Ghasht on Saturday Evening

Assalaamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah!!!

First of all, this is just what I personally feel. I don't have any intention to defame others instead I love everyone who are in love with Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. We just received a visit from members of Jama'at-e-Tabligh where there were 3 students from the German Malaysian Institute (GMI) accompanied by three public members of the jama'at representing the musalla under the flat near my neighborhood which is known as Sulau al-Hidayah.

I always praying my congregational prayers at the musalla if I do not attend the services in our mosques. We have two mosques here in our neighborhood which are the Putra Mosque and Sultan Mizan Zainal Abiddin Mosque. Sometimes I would also attend the kuliyyah in Bangi Mosque. I notice that the musalla at the neighborhood has Bangladeshi and Mamak congregations.

It is normal thing where the ghasht would persuade people to join the activities such as bayan in the mosque or musalla. Then they would have persuasion session called tashkeel. In persuassion session they would have name recording for those who made the 'azam (determination) to perform khuruj (outing) for da'awa. The uncles and students greet me and asking for few minutes to listen to them. I just keep my silence and showing the sign that I am listening. What the uncle talked to me was about not many people are thinking about the problem of nations, we can see the example in Saudi Arabia and others where during salaat services many are outside of the musalla or the places of worship. That is why the nations receive not success. If students failed in worldly exams, they would have other chances to repeat whatever they failed. But the hereafter is different thing. I agree with him, but the part where countries like Saudi Arabia has no people praying in the musalla I could not agree because Saudi has mutawwa (religious police) to enforce the law where all of the business must be stopped when the calling for salaat is aired. I was in Mecca when I bought some medication in a sayyadliyye or a pharmacy and the shopkeeper grabbed back the plastic bag in my hand. He returned my money and shoving me outside of the shop because he must close the shop and stop the business for prayer time. Still Saudi Arabia is not a successful country in managing the morality of its citizen. What are other important things beside the faith and practices?...    

And for the students leaving the worldly business or repeating whatever that they didn't pass. I actually had realized this since I had identity crisis and facing failures after failures in my studies. It is different because the feeling when we face the failures is unbearable compared to what we talk in our speech. Each time I faced failures and seeing people around could go on with their life without obstacles, I would have the feeling like I am going to die. I did meditations prayed to bodhisatvas and hiding myself in my room for two days and nights without any food or drinks after I received my SPM result and I didn't get to go anywhere like other students. I realize there are many people facing this kind of situation or even worse. But this is just how I felt. This was before I repent and return to the path of ancestors. Then, it is among the way how I realized my responsibility to serve Him and toward my pathetic self. It doesn't come in a day time and only with a lecture at the door for persuasion :'(

I encountered this incident with few Tabligh friends in my current hostel before the end of the term. Those who were eager to convert me and persuaded me to be apart of their jama'at. I love to see these kids with devotion to Him and to His messenger s.a.w. It was very rare to be seen anywhere because youngsters always think of entertainment and influenced by hedonism culture. I am actually a loyal friend. I would protect my friends even if I have to sacrifice myself but I don't think they consider me as their friend. Maybe I have no significance in their life and that is ok because I always assume myself as meaningless but they shouldn't do that to people. Well, I was quite sad and I cried in my heart whenever I recall back the memories and whenever I saw the routes to the Bengal mosque. I tried to avoid them in the beginning after I know about their details but they are those who had approached me. I thought that they were eager to teach me about their organization or jama'at system and I humbled my knees to them but in the end I was left alone in their grand camp in Sri Petaling. They've got worldly offer and just leaving their meaningless friend without notifying anything. That is why I prefer not to make promise to people around.

In term of da'awa, as I always stressed. We do not separate da'awa from our life. We Muslims are always da'ie to ourselves and others. Maybe for few people, da'awa would be performed in specific time based on sunnah and the interpretations of tradition but for me, I assume it as daily responsibility and it is a very very important task. Even I walked into churches or temples and performing rehlah as apart of jihad. Whatever that we aren't capable to do, we would never try to talk about it or persuade others to do. 

I don't know whether I was officially converted into jama'at-e-tabligh member after sessions in Sri Petaling but I would just consider myself as a humble nation of Muhammad s.a.w and a follower of the path of Ibrahim a.s. I had already vowed myself, kneel down my dirty self before Him and giving myself to serve His teachings and for His protection in holy Mecca in the Haram ash-Shareef. I don't even think of any pleasure anymore but just feel this beautiful life and body as a cage for my soul. I regret myself for leaving my responsibility when I was a young kid. I am trying to return to the path, it is still far as if it is impossible for me to achieve... 

For the next semester, I don't think that I would join the musalla down the hostel anymore. I would just walk myself to the mosque like I was in my first degree time. I hope that no one ever know me but I just want to perish with His holiest Name. I would like to say to tabligh friends, thank you for your teaching and kindness to me. I will always appreciate that. Lakin mujhe ma'af kar di jiye hamra farmaiye, aapni bharosa ko sabh barbad kar diyatha :'((

I suppose to join a party held for sister Daphne to say farewell. Last time we also had brother Marlin but I don't really care about these caucasian brothers and sisters. Second sister persuaded me to join, who knows we might get benefits and contacts in Europe but just refused it. Just wanted to thank Marlin for helping with my dad last Ramadhan to the hospital while I was in the hostel. You're a good boy.

I don't care about these. Just miss Allah 'Azza wa Jalla. I don't know why I am here in the earth, it is a torment too but I hope He would be merciful to me when I see Him. At least I could see Him without feeling ashamed of myself, that would be great :'( Sealed with prayers for peace, mercy, and love for beloved brothers and sisters.