變得灰色，我的骨頭變弱
死亡潛藏在黑暗的陰影
但他仍然不會來
然後我決定把我自己的生活，而不是
由於死亡是不是還跟我來
我會來找他
我從我的塔跳下，降落以下
但我覺得無痛苦，從致命的落下
我回到我的塔再次嘗試
我肯定有做錯
但是當我到達塔頂，我發現我的錯誤
一具骷髏坐在我的老搖椅
我的皮膚和靈魂離開了久前
我花了這麼多時間，等待死亡
在年底，我錯過了他的訪問

- Silent Dreams

A Dream which Makes Me Anxious

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I am not good or any specialist in dream interpretation or anything. In fact I don't like mysteries or mystical stuffs. However last few nights I dreamed something which makes me feel anxious until now... This kind of dream will always appear in my sleep when I sleep early because I am exhausted due to some heavy activity like walking the whole day. I rarely have dreams since I can't really close my eyes when I sleep at night. When we are too anxious about something which is not certain, we can't really close our eyes and become easily exhausted but we don't know what makes us exhausted. It is very torturing. I had discussed this with Amir when I contacted him asking him about his experience. He told me about anxiety disorder which is also related to trauma and psychological matters. I can remember the dream because I will recall it back when I wake up and they are rare. 

It's not a dream about any particular person but something which is related to body part and it is bleeding. I am not going to talk about what is it here because I don't want people to be involved in speculations. It is not a good thing for everyone. Before my grandparents went away from this world I also feel something weird where I feel windy even in the house. I had dreams which involves this body part but I never think anything special about dreams because I only regard them all as something to do with our life experience or psychological in its meaning. I am worried about people who are close to me. It could be family member, brothers or sisters in faith or anyone who are close to me. However, I strongly feel that this would involve someone very very close which is family member... I don't have courage to ask anyone about this. Now I noticed about the errors in pilgrimage we made and also have a dream which makes me anxious. Also an incomplete thesis which needs to be entirely submitted by April. In this case, only Allah can help me.   

Ya Allah please help me don't take anyone that I love away from me. Give everyone the chance to know You, to repent to You and to be obedient to Your commands... Anything that You decree dear Lord, please make it beneficial for everyone. We poor creatures have no power to change anything. Only You are the One who is rightful on Your Will and Decree. Please help us to receive Salvation dear Allah only in You we trust and depend! :'(

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!  

Discussion about Barzakh: Soul Returning to Body

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

The question about the condition of carcass or a dead body in the grave whether it could see what happens in the living world has the basis from the report of our mother, Aishah r.a and others.

Regarding the question on whether a deceased soul returning to its body or hovering on its grave while listening or seeing something in the living world or other times? It says that the soul returns to its body while listening or seeing something according to times. This is mentioned in hadiths.

The soul is in contact with its body though already leaving the body at any time or pace where He Wills it to happen. Although it is only for few moments like the angels descend to the world or the light of the sun reaching the earth or like a person who gain his consciousness and rising up from his sleep for few seconds and sleep again.  

Some evidences show that souls and spirits are hovering over their graves. Says Mujahid: "The souls are at their graveyard (close to its material body) for seven days beginning from the day he passed away and buried. It's sometimes close to its physical body and sometimes away. 

Anas bin Malik r.a says: "I was told that those (departed) souls or spirits could move anywhere they wanted to and the God knows more than His creatures." (Majmu' Fatawa chap 23 pg. 362)

Ibnu Taimiyyah mentions in his book: "Whilst the question about what has been told by the God about the life of the martyrs in the Barzakh, they are given the sustenance and it is also mentioned in valid hadiths that the souls of the martyrs will be entered into the paradise."  

Thus, many opinions from scholars stating that this matter or state mentioned by Ibnu Taimiyyah in his kitaab is specific to the martyrs. It is not referring to Ahlus-Siddiqeen or the people of righteousness and others. Other valid opinion such as what stated in the Sunnah and Ibnu Taimiyyah is not only specific to the martyrs but also to others. The martyrs were specifically mentioned in the Quran as there were assumptions that a person would die when defending himself from being bullied and oppressed by others who worship materials and believe not in freedom of others. So, he would back off and letting himself to be sunken under oppressions. So, the God mentions this specifically in Revelation for a believer to protect himself from being bullied by those who were deflected from worshiping Him alone. It is also the same with the prohibition to kill innocent children because of the fear for being poor. It is the fact that many people would also kill their children, adolescence and fetus even when killing them is prohibited! (Majmu' Fatawa chap. 24 pg. 332).

Soul of Martyrs

When we talk about this issue of martyrdom, I am sure many would associate this to violence because it is rampant in Western world as if Western world is so holy, saintly human-being, civilized over others (in term of arrogance) and never waging war to others. But in history, these kind of things had already happened. It is not unique only to people in modern time like today who have to defend themselves but also in the antiquity such as in Bar Kochba Rebellion (132-136 CE) where those Judeans were suppressed by pagan Romans in Judea before the rise of noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w. 

Martyrs also refer to those who were brutally killed because of their faith such as the parents of Amr bin Yasser which is one of the companion of noble prophet Muhammad s.a.w. It happened in Meccan period when the light began to rise up again. Amr's father is Yassir bin Amir and his mother is Sumayya bint Khayyat. We always recite prayers for their souls. 

In narrations that I listened from elders and teachers while I was a little Muslim boy, these figures were among those who were mentioned to my ears. Both of these martyrs were slaves to a rich idolater. But now, I am amazed to Sumayya because she is a woman and she had to bear brutal torments of influential man in the society of the particular period because of her faith to the God through the prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w. She just died without EU intervention regarding human rights nor media coverage nor receiving sympathy from Civilized Western world or other 'human-being'. 

Those who killed Sumayyah and her husband were non-Muslims but idolaters. Their house were burn, they were stricken with hot iron-rod, their eyes were poked out, and other brutal torments to force them to leave their faith toward the God and His messenger, Muhammad s.a.w. Nobody in Orientalism mention and herald this aloud to the world, right. I feel so sick when I read and watching figures such as Hirsi Ayan Ali and others like her. She and these people are so cheap in term of materialism comfort. They will get what they want but it will never satisfy them forever because they have no soul and spirit. What is so amazing with Western Civilization???! I see emptiness and no-spiritualism. I am more amazed to those in Himalayan range of mountains compared to those in Europe or the United States. They are not rich but they don't have to fear the death because there is nothing to be left behind (houses, nice food, properties and estate, children, position as leaders, praises from fellow creatures and etc).

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin! 

About Barzakh and the Deceased Soul

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This is from the source of a kitab known as ar-Ruh compiled by Ibnu Qayyim the disciple of Ibnu Taimiyyah. The guidelines about are also mentioned in the Fatawa and the Kubra.

Ibnu Taimiyyah when being asked about people who are alive visiting the deceased whether the deceased knows about their visit? Whether they still recognize their family members or those at their funeral?

Ibnu Taimiyyah then answered: "All praises are only to the God. Indeed the deceased do know and realize about this matter. There are many evidences about the meeting of those who are alive with the deceased (souls of the deaths), their discourses, and the practices of those who are alive being shown to those who had passed away."

Ibnu Mubarak from Abu Ayyub al-Ansari mentions that Ibnu Taimiyyah says that: "When the soul of a faithful believer being uprooted from their physical body, those who are blessed by the God (who had earlier passed away) would see him just like those who are alive in the physical world bringing good news to others. They will come to him and greet him. Some of them would say to the others, wait for your brother to rest since he just struggled with the pain of death (leaving the physical body)." 

Ibnu Ayyub further narrated: "After the soul resting, other deceased soul would come and talking to him. They would ask about what has been done by this man... what has been done by this woman...?"

The deceased knows that those who are alive visiting him and greeting him with salaam peace prayers. As what has been mentioned by Ibnu Abbas r.a who reported the sayings of prophet Muhammad s.a.w: "A faithful believer who walks at his brothers cemetery and prays with the peaceful greeting to his deceased brothers will be answered by their souls at the cemetery." 

Ibnu Mubarak mentioned that, this hadith is valid from the sayings of prophet Muhammad s.a.w through the inspection of Abdul Haqq who compiled the kitaab al-Ahkam (Majmu' Fatawa chap 24 pg. 331).

In other parts, Ibnu Taimiyyah was asked whether the deceased could hear the voice of those who are visiting him and whether he could actually see them? Whether his spirit and soul returns to his body or hovering over his grave? Whether his spirit and soul gathering together with other family members' spirits and souls who had earlier passed away?

He answered: "Praises be to the God, the Lord of the universe. Yes, indeed! The deceased could listen to the voice of people around him as what has been mentioned in the two valids which are the Bukhari and Muslim. The hadith says that the deceased are listening to the clopping sound of shoes made by those who are walking on his grave."

Ibnu Taimiyyah also mentions other evidences from the Sunnah in which showing that the deceased are listening to the sounds around but the physical body could not respond to them. It is not all the time they could hear the sounds. Sometimes they would listen and sometimes not. It is just the same to those who are alive. Those who are alive could also listen to sounds, but sometimes their hearing would be obstructed by obstructions. The hearing sense of the deceased means that they know what happened around them but they could not give any reaction or respond. 

It is not referring to the hearing which is denied by the God in Surah an-Naml verse 80. The God says: "Indeed, you (Muhammad and others) could not make those who are dead (their heart is dead) to accept the teachings and lessons." In this verse, the word dead refers to the rejection of the heart and soul of a person (physically and spiritually) to accept the order and decree from the God. Those who are dead refers to those who refused the calling of those who call them toward the God because a dead man could not respond to voices around though he listens to them or simply animals who could listen voices but understand not the meaning of languages (voices). A dead body could listen to the sound and understood what had been said around. But they could not answer or executing whatever had been said.

This verse says that it is of no use to talk to those who are hardened at their heart. It gives no benefit to him or others if we keep talking to him or calling him toward the God. This verse is also in retaliation to verse 23 surah al-Aanfal. The God says: "Had the God knows (because He knows) that there are benefits for them,  indeed He would have made them listen. And if He had made them listen, they would have turned away from the Truth." It means that Mercy and Guidance is within His Wisdom and Will. Human-being may pray to Him for guidance and faith.

There are also discussions about this but it is already 'Asr prayer service time. If He wills we would also try to see what are the discussions about this may the God increase our knowledge and faith towards Him, amin!

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Getting to Know Barzakh

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Diary

I envy my nephew, Shafiq. Through his younger brother, Saffwan, I get to know that he has departed for Medinah al-Munawwara for Quran and Sunnah studies. I don't know his account number but I wanted to give him some secret support without being known by any of our relatives. If I wasn't deceived by environment around and reciting Three Gems to be a young Buddhist (because I was disappointed with people treatment to me as a humble young kid), perhaps I would also studying Quran and Sunnah and later performing obedience according to what has been prescribed in scriptures in this short life for His sake.

Now, it is not important from where I get the knowledge. I don't even care anymore. I would just anonymously asking the help of religious figures around to be my teachers after I finish everything and I am still not completing my Quranic memorization. I feel so sad and disappointed with myself as I thought I could finish memorization in this period of studies because post-graduate is actually a mask for me to study Quran but I paid everything for that by borrowing others'. I guess I am a fool myself because it is just not-necessary to be burdened like this to memorize Quran. I'm crying like a fool while writing this diary for my foolishness, hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha... Ya Allah :'( :'(

Introduction

Remembering death is always a quality of a faithful believer because faithful believer believes that everything in his hand or material world will not last long. So, I bring this post forward firstly for myself and then to others who choose this Path of paupers and the meek brought into light again through the prophethood of Muhammad s.a.w. I just read an article about Ibnu Taimiyyah who is a Hanbali scholar in which I decided to be attached to this school of jurisprudence because baba Abdul Qadir Jailani was also a Hanbali and it makes me easier to understand the tasawwuf teachings according to the school of jurisprudence. Besides I am an ordinary fan of baba Abdul Qadir but I don't like anything associated to exorcism discussions or mysticism stuffs. Some of those Tabligh kids who came to me and asking me about why I am sitting alone and chanting a long chain of "words" then trying to associate it with "magical" stuffs would just make me feel nauseated because I can't suddenly scold people for such assumption and thinking but I feel like I wanted to slap their face. I don't like these kind of questions nor do I like to speak about it. We emphasize on the basis of faith and practices and everything should start from the beginning. Not from above. 

Definition of Barzakh

What is برزخ Barzakh dear brothers and sisters in faith? It means a state where the soul of the deceased transferring across the boundaries of mortal realm into the rest before the Resurrection. Reference to this is in Surah al-Mu'minun or the Divine Letter of the Faithful Believers in verse 100:

Lord says through prophet Muhammad s.a.w tongue: "So that may I work righteousness in the things I neglected. By no means! It is a word, but a word he says. Before them is a partition till the Day they are raised up."

This verse in the surah actually refers to the prophecy about those who do not believe at the time death is touching them. Their soul will talk and the God is telling us the discourse of the souls with Him. The souls are asking and weeping to the Lord asking Him to return them to the life so may they perform obedience and righteousness but the chance is only once in this lifetime but never afterlife. Urmm, I don't know how to simplify this in other words. But this could also be known as afterlife. In Roman Catholicism Christianity (RC), perhaps they employ the word purgatorium to explain about this state. I'll try to check RC texts again and asking pastors if I have the time.

Steps into the Barzakh

1. Soul will be separated from physical body. 

Soul will be separated and hovers over the body. I had seen many deaths around and I actually will quickly respond to people when they call me to visit a dead person as compared to matrimonial or any other occasions. I went to a relative funeral and saw fishes in the aquarium beside the deceased are staring at a side. It's not only a fish but I counted, there are about six goldfishes in the aquarium with other countless smaller fishes staring only at an angle of the aquarium facing the deceased. I don't know if they saw something, but usually fishes would just swimming here and there without anything happen except if we knock at the tank. I observed it with two of my sisters while others did not notice it perhaps they are too busy to manage the deceased. I saw people at their deathbeds too either in their house or at hospitals.If we do not see these, perhaps we would feel comfortable with life and thinking that we are going to live forever.

2. Self-review of one's actions in deeds in one's life

Last few weeks earlier I went to Golden Screen Cinema (GSC) and watching a movie about wolves something with little sister. It's title is the Grey about a group of wolf-hunters who were involved in a plane-crash due to blizzards somewhere in Alaska. There are also scenes about people before their death where they would reflect everything in their life whether they love it or hate it. In the movie it only shows those people reflecting whatever that they love coming to invite them. My second sister had also experienced this when she fallen down due to slippery floor in the UIA masjid during Ramadan after breaking her fast. She told me that, she suddenly feeling like she was going to collapsed and can't open up her eyes. Then a chain of memory like flashes comes like a screen and she could clearly see the moments when she was born until she slipped down. Few minutes later she comes into her consciousness while there was nobody there. However, she is still alive until today and she is a fan of the late Mr. Hassan al-Banna and Dr. Tariq Ramadan. This topic of death always come to our mind and we talk about this when we reflect about our evil deeds everyday whether we realize them or not.

3. The soul rests in an inter-space where one will experience a manifestation of one's soul resulting in a cold and deep sleep state waiting for the Resurrection and Judgement. 

I am still alive and I never experience this so I can't tell anything about the situation while only being in the state of soul except I had few dreams like I met the soul of my "late maternal grandfather". I don't know if that was a demon in disguise who suddenly appears in my dream to deflect me because I was already a non-believer but I could still clearly remember until now.

It is like in Charlie Chaplin movie as to describe how it looks like for the vision in the dream. Everything is black and white as what we could see in old films. His attire is a white robe with a white turban tied like the Iranian Shi'a Imams but the difference is only in color. He didn't say any word to me but trying to embrace me while his eyes are full of tears but he failed to embrace me each time he came close to me like there was a transparent glass blocking him from coming close to me but I saw no such thing as a glass in between us.

I had an issue with him before his death. That is the time when I was in the reflection process where I decided to learn about Islam again and performing the basis of religion which I mentioned in previous posts in hadith of archangel Gabriel a.s reported by Omar bin al-Khattab r.a but I didn't entirely repenting because I still have doubt. When I went to pilgrimage, I still didn't talk with him but only remained silent because I feel tired to deal with people including I was also angry with my mum for registering my name without asking me (since I wasn't a believer). I do not only behaved like that to him but also to most of my maternal relatives since most of them in the village were slandering us as neglecting grandparents but the fact was that, they were those who never really care about grandparents. I wish Allah forgives my grandparents and be Merciful to their souls either in maternal or paternal sides. I didn't mean to hurt them. I wanted to apologize to them if I was wrong but they are now already gone. I always saying prayers for them and apologize to them after prayer services :'(

It happens during Ramadan when I was a third year undergraduate student in the university at my hostel known as Desa Aman (year 2008/2009). My roommate at that time was abe Mijie from Kuala Qirai of Kelantan. I had fallen asleep after Taraweekh optional prayer services because I was too tired walking to masjid besides the pressures due to the end-term project so I had fallen asleep just after I arrived to the room. When I came into consciousness the time shows that it was around 22:00-23:00. Then Mijie entering the room and shouting to me: "Hoh, N**** dok gi maye terawehhhh!!!!" - (You didn't perform Taraweekh service!!!!). I felt like to answer him, its optional to be performed in masjid with the congregation though I went to the masjid and returned to the room earlier before others. I just performed it eight units of prayer services with masjid's congregation but I just think, never mind. I need to quickly perform prayers for grandpa and grandma though only "grandpa" appears in my dream.

Most of times, I also cried at the stairs of masjid, under trees behind the masjid, and at the bench in front of the School of Computer Science just beside the masjid two or three hours before Fajr prayer services since I was an undergraduate student because I was alone. Nobody from Pusat Islam nor Tabligh member including my Tablighi cousins care to approach me because I just wear normal attire and sometimes I look like a messy poor kid, religiously dumb and non-religious mingling with ungodly people. I just didn't know where should I talk to so I decided to befriend with the God and leaving human-being behind.

Urmm, now I feel ashamed that perhaps others might read or see this site because I had given the link to some of them as I just don't want to slander or backbiting them because sometimes I used their real names in this side when referring to them but I would never include any pictures of people whom I talking about unless if I talk good things about them. Who cares, if I did wrong in this side please inform me I will right away and sincerely apologize. Nobody would ever see me anymore after once they meet me. I wish it so since I don't want to see anyone who knows me anymore. If I could disappear like a wind it would be very nice.           

Stages of Life and Soul  

I think I also heard about this when I listened to lectures about the afterlife. Teachers mentioned to us about the stages of life and soul. Soul will be blown to the fetus in the womb according to the decree of the God and it is known as the stage of the womb. It will open up the stage of the life of human-being. 

Before that the souls who are candidates to be born as human had already promised to their Lord that they would be in the Path of Righteousness and Nature: the Path of the God (Islam). But when they were blown into the womb and born into the stage of mortal, their environment, parents, desires and physical craving would be influencing them. The God also sends His Mercy and Guidance to human-being in physical world. He also protects babies and teaches babies how to walk to eat, to speak and to drink which are basics of human-life.

The stage of mortal world is since a person is born and to his deathbed. Then it would be the stage of grave and the soul will be in the Barzakh. The physical body will lay numb after the soul leaves the physical body. That is when we see deaths. The Resurrection will mark the stage of eternity. The Judgement will happen and the Compensation will be done through His Will. I think I had also discussed about spirits and soul with some Christian friends of mine but now I had lost my contact with them after I repent. Now, I don't really closely make friends with people. I am trying to find the reference for this stages of life too.       

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!

Every Soul Will Taste Death

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Alhamdulillah, we had safely finished our prayer services. More importantly I could pray together with congregation for Isya' because I had few times left behind due to that I live far from Islamic center. I hope to move inside since I wanted to join Islamic center activities and still thinking on how to deal with bureaucracy. Hope Allah helps me :'(

We also listened to the advice and preach given by the imam of Taraweekh prayer service. It is concerning death. The verse in surah Aal 'Imraan 185:  

Every soul will taste death. And indeed your merit will be completed in the Day of Resurrection. For those who are prevented from the Hell and they will be placed in the Paradise, they are fortunate. And this worldly life is nothing but merely a deceiving pleasure.

Everyone will face death. It is a fact. Muslim, non-Muslim, animals, affluents, paupers, and everyone will have to face this test. We do not know when and where we are going to die. We have to be ready and well-prepared to face the death. 

We will harvest and reap our charity and good deeds in the hereafter. It is during the Day of Resurrection when we will be judged by the God on what we had done in the world. 

This world is nothing but merely a deceiving pleasure. Indeed... I could see this since when I was a kid. Even when some people talking about this to us, they don't actually have inner feeling about this because they still are clinging to worldly pleasure. A brother from the so-called JT had just tyrannized me but I don't know what to say. I respect this movement and its founder. 

That's why I had provided shelter to him but it seems like some of them love to twist their words and using their movement name to deceive others. He said that he would be here for a while and I ask him no more as a matter of courtesy and politeness. Many people condemning Arabs as uncivilized race that makes a prophet being sent to these people but I guess after observing, we Arab descents are actually more polite and considerate about everything that happens around. 

I had also encountered problem with my current roommate because of this guy. Maybe I am a naive person and that makes me always a loner because I really need to be careful with my surrounding. 

Sometimes, I'm losing my faith toward Islamic brotherhood (not in Allah because I always believe in Him as my Protector and trustworthy Friend who never betrays me) because so many people who seems like following the teaching are inconsiderate, not compassionate and never think about other soul. I know it is not the teaching to be blamed but I guess their spirituality perhaps do not reach the level like what they externally displayed. 

Next time I would have to be really discreet, never easily entertain people around who come by to talk and I don't care if people wanted to condemn me for not strengthening the ukhuwah (brotherhood) because I am not friendly. We should not judge the book by its cover due to that sometimes people that we look as evil or bad are actually the most generous, polite, considerate and kindhearted person compared to ourselves.

I'm sorry for the rant and royanan (depression) after the preach sharing. I just don't know to whom should I talk about this except to the God. Just consider this as a complaint of a lowly servant to his beloved Master. Maybe this is a test from Allah to me in this blessed month and I have to bear with it. May He grants me strength to overcome this and I could finish my thesis writing according to time. Wish everyone happiness and peace. 

Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love, amin!

News about Death

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Just received a sad news our grand-aunt had passed away today. I had also declined the internship after revising my schedule regarding my thesis because I afraid that I would have to see my supervisor every week. I would find a part-time job near my hostel so that I could survive. Why not being confident to Allah????! 

And I should also stop comparing myself to others! I am different and others are different. I should only humble my knees down to Allah and not to fellow creatures. Sometimes I could sense that I behave like infidels again but just could not help it because Buddhism influence was so great in myself. Really have to be careful with my evil side. That is why we are always in sin but we are not away from His glorious mercy. He is Merciful!

This evening to I had heard another news about death from Amir, my ex-colleague. His maternal grandfather passed away. As a fellow muslim I would just send my condolence to his mum. Never have the chance to see his mum but from his stories about his family, I can get to know his mum. His mum must be a nice person. He felt stuffed in his chest because death is not always easy thing especially when we have to attend the funeral and we are alone since we might also seeing long-distance relatives who we aren't really familiar and that makes us uncomfortable while feeling down with ourselves. I can't talk detail about this because we have guests here so I need to respect other guests. But as to say, I only have Amir as a friend. He is the only surviving friend that I have and I feel sorry for him because he is also a reflect of myself. A reflect of myself who feels down. For me each time I feel disgusted with environment around, I would pray that the judge (Isa al-Masih) would return and bringing peace for sometimes before the destruction : (

Got to travel north again becos I have to see my supervisor this Wednesday and on this way we would also stop by at Bandar Baru near Parit Buntar to witness the funeral. It is to remind ourselves that we would leave this deceiving "pretty" world. I'm actually listening to poems about death in arabic while jotting this down. Tried to download Quran recitation from few important suras that I wanted to memorize badly. I must have this determination to memorize Quran. 

I would punish and never forgive myself if I don't get to follow the guidelines set!!!!!! Now, He is giving me the time to repent and seeking knowledge. I am glad no Tabligh kids around in the hostel so I could freely roam without being seen to mosque and meeting syeikhs in the USM mosque. I wanted to memorize Hanbali fiqh kitaabs badly but I need living teachers to help me here. It is not Mecca and I regret that, maybe I should cry my pathetic self to the syeikhs too. 

We can't avoid death. It is a must for everyone who breath and alive. It is the sunnah of the life. Thus I pray may all the souls of the faithfuls being forgiven by Allah. Please have mercy to our souls o Allah! You are the most Merciful and the Forgiver to everyone. We could only seek Your Mercy as we have no one except You. Indeed we are for Allah and indeed to Him we would return. Sealed with prayers for peace and love.