Tomorrow is 2013

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I think I have not updating anything here yet since the last piece of blog post is just the audio of Quranic verses. I think many things happened to me through out 2010 until 2012. Last week on the Jesus Christ's manifestation event according to Christian church calender, I was almost being raped by a "homo" Pakistani migrant worker near the musalla at the flat closer to my house. He came from no where and suddenly he was at my back just before I take the wudhu'. I was actually there to perform penance to Him and trying to stay night at the musalla as it was an open space but maybe it was a test from Him too. I am in the midst of pressure. I do not live like other people with smooth beautiful life. I always encounter tests from Him.

I just returned home after being saved by the guard. I am so thankful to the guard and to the God for sending the guard to help me. I am not so big as that damn "pimp"!  He just managed to kiss my face with his stinky mouth. He also tried to undress my bottom part but I punched him several times to escape. Then he slapped my face and it's a little bit bruised. I am not a person who simply insult people with things like gay or others but I do not like these kind of people who assume that everyone are like them!

I am just traumatized and surprised as this kind of disgraceful evil act could also happen in holy sanctuaries. There is no respect at all! I think that guy is just lucky too because I did not bring any sharp weapon. Usually I would bring it when I am alone as a safety measure but because my past experience of being robbed was long ago so I had forgotten. Now I try to avoid the area including the musalla though it was one of the points for me to stop by just like prophet Muhammad s.a.w trying to avoid the Thamudic area which was destroyed by the God because of the people's sins. When I returned home, I just performed the ghusl as I think that guy is filthy and perhaps his sin would also defect me.

I learned a lesson too. I must keep the skull cap on my head as a warning that Divine presence is watching. I had forgotten to put it on when I was there. Then I must wear baggy dress as to make myself looks ugly. Other than that, I would never forget my little knife. I swear that if I see that animal again, I would just stab him to death and after that stab myself! Such a disgrace to humanity! If Tablighi brothers are reading this, I am telling you why I don't like to be associated with Pakistani or those from Indian sub-continent though my ancestors were also linked to Indian sub-continent through our female lineage. I am aware about Hindu philosophies which also include Buddhism and Brahmanism but those who are "spiritually" learned are not many in the sub-continent. Many of the gurus' (those who enlightened) teachings survive and further developed outside of the sub-continent. Last time during my undergraduate, there was a crazy "homo" Jordanian Arab trying to sodomize Eastern Asian and South East Asian students. I don't think I look like a girl. Maybe I look younger than my age but that does not make me a "GIRL"! People should also respect women and not only other men. If people love to see violence then I don't mind displaying it! Next time is I see other Pakistani or those who look like them regardless they are Muslim... Religious or irreligious I would just stab them to death!         

Regarding my thesis, I checked that it seems like it is not eligible for the graduation. Never mind, I have many things to solve than to get a piece of certificate. The reason why I was there is that I just feel pitiful to brother Idris Xian Hongzhi. I thought that he was alone and maybe he needs religious explanation or maybe needs access to kitabs but after all I saw that he already could suit himself with Indonesian students. So, I have no point to say anything anymore. Then, when I realized that, it was too late for me to quit from the master degree. I don't like to do anything half. It is like going to the war and when we turn our face from the battle field. It is a disgrace and those who turned their face from the battle field must kill their selves. Even when winning is illogical, losing is still far from optional. For now, maybe I am suffering the most as it is His test to His slaves and servants. Even the greatest got to suffer for some time....

Happy new year 2013.... I wish that He would help me to go through this life and keep me within the path of my ancestors. I have no new resolution for Christian church calendar new year but I pray dear Allah please bless my prophet Muhammad s.a.w and please bless my beloved ancestor, lady Fatima r.a and her husband, Ali k.w. Please bless and guide all of the bani Hashim clan with your love.

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad.... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!           

Nabil al-Rifai: Surat Maryam

Part 1

 

Part 2

 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

The Dead Comes to Life

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Just before going to sleep, I have some reading from the Al-Azhar Exegesis of Quranic Verses by Mr. Abdul Malik Karim Amrullah. This tafseer was actually the one which I read while I was in the period of deciding to become a Muslim in which I am a Muslim because it is me who wanted to be a Muslim. Not because of my parents nor my ancestral tradition. I still keep some of the volumes in my room while I prevented my mother from sending these valuable lessons outside the house because I am reading and benefiting from it. I believe that it is not translated widely into world languages yet. I have been translating this book with 7000 something pages into English in another form of language part by part. Maybe this site would be the site for me to keep them first and I don't know if I would be alive to see people in the West and other parts of the world benefiting from this. I am just doing this with individual capacity for the sake of Allah. 

Surat al-An'am 6: 122-124

And is one who was dead and We gave him life and made for him light by which to walk among the people like one who is in darkness, never to emerge therefrom? Thus it has been made pleasing to the disbelievers that which they were doing 122 And thus We have appointed in every town its leading criminals that they may plot therein. Yet they do not plot except against their own selves but they are not aware 123 And when a Sign (from the God) comes to them, they say: "Never will we believe until we are given the like of what was given to messengers of the God. The God knows best where to place His messengers. Soon there shall befall those who are guilty the humiliation from the God and a severe punishment because of the plots they used to devise" 124  

In previous verses, it was explained that the satans in the form of human and genies used to attract those whom they could attract with sweet words full of tricks. Sometimes, they persuaded those who love to follow their footsteps to eat the flesh slaughtered for idols. And if the believers follow this, they would be fallen into polytheism again.

The verses shown that those who were attracted by those sweet tricky words of those satans are those who could not differentiate between the faith and ingratitude through the denial of the faith. Between the true monotheism and polytheism. However, those who were enlightened with the light of faith are not easily influenced by these persuasion as what has been explained through the verse 122 of this surat which sounds like: "And is one who was dead and We gave him life and made for him light by which to walk among the people like one who is in darkness, never to emerge therefrom?" From this verse, we understood that the faithful and the ingrates are different. The ingrates are similar to the dead, and he is only alive when the God grants light upon him. Thus with the light granted by the God the Most Highest, he walks amidst people. 

Generally, everyone in this world knows that those who are dead would never be alive again. It is impossible for them to be brought into life again. One of the core faith for Muslims is that, the Resurrection is His promise. Every soul will be brought to life again through His decree. Zillion of times, He had shown that this matter is not impossible for Him. We were taught to see how a barren land becomes alive when the rain falls down. The dead plants on the barren land during summer becomes green when the rain falls upon them. 

Through these verses, the God the Most Highest poses to us a simile that those who are dead in this world could be brought again to life by Him. And after being alive, he is given with the "light" where with it; he could stay alive in front of the crowd. The God tells us that this man who was given a life after his death by the God is different to those who are still in the darkness. Those in the darkness could not easily escape their selves from it. He is dead although he appears alive. 

Although it seems like we are alive, breathing in and out. But if our soul has no light in it, it is just no difference to the dead. A human who live without any creed and basis to hold on is the same with a mere animal on the earth. What animals do day and night is that they are eating, drinking, mating and producing child. Later they die. Animals in the jungle have no particular law while those animals in livestock are to be slaughtered for their flesh as the food....         

Memorize Quran

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Since the past two days, I had been very busy writing and printing out my resume to find job. I went out and thinking so many times to do some migrant workers' job at the shopping complex where it also touches things like can I pray peacefully at the time I work like this or is it worth for me to do such jobs when I get only little payment for being humans' slave? Actually I was hit with the fear that I could not maintain my family house and I am the only son at home. I tried to practice meditation and all sort of things that I had learned from my previous experience but once I see my father face I began to feel so scared. I could say that my father had done everything he can to survive and maintaining his family. Though many people looked down upon him, I actually look at him with high esteem. He is way better than me because he could survive. I am also afraid and thinking about my mother. I wish that she would be happy and healthy. 

I had browsed again the schools in Middle East such as in Yemen or Saudi Arabia which taught Quran and the Sharia but now I am already 26. In few weeks I would turn to be a 27 years old man. I am not a little kid anymore. And still I am penniless with no property of my own and with no career. I am only sustained with the mercy of my family members and of course with Allah's mercy. I think that maybe it would be too late for me. I made the decision to shut down my social network account because I don't think that I could get help from any of friends out there. It would be just enough for me to depend only on Allah. Maybe people might think that I am crazy but I have had enough with this world. I don't mind people wanted to say that I am more inclined to rahbaniyyat (monkhood) which is forbidden in our religion. I did not ask for this but it still happens as I cannot get any help from people around. They do not understand me nor do I understand them. Urm, trying to hold my dropping tears. Please be strong...!!!

Anyway, I don't think that I could return to proper Sharia studies and studying Quran in proper environment. Maybe I would continue studying it under the ground and praying for Allah to help me by guiding me with ruhul qudus (holy spirit) and shun away all the satans from me as to protect the Quran that I am bearing. I try to frame the methods that I had used when I memorized the 19th part of the Quran with some help from syllabus from the net. I had lost almost all the methods due to the struggle with worldly affairs. I could just remember the prayers for memorization, the litany that I learned from teachers and chanting its meaning by heart in several languages. Right now, I keep an exercise book with me to jot down any verses that come across my head whenever it is and checking it again with my mushaf. It is almost the same method that I found in a site where I copied these down for myself.  

Memorizing Quran has a process which is broken into three categories which are:

1. New lesson

2. New memorization

3. Old memorization

It is very important to comprehend that memorizing Quran for the long term is a process and it takes close to a month. One we memorize the verse, it would not be solid until we repeat it a number of times until it enters the deeper part of our brain.

Beginning New Lesson

If we are serious about memorizing, try to follow these steps exactly:

1. Read the first verse 10 times while looking in from the top. 

2. Now read the same verse 10 times without looking at it until we can recite it without any mistakes.

3. Begin connecting the verses. Recite the first and second verses together without looking in and without mistakes. 

4. Keep connecting the verse on the page. Each time we connect the new verse, go back to the top of the page and read till the verse that we have memorized. 

5. When we reach the last verse, we should recite the whole page from the top without looking and without any mistakes.

6. Recite the page from memory to someone. We should have no mistakes.

7. We should repeat the above steps as needed to have a perfect page memorized.

New Memorization

This the amount of the Quran which we have memorized in the last 30 days. This part is to be taken seriously as it will determine if the verse we memorized will be solid for our life or not. Retaining and reviewing the Quran is a 25 day process. After those 25 days, reviewing once a month will suffice. This will lead to the old memorization which will be discussed.

1. Whatever we review in this section, we must recite it to someone who has either memorized the verse or is well-versed in reading the Quran.

2. If we have memorized five pages in the last five days, we must recite them to ourselves until we do not make any error. Then find a teacher and recite it to him.

3. At this point on, whatever we memorize, it must be recited daily. It means reviewed to ourselves without mistakes and recited to someone else.

4. If for some reason we did not review our "new memorization" for the day, then do not memorize new verse. We are pouring water into a cup with a hole. Each day we do not review new memorization, we are making the hole in our cup bigger and bigger until we would not remember anything. If we do not review a page for seven days consecutively, go back to the new lesson and re-memorize the page.    

5. It sounds redundant because there lies the importance on how much we need to review new memorization. It will make or break our memorization.      

6. If we memorize a page a day, we will finish a part in 20 days. After these 20 days, take extra five days to review whole part with someone proficient.
7. The part memorized will now be considered part of our "old memorization".

Old Memorization

This is anything we have reviewed for at least 25 days consecutively. The amount we review depends on how much Quran we have memorized. Once we have memorized the Quran, new lessons and new memorizations will come to a halt. And we will be left with the old memorization. This will continue for the rest of our lives till death do us part.

A. Daily Review

1. Between 1-3rd part, we should review five pages daily.

2. Between 4-7 part, we should review 10 pages which equals half the part daily.

3. Between 7-15 part, we should review 20 pages which equals to a part daily.

4. Between 15-20 part, we should review 30 pages which equals 1.5 part daily.

5. Between 20-30 part, we should review 60 pages which equals two parts daily.

B. Read the part to ourselves then recite to a teacher or another memorizer.

This process will have to continue for the rest of our life.

C. In the "old memorization", we should not get more than four mistakes, or four stutters in a part.

A mistake classifies as reading something incorrectly and not being able to correct it. A stutter classifies reading something incorrectly, being sent back a few verses to correct it and finally reading it correctly. At the same time, we should be making more than one mistake or one stutter for every five pages we read.

Conclusion

When we found a verse to be hard, we would look into the mushaf and write it somewhere. At times we would also listen to recitations to ease the memorization. Sometimes looking in and repeating it would not make the verse stick, so do whatever it takes to memorize it.

If we falter somewhat in the old memorization, it is ok. Just do not miss two or three days at once. Reading Quran is a lifetime endeavor. Reviewing is more important than memorizing. Focus on perfecting our "new lesson" and "new memorization". If we feel some part is not strong, give preference to review that part rather than memorizing something new. Read something everyday. Not only should we do this as a student of memorization, but it should be our habit as Muslims. Take out some time to read and reflect on a few verses daily. 

Wishing Allah helps me with this task and makes everything goes well. This life surely is not going on smoothly because nobody guides me or showing me what should I be. It was You who is the One that decides what am I going to be. I know I was not a good student nor excel well in any field that I studied. I keep hearing comments and critics from people around but nobody criticize their selves because they think that everything that they get is by their own effort without the intervention of the Divine Sustainer (luck). I pray that at least let the Quran being my company and my entertainer while waiting for the Resurrection the one which would be my savior in His promised Day if I have no possession in this world nor fame to show off like other people. That is all that I wanted for myself :')

Allahumma salli 'alaa Muhammad wa 'alaa aali Muhammad. Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Closing Account

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

I'm closing the account of social network. I don't think it is useful for me to be in connection with friends who are not around anymore and I don't like the slanders spread through social network about many events that happened in the world. Urm, I am not a businessman and I am not also selling my religion to people around. It is within my mind and heart. I don't have to promote it as the G-d higher above is promoting it Himself other than I have nothing to show off to people. It's the time to return to the surface and kneeling before Him...I don't think that I regret anything : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Wheel of Sharp Weapons

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

This title actually the title of a Sanskrit meter written by a Malay Buddhist monk of 10th century Srivijaya empire in its Sumateran capital and I am an Arab descent who was Malayanized by Buddhism : D The father's name is father Thammarakshita and he was a yogi in the jungle who specialized in mental training. It basically talks about the courage of Pothiseth (Boddhisattva) or the enlightened beings where they dwell in the illusion of hell for the benefit of others. As what I always mentioned, I was greatly influenced by Buddhism in term of mannerism and the way I deal with environment around. Even until now, it is still difficult for me to avoid this past. This meter survived in Tibetan Tantra and secret religion of Himalaya's literature.

Anyway, I am not going to talk in detail about Buddhism philosophies. I am about to talk about our responsibility to take a good care of our parents especially when they are helpless besides sharing some routines. Now I am not going to lie about the fact of life. When you see people who have to take care of their ill family-members, it is actually not as easy as when you see it appears in your eyes. It is a tough job. As for me, my father is stricken with stroke since May 2012. I was still undergoing the period of a full-time postgraduate student. Right now, my thesis is being checked. I do not really care anymore whether I am going to pass or else. It does not matter anymore because I was just finishing what I had began.

People who is affected with stroke actually has problem with their nerves. Their mind is restless for nothing. As a previous Buddhist person, I was well-informed about the importance of breath and mental state. These two things are important elements which would create either a hell or a paradise for you in the "world of passion". I tried to reveal these to my father but I guess it was too late and he might think that I was teaching a devious teachings. While according to our Islamic tradition, stroke could also come from the influence of evil spirit. Well, it does not contradict what has been stated in the beginning of this paragraph because evil spirit would take over our body function when we are over the limit of emotions for example too sad, too angry, too happy, too excited or too scared.  

When a stroke person is paralyzed, their body will display this effect of stiffness. My father could not swallow any food or liquid. We have to insert a long tube from nostril down to his stomach. Then we have to pour a type of milk which is suggested by a hospital dietician. Since May 2012 - now he is fully dependent on the milk and the brand that we use is known as "Ensure". He could not walk nor sit. Just laying on the bed and we have to move him around to clean him up in the morning or after stool, to feed him and etc. Every three hours we would have to feed him. And at certain time within these feeding times, there are some medicine which needs to be crushed and poured down into the tube. 

Some daily medicines in form of tablets that I could remember are:

For certain times in the morning (8:00-8:30), afternoon (15:00-15:30 pm) and night (21:30 pm):

1. Isosorbide Dinitrate, 10 mg : a tablet before feeding.  

2. Trimetazidine, 20 mg : a tablet after feeding.

Morning (8:30 pm) only...

1. Plendil Felodipine, 5 mg : a tablet after feeding.

2. Acetysalicyclic Acid (soluble), 30 mg : 1/2 tab after feeding.

3. Perindropil, 4 mg : 1/2 after feeding.

Night (21:30 pm) only...

1. Atorvastatin Winthrop (film coated), 40 mg : 2 tabs after feeding.

2. Metoprolol Tartrate, 100 mg : 1/4 tab after feeding. 

Before we feed a paralyzed stroke person, we would have to check whether the previous liquid given to him being fully digested. If not, we would have to wait for few minutes or just draw out the leftover from his stomach with the syringe. Then fill it with the new milk. Oh yeah, we pour the milk into the patient's stomach with a big syringe connected to the tube. 

The most challenging thing for me to take care of my father right now is to shower him in the morning. His body will become stiff all over and it is very heavy. Bring him to the wheel chair and heat up the warm water because we do not have heater. Then I put some dried flowers that I collected at the mosque where I used to walk for fajr prayer services. I keep all sort of dried flowers, branches and leaves before burning them inside my room. My room actually smells like a temple, lol. Other than that, it is also challenging to clean up the mess if my father pee on the floor before we put the diapers to him. Because we need clean space to pray especially for the women. 

There are people who could not accept the "fact" that my father is sick. So, they refused to take care of him. Anyway, I am performing my responsibility on my part. I am just doing what I could do. I just get whole from the fever too. Last two days, I just caught with fever and I feel weak all over my body. This is what I mean with the wheel of sharp weapons. It is not the punishment but the effects of what we had already committed. For Buddhist minded people, we never think about the punishment of the Lord. But we think about what we had done? Whether it was correct or false? What about our state of mind at the time we commit or perform something? 

I had gone through three cycles of people who had fallen sick in our family house and watching many deaths in front of my eyes. The first one was our maternal grandmother. She died in 2004... Then my maternal grandfather and he died on 2006. Right now it is my father turn... After this, I am not sure... But I am always trying to get myself ready with this because life is not about happiness. I don't live like others, and I accept this. I must accept and live with this until He liberates me. It is my fate...  I wish this helps to motivate others who are in the same or almost the same condition with me. Just don't listen to those "fortunate" people who come close to you and said: "you're not doing any religious work or going out for the sake of Allah to spread da'awa". They just do not see the fact of life and experience the real life like a man yet : )

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!

Relieved

Assalaamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah

Alhamdulillah... All praises only due to Him, the King without crown. At last I have finished with the thesis. Just have to submit it in Pulau Pinang before this Friday. The thesis is still at the printing shop. I would claim it this evening and tomorrow would be departed to the island. Anyway, I did not really do a honest job but I make sure that everything is being acknowledged.

I would like to thank my colleague Azren, who was an undergraduate colleague and a senior for me during postgraduate. Also all of my colleagues. Not many of them and I could remember all of their names such as Salleh, Siva, Aida, Prema, Ong and Lee. They had helped me a lot with advices, support and great ideas. Also to three our research methodology lecturers, Mr. Azmil Tayib, Khoo Suet Ling and Lye Tuck Poh. 

I am quite relieved. I would never dare try to risk my deen anymore. After I return I need to fulfill my vow with Him because I had already promised to substitute my life for the scripture knowledge and devotion to Him. My father is still bed-ridden but now I am growing to be accustomed to it. I would just spend my time at home only because of my father. I am not sure until when but I would leave when the "time" come because there are many doomsday in my life. I think that it is not wise to be attached to anything because doomsday will always happen until the Greater one arrives. About the job? I don't care anymore... If we can't live in the modernity, I am willing to return to wilderness... Many thanks for brothers and sisters prayers... 

Sealed with prayers for mercy, peace and love, amin!