I think I have not updating anything here yet since the last piece of blog post is just the audio of Quranic verses. I think many things happened to me through out 2010 until 2012. Last week on the Jesus Christ's manifestation event according to Christian church calender, I was almost being raped by a "homo" Pakistani migrant worker near the musalla at the flat closer to my house. He came from no where and suddenly he was at my back just before I take the wudhu'. I was actually there to perform penance to Him and trying to stay night at the musalla as it was an open space but maybe it was a test from Him too. I am in the midst of pressure. I do not live like other people with smooth beautiful life. I always encounter tests from Him.
I just returned home after being saved by the guard. I am so thankful to the guard and to the God for sending the guard to help me. I am not so big as that damn "pimp"! He just managed to kiss my face with his stinky mouth. He also tried to undress my bottom part but I punched him several times to escape. Then he slapped my face and it's a little bit bruised. I am not a person who simply insult people with things like gay or others but I do not like these kind of people who assume that everyone are like them!
I am just traumatized and surprised as this kind of disgraceful evil act could also happen in holy sanctuaries. There is no respect at all! I think that guy is just lucky too because I did not bring any sharp weapon. Usually I would bring it when I am alone as a safety measure but because my past experience of being robbed was long ago so I had forgotten. Now I try to avoid the area including the musalla though it was one of the points for me to stop by just like prophet Muhammad s.a.w trying to avoid the Thamudic area which was destroyed by the God because of the people's sins. When I returned home, I just performed the ghusl as I think that guy is filthy and perhaps his sin would also defect me.
I learned a lesson too. I must keep the skull cap on my head as a warning that Divine presence is watching. I had forgotten to put it on when I was there. Then I must wear baggy dress as to make myself looks ugly. Other than that, I would never forget my little knife. I swear that if I see that animal again, I would just stab him to death and after that stab myself! Such a disgrace to humanity! If Tablighi brothers are reading this, I am telling you why I don't like to be associated with Pakistani or those from Indian sub-continent though my ancestors were also linked to Indian sub-continent through our female lineage. I am aware about Hindu philosophies which also include Buddhism and Brahmanism but those who are "spiritually" learned are not many in the sub-continent. Many of the gurus' (those who enlightened) teachings survive and further developed outside of the sub-continent. Last time during my undergraduate, there was a crazy "homo" Jordanian Arab trying to sodomize Eastern Asian and South East Asian students. I don't think I look like a girl. Maybe I look younger than my age but that does not make me a "GIRL"! People should also respect women and not only other men. If people love to see violence then I don't mind displaying it! Next time is I see other Pakistani or those who look like them regardless they are Muslim... Religious or irreligious I would just stab them to death!
Regarding my thesis, I checked that it seems like it is not eligible for the graduation. Never mind, I have many things to solve than to get a piece of certificate. The reason why I was there is that I just feel pitiful to brother Idris Xian Hongzhi. I thought that he was alone and maybe he needs religious explanation or maybe needs access to kitabs but after all I saw that he already could suit himself with Indonesian students. So, I have no point to say anything anymore. Then, when I realized that, it was too late for me to quit from the master degree. I don't like to do anything half. It is like going to the war and when we turn our face from the battle field. It is a disgrace and those who turned their face from the battle field must kill their selves. Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional. For now, maybe I am suffering the most as it is His test to His slaves and servants. Even the greatest got to suffer for some time....
Happy new year 2013.... I wish that He would help me to go through this life and keep me within the path of my ancestors. I have no new resolution for Christian church calendar new year but I pray dear Allah please bless my prophet Muhammad s.a.w and please bless my beloved ancestor, lady Fatima r.a and her husband, Ali k.w. Please bless and guide all of the bani Hashim clan with your love.
Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad....
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!