Integrating Our Understanding of Imaan, Religion and Ihsaan

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!

I remember when I took STPM (A-Level) before proceeding to this university for a non-related degree, I had took a paper on Syariah Islamiah. In the beginning, I was actually registered by the education office in Science Stream because last time I took SPM (O-Level) in technical stream. 

They sent me letter once I finished my National Service Program, my name was chosen randomly in computer I guess. I do not feel comfortable anymore to continue studies with anything related to the thing which is not my responsibility after few bad experiences hitting my nose. I begin to learn about qada' and qadar (divine good and evil pre-destiny) after few experiences. 

I was in the Science stream in Sekolah Menengah Putrajaya Precinct 8 for my lower six. There are few teachers who thought that the school is the school for elite kids. We, the form six students out of no where suddenly coming to their excellent great school and going to taint the image of their school. One of the teacher had badly humiliating me in front of other students and teachers but I keep my patience. If I follow my evil desire, I would have her car being scratched by nails, and looking for her son to be hit at his nose but I do not want to lower myself to her level. 

 Sekolah Menengan Kebangsaan Putrajaya I Precinct 8, I was in lower 6 in this school around 2004

picture source from qimie92

She thought that having a degree from a prominent American University in Mathematics had allow her with full authority to humiliate others as people have no feeling nor fellow human like her. I do not even care what is her field of studies when she was a bachelor degree, or how great she was when she competes with American students. She might be having some mental illness I guess or the disease in her heart.  

Once she had greatly caused humiliation to me in the teachers' room, I decided to stop my form six studies in the school and in the stream because I do not want to fight her back. She is so ego, that she does not want to admit that she has no ability to teach higher level subjects while there were no other teachers except her to teach the level. I wanted to study myself and choosing something which suits my responsibility. But I never quickly enrolling myself to any other school under ministry of education supervision because I still have another year to go. I just stay idle at home and my mother began to rant about what am I going to be if I stay like that.

In the same time, I had my name being enlisted in Hajj pilgrimage together with my mother. She had applied it since a year ago when I was in form 5 (2003). At that time, I tried to kill myself by skipping meals after I did not excel well in SPM (O-Level) like other friends, and I could not jump from high building or cutting my vein because according to Buddhist Karmical law that I had listened from Buddhist monks after performing offerings and what I believed last time; I will be stucked in the Samsara realm (hell or world of another dimension) as a Prettam (Shade or Ghost).  This event happened in the end of 2003.

I intended to die without no one realize about me in my room and performing chantings of Metta Suttam (loving compassionate mantra) to make sure that I made right decision also hoping Buddha's mercy that I may be born in Phrommaviharn (the abode of Brahmas) or maybe at least if I die. I could be reincarnated again as an animal and begin the cycle slowly if I can't achieve Pari-Nibbhan (final blast) as a monk. I began to hate the world after what I had experienced, to the extend I want to enter the monastery although formally I was not a Buddhist in my identification. 

My mum realized that I didn't show up anywhere in the house nor outside the house for few days. She hit the room's door until the door opened and forced me to eat. My mother nor my family members did not notice that I was a Buddhist, because I only keep it to myself. I had done pujas (chanting mantras in Pali-Sanskrit) without no one know and very discreetly. So be careful with your children, parents. You do not know what influence had your children acquired when they mingled with people around them. Religion is not only stated in the identity card nor imaan (faith) is inherited. It is taught and maintained with knowledge, care, practices and prayers.

Back to the STPM (A-Level), I registered my name only to be an examination candidate in the Education Office in Kuala Lumpur. That was after I performed pilgrimage just after a while I stayed idle at home when I stopped from lower six in formal education system. Then, my mother said at least I should register for a formal class for important subjects like General Studies, Malay, and History.  

I registered for these classes in Kasturi Tuisyen Center there and I have to finish all of the two years syllabus in a compressed year, thanks to Mr. Kumaresan. I will always remember you for helping me with Malay paper and it is actually tough one. I still remember I cried alone in my room in the middle of the night to pass these art papers.

Kasturi Tuition Center in Kuala Lumpur where I was almost killed by two thieves while walking alone early in the morning. When they tried to force me to give them money, they had put a knife at my stomach. I kept my money in my socks and I just have RM2 in my wallet, so they just spare me away. After that I began to believe in prayers to Allah for safety when beginning journeys although it is just few cubits away from my room or house. I memorized ma'thurat and chanting them praying to Allah to protect me from His evil creatures everywhere now. I share this with everyone so that we could practice that for everyone's benefit. 

Another two subjects which are Syari'ah and Arabic I had chosen after I meditate in front of Ka'abah and performing Tawwaf (cirumambulation). It just came up to my mind after I returned to the Muassasah (foundation) in Ajyad Road. I repent there in Masjidil Haram (the respected House of God), cleansing my aqidah, focusing to Allah and began performing manasik. The journey there with my mother reminds me with some remnants of teachings that I learned in Seerah (History) where Isma'el and his mother Hajar were also there. 

I did not take any classes for both subjects Syari'ah and Arabic. I just learned it like in traditional way by visiting mosques and jotting down ulamas' lecture. Anywhere that I hear the lectures, I will jot down and keep them in my mind. I would chant again the verses they taught after the jama'ah prayers. I joined mosque's Arabic classes with some donation to support the teachers, revising again the leaflets given by the Religious, Da'awa, and Islamic Guidance Department of Saudi Arabia when I performed Hajj and revising my books when I was in form three (2002). 

But in the exam, I did not manage to do well too because I just learned everything in a year. It supposed to be in two years with proper syllabus. I passed my Arabic composition, and oral but I did not passed my Arabic literature because I did not know where to get the source for the syllabus. I also passed my Syari'ah paper. I can not continue my studies in the Middle East, but I am thankful to Allah for inspiring me to do so. God is at least merciful to His creature by teachings valuable matters to me. I feel happy in that way. I will never give up to know Him, I do not want any certificate but simply learning about Him : )

From the leaflets that I get from Hajj, I had analyzed that Islam or Syari'ah is basically consists of five components. They are Tawheed Aqeedah, 'Ibadah, Akhlaq and Tsawwuf, Mu'amalat, Munakahat, and Jinayyah. 

Tawheed or Monotheism is the Creed of a Muslim. 'Ibadah is the discipline that a Muslim undergoes to train themselves to be in the track of remembering Allah through the teachings in Quran and Sunnah, Akhlaq and Tasawwuf is for the purification of 'Aqidah because some of the characteristics described in Tasawwuf will flaw our 'Aqidah. We need to be humble in front of our Creator! Mu'amalat is the economic system performed by Islamic community. Munakahat is the way to build a Muslim and faithful family and Jinayyah is the limitations or the sentences for criminals done. Everything is inter-connected to each other. 

Aqidah of a Muslim is summarized in the Arkaanul Imaan or the Six Pillars of Faith. 'Ibadah is the 'amal (practices) concluded in the Arkaanul Islaam or the Five Pillars of Islam or Deen. Akhlaq and Tasawwuf in its basic form is Ihsaan. The preceeding Mu'amalah, Munakahat, and Jinayyat is a way to keep the nation or community in a harmonious and balanced way according to Sunnatullah.

Now, when I check back the syllabus of religious education traditionally transmitted in Arabian Peninsula, Southern Thailand, Malaysia, Indian subcontinent, and elsewhere although without any certificate or being low-estimated because religion is something that is backward and underrated but quite wonderful compared to academic education due to that people from academic line had forgotten the importance of morality and manners when talking to others. No matter when we talk to people younger than us or older than us. We have to respect every soul.

I had seen almost similar problem or maybe even worse in Saudi Arabia when I performed pilgrimage although the country is a country which executes Syari'ah Criminal Law. Most of the people treating migrant workers in a worse manner, and even they have no mercy to animals. 

The country had suppressed tasawwuf by claiming that it came from infidels teaching, but in the establishment of a religion. Not even one things could be excluded from the component because it would be a disaster to human civilization where Allah is the Generator of it. They are the elements that forming the Deen. They are mentioned in Hadis Qudsi (Holy Hadis) where it talks about Gibril (as) teaching the ummah (nation) on what is Imaan, what is Deen, and what is Ihsaan. 

I have this dream to travel to Yemen, or maybe to other places like China, India, or Iran to acquire the lessons about Quran and Sunnah leaving behind the denominations or sectarian problems. It sparks when I was in the Holy Mecca and after the experience that I had going through in this 24 years of life. 

I had mingled with the Tablighi jama'at kids, I personally love to see young kids devoting themselves to Allah. It is very rare to be seen around and good for community. Everyone talk about Allah's Greatness with others. Maybe sometimes I think that they and every one including myself need to step by step learning things and not being too carried away. But I do not feel that they did anything wrong, I would encourage them to acquire knowledge and to learn more for their practices and efforts.

Anyhow, I feel that it is a grace from Allah to the nation to have these kids just after I realize about their existence, lol. May they be blessed and being sincere in their quest. I also have my quest which is to see His Glorious appearance but I still feel I am not worthy. I need to learn more to know Him.  

Sealed with prayer, may Allah forgive us our sins, that is hidden or obvious. And I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah, alone, without any partner, and that Muhammad (saw) His slave and messenger. I am pleased with Allah as my Lord. Muhammad is a messenger of Allah and Islam is my path. May He permits us to die in His path, Allah's Will :')