Recap: Backache and Boredom in Train

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

continue...

In the beginning I thought that we would right away have a bed, but I was wrong. We have to sit first because the train schedule is crossing the schedule of domestic passengers who travel from Bukit Mertajam, Kuala Muda, and Arau stations to Hadyaai Junction. I sat at the seat number 36 in coach no.10, just beside a Thai national auntie.

Didn't talk much with her due to differences in our dialects. I can understand her but she is having hard time to understand our regional Thai because each region and area have their own words and differ greatly to each other. 

We have Malay words and sometimes Persian words mixed in our Thai while their Thai is standard Thai according to their national system. I would look like a five years old Thai kid trying to talk to adults when trying to talk with the auntie, haha. Few long hours sitting in the train I began to feel bored and my back ache. I need to walk sometimes and stand to release the tense at certain parts.

 This is my bed, prepared by uncle Sumant who was the train attendant. Quite dark and the train is moving, can't properly snap it.

At Bukit Mertajam, the train stopped for a moment for other domestic passengers. A girl with tudung labuh and maroon baju kurung sat in front of me. Later she talked at the phone, I guess she talked with her brother who lived in Kuala Lumpur. Her face looks like a Tabligh brother in our Tekun hostel who's known as Naufal and coincidentally she is heading to Arau station in Perlis, no kidding mannn!!!! 

That Tabligh kid is also from Perlis, particularly from Beseri. I could still remember when I asked that guy in the car just after we returned from Tabligh activity in their mosque in Georgetown. Jangan-jangan adik dia tak or might be related to that guy? Perlis bukan besar sangat. Just lazy to talk with anyone. Further, what I have to do with those Tabligh guys??? They are not here anymore, hahaha. 

I just take a look at the window relaxing my mind, trying to make myself happy. The train stopped again at Kuala Muda station in Sungai Petani. It's my hometown where I was born anyway. Then at Arau, most of domestic passengers went down. And the train proceed to Padang Besar for passport control center for crossing border passengers.  

 Passengers preparing to sleep, and it's quite shaky in the train so we can see that it's blurry ahahaha.

Oh yeah, there was also a Tabligh guy who is heading for Haadyai. Perhaps to their center for their activities, but he seems quite pompous, looking at me and the Buddhist auntie in front of me like trash. I didn't wear anything that shows my religion or faith and I speak in Thai while in train with attendants because they don't speak neither English nor Malay so perhaps he thought that I am a non-Muslim too. And he is so out of attitude chewing sirih (betel leaves), messing the floor with his chewed betel leaves. 

He didn't show any respect to the auntie in front of him too with his feet showing to the elder because I know how Thai Buddhists are. Most of them are very polite although differently to Muslim Malays. Pointing our feet or fore finger to elders and person upper to our level is considered as biadab (barbaric). I was like so surprised to see this because I was told differently about Tabligh and manners though I am not the member of the movement. Perhaps, with my background as south east asian whom are familiar with polite customs compared to those from south asian, i might not be suitable to mingle around with them.

 Hualampong Station, they had a book fair there and all books are written in Thai.

After we stopped by at Arau Station, the train further moves to Padang Besar. I can see Arau Mosque, al-Madrasah al-'Alawiyyah ad-Diniyyah which was my school when I was 13. I saw boys playing soccer at the field and green paddy fields. Houses of village folks. It reminds me of my naughty times and later my mum had to transfer me to Selangor when she heard something 'weird' happened to me, hahaha. My maternal grandparents lived in Arau and now we already lost them :'(

Quite modern station, well it is a capital train station just like KL Central in our Kuala Lumpur but might not be the same like KL Central. They have King's picture up there and ticket counters for domestic and international trips. Most are written in Thai so if you are not sure, just ask the information counter. They can help us with some English but be prepared if they can't differentiate Thais and non-Thais because South East Asians in average just look the same, hahaha.

Then the train stopped for maintenance before it reaches Padang Besar. I heard the call of prayer for maghrib and my heart feels so guilty because I can't properly pray in the train. No musalla or space for prayer in Thai coach. I just took the ablution, sat at my seat, closed my eyes and prayed while sitting. The Tabligh guy saw my mouth chanting holy verses in whispering voice. 

Perhaps he can recognize now that I am a Muslim. So, he tried to talk to me but I just kept my silence after the prayer because I was mentally reciting ma'athurat invoking Allah 'Azza wa Jalla protection for everyone in the coaches safety no matter Muslim or non-Muslim.  

The Thai immigration officer in Padang Besar passport control were quite firm compared to those in Sadao at Kwan Mai Dam (Bukit Kayu Hitam). No need to slip RM1 into our passport and we have to fill the embarkation form on our own. The Bangladeshi Tabligh guy approached me and introducing himself as a Tabligh member. Urrrr, I already noticed that since he was at his seat chewing betel leaves at Bukit Mertajam. Bangladeshi attire, with white Indian skull cap, betel leaves in the vessel made of shining metal, and bushy beard. He can't speak in Thai, Malay, nor English. Well, it's ok but he keeps approaching me. I am afraid that he might causing me trouble with his image and his destination is Southern Thai. A samseng Thai attendant with amulet at his neck in the train had already marked him up and that Tabligh guy seems quite insolent too.  

I just helped him to fill up his form as a Muslim brother but it does not mean I agree with his attitude toward the old Thai lady in front of him and his sharp glance to me, tengok orang atas bawah. Maybe he thought that the lady is a non-Muslim so why must he be respectful to non-Muslim but this kind of attitude had made me gone astray when I was a 13 years old kid. I guess the readers who stumbled here could understand what I am trying to say.

to be continued...

How does it feel when we have a good or close friend?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

Wayne Chia

I begin this post with praises to Allah and humility. May Allah bless me, beloved faithful brothers and sisters with bountiful of wisdom from His boundless Wisdom.

I had finished the paper for SAE515 European External Policy last Friday. I do not know whether I did well or not. But I guess I had tried hard enough to do well. The rest will be the Divine intervention to help me. I do not have any ability to excel without the help of Allah and everything is already decreed. I will harvest what I had worked on. I still have to represent my proposal and answering German paper level 100 (Beginner). 

I actually have no friends here, not even a close friend to be a company. So I can't help feeling lonely and envious looking at groups of people talking and laugh among each other at restaurant, or discussing about the affiliations or values that they share in musalla. I tried to develop relationship with people in musalla but it is not a close relationship. We just shake hands sometimes after the congregational prayers end in musalla and walk away. I feel so shy to talk to people, plus some of the congregation member in musalla is from Jama'at Tabligh. Although I learned religious knowledge in my three years secondary schooling time and for some times in Syariah stream before shifting to secular education but I still feel myself lower than others. Especially when I heard that they have more priviledge in front of Allah because of their efforts, and I have nothing to offer to Allah except trying to be sincere to Allah. I feel more down, with my experience which was not really good as others although I believe many encounters this kind of problem too. 

I do not intend to insult myself, I know this feeling is not good. But that is what I feel. I am not like a quiet person if I know people well. I could talk about many things, breaking out laugh with jokes that I feel comfortable to talk but when I encounter people who talk about religion or about God all the time like JT kids, it would be quiet difficult for me. Because some of them are still in the stage of learning. I am also afraid that I would hurt them with questions or comments that I have even though I do not care about what people want to think about myself or talk about me. I do think in a complicated way sometimes because of my past experience, so those who are not familiar with me might think that I have something broken in my head, hurting them or talking nonsense. Because of taking care about brothers feeling, I have to think many times and observe first before breaking the silence.  

I do not have problem to talk with congregation from the Mid East although I am not comfortable with some of their attitudes but those in the university mosque congregation are quite polite to people and they conduct religious lecture and readings from kitaab. I am familiar with Mid Easterners culture and customs but I prefer to talk to compatriot better. The congregation of Mid Easterners are in the university mosque and it is far from my hostel. That is why I have to pray congregational prayers in musalla in the lowest level of the hostel.

I remember the last time I had a good friend is when I was in standard four. At that time, my father served the state government office as a press secretary of the Kedah state chief minister. At that time, we also had a photo shop but it did not work well because of the capital shortage and few problems, so we have to close the shop. We are the only "bumiputera" who opened photo shop in Jitra competing with Chinese owned photo shops. I was schooled for a while in Sekolah Rendah Ahmad Tajuddin in Jitra. I had a close friend, whom I called as Saiful. He was the one who began to talk to a quiet boy who was me. I never start greeting anyone until others' greet me first except if I feel the need for me to greet then I would greet and be friendly like what happened with me and brother Idris during Ramadan 2010. I and Saiful had once been close friends in a year schooling time before I have to move to Selangor together with our parents. Particularly in Hulu Langat. There, I was schooled in Sekolah Rendah Batu 9. I have no close friend anymore since then because of the difference in culture problem and it always not easy for young kids to adapt with new environment, taking into account that we always moved here and there. I just have classmates whom I just meet when I was in the class but not for any other sharing activities anymore like before. 

Then, when I was in third year doing my first bachelor degree. I met my close friend when I was in standard four again which is Saiful. He is eager to continue having a contact with me but he had bring his girlfriend with him when we met at my neighborhood. I feel quite shy to talk with him because for such a long time we did not meet each other and he came with his girlfriend. 

And then the way he talk too is different to when we were kids because that was different thing. Now we are adults. I do not feel close anymore. So, I do not talk to him anymore after we met although for few times he tried to contact me. Maybe times changing him or perhaps it is me who is changing.

I do not have any good opportunity to build relationship with others because my parents especially my mother is quite stifling with me. Maybe because I am the only son. I did not have any chance to be naughty outside with friends although I was quite naughty at home. Now, I thought that I have not acquire the art to make friends anymore. But when I was in the first year bachelor degree, I made friend with a guy from Jitra. He was my colleague in our course. I treat him just like my blood brother or cousin although I have no brother nor I am close to my own cousins. We talked about many things including I listened to his exposure to me about music. But when holidays come, he never offers me to join him visiting his family like other friends did. Maybe he is shy of his family, I also have the same feeling because I have sisters. I could not bring male friend home, because of my sisters. Now I still contacting him, but it is not like before because of distance perhaps or maybe he has his own problem. May Allah makes everything easy for him.

When I am at home, my sisters can't be good listeners. When they have problems, I can be their place to say anything that they want. I just keep my problems to my self and chanting prayers to Allah may He be Merciful releasing me from psychological burden of the problem to befit in the society. My experiences of a confused background had shaped me to be like this and it is very difficult to express it out.

Now I just try to establish good relation with kids from Jama'at Tabligh in congregation although I sometimes do not feel comfortable when they are in high spirit and forgetting around. I saw them having good relationship and communicate well among each other that made me interested to be close although in the beginning it was not me who approach them.

But when I see myself, I just see a poor hermit in me. I do not know how to express it in words but I guess that is the closest picture that I have for my self. But there are certain barriers too. Like I am just alone, I have no close friend together like them in the movement. So, how does it feel when we have a good or close friend? I had forgotten it, or might be I never feel it at all.

Ending this simple post on Sunday, I would like to beg Allah to please do not leave me alone. I do not have anyone in this cruel world in its pretentious colors. I only have Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. Please Allah at least let me have a good friend to company me when I stay in rest in barzakh, since I have no close friend to talk about my sadness or my happiness in this world.

Let me stay with Your Words as my company when I go to see You. I am longing to see You my dear Lord. Please have Mercy on me O holy God, I am your poor slave. I have nothing to be proud of, I have nobody to talk with, I only have You. Please may my lowly prayers be heard O Holy God, only You are my Strength. Praises to Allah may it stop not from my unworthy lips.