Hurmmm.... Few weeks going thru and sometimes I can't listen adhan in our hostel. Maybe I need to exercise my responsibility to call for prayer for the benefit of brothers who are fasting even if they don't join congregational services. In fact, I also have no strength to walk to masjid because it's very far and I have to prepare earlier than when I was inside the campus since I am on feet. I actually tried several times to walk my self to masjid. I think I hurt my foot and joints while walking. My back is also aching for sitting too long looking at computer. The thesis must be continued without stop because this April is very close. I need to get the approval of lecturers and supervisor to print out the thesis, stamping it and they are very busy people.
Surah Kahfi and Iman
I read the surat al-Kahfi again and I feel so impressed to those meditating young sleeping men in the cave where they tried to avoid the conversion to idolatry for the strength of the faith in their heart. The stories about these seven young men can be found in Syriac texts of Actus Sanctorum: Saints Life and Martyrdom. I just read the stories from Quran to entertain my lonely self and sad heart but I do aware about the other path stories though they don't circulate this anymore. My family is going through some tests from Allah. It is not new for ajnabis (alien) like us because we face this since we were born, chaotic families, challenging treatment from around, identity crisis, and etc. Sometimes it could make us very weak but we must not lose hope and trust in Allah. He tests us because He wanted to clean us our selves and purify our souls. That is His hidden Mercy in between tests.
Leaving behind Duniya
I think I must avoid nice food again. I read something regarding metabolism and physical growth but I had forgotten that my age now is not the age to grow anymore no matter how much I take, hahaha. It is harmful for me and does not belong to a slave like me. Let others enjoy the food. If I bought them next time I will just dump them in the lake for friends and brothers in the lake since I don't know to whom should I give. I am shy to brothers in musalla and feel not worthy to be their friends nor brother.
I must keep in my mind that I am waiting for the Resurrection like the brothers of the past in the cave. No need to worry about how I look like or whether I look like a skeleton. If my sisters say I am ugly and looking miserable then be it. I don't care anymore. I beg Allah my Lord to forgive everyone who does not know. I beg Allah forgiveness for being deceived for a moment while I should not forget that I am just a lowly slave. I would like to express my gratitude to brothers and sisters who are passing by for your prayers. May Allah bless all of you and express His Love on each of you.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!