Thursday, 14 November 2013

Starting Over

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I had made few researches on jobless situation in our country. It is not so much a full finding but is still reliable for fellow jobless friends and also those who are still deciding to further their studies in the university or college especially when they are so excited looking at their friends preparing for their further studies in the university.

Young friends, let me give you an advice. I had already gone through whatever you are now going through. Do not be easily deceived by situations around. Make considerations and get proper guidance on your future. Do not follow your friends or anyone around you but decide yourself with the prayer to the God the Highest on what you are going to do. I am still waiting responses on the unofficial research and collecting responses. If I had almost complete it then I would publish it up here as a warning, haha. Just do not be so sad if you are not doing well in your SPM or examinations in school level or any level it is.

Do not try to take your own life because I had also experienced it few times! I almost took my life when I was 17 years old just after I took my SPM result. I thought that I wanted to be transferred into the highest world after I died. Different to my family members who were not so much spiritual in tendency... I was also a self-educated in Buddhism and I wandered to Buddhist monastery, listening to Buddha Dharma speeches and tying the white thread at my right hand at Buddhist monastery when I was a young 13 years old boy. It happened for almost four years as I could remember when I was in that stage of life. I thought that when I killed myself by performing deep meditation without any food or drinks could bring my "soul" into the angels' world. Luckily my mother broke my room's door and forced me to eat. Nobody was paying attention at me at that time and I ceased performing Islamic teachings but more influenced by Buddhist thoughts. We were in distress with family conflicts as my father and us were not favored by my mother relatives and my father was struggling with his career so I believed that nobody would realize that I am going to commit suicide. I did not know at that time, I was in between the two evils. This is related to a teaching by a Buddhist teacher. I am not going to talk long about this because this is not my purpose posting things here, haha.

I had photocopied my resume with my own salary, haha. I feel so relieved that I could still save some money though I worked for not a long period. I had to print out new resume because I have new experience added in it. This is for my next year preparation. I plan that this Monday would be the day I submit one resume to Shangrila hotel. I am still sticking to my early plan but before this I was persuaded by my eldest sister to try joining the KL Airport Services Sdn. Bhd. around May 2013. I have to quit after a week Customer Services training because of my previous security pass issue in the airport. I did not submit my pass to the "real" security office when I was 19 years old working as a Chinese Interpreter and the Immigration office had lost my pass but my record is still in security office database. I made a report at the airport police station but after that I decided to quit because there was a long-winding process to clean my record and it would also burden the company. I was not there to burden anyone but just trying to get some living! Other than that, the place is so far from my house. I have no transportation on my own and it is not easy to rent room with no one that you know. I have to stand on my own "feet" without anyone to support me either morally or in term of connections that would enable me to get other helps from friends.

In the beginning, I just wanted to apply for either a cleaner job or a steward job which is related to cleaning the dishes in the kitchen for a part time job. In the same time, I could progress for self-development and repent to the God the Highest by performing penance and memorizing Quran in the gap time. Then I plan to teach the immigrants here either Myanmarese, Indians or Bangladeshis with the Quran as a mean of knowledge sharing. I had screened some and I found there are few suitable "target" and I just need their consent to help me accepting the sharing. If they wanted it then I would transfer them through two ways training. I could say that am quite racist toward rich people, hhaha...

I do not feel like wanted to be an executive or living like a rich people and I know where is my position society. I do not study anything for myself but I studied as a mean for da'awa tools and penance so that people would not look at us da'ies as people who only talk about hereafter here and there which is unseen things! So, please those who always say bad things to us graduates of the university! Do not be so arrogant and the God the Highest is listening and watching you in every corner of the universe! He could take anything that you are enjoying right now in no time! Just be grateful to the God the Highest and have some empathy to other creatures if you cannot help others. 

My colleague, Amir had talked about quitting his job. I tried to convince him to stay but he said that he feel tortured. Then I just suggest that he would better quit if he cannot go on because what for staying in the place if he is not happy? Then, we just decided to cooperate in doing translation and interpreting job which was our undergraduate major. It is not so much fruitful but I guess that is what we have in our selves. We have no other talents to sell like voice or even look, haha. If so then perhaps I would become an actor or a singer. Interpreters and translators could also serve as da'ies and civilization bridges. 

I had successfully memorized a surah and I am so happy. Thank you dear the God the Highest. I love you so much!!!!! I wrote my experiences in Buddhism and few concepts about Buddhism especially about Theravada school of thought concepts, the Sarvastisvadin and the Brahminical thought. I wrote few in Malay while others are in English. It is not for public circulation but simply as an experience of a "Muslim guy" from an overseas Arab family disguised as Malays. I am not sure whether I should publish it but I would perhaps just keeping it in my diary.

I need to clean my room and clean the ashes on my rack, it is filled with the chandan (sandalwood) ash... It is a pigsty, goshhhh!! Anyway, brothers and sisters out there. Please do not be so much influenced by your examination in the school. Just try to live a happy life and face the fact of life. Life is not so much filled with happiness but it is a myriad of scenes. If we accept the real life then we will also be content with whatever that we receive and moving on to other phase of life. Nothing to be sad of, nothing to regret, nothing to be afraid of... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin! 

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