Last Night
I didn't sleep last night, hahaha. I can't sleep as I was terrified when my thesis appears in my mind as I close my eyes. Last night I had a long chat with Aida and Prema in messenger conference talking about thesis, thesis and thesis. Both of the girls are actually my colleague of different branch of studies. They are from Asian studies while I am from European studies. I just send them my third chapter for them to get some idea on methodology of the thesis. I sleep very late at 5:00 and wake up again about half an hour after to perform "shower" in cold water for Fajr prayer service. I just perform it in my room because I feel so sick. If I die alone in the room, I wish to the Lord that my body do not rot, do not decompose and do not bring me shame until I am being buried, hehehe.
Today
I just take the bus like always. We walk and we take the bus. I think that it's not wise to buy a motorcycle while I am only staying temporarily in the university. I actually feel lazy to go to the language class at the edge of the hill near the swimming pool. But I should not take everything for granted simply because I feel sick and bored with the class. The teacher is actually a nice girl. I don't call her "teacher" like those undergraduate kids calling her because I guess the teacher must be around my age. I just call her by her name, plus she is an European so no need to be so formal if we know the level of age. I don't have any problem with people from Western part of the world like from Europe and from Arabia. Their customs are more likely the same like our personal customs here taking to the account that we hold double "identity". I have problem to talk with "fellow" East Asians which also includes Malays because I am also well-versed in their customs and I will always think about manner according to their way of speech. Sometimes they do not practice the orthodox style of speech but I still speak to them in orthodox style because of being cautious. That is why I am furious with Indian Muslim who call themselves as Malays because they do not practice Malay style of life but they practice South Indian style of life which also include their food style and Tamil lingo sound of Northern Malay language. Their manner also does not reflect the manner of Malay nobility and they hijacked the term "Jawi Peranakan" from us while also including us of Yemeni Arabian ancestry either those who were stationed in India or coming directly from Arabia into the same line with them. It's very offensive because we are not Tamil speakers nor from Southern India. Our women ancestors some of them are of Malayan nobility lineage under the rank of local chieftains and court ministers of our state.
In the Class
I arrived late for few minutes at the class and the class had already began at 11:00 sharp. While I walked inside the room, the teacher already began the class. I was absent last Thursday so I actually had no idea on what they were talking about, lol. When it comes to my turn to answer the question, I just ramble out whatever that I had in my head. Thanks to American Latin Telenovelas that I watched when I was secondary school student. They helped me a lot. I still remember some offensive and vulgar dialogue in the South American Telenovelas like Yo Soy Betty la Fea where I love the scene of the girls known as el Cuartel fighting with la Pelitenida, a secretary girl who thinks that she is a model, hahahaha. Thanks to the Ladino song that I always listen which is Avram Avinu el Padre Muestro to remind me about our "sacred" heritage inherited through prophets and sages though that's not of Oriental tradition but of Spain. The song title means, Abraham our Father in Judeo-Latin. At the end of the class, the teacher handed us test paper to write about a trip plan to Spain. I just used vulgar Latin to answer it cause I don't know how to write in "real" Spanish. Hopefully that she understood my spelling and I don't even care if she failed me my test paper, haha.
Feel like I wanted to chepuk the face of undergraduate kids. I think maybe because I am stressed to see them enjoying their life while I have to live in torture and pressure. They just about to begin their journey here. Some might experience nice experience some like me who always consider ourselves as travelers will feel uncomfortable. I don't like to be treated like an old man by little kids as I am just a 26 years old guy. I behave more like a 19 years old boy and I am the one who actually should see those little kids with big bodies here like old men, hahaha. We are living in the same realm but discriminated. I regret that I didn't shift the hostel to postgraduate majority hostel but it takes time and a very tedious where I will have to write letters and shifting all of my stuffs alone would be a crazy thing because I have no one to help me here. I always encounter this kind of situation. Nothing that we can do.
When I arrived home after the class, I just take the "shower" again for Dhuhr prayer service. I refuse to join any political prayers regarding Palestine or Middle Eastern area so I don't join the after prayer supplications in musalla if I sense their prayer is directed toward enmity. I think that area of Mediterranean should be nuked in total where it would kill all of those pseudo-Muslim Palestinians and also Jews together if they think life is only about defending "pride" and bombing others. For me Jordan should not exist if the so-called Palestine land should exist. The Hashemite kingdom of Jordan is not native there and they were from Arabian Peninsula to begin with. It is so annoying when I talked with Jordanian or Palestinian and I had lived with few Palestinians before. They lectured my ears to get me into their side from early evening today until early in the morning tomorrow. Our elders had also performed pilgrimage to Jerusalem beside of the one in Mecca during colonial time. They just walked to Jerusalem from Arabia, so their stories about what they had experienced were also circulated among us. We know about these people behaviors more than whatever is told in the current news.I have more sympathy to brothers and sisters in Myanmar and those who are hidden from media-coverage. They should just stop acting and asking forgiveness from Allah for their disobedience rather than black-sheeping others.
Feel like I wanted to chepuk the face of undergraduate kids. I think maybe because I am stressed to see them enjoying their life while I have to live in torture and pressure. They just about to begin their journey here. Some might experience nice experience some like me who always consider ourselves as travelers will feel uncomfortable. I don't like to be treated like an old man by little kids as I am just a 26 years old guy. I behave more like a 19 years old boy and I am the one who actually should see those little kids with big bodies here like old men, hahaha. We are living in the same realm but discriminated. I regret that I didn't shift the hostel to postgraduate majority hostel but it takes time and a very tedious where I will have to write letters and shifting all of my stuffs alone would be a crazy thing because I have no one to help me here. I always encounter this kind of situation. Nothing that we can do.
At Home
When I arrived home after the class, I just take the "shower" again for Dhuhr prayer service. I refuse to join any political prayers regarding Palestine or Middle Eastern area so I don't join the after prayer supplications in musalla if I sense their prayer is directed toward enmity. I think that area of Mediterranean should be nuked in total where it would kill all of those pseudo-Muslim Palestinians and also Jews together if they think life is only about defending "pride" and bombing others. For me Jordan should not exist if the so-called Palestine land should exist. The Hashemite kingdom of Jordan is not native there and they were from Arabian Peninsula to begin with. It is so annoying when I talked with Jordanian or Palestinian and I had lived with few Palestinians before. They lectured my ears to get me into their side from early evening today until early in the morning tomorrow. Our elders had also performed pilgrimage to Jerusalem beside of the one in Mecca during colonial time. They just walked to Jerusalem from Arabia, so their stories about what they had experienced were also circulated among us. We know about these people behaviors more than whatever is told in the current news.I have more sympathy to brothers and sisters in Myanmar and those who are hidden from media-coverage. They should just stop acting and asking forgiveness from Allah for their disobedience rather than black-sheeping others.
Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace, and love, amin!
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