Are We Ignoramus When We Show Nothing to People?

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This one is actually my discussion with my ex-colleague, Amir when we were undergraduate. I still remember it very well and I never forget also what I said to people or what people said to me. They are kept in my memory though I don't have any memory that could be proud of like others. 

The question is : "Are we ignoramus when we show nothing to people?" Why is this question is raised when we talked among each other behind our language center while waiting for English class? Last time, we were outcasts in our course which was the Translation and Interpretation. Those seniors boasted to me that the course is a brilliant course but actually it is hampeh (nothing as what has been boasted about)... Because the senior who boasted to us had also changed to other course when he was in his third year and never finish his study, hehehehehe.

When I was registered as an undergraduate student in USM, I know no one here nor trying to make friend with people because I don't go to normal classes like others. I didn't complete my Malaysian English for University Test like other formal A-Level candidate and I was a private A-Level student after I dropped out from the school. I get to know Amir during the Aiduladha holiday where we did not going home for holiday. It was hell so boring and I almost knocked my head at the wall because I don't know what to do. Actually if people carefully recite the Glorious Quran, they will also realize what happened to prophet Muhammad s.a.w when he encountered problems alone without any support from companions in Mecca before the Hijrah event. He feels so weak, and Allah comforting Him through His words. He is a prophet and a messenger chosen by the God for nations of the period. How about us plain human-being? Of course we are weaker than him and always have to pray for Divine intervention to help us. 

If people say they are lonely because their friend going home for a moment but they still have other friend. For people who are disconnected from the society like me and I am sure many others who live among non-Muslim people, it is more tormenting but we have to keep our patience to go through boredom. Actually no sane human could handle this and sometimes I also think that I have something wrong in my head. Even if we live among Muslim, the era is actually almost the same to the era of prophet Jesus a.s when there were people who think that they are "holier" than others. That is why I always try to avoid people. It will make me feel attached to people, feeling down and when I wanted to leave people that I think is important or saintly it makes me feel sad. On the other hand, I am committing polytheism because other fellow human becoming important to me beside Allah.

And most of people who consider themselves as Ahlul Hadith are only emphasizing on what happened in Medina as it is the era where the society is established again. For us who are falsely called as the grave-worshipers, both Mecca and Medina periods are important. Also all period of prophethood in the earth from Adam to Muhammad s.a.w are important. We recognize our weaknesses and we are trying to eliminate polytheism from inner and also in the outer side of ourselves. Urm, about grave-worshiping, I never worship any grave. I just visit few sages, ancestors and grandparents' graves but I never recite any supplications or blessings without checking the qiblah (direction of Mecca) and I never prostrate at grave-yard to worship dead human-being. I also never ask any help from the dead because I only believe Allah is the Salvator and my Guardian. Maybe some ignorant people are doing this, and I also do not like their acts so why people are generalizing us? Maybe it is easy to generalize than going deeper, right?  

Usually we have this rule. If we are attached to worldly materials. We will have to throw everything that makes us attached to worldly affairs from us. No matter how important it is. So, when some brothers who knows me coincidentally seeing me crying (actually I don't like people to see me crying like a crazy guy, hahaha), that is because I am trying to purify myself. Please don't think that I am crazy yah. I am not crazy. And yes, my sisters and even my mother always calling me a nut when they listen to my words and thinking that I am losing my mind because they don't understand the psychological torment when we try to eliminate world from our heart. I do not blame them because they will eventually understand it.     

Back to the question, actually Amir was complaining that people looking at us as stupid when we do not show that we know English, hahahahaa. I am from Kuala Lumpur but my family was originally from Kedah Sultanate or whatever state it is. Because both of my parents are conversant in Kedah Malay, so do I. When I mingled with other Kedah students, I also have the same feeling when I am in this current hostel where people looking at a "Malay" speaking in Chinese. I speak in the language because it is my language. I respond to people if I understood the message. When they said to me you can also speak in pure Kedah dialect noh although you are from KL!!! It actually piss me off. My family was originally from Kedah and they consider me an outsider. The same thing also happen when some undergraduate students who make strange face when I said I am a "Chinese" when I speak in Chinese. It means that I have connection with Southern Chinese through my mum family and my mum speaks in Fujianese dialect of Chinese beside speaking in Malay. Most of people in northern tip of Kedah frontier with Thailand are multilingual people. We are different from people who live in other parts in Malaysia. She was once had to be left in Chinese village when my grandma entering forests to help the family getting some income and we have also Chinese relatives. The mother of my mother which is my grandma was active in spreading wide His path and she helped others in the way including non-Muslims so many non-Muslims also becoming Muslims due to her services. My grandpa which is my mother's father is an imam in the village masjid. He was actually a very humble person and he loves to recite Quran though when he is sleeping. These people actually were tested by Allah very severely and I saw it with my own eyes. So when I was with those Kedah kids, I actually conversing with them in a more orthodox Kedah dialect as to show to them although we were kicked from our state, but we still honor our ancestors (actually their ancestors). Actually what Amir said is true. 

I am also experiencing this when I mingle with Islam Shumul (Muslim Brotherhood) guys or Tabligh guys. When I keep my silence, it does not mean that I don't know whatever they are talking about. I am a student and not a teacher. I still need to find teachers and getting their permission to transmit teachings. I have no authority to talk on important matters of the path. I read things about their movements. The same thing also about studying Quran or any other religious teachings, I actually love to say to people : "let us study this together brothers" rather than saying "come let me teach you this and that". There are moral significance lies behind the speeches. 

Actually, I am waiting for brothers here and anywhere who actually trying to approach me to say to me : "can we together study the Quran and etc?" rather than coming to me and asking me can I have your few minutes to "invite" you to our bayan?  I listen to religious lectures everyday. I don't only restrict myself only to certain movement lectures but also from other schools and other movements. I am also watching Shia TV and listening to their religious lectures on contemporary issues.

When I was in Tabligh markaz I actually love certain activity like where they recite the Quranic verses in muqaddam (beginning) part of the Quran three times for each surah in a group. It is actually a good way to check the memorization. I don't really like to listen to whatever bayan and stuffs because it should not be delivered in a mixed group. Some of the speeches are of tasawwuf angle but to enter into the angle one must also correct their external parts which are the Furu'uddin (branches of the path) and beginning to search on what is Shari'ah Islamiah with mu'tabar (major) teachers. For me one does not have to feel ashamed about their pronunciation of Quran. Just pronounce things according to what we are able and Allah knows that most Muslims are of non-Arab origin. To know about pronunciation of the Quran, we need Tajweed. Last time I hate this subject in our schools as compared to Arabic grammar but now I think it is also important as to preserve the meaning of the Quran in its best way. Urmm, I am sad nobody knock my door to ask me to join them reciting Quran or helping me reciting Quran in my room. I don't care if I have to pay mountain of gold to listen brothers reciting Quran in my room :'(

Actually I just wanted to say, we do not judge the book by its cover. I don't judge people by their looking or by their appearance. I love to be sincere to my brothers and sisters. It reflects also sincerity to our Lord, Allah 'Azza wa Jalla the King of the Universe who needs no crown. Before closing my eyes, maybe tonight is my last day in the worldly realm, I apologize to my brothers and sisters in faith. I always remember all of you in my prayers. If I could make list I will enlist all of your names and mention them in front of the Lord : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love amin!