Despite of feeling anxious because of the thesis and classes right now, I am still trying to approach the God our Lord and dearly Friend. I wish that the God listens to my prayers and releases me from this worldly torments which trying to harm my heart. Muharram is the month where we are forbidden to act with unlawful acts such as waging war or quarrelling. Usually in Muharram I would try to fast as many days as I can but this is not obligatory!
Last time when I talked with brother Eidan, we also share some traditions among us. Brother Eidan is not a Muslim anymore and he is a Jew of Hadrami Arab descent of Johore state as he had chosen to follow his mum's religion. I am so sad because last time I could talk with him about my anxiety and asking him to pray for me though we are of different Shariah (Way) since I also have the faith in the prophethood of Moses (as) the prophet. Now we had lost the contact. I always feel him like a mirror to myself. He also feels the same when we talked to each other. We share similarities in term that we do not have many friends, we are of the same paternal ancestry, we share some points of traditions inherited from ancestors and prophets, and most of all I could not mingle well with people around because of some differences due to past experience that always made me feel down and low-estimating myself just like him while he was the citizen of this country.
Now, brother Eidan is not in the line anymore because he has to serve his country and I am actually very angry with his country because forcing my friend and a brother to serve the country at a young age and too bad that I could not hang out with him when he was in this country. I actually feel that nobody could accept myself too just like his experience but I am not a Jew but a Muslim who share the same faith and scripture with other nations here. I always think again whether my sins are actually harming me? I was taught not to blame anyone but only myself if anything wrong happened to me. I tried to ask forgiveness from the God and always questioning my faith to Him when I am in tribulations like now.
Each time we meet new friends and people, but each time we also will go our separate ways when the time reaches us. My seniors had also departed from me. My colleagues had also departed from me. I had already lost contact with Amir whom was my close friend and classmate. He is also my long-lasting friend but I think he is struggling with the changing phase of his happy life (teenage way of thinking) to the new one (adulthood). I had already undergo this experience and will still struggle until He takes me away from this 'beautiful' world into His Mercy, may He be Merciful to my soul and brothers and sisters.
I am just taking this opportunity to wish brothers and sisters Happy New Year 1433 H which will fall on this Saturday. I know some would say that this is a bida'ah (invention) but worshiping Allah together in a congregational prayer services in the masjid for everyday is not a bida'ah right? Remind everyone about valid sunnah but don't hurt people feeling by just stating this and that as bida'ah (invention). Provide evidences or else we are also considered as committing bida'ah to call other brothers and sisters with names. Dividing brothers and sisters by calling names is bida'ah and haram where we had already declared our testimony of faith to Allah (the God) and His messenger and servant, Muhammad (saw). Talk with everyone with love and mercy. Our Lord, the God is all-Merciful and full of Loving-Kindness.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!